


Protect Me and I Protect You

by Rossie_H



Series: Protect Me and I Protect You [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Aliens, Alternate Universe - Bar/Pub, Alternate Universe - Boxing, Alternate Universe - Military, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Art, Art Teacher, Bar Room Brawl, Bars and Pubs, Best Friends, Blood, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Body Dysphoria, Boys Kissing, Broken Bones, Child Abuse, Consensual But Not Safe Or Sane, Cutting, Daichi is a soldier, Depression, Domestic Violence, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Everyone is protective of everyone, Explicit Sexual Content, Face Punching, Family Drama, Fights, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friendship/Love, Graphic Description, Guns, Gunshot Wounds, Healing, Healthy Relationships, Hinata is a good bartender, Homophobia, Hospitals, Hotels, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kissing, Kuroo arrested, M/M, Making Love, Marines, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Medication, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Military, Pain, Physical Abuse, Police, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Kageyama Tobio, Protectiveness, Restraining order, Revenge, Scars, Self-Harm, Serious Injuries, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tooru is so protective of Suga, Triggers, Unsupportive family, Violence, Volleyball, Wedding Fluff, Weddings, Yaoi, boxer, courts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-02-05 08:08:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 35
Words: 100,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12790359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rossie_H/pseuds/Rossie_H
Summary: “I-I thought about you…I think about you...everyday.”Daichi’s cheek flutters as he pants. “T-Thank you, Sug.” Suga only hums. “I-I wanted to write you but...I didn’t...I didn’t want to hurt you anymore than I already had-”“I would have loved it.” He speaks too quickly and Daichi leans back in his seat, eyes darting across Suga’s face. Daichi reaches out then and intertwines their fingers, Suga forcing his smile to stay just a while longer. “I missed you so much.”“God, you have no idea-”“Koushi.”Suga’s blood turns solid as Waka stands at the door of the classroom. Every hair, every drop of blood in his body shakes and rattles and begs for Suga to run as he and Waka battle stares.Suga quickly pulls his hands free from Daichi’s, leaping to his feet. He tosses out his hand to keep himself steady and Daichi reaches out to help when-“Keep your hands off of him, Captain.”Kill me, now. Please kill me, now.**I'm not good at summaries but let me just say that this fic is a lot but it will end well, I promise!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! 
> 
> SO
> 
> This fic is intense. Very intense. So I'm warning you now PLEASE, if you are triggered by suicide or abuse or violent sexual content (Not rape, just violent sex) please, do not read! 
> 
> But if you are evil, much like myself, and enjoy crazy emotional fics then you've come to the right place! This fic is mainly centered around Suga and Daichi but the couples listed all make pretty regular appearances.  
> I already have 5 chapters written so I'm going to upload those tonight and then focus on writing the next 5 very soon! 
> 
> Okay, yeah. Again, read the tags! Please, I don't want to hurt anyone! <3 Thank you for reading! :)

**AUGUST**

 

Blood stains his hands as he scrubs at the dimples dented deep into his cheeks, fingers pruned from the cold water and eyes burnt red from crying. The yellowed lights above his bathroom sink hiss as his whines choke behind his tongue, skin flaking into his palms as he roughly scrubs at all of his imperfections; his deep, stupid dimples, his small muddy eyes, the cluster of freckles on the bridge of his nose, the silver hair that falls against his forehead, his thin, chapped lips, his pale, pitiful skin.

_You’re disgusting, you nasty little, fag. No one will ever love you like I do._

Suga folds his lips in to hide his sobs, the fear of Tooru or Hajime finding him in this state too much for his mind to process. He clings to the marble beneath his bitten fingertips.

_Leave me and I’ll kill myself, Koushi._

Suga slams his eyes shut and digs his teeth into his bottom lip.

_Leave me and I’ll kill you, Koushi._

Suga turns on both faucets now as he crumbles, arms trembling while he struggles to keep himself upright. Reluctantly, Suga peers up, up until his eyes open and he looks back at his reflection in the mirror, which only makes his tears fall in thicker streams down his bloodied cheeks.

 _The blood_ , he thinks in a panic. _At least take care of the blood first._

So he does, shaking and itching as he washes the blood from his hands and face away into the pretty white bowl beneath him. As he bends down to feel the water, the smell of bleach slaps him in his sense.

 _Hajime cleaned_ , he thinks and to his utter shock, he smiles, before reaching over and snatching a paper towel from the roll. He waits until most of the blood has swam down the drain to wipe the sink clean, knowing Tooru and his detective like observation skills would easily discover bloodied paper in the trash bin. After a minute or so, Suga slaps at his cheeks, which are still sore from the incessant rubbing, and straightens out his shoulders.

“You’re okay now,” he whispers to himself. “Get a hold of yourself, Suga. Just-”

Three heavy knocks knock Suga from his skin as he shrieks and slams against the wall. “Jesus, buddy, don’t break the bathroom!” jokes Tooru and Suga wants nothing more than to rip away the smile that he’s positive his friend is wearing.

“I-I’ll be out in a minute,” he finally wobbles free once his voice comes back to him.

“It’s celebration dinner time, and you’re coming!”

“Tooru-”

“The publisher approved his book cover, so we’re celebrating! There is no answer but yes in his situation, Koush.”

Suga runs his damp hands down his face. _Ow. Sore, stupid_. “I-I have to work-

“YES. ONLY ANSWER.”

“T-”

“Ah-”

“But-”

“You’re coming, dammit, if I have to break down this door and drag you by your ankles, child. Everyone is meeting us and you know that you not being there will only cause your phone to malfunction laterr,” he threatens, singing the last word.

A small, timid knock follows in pursuit. “Sug, you should just listen to him. You know how he gets.”

_Ah, Hajime. The voice of reason._

With a heavy roll over his eyes, Suga looks back to the sink and quickly wipes down the bowl, careful to get every drop of fallen blood before blinking repeatedly, straightening out his shirt and grabbing the towel by the shower….just to make it look like his face has a reason for being so...swollen.

Taking a deep breathe, Suga unlocks the door and tosses it open to reveal both of his flatmates; Hajime leans against the door frame with crossed arms and an apologetic smile and Tooru looks…

“Were you crying?” he asks, his wide smile dropping instantly.

Suga stutters. “W-what...no, _no_.” He holds up the towel. “I was washing my face.” Worry stains Tooru’s eyes. “Seriously, I just had a long day. We were working with clay today and….you don’t believe me.”

Tooru leans in closer and Hajime sighs. “Koushi. I’ve known you since we were eating dirt on the playground. You wouldn’t lie to me right?”

Suga bites his lip. “R-Right.”

Tooru scoffs. “That’s a lie, you ass! You bite your lip when you-”

“OKAY!” interrupts Hajime and Suga has never been more grateful. “We have a reservation and a lot of hungry male friends to feed so, we need to leave now if we’re going to go,” he says, shaking his fiance's shoulders before turning to Suga. “I do not want to place anymore pressure on those strong shoulders of yours but...I would love it if you came.”

_Fuck. That’s cheating._

“Well, that’s just cheating,” sighs Suga as he nods his head and pushes past the two, Tooru cheering dramatically as Suga shakes his head and maneuvers back towards his bedroom to get changed.  

Tears still play at the backs of his eyes as he runs a fist over the throbbing bruise pinching at his side but right now, Hajime needs him, _wants_ him.

His tears could wait.

 

***

 

Suga was not a man who enjoyed alcohol.

Well, at least not anymore because with alcohol, came demons. With alcohol came rough hands and harsh words and hot tears and fear laced secrets and long, painful nights. With alcohol came Wakatoshi, with beatings that never ended and apologies that held no backbone. With alcohol came depression and with depression came the marks that littered the insides of his thighs and when Suga follows Tooru and Hajime into the bar, all he can think about is Waka.

He thinks about how he was once a gentle lover; protective, sure. Safe.

He thinks about when he was kind, caring, curious about who Suga was and when Suga owned no doubts about wanting a future with Ushijima. He thinks back to when he should have first saw the signs; the days when he would come home tipsy, purposely knocking over lamps and coffee cups, the days when him knocking things over turned into tossing and throwing and when the things he threw began to be aimed at Suga.  

Suga remembers back to the first time Waka slapped him, cheek throbbing and eyes fighting desperately to not shed a tear. He thinks about how Waka begged on his knees for Suga to forgive him and about how once Suga did, how Ushijima pushed him into the wall for making him feel guilty for it. He thinks about how the beatings only escalated from there and about how Waka started to threaten Suga’s friends; Asahi, Kuroo, Tooru…

He thinks-

“Suga?”

His eyes snap up at the simple sound of Hajime’s voice, a voice tinged with a layer of worry. “Hey, you’ve been out of it since we left the apartment. Whats up?”

Suga panics for a hot second before slapping on one of his best silicone smiles and squints his eyes, forcing the memories to flood back into his brain. “Just lost in thought, I’m okay! Swear it,” he promises, placing his hand on top of the one Hajime has placed against his cheek.

 _What would Waka do if he saw that?_ Suga doesn’t allow himself to picture it.

After a moment of hesitation, Hajime only nods and gestures for them to head towards the back of the bar. Suga looks towards the counter and waves to his friends; Kageyama and Hinata (as always) are stationed up front, ducking and diving beneath each other while making various cocktails, subtly flirting with their eyes while Noya and Asahi serve large trays of food to different tables.

After graduation, Tsukki decided to go after his dream of opening a bar (Once of age, of course), hiring a bunch of the guys right after to fill the positions. It was all supposed to be temporary but as it would happen, the business thrived and now...well-

“Suga!” A hard slap knocks the breath from his chest. “You came! Asahi said you probably wouldn’t be able to make it!”

“Hey Noya,” he greets with grinning eyes. “Hajime, uh, convinced me.”

“My fiance is the best at that,” Tooru says with a wink as he slides up to join the conversation. “I only wish that I had his talent.”

“You have other talents,” adds Hajime. “Like being incredibly persistent.”

Noya chuckles and Suga does as well.  

“Why am I marrying you again?”

Hajime lifts his eyebrows and loops an arm around Tooru’s waist, his free hand roaming sensually through his fiance’s hair. “I can show you if you’d like,” he purrs and Noya and Suga take that as their cue to walk away.

Suga turns to Noya. “When are you guys off?”

“Well, _you’re_ here so,” he looks at the clock on the wall, “now,” he smiles and calls for Asahi to hurry up, leaving Suga to stand alone in the center of the bar.

A second passes and Suga can already feel it; the panic.

**One.**

_Suga, don’t you fucking leave!_

**Two.**

_Please, baby, don’t leave me._

**Three.**

_SUGA, son of a bitch. I’ll hurt him if you leave!_

**Four.**

_I hate you, you nasty pig!_

**Five.**

_I’m sorry, Koushi. I love you, I love you. Stay with me._

_Stay with me._

_Stay with me._

_Stay-_

“Suga, over here!”

A sharp inhale drags him back to the present as he looks forward to see Kuroo waving in his direction. Suga releases a shaky breath before giving his best smile and walking towards the large, circular booth towards the back. Each step feels weighed down as he shimmies around tables and drunk dancers, keeping his train of thought focused on his friends.

His friends. His family.

When he finally makes it to the booth, Kuroo and Kenma both stand to greet him. Kenma’s hug is soft, caring, tentative while Kuroo’s, arms roping tight around Suga’s skinny neck, is suffocating and as he struggles to draw in air, he tries to remember the last time he and his friends were alone together.

“Hey stranger,” Kuroo whispers into his ear before finally pushing back and smiling into Suga’s eyes. “You okay?” Suga smiles and nods small, humming his response before following the two into the booth. “I swear, I’m so busy with practices and you, getting ready to start your classes again...I can’t remember the last time we were really together.”

“November,” answers Kenma after he finishes taking a sip from his margarita. “We went to the movie. The one about space.”

It takes Suga a minute. “Arrival?”

“Kenma, babe, that was about aliens.”

“Aliens come from space.”

Kuroo shakes his head and kisses his boyfriends hand, Kenma smiling into his sleeve.

Suga watches the two with gentle eyes. He, Tooru, Hajime, Kuroo and Kenma had known each other since kindergarten, well, most of them anyways (Kuroo and Suga had know each other since birth but Tooru, Hajime and Kenma were late to the group) and watching the four of them grow together, fall in love together, has been one of the most beautiful things Suga could ever possibly witness.

Just as he’s about to open his mouth to ask Kenma about work, a drink is slid in his direction and when he looks up, Tsukki’s eyes are locked hard onto his own. “Glad you made it.”

Suga shrugs and takes the drink. “How could I say no?” Tsukki smiles. “It’s busy, business is good, I assume?”

Summer was a busy time for everyone. Tsukki with the bar, Tooru teaching volleyball lessons and Suga trying to figure out his new schedule to teach his classes for the new school season as well. Kuroo's matches always increased during this time as well, so all around, the end of summer was the mark of them coming together again and Suga was happy for it.

“It’s the summer, there’s never a better time,” Tsukki answers as he unties the apron from around his waist and sinks into the spot beside Kuroo with an exhausted huff. "But I am glad it's gonna be slowing down, I am beat." The two battle for a moment with the limited arm space but all is fair in love and war and Tsukki wins in the end. “So, where’s the artist?” 

Suga, Kuroo and Kenma all gesture towards the door, where Tooru and Hajime still stand locked in a passionate embrace.

Suga’s cheeks blush. When was the last time someone truly loved him like that….only one name comes to mind.

Tsukki tisks. His favorite sound. “I swear, I should turn my flat into a love hotel. Imagine the money I’d make then.”

“I still don’t know how Yama gets any sleep at night. I hear a penny drop and I’m awake all night,” jokes Kuroo.

Kenma nods in agreement before asking, “Where is Yamaguchi?”

“Upstairs, he’s drowning in publications.”

“He did it to himself,” shrugs Kuroo.

“And I bet he _loves_ it,” adds Suga, “right, Tsukki?”

Tsukki nods as he swallows at his bourbon. “I’ve known that boy since we were kids and never have his hands not had a book wedged between them. He’s doing what he was born to do.”

“And thank God for him,” comes Hajime's voice as he and Tooru finally join them in the booth. “I’d never had gotten this job without him.”

“Oh, look who decided to come up for air!” jokes Kuroo and the laughter is contagious.

“Hey, hey! Don’t sell yourself short, Iwa-Chan! You could have gotten that job all on your own and you know it.”

Suga nods in agreement.

“Yeah? Is that why I was working at a farmers market until Yama came along?”

“Hey, things take a bit before they really start working out,” adds Kenma. “I didn’t get into my company until a year after I applied.”

“Oh, _Kenma_ ,” whines Tsukki.

“That was a terrible example, babe,” laughs Kuroo.

Kenma looks stunned. “W-What?”

“Kenma, you had that job in the bag since high school! You knew that game company wanted you from the get go!” punches Suga, leaning his head on Kenma’s shoulder.

“T-They did not! I-I wasn’t-”

Kuroo shuts him up with a kiss. “My humble,” KISS, “humble,” KISS, “boyfriend,” Kuroo hums and Kenma growls against his lips.

"You guys aren’t already drunk right?” Everyone turns to greet Asahi and Noya as they join the booth. Asahi looks to Suga’s drink. “Oh, Sug. Again?”

“What do you expect? That’s all he drinks!” replies Tooru.

“Hey now,” warns Suga with a sloppy grin.

Tsukki chimes in. “I bet if I was to call to Hinata right now and ask for your usual, Koushi, he’d bring a rum and coke.”

“You guys are mean to me, I swear,” Suga laughs while turning back to his alcohol.

He closes his eyes.

_You’re safe._

_He’s not here._

“Hey, where’s tall, dark and handsome, Sug?” asks Asahi as Noya props himself against his husband.

Suga’s heart stops. “W-What?”

Tooru goes still beside him.

“Ushijima! He never comes out with us,” whines Noya.

Tooru’s stare is enough to drill a hole in the side of Suga’s skull. “Oh, he’s just busy with practices and such. Sleeps during most of his free time.”

“That’s no excuse! I have practice six times a week and here I am!” bellows Kuroo. “We’re your family, it’s his job to impress us.”

 _You’d kill him, Kuroo._ “I’ll let him know.”

“Yeah, you better. I must approve,” grunts Tooru, obviously annoyed.

“Hey now! We're not here to interrogate me tonight! Okay? No, we are _here_ ,” Suga sings, diverting the conversation as far away from him possible, “for Hajime and his awesome achievement!”

Everyone luckily goes along with the change of subject and holds up their drinks; all expect Tooru, of course, whose eyes have refused to leave Suga since the beginning of the conversation.

Tooru catches Suga’s eyes and mouths dramatically, _we are talking later._

Suga cups a hand behind his ear. _I can’t hear you._

Tooru pouts. _Liar._

Suga continues with his toast. “To Hajime, for designing a _beautiful_ book cover for a book soon to be on the New York Times’ bestsellers list!”

Again, cheers echo from all around, even from voices not seated at the booth.

Kageyama and Hinata cheer from the bar.

Hajime blushes and Tooru kisses his cheek. “Congrats baby!” he sings and Hajime tosses thanks around to everyone in the booth.

Silence falls as everyone takes heavy swallows of their beverages. Glasses slam hard onto the table as laughter follows in pursuit, Asahi first to come up for air. “Oh hey! Good news!” All eyes go to him. “Guess who's coming home next week?”

Suga, snorting rum up into his nose, almost dropping his glass. Again, Tooru watches his friend with careful eyes.

“No way,” whispers Kenma.

Asahi nods through his ecstatic smile. “Yes, yes! We got the letter in the mail today, he should be home on Wednesday!”

“We’re going to go pick him up from the airport but we wanted to throw a party for him or something, would you guys be down for that?” asks Noya.

Kuroo claps loud enough for the sound to be heard in Germany. “Are you kidding?! That man deserves a damn party! He deserves multiple parties!”

“I can close the bar down, we can invite everyone, let them know,” suggest Tsukki

“I know they have the kids and all but hopefully Tanaka and Yachi can make it too,” adds Kenma and Tsukki nods in agreement.

“He’s...is he back for good?”

Everyone stops then and turns to look at Suga, the silver haired man all too aware of the far too many eyes now studying his face.

Tooru, under the table, snatches Suga’s hand. Asahi smiles. “He thinks so, yes.”

Suga can’t stop the gasp that breaks past his lips. Tooru squeezes his hand harder. “You’re allowed to be happy, Koushi.”

Kenma, on his opposite side, grips his other hand. “Tooru’s right. This is a good thing.”

“No, _no_. I know...it’s great,” he says and Suga can feel Kuroo’s eyes burrowing into him. “It’s been so long.” A thought hits him then. “Wait, did he get hurt!? Is he-”

“No!” Asahi is quick to reassure, “Oh, no he’s fine! But I think he went on a pretty hard mission and...I think they called it for him.”

“Jesus,” breathes Tsukki. “How long has it been now?”

“Six years,” quietly answers Suga.

No one hears him.

Hajime is now the man to call the toast, as he holds up his glass and clears his throat. “To Daichi. Welcome home, Soldier.”

Suga is the last to raise his glass, in light of the violent shake in his arms.

“Welcome home, Soldier.”

 

***

 

Suga walks back to the flat with Tooru and Hajime, Oikawa’s fiance drooped drunk over his shoulder while singing some classic rock ballad. Tooru is quick to drag them all to a halt, gently lifting Hajime’s chin to meet his eyes.

“Baby, can you make it upstairs by yourself?”

Almost instantly, Hajime is up and on his feet, giggling like a toddler. “Y-Yes,” he burps and Tooru cracks the widest smile. “Yes sir,” he says, saluting, before kissing Suga on the cheek and heading towards the elevator. “G-Goodnighhhtt,” he sings.

Suga and Tooru do the same, before Tooru turns to Suga with hard eyes.

Suga shoves his jittery hands into his pockets and bounces on his heels. “You’re going to yell at me, aren’t you?”

Tooru shakes his head. “No,” he answers far too quickly. “But I am going to ask you the same thing I do everytime you leave for his place.” Suga waits for it, head hung low and heart throbbing painfully in his chest. “Why are staying with him?”

“Tooru-”

“There is something you’re not telling me and...I hate it.” Suga’s lip pouts as Tooru’s voice breaks. “Koush...please, talk to me,” Tooru says, closing the small space between him as his hands come to rest on Suga’s cheeks. “Something has been wrong for— God, _months_ , and you won’t talk to me about it.” Suga slams his eyes shut. “Did, did I do something? Is that-”

“God, no, Tooru! Come on-”

“Well, what am I supposed to think?!” The shout he tosses at Suga startles the man. “You come home exhausted every night, every time you leave his place. You come home late and when you do come home early, you rush to the bathroom like you constantly have to vomit! You’re quiet and always by yourself and...I miss you so much. It’s like Invasion of the Body Snatchers! You’re...different and I don’t know why, I don’t know what happened! And anytime Ushijima is involved-”

“ _Please_ , Tooru-”

“I’m here for you,” he says, shaking Suga and the tears become harder to hold back. “Just talk to me, what happened-”

“N-Nothing happened,” he tries to say convincingly but as most of the lies that he spills sound, it comes out utterly forced.

Tooru freezes and drops his hands. “ _That._ That right there. The Koushi I know would never lie to me.”

“Tooru-”

“Are you going to him tonight?” Suga stills and drops his chin to his chest before nodding. “W-Why? What is happening between you two, and why won’t you let us meet him?”

Suga stays silent.

“Suga, what has he done to you-”

“STOP!” Suga screams, far louder than intended and Tooru stumbles backwards. Suga tosses a hand up to cover his mouth. Tooru is now the one crying. “I’m...I’m so sorry. I-I,” he stutters until he backs up against the brick wall of his building. “I have to go,” he whispers and Tooru chuckles in amazement. “Please, please don’t hate me.”

“Suga, do not leave right now-”

But Suga does leave.

In fact, he runs until he’s sprinting down the sidewalk towards Waka’s place, tears now free to leak down his cheeks as he rushes down the different streets and alleyways. He refuses to look behind him. He refuses to think of Tooru.

He refuses to think of Daichi.

He refuses to think.

He only runs, runs back to his boyfriend's apartment where Waka sits on his couch waiting; where Waka yells at him for coming back so late; where Waka slams Suga’s frail body into the wall of his apartment; where Waka kicks at his ribs as punishment; where Suga blacks out on the floor; where Waka carries him into their bed and holds him until morning; and where they wake together the next day, Ushijima acting as if none of that ever happened.


	2. Chapter 2

**ONE WEEK LATER- DAICHI'S WELCOME HOME PARTY**

 

When Suga stumbles into the flat, Tooru ignores him, just as he's done for the past six mornings and with each morning that passes, the silence begins to break Suga in new, excruciating ways.

First, it begins with his first week back to work. While teaching his kids to sculpt clay into vases, Suga misses a step and all at once, the beautiful mold he had crafted upon the wheel spins out of control as the water thins out and sprays the classroom walls with red mud; staining the shirts of a few very angry fifth grade girls.

Yeah. He was already off to a great start. 

Next, it hits him at lunch, when Suga almost bites into a lettuce leaf, only to be saved by a fellow coworker who knows just how terribly allergic he is. After that, it’s small things, like forgetting his briefcase or moving to text Tooru about something that happened on the bus or asking whether he and Hajime wanted to go see a movie on Tuesday after work and with each possible mistake, Suga can feel his will shattering.

Tooru was known to have a tendency to hold grudges but nothing like this had ever been wedged between them so deeply and Suga was at a loss about how to fix it. Tooru was who Suga was closest to in the entire world and without him, Suga felt lost...empty and Wednesday morning, after being sent home from work after yet another clay incident, Suga feels his last string snap.

Struggling to inject his keys into the lock, sweat drips into his eyes. Finally, after what feels as decades, the door slams open and without even shutting the door, Suga bursts into the flat, well aware that neither of his roommates would be home, and stumbles to the bathroom. Reaching deep into his pocket, Suga’s fingers fumble around until they touch at his pocket knife, Koushi sliding down the wall as he flips the blade free. Unbuttoning his pants, Suga shimmies free until he touches at the sensitive part on the inside of his thigh and presses the knife firm into his flesh.

Blood is nothing nauseating to Suga as it had once been to Daichi and as he slides the blade down and as blood spills onto the bathroom floor, that name is the only one that rolls over his eyes.

_Daichi._

_Daichi._

_Daichi._

_Would you be disappointed in me?_

Of course he would, Suga thinks, starting in on a new cut as he pictures the words Daichi would say to him if he were to ever catch Suga in the act of cutting.

_Weak. Pathetic, sad._

But no...no, that wouldn’t be Daichi’s voice. Daichi would never say such things to Suga, even on his worst days. No, that voice belongs to one man and one man alone:

Ushijima.

Suga begins on a new cut, his eyes rolling back into his head as he drowns in the deliciousness of the pain. Teeth biting into his lip, he recites all of the reasons why this feels so good to him:

-The pain, he deserves it.

-The release, god, he needs it.

-The scars, his body is already disgusting...Ushijima tells him so.

He thinks back to the night in the bathroom:

-Dimples.

-Freckles.

-Pale skin.

-Nasty, silver hair.

_Nasty, nasty, fag._

He thinks of Ushijima:

-Cruel.

-Hateful.

-Tormented.

-Sick.

He thinks of Daichi:

-I will always love you.

-I will always love you.

***

The bathroom is cleaned by the time Tooru and Hajime arrive home and the laughter they radiate both freezes and warms Suga’s heart as he finishes dressing for Daichi’s welcome home party in his bedroom.

Six years....seven almost. 

Daichi joined the Marines only four months after graduation and had been gone ever since. It was never a decision he had spoken about or even mentioned to Suga; not in all their late night conversations or early morning breakfast dates. It was never something they spoke of together, or something Daichi consulted with Suga about before joining.

No, it was quick and fast and...painful.

It was Daichi calling Suga over to his place four months after graduation. It was Suga wrapping his arms around Daichi’s thick neck and kissing him—slow and careful and intense— just like they had every other morning since freshman year of high school. It had been Daichi leading Suga to the couch and telling him that he joined the Marines, telling him that he was sorry and that he would never in a million years ever want to hurt Suga. It was Daichi telling him that if he was to die in action, that he wouldn’t want to leave Suga a widow, that he didn’t want to keep Suga from having a full, incredible, happy life with someone completely deserving of him.

It was Daichi, the love of Suga’s life, breaking up with him on the same couch that they frequently made love upon. It was Daichi taking back their engagement.

It was Daichi breaking Suga’s heart until it resembled nothing but fine, dirty ash inside of his chest.

At first, he refused to attend, refused to face those memories. Not now. Not when he was a barely tapped together version of himself. But in the end...it was Daichi. His Daichi, his person. So now, as Suga stands in the mirror struggling to fix his bowtie, the sound of the door creaking open behind him is the last thing on his mind. But when he snaps back and looks into Tooru’s eyes through his foggy stand alone mirror, all the remaining air in his chest leaves him.

Tooru sighs and walks into the room, carefully shutting the door behind him. Suga spins in his direction, eyes straining as tears pick at him viciously and it doesn’t take long for Tooru to open his arms and for Suga to leap against Tooru’s chest.

Both boys break at that moment, Tooru’s hands clinging wildly to Suga’s silk jacket as Koushi sobs into Oikawa’s shoulder. Neither of them speak, for the tears that wash down their faces speak enough for the both of them, and it’s only until they both fall to their knees on the floor does Tooru push Suga away and look to him, deep in the eyes.

“You’re a fool, Koushi Sugawara,” he whispers, dipping a finger beneath one of Suga’s tears.

“I know,” Suga admits and Tooru freezes.

“I’m sorry-”

“No!” Suga sits up. “No, no. Please, it’s all my fault. I-fuck, I yelled at you. Like, _yelled_.”

“Yeah, you did. It was scary.”

 _Scary._ Ushijima is turning him into a beast.

“I’m so sorry.”

Tooru folds in his lips and runs a knuckle over Suga’s jaw. “I love you.”

“I love you,” whispers Suga as Tooru draws him close again, their combined breathing scattered and damp.

“Are you sure you want to go tonight?”

A pause. “Yes.”

“You don’t have to stay long.”

“I know.”

Tooru pulls back. “I’m serious, Koush, we can leave at anytime.”

“I know.”

Tooru drops his eyes for only a second before asking his next question. “Is...is he coming?”

_God, no._

“No.”

Tooru only nods.

“I…” Tooru springs up. “I want to tell you.”

“Sug-”

“But I can’t. And...for now, I need you to accept that. Please, if you care about me-”

“Okay. Okay, as painful as it is for me to say this...I accept, Koushi.”

Suga grins behind his teeth. “Thank you.” They hold stares for a moment. “I need to pre-game.”

“Oh, I figured,” Tooru says as he laughs and leaps to his feet, offering Suga a hand. He takes it and they fall into each other giggling. “I bought us a bottle for before, if you’re up for shots?”

_I’ll need the entire bottle._

“I’m up for shots.”

***

Suga was smart to pre-game. Every cell, nerve and bone in his body is on fire, and as for his heart, well that’s a separate part of his body all together.

With giggles and dim lighting, everyone waits in crouched positions all around the bar. Hajime and Kuroo cower in a corner while he and Tooru crouch by the end of the bar. Hinata won’t stop giggling and Kageyama is about ready to slap him silly and Tsukki and Yama hide in a booth by the door. Luckily, Yachi and Tanaka were able to make it down and so they now hide behind the bar with Kenma while all eyes dart between the clock and the front door.

“Kuroo, how far did they say they were?”

“Patience, Kenma.”

“I am patient, I just don’t trust you.”

“All of you idiots, shush!” commands Yachi.

Hinata laughs, “She’s a mom now, I forget.”

“Shut it or no sex for you later.”

“Tobio, crude!” yells Yachi back and Kageyama apologizes.

“Really, how old are we now?” asks Yama.

“Never too old to be scolded by Yachi apparently,” adds Hajime.

“My wife is the queen of scolding.”

“Oh, don’t you think I won’t attack you too, baldy,” she jokes and Tanaka’s laugh could shatter glass.

Suga’s phone buzzes in his pocket. He looks to the message. “Hey! Quiet, they’re here,” he calls, while his tongue shrivels inside of his throat.

Tooru grabs his hand. Suga is eternally grateful.

Minutes pass. Suga can’t breathe.

_Daichi._

_Daichi._

_Daichi-_

The door unlocks and-

Lights scream on as everyone in the room yells _surprise_ , Asahi and Noya joining in from where they stand on either side of Daichi and in absolute horror, all eyes watch as Daichi drops to the ground on his stomach, hands covering his head. He’s still as a rock and beside him, Asahi and Noya are as well. The two share looks before finally, Suga’s feet move and he’s walking towards the door without a second of hesitation.

Tooru calls after him but he hears nothing, sees nothing but Daichi, dropped hard on his stomach, refusing to move.

Asahi and Noya move out of the way as Suga approaches. He stands above him now, swallowing the fear dancing on the tip of his tongue before kneeling to the ground. His hand reaches out, slow and steady, before finally, his small palm comes to rest on Daichi’s shoulder and to everyone’s surprise, he doesn’t flinch.

 _Thank God_ , Suga thinks as he rubs a circle on Daichi's back.

No one dares to make a sound as Suga keeps his hand on Daichi’s shoulder, the muscles flexing beneath his hand firm and sculpted and built and Suga ignores the heat racing throughout his limbs before finally-

“You’re home,” he whispers, his voice far steadier than he believed it would sound and at the sound of his voice, Daichi’s head snaps up and his eyes smile and something dead in Suga’s chest sparks to life; something that has been dull and dormant for what feels like centuries.

Suga’s eyes expand and Daichi’s lips fall apart and the soldier is on his knees within seconds. The eyes of all their friends glue onto the situation as Suga falls to his knees, eyes darting quickly to study Daichi’s features; his plump lips, his deep cheekbones, his tanned skin, his slim nose, his arrowed neck, the new scars plastered against the side of his cheek.

_I love you._

_I love you._

_You’re stunning._

“Suga,” Daichi whispers and suddenly, Daichi’s palm is on Suga’s cheek and whatever drop of composure Suga had left in his body dissolves and he shatters.

Suga gasps weakly and with his eyes closed, leans into Daichi’s touch. His touch is warm and gentle and oiled and everything about Suga’s life, all the bruises that litter his body, all the cuts along his thigh, all the memories of Ushijima beating him in their bedroom evaporate into the space between them and within seconds, he’s back in the locker room in high school; making love to Daichi in the showers, coming until he was barren, Daichi whispering Suga’s name on his wet skin, loving Daichi more than anything or anyone in his entire world.

The silence turns from painful to absolutely breathtaking as he opens his eyes to find Daichi still there, kneeling before him, smiling.

“Suga,” he whispers again, too soft for anyone else to hear.

It's not meant for anyone else; only Suga. 

Suga sniffles. “Welcome home.” _  
_


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, just FYI: Pretty violent sexual content (Again, not rape just...violent.) 
> 
> Thank you, lovelies! <3

 

The party is everything Daichi deserves. Everyone is together, happy, smiling but for Suga, the only thing he can focus on is Daichi. 

He moves about the bar in a way that truly shows just how much he’s changed; from the muscles and tone to his now military manicured body to the perceptive way he cautiously scouts out his surroundings. Daichi is alert, eyes washing about the bar with each step he or anyone else takes and even though it might seem conceded, Suga can’t deny the fact that Daichi watches him anytime he dares to make a move. 

But it’s not only his actions, it’s Daichi himself that’s different. He’s not that same 18 year old boy that Suga loved in high school, when they were fresh and excited to start their lives. This Daichi now was a man, a man with broad shoulders and rustic skin and stubble that painted at his jawline; a jawline far thicker than Suga can remember kissing. This Daichi is mature, experienced and Suga...feels left behind. 

There was never anything else Suga wanted to do but to become an art teacher. It was his passion, teaching people how to express themselves through art, learning how to be bold and daring through the paints and pencils you created your art with but looking at Daichi, still dressed in his military green attire, he feels pitifully childish. 

Daichi was a United States Marine, a man knowledgeable with a weapon, a man who experienced different countries and cultures, who had most likely seen things that would change who he was as a person for the rest of his life. 

And Suga was an art teacher. How sad...

The inside of his thigh stings. He wants to leave, he can’t breathe. 

Why did he come here? This isn’t the same Daichi. 

This Daichi could never love him.  

Suga sets his glass down, about ready to sprint to the bathroom and puke until his heart falls out, when the phone in his pocket sings and now, a new fear spins in his gut. 

Daichi’s eyes shovel into Suga’s side as he stares at the name blinking on his screen. 

_ No, no! Not today, I can’t do this with you today _ , Suga screams in his head. The phone in his hand shakes ridiculously and then, draped over his is another hand; warm, gentle, nothing like Waka’s and Suga peers up to meet Daichi. 

He’s wearing a smile; God, the world's most dazzling smile and Suga thanks whatever Gods may be that at least his smile hasn’t changed. Suga knows he needs to speak, knows he needs to hide the phone but keeping secrets from Daichi was never something he was good at. Scratch that- there wasn’t a thing about Suga that Daichi wasn’t aware of and now, as sweat steams along the bridge of his stupid, freckled nose, Koushi is sure that Daichi can see straight through the fake smile tapped across his lips. 

“Something important?” asks Daichi. 

_No, you’re what’s important._ _Not him_. “N-No!” Suga says fast, pocketing his phone. “Just, alerts about more parent-teacher meetings,” he giggles nervously. 

“Right, Asahi told me that you’re working at the old elementary school! You always wanted that, I-I’m so proud of you.” 

The words slap Suga in the eyes. “T-Thank you. That means a lot,” he speaks at almost a whisper, turning his eyes to the floor. “So, how does it feel?” 

Daichi shrugs his shoulders and climbs up onto the seat across from Suga. “Being home?” Suga nods. “Different. I’ve been...crawling across jungles and swimming through mud for as long as I can remember. Standing on concrete again has been strange to say the least.” 

“Jungles? I thought we were fighting in deserts?” 

Daichi’s eyes grow heavy and Suga hates himself for the hurt that washes his cheeks. “We're fighting everywhere, Sug.” Daichi points to Suga’s drink, asking for a sip and Suga nods. He watches Daichi inhale the rum, swashing ice cubes between his cheeks before his throat bobs and he swallows with a wince. “Jesus, I never understood how you liked this shit,” he jokes and both of the men laugh. 

“Everyone loves to tease me about my drink but you never see me with a cough, do you?” 

“That’s brandy, Suga. Brandy is good for coughs.” 

"Alcohol is good for coughs,” he retorts, snatching his glass from Daichi’s hand and as he does, Suga’s finger brushes against a few small scars drawn upon his hand. “They sure banged you up, cowboy,” Suga speaks softly and Daichi only gives him a sloppy, sideways smile. 

“What about you,” Daichi finally says after a long pause, reaching his hand across the table to take a careful hold on Suga’s chin. He turns Suga’s face to the side and Suga feels his flesh heat. 

_ Don’t see him, don’t hate me just yet.  _

“Your face is all...red. And you look...you look tired, Suga."

Suga clears his throat and pulls away from Daichi’s grasp, his hand lingering until it folds into a fist and drops to the table. 

This is what Suga didn’t want, the awkwardness. The moments of blank space where neither of them had any idea on what to say to each other. What were they to say? I miss you was far too forward, not when they both knew that it was all too true and I love you still, well, that was a thought Suga was absolutely positive was on no one else's mind but his. 

_ This Daichi could never love you.  _

“Suga?” 

Again, there’s a soft heat rested on his cheek and out of habit, Suga leans against Daichi’s touch, remembering back to the first time Daichi had ever touched him in this way. 

It was raining, he was cold, he can remember and the umbrella they shared at the bus stop was barely enough to cover even one of Daichi’s shoulders. Suga sneezed, cheek baging against one of those massive, massive shoulders and both of the boys had broke into laughter. Daich then reached out and braced a hand against Suga’s cheek and at that moment, the world had stopped beneath their sneakers. Suga dared to peek up at those wide, kind eyes and from that moment forward, everything had changed for both of them. 

The memory, in grouping with all of the terrible ones he now had branded into his head from Ushijima, glows hot at the backs of his eyes and suddenly- 

“Hey,” Daichi speaks hoarsely, standing beside Suga as he reaches up with both hands to wipe away the tears streaming down his cheek. “Hey-”

“Oh my god,” Suga gasps, adding a bubble of laughter after to lighten the mood. “I-I’m a mess, here I am crying at  _ your _ welcome home party!” Suga scratches at the back of his neck and climbs off of the chair. “I-I’m just going to- um..” he grabs his glass. “I’m going to get another drink-” 

“Sug, wait-” 

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” he says, quickly walking towards the bar with his head down over where Kageyama stands, refilling a few pitchers of beer. Once to the bar, Suga slumps himself into a barstool and slides his glass towards Tobio. 

“How many have you had already?” 

Suga looks up from his hands. “Don’t even think about being responsible right now.” 

“I’m asking a serious question, Sug.” 

“And I’m replying with a serious answer. Fill it up.” 

Tobio hesitates before nodding and mixing his rum and coke. “He looks good. Better than I expected.” 

Suga hums. “He’s changed.” 

“In a good way.” 

“In a good way.” 

“Suga,” Tobio says, leaning across the bar. “Maybe you should call it a night.” 

Suga meets Tobio’s charcoal eyes and wonders where that stubborn kid that he used to teach on the volleyball team went. “Hinata’s matured you.” 

“Hinata has done many things for me,” he answers, eyeing Suga, thinking about his next words carefully. “What does that boyfriend of yours do for you?” 

Suga sighs and slaps his hands over his face. “People sure like bringing him up lately.” 

“I think it’s reasonable for us to be curious about the man you spend most of your time with.” 

Suga nods. “My drink,  _ bartender _ .” 

Tobio scoffs, obviously offended by Suga’s dismissal but goes back to mixing his drink. “Daichi has changed. He’s watchful,” he says, voice low as he forced Suga to make eye contact. “He’s not the only one.” 

“Has Tooru talked to you?” 

“We all talk.” 

“Oh yeah? Behind my back,” he says, taking the drink once Tobio finishes and brings it to his lips. “That’s just great.” 

“You know that’s not what I mean.” 

”No, I really don’t,” he says, chugging the rum until it ignites a fire in his lungs. He slams the glass down on the counter and slides it back to Kageyama. “Do me a favor, next time you guys all decide to have a pow-wow about my love life, how about shooting me a text so I at least know when all of my friends are talking behind my back,” he barks, far louder than expected as everyone in the room falls silent. 

Hinata joins Tobio behind the counter. “Tobio?” Kageyama stands in front of Shouyou. Always so protective. 

Suga shakes his head and turns to leave, snatching his jacket from the back of the chair. Tooru rushes after him, Daichi in tow. “Suga, wait a minute-” 

Suga shakes Tooru off and barges through the door.    
_ Punish me _ , he thinks as his wobbled steps take him in the direction of Waka’s house.  _ Punish me until I’m dead.  _

***

The way Ushijima fucks him is rough.

It’s nothing of the way he and Daichi would make love; the seductive, passionate compromise that they shared between each other when in bed. But then again, sex with Ushijima was never love making. Sex between them was never anything more than sex, raw, painful sex that never seemed to end.

With his ass spread apart, Suga bites into the pillow and Waka drives into him, each thrust barbaric and sadistic as Ushijima growls above him. Suga’s nails dig into Waka’s mattress, his whines nothing that of pleasure as the sound of Waka’s thighs against his ass are enough to cause Suga to vomit. He’s truly come to hate everything about this man, from the way his hands feel on the low dips below his hips to the putrid taste of his tongue after he eats Suga from the inside out.

Waka barks into the air as his speed increases, each plunge into Suga violent and Suga can already feel himself bleeding by the time Ushijima climaxes into his ass, dragging his sharp nails down Suga’s spine.

He wants to cry. Suga wants to cry until he’s dehydrated, until he’s empty...he wants to cry until it kills him. But if there is one place Suga refuses to cry for Ushijima, it’s while in bed. He refuses to lose himself in that way. Waka may be able to break him in every other way possible but this is his domain and to be fucked takes his mind away from everything else. To be in pain is good. Suga deserves the pain. He accepts it.

Finally and quickly, Waka pulls himself out of Suga and he watches as blood and cum drip onto the mattress between his knees.

He’s about to be punished more and he knows it.

“Fuck, Suga!” he cries, leaping off the mattress as he studies his dick. “There’s blood all over me now,” he hisses as he slaps a hand at Suga’s ass.

“I-I’m sorry-"

“Yeah? Well, you’re buying me new sheets,” he says as he punches into the wall, startling Suga, who whines into his fist. Waka stops then and stands defeated by the door. “Oh, Sug,” he whispers, coming back to the bed where he scoops Koushi into his arms, blood smearing across Waka’s chest. “Why do you make me like this? Do you think I like yelling at you, huh?”

“N-No,” whimpers Suga, eyes drooped and body numb.

“No,” he says, Waka kissing Suga’s temple. “I don’t, baby. I love you.”

_I love you, Daichi._

Waka sighs and then drops Suga back onto the bed, growling at the blood on his chest. “Fuck, great. Just great. I need to shower now,” he says, continuing to curse as he leaves the room.

Suga stares blankly at the wall before sighing and falling onto his side on the bed.

_Let me just die._

He closes his eyes and remains naked on the bloody mattress.

_Let me just die._


	4. Chapter 4

**ONE WEEK LATER**

  
His classes were intolerable today, and the girls who Suga shot clay on last week glare at him all during third period while grading papers at his desk. _Snotty brats_ , he thinks to himself as he adjusts himself on the chair.

It had been a week already and Suga was still sore, brutally sore and the bruises on his ass yelling at him against the pleather chair prove it to be true. Waka is always rough, that’s nothing new but that night was something else, something almost demonic as Suga remembers the blood that he woke up to the next day.

He runs a hand through his soft hair right as a small cough comes from beyond his desk. Suga smiles and leans across his desk to look at Anya, who stands on her tiptoes trying to catch Suga’s eyes. “Miss, Anya! And how can I help you?”

“I-I-I was w-w-wonder-ring if you w-would look a-at my d-d-draw-wing?”

That stutter was too cute.

Suga giggles and stands from his chair. “Of course I will, let’s take a look,” he says, coming around to kneel by the small girl's side. Anya was one of the youngest girls in the fifth grade, smaller than most as well, but her intelligence pushed her pretty far ahead of most and it showed in her maturity. Suga was adamant about never picking favorites amongst his students but he had a hard time denying that Anya was a favorite.

The drawing is of an elephant, the tusks painted to look like galaxies while the body is painted to look like Pluto and Suga’s jaw drops at the creativity of it all. Across the bottom in silly, cartoon handwriting, it reads ‘protect me and I protect you’. Suga studies the painting closer before looking up to meet Anya’s eyes. “Miss Anya, now this is truly something.”

Anya’s chunky cheeks blush pink. “R-Really?”

“Yes, this is amazing, sweetheart!” he says truthfully. “What made you wanna draw this?”

“W-Well, it-t’s a long s-s-story-”

“I am willing to listen.” Again, he’s not lying.

This makes the small girl blush harder. “Well, S-Samantha-a and Robin w-were making f-fun of my shirt,” she say, Suga looking at the three elephants stamped on her tee and his anger boils. “So I wanted to show t-them j-j-just why elephants-s are amazing.”

“Do you know a lot about elephants, Anya?” She nods, proud of her knowledge. Suga leans in close to her ear. “And do you think Samantha and Robin know anything about elephants?” Anya giggles and shakes her head. Suga scrunches his nose and shakes his head too. The two of them laugh harder. Suga peers over his shoulder to see the two girls glaring at them through squinted eyes. “Listen to me very closely, Anya, okay?” She nods. “You protect me and I protect you,” he whispers and Anya’s smile drops into something like awe.

Suga stands after patting her head and faces Samantha and Robin’s table with his hands at his hips, the girls quickly turning back to their art projects, eyes scared and hands shaking.

Suga looks down at Anya and winks. She smiles and gives Suga a high five right as the bell for lunch rings.

“Alright, everyone! Be sure to clean up your stations, I know were you all sit and I will find you if I find a mess, yes?”

”Yes, sensei!” small voices call out as they scramble to clean their tables.

Suga turns back to Anya. “Hey,” he says kneeling, “can I have a copy of this? I want to hang it up behind my desk.”

Anya’s smile could rip her cheeks apart. “Y-Yes! I can make another so h-here! H-Have this one!”

Anya pushes the picture into his chest. Suga holds it close to his heart and beams. “Thank you, Miss Anya.”

She hums and skips back towards her desk, grabbing her lunch pail and running out the door where she passes a large man waiting in the doorway. “S-sorry, mister,” she sings and Suga looks up to see Daichi standing at the door.

“No problem, sweetheart," DaIchi replies smiling. Suga stands by his desk, still holding the picture to his chest when he sighs and smiles up at Daichi. Daichi returns the gesture happily, holding up a plastic bag. “Lunch?”

Suga has no issues agreeing.

***

Daichi is far too massive for the small desks scattered around the classroom, but they make it work all the same, their knees brushing beneath the table as Daichi lays out the Indian food. Suga is practically drooling as Daichi unboxes their lunch; chicken tikka masala (Suga’s favorite), spring rolls, bowls of rice, etc and Suga bows sarcastically as Daichi hands him silverware.

“Did you just know that I was starving or could you hear my stomach growling from across town?”

“Was that your stomach? I thought it might have been an earthquake.”  

“You know very well we do not have earthquakes in New York, silly.”

“Oh, forgive me,” he pokes, tossing a dumpling towards Suga. Daichi studies Suga. “You look happy today.”

Suga sighs and fools with his rice. “I-I’m so sorry, Daichi-”

“Hey.” Daichi puts his hand up. “No, it’s okay. We all have our days.” Suga nods and goes back to devouring his lunch. “You’re really good with them.” Suga eyes him confused. “Your students. That little girl—Anya? She is probably the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Suga giggles and leans closer. “Can I tell you a secret?”

Daichi snorts. “My lips are sealed.”

His breath on Suga’s skin cooks something hot in Suga’s gut. “She’s my favorite.”

“I could tell.”

They both laugh. “Oh no, am I that obvious?”

“Only slightly,” Daichi jokes, pinching his fingers together.

“Great, I’ll be found out in no time.” Suga takes a large bite out of his spring roll. “How was the rest of the party?”

“Good,” he says, shrugging. _Always so nonchalant._ “It meant a lot to me.”

“What else were you expecting? Everyone was ecstatic.”

“Oh, I know. I know now. I just...I don’t know…” he says, trailing off.

Suga leans to try to catch his eyes. “Dai?”

Daichi’s lips fall apart at the pet name and the bob in his throat is terribly obvious. He shakes his head and plasters on a grin. “I-I had this stupid fear, you know? Like...like I’d get back and everyone would have just forgotten about me.” Suga’s heart palpitates inside of his chest. “Like...they would have seen it. What happened, what...the things I did there and…”Daichi stops and chuckles low. “It’s stupid, just forget I said anything-”

“Daichi,” Suga reaches out for his hand, the electricity between them deliciously static. “It’s not stupid. None of us can even begin to imagine the things you’ve been through. But I promise you, there was not a day that your name didn’t come up in conversation.” Daichi swallows hard and drops his chin, which Suga is fast to lift with gentle fingers. “I-I thought about you…” Daichi’s eyes glisten. “I think about you... _everyday_.”

Daichi’s cheek flutters as he pants. “Sug.” Suga only hums. “I-I wanted to write you but...I didn’t...I didn’t want to hurt you anymore than I already had-”

“I would have loved it.” He speaks too quickly and Daichi leans back in his seat, eyes darting across Suga’s face. Daichi reaches out then and intertwines their fingers, Suga forcing his smile to stay just a while longer. “I missed you so much.”

“God, you have no idea-”

“Koushi.”

Suga’s blood turns solid as Waka stands at the door of the classroom. Every hair, every drop of blood in his body shakes and yells and begs for Suga to run as he and Waka battle stares. Suga quickly pulls his hands free from Daichi’s leaping to his feet. He tosses out his hand to keep himself steady and Daichi reaches out to help when-

“Keep your hands off of him, Captain.”

_Kill me, now. Please kill me, now._

Daichi pauses a moment before giving Waka one of his prize winning smiles. “You must be Ushijima. Hey, I remember you. We played back in high school.”

Fuck, he was hiding him so well.

“I remember as well. I also remember you two being pretty close back then,” he growls as he takes Daichi’s hand, both men squeezing until their knuckles turn purple. “Might I ask why you’re having lunch alone with my boyfriend?”

“Oh, gosh, no. It’s nothing like that!” Suga’s heart cracks. “I just got back into town from overseas. Marines.”

“A Marine man, never would have pegged you for that career path.”

“Well, we all end up somewhere right?” Daichi winks and Suga can feel the fire in Ushijima’s fists burning hot. “I’m sorry to have intruded on anything. I can pack up and leave you two be.”

“That would be best.”

Daichi pauses for only a second as he smiles and gathers the plastic food cartons. His eyes snap up to find Suga’s but Suga can look at nothing but Waka, whose teeth grind into each other as he steams beneath his volleyball jersey. Daichi looks back at Waka. “Hey, you playing professionally now?”

Waka’s eyes remain on Suga. “I am. Weren’t you leaving?”

At that moment, Daichi’s spine straightens and the Marine shows his skin as his chest puffs and his head tilts. “Is there an issue? We were simply having lunch, nothing scandalous.”

“Hm,” nods Ushijima. “Something about the way you were holding my boyfriends hands doesn't quite sit truthfully with me.”

“Oh, I assure you. We’ve known each other for quite a long. It’s nothing more than friendship. Please, I don’t wish to bring you worry.”

“I’m not the one who should worry.”

Suga knows his threat speaks on many levels, and not only for Daichi. Suga tries to control his breathing, locking his fingers behind his back. “Waka, really, can we step outside or something? I-I’m at work-”

“I’m aware-”

“Suga, it’s fine," Daichi barks. “I can make my leave.”

Ushijima steps forwards and Suga can’t help but stumble back onto his heels. Daichi takes note. “I believe that best.”

Daichi ropes the plastic bags around his arm and looks between the two a little bit closer than before. “Well, good seeing you again. Hopefully we’ll see you around the bar, yeah?”

Ushijima squints. “I’ll keep it in mind.”

Suga had never been so terrified in his life.

“Okay, well. Suga.” Suga dares to pull his eyes away from Waka. When their eyes lock, Daichi’s pupils are dilated and deep, his jaw hard and Suga knows he’s nervous about leaving. So Suga nods and gives him a reassuring smile. “Thank you for lunch.”

“N-No, thank you,” he squeaks.

Daichi swallows hard before he politely waves once more to both of them, swiftly leaving the classroom and then, Suga is stuck. After a few minutes of painful, terrifying silence, Waka drops the briefcase in his hands and takes a few steps towards Suga, who retreats until his butt knocks into his desk. “Waka, I’m at work-”

“Explain-”

“I’m at work. You cannot do this here-”

Waka’s hand coils murderously around Suga's throat, his eyes bulging in his skull as his airway is instantly constricted and Suga claws at Waka’s hands. _“Explain.”_ His grip tightens. “Explain why there was another man's hands on you, Koushi.” Suga can't breath, let alone speak and Ushijima snaps, spit spilling from the sides of his lips. “SUGA, explain!”

His hand drops and so does Suga, down to his knees as he gasps for air. “L-Leave or I’ll-”

Ushijima eerily drops in front of him, fingers painfully grabbing Suga’s pointed chin. He whimpers. “Or you’ll what? What will you do, baby?”

Suga only holds their eye contact, his lips quivering as tears drip from his eyes. “Waka, _please_ ,” he begs. “M-My students-”

“S-Sensei?”

_NO, NO, NO._

Thankfully, Ushijima is fast to release Suga, presenting a smile to the terrified Anya standing at the door of the classroom. Suga is fast to scurry back to his feet and walk to meet Anya, shielding the view of Waka with his body.

He could hurt Suga all he wanted, but Koushi would be damned if he ever let Ushijima lay a hand on any of his students.

“Hi sweetheart, is everything okay?”

“W-What’s going o-on?”

“Oh, he’s a friend!” A fiend. “I dropped a contact lens, he was helping me find it!” Anya looks over Suga’s shoulder, face pale and scared. Suga moves to block her. “Did you forget something?”

“M-My J-J-Jacket.”

Suga swallows. “Right!” He stands and runs to the coat rack, grabbing Anya’s purple sweater and hurrying back to hand it back to her. “Here you go, Miss Anya. You’ll need that for Mr. Bakers science class.”

Finally, she smiles and Suga feels the chill in his arms defrost slightly. Quickly, he sends Anya on her way and turns back to Waka, who stands looking out one of the large windows behind his desk.

“I want to fuck you here, Suga.” He turns towards Suga and the nerves in his body scream for him to run. Ushijima walks closer to him, fingers brushing along his jaw and he tries to not flinch away from his lovers touch. He dips his nose close to Suga’s ear and nuzzles against him. “Let me have you here-”

Suga’s confidence jumps as he thinks of his students. “You need to leave. I have a class in five minutes.”

“That’s plenty of time-”

“Waka-”

Again, a hand snakes around Suga’s neck. At least he can breath this time. “Are you denying me?” Waka sniffs at Suga’s neck. “Is that Marine making you brave, little crow?”

Suga shivers.

Ushijima chuckles then, pushing away from Suga, causing him to tumble backwards. “I’ll see you at home, baby,” he says, forcefully pulling Suga into a kiss. This kiss is rushed and rough and awful and Suga’s eyes burn.

Ushijima leaves without another glance from Suga.

Suga has just enough time to cry before his next class begins.

***

Suga, Tooru and Hajime walk through the different aisles of the bookstore, Tooru jumping up and down each time he thinks he finally found the book cover that Hajime designed.

Hajime and Suga trail behind him quietly, smiling in admiration. Tooru was many things; hyper, conceded at times, loud, but if he was anything, Tooru was an amazing friend. He treated the people that he loved like fine grains of sand worth millions in gold and Suga had always admired that about his friend.

Hajime was no different. While far more brooding and sarcastic than Tooru could ever hope to be, Hajime was supportive in the silent way. There was nobody Suga trusted Tooru with more than his fiance, for Hajime knew how to tame Tooru, knew how to settle him when riled, knew how to bring out the side of Tooru he rarely dared to show people.

In front of them, Tooru chirps and both of the men jump, laughing as Tooru bouncing on the balls of his feet holding the book cover, Hajime’s name stamped at the very bottom of the cover.

“Look, your name is on this! Look!” boasts Tooru. He holds up the book. “My fiance’s name is on this book, my-”

Hajime leaps over and covers Tooru’s mouth with his hand. “You are insufferable.”

“You love me,” Tooru mumbles muted beneath Hajime’s hand and Suga giggles.

“It really is beautiful, Hajime.”

“Thanks, Sug.”

He needed this. He needed his family. He needed something happy to happen, he needed a moment of joy instead of paralyzing fear. He needed...he needed many things but for the first time in his life, the only thing Suga craved was security. Safety. Warmth. Love. He wanted to be loved again, truly loved. He wanted to make love, not simply have sex. He wanted to be touched as if he was fragile, delicate, worth protecting.

He wanted to feel like he was worth the life that was given to him.

Suga eyes scan over the book titles, each one just as cheesy and romantic comedy as the next and it brings him a slice of joy he welcomes happily. Tooru taps his shoulder. “Earth to Suga?"

“Huh?”

“Hmm, Hajime, he’s flying again.”

Suga chuckles. “I’m not flying.”

“Well, you’re not here,” adds Hajime.

“You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“Not when I’m equally as worried about you, I’m not.” Suga rolls his eyes. “You didn’t answer the question.”

Suga looks between them. “You asked a question?”

Tooru slaps a hand over his eyes. “Oh my god, you really are gone. Yes, I asked if you’ve spoken to Daichi at all after...well-”

“Oh! Oh, yes. Yeah, he actually came by the school and we...we had lunch.” Two sets of eyebrows bounce seductively and Suga grunts as he pushes past his roommates. “Do not start.”

“You had lunch together? Like...just you two?”

“Y-Yes,” he says, pretending to read one of the books on the shelf.

Hajime chimes in. “So, things are okay?”

“Yes, I apologized and we talked and it was...nice. It’s nice to have him home. But it didn't last too long.”

“Why not?”

“Well, Ushijima showed up and-” Tooru stops walking, back turned towards Suga. Koushi wants to sink into the floor. “Yeah, it was just short.”

Tooru turns back to him, all traces of his happy grin gone from his face. “So he met Ushijima.” Suga nods. “I see.”

“It wasn’t on purpose, Tooru-”

“I’m not worried about it.”

Hajime snorts. “You’re not?”

Tooru slaps his fiance. “ _No_ , I’m _not_.” Hajime rolls his eyes. Tooru looks back to Suga. “You’ve been staying there a lot.”

Suga pockets his hands. “Y-Yeah.”

Hajime places a hand on Tooru’s shoulder. “Tooru, maybe we-”

“Is everything okay still?” Their eyes are glued, nailed together by all the words not being spoken and Suga just nods. “Yeah, _that’s_ believable.”

_Please, stop hating me, Tooru._

He continues walking and Suga is grateful. Hajime speaks up. “Hey, speaking of Daichi, where is he staying?”

“With Asahi and Noya.”

“Oh good, they have a big place.”

Tooru chuckles. “Yeah, too big.”

“Asahi’s a big guy,” Hajime jokes and Suga can’t help but smile. “I heard he’s going to therapy.”

Suga almost trips over his own feet. “Therapy?”

“Yeah, Asahi said it was required by the Marines or something intense like that.”

“Oh,” is all he says.

“Daichi didn’t say anything?” asks Tooru, still not looking Suga in the eyes.

“No, nothing.”

Therapy.

_What did you experience over there, Dai?_


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're changing POV for this chapter, it's Daichi's turn!
> 
> Again, I already had these chapters written so I'm going to start work on the next 5 now! I'll have them up as soon as I can! <3

**LATE AUGUST**

 

Daichi lays on the floor of his bedroom shivering, his knees pulled tight to his chest as he hyperventilates, each breath heavy and sporadic and wet as he cries and rocks against the carpet.

He closes his eyes.

_The little girl is screaming, hands covering her bleeding stomach._

Daichi whimpers into his hands.

_He watches from behind his weapon._

His body is cold as he rocks naked on the floor, panting, regretting.

_There’s a man with a bomb in the corner of the room._

_The Gunny is calling his name. His eyes don’t leave the dying girl._

_The man with the bomb screams in a language he can’t understand._

_Daichi-_

There’s a loud knocking at the door. “Daichi?”

He can’t move.

_No, no. Don’t find me like this._

“Daichi! Open the door, please!”

The pounding gets louder. Asahi may be timid but he’s large and protective. He rattles the door handle, metal screaming as Daichi tosses his hands over his ears. Asahi is screaming his name but Daichi can’t care. He’s out of his medication. He’s crying, sobbing now as he faintly hears the sound of the door breaking open behind him and instantly, a blanket is tossed over him and his body is hauled into a sturdy lap. Asahi’s strong smell, beach wood and honey, cause him to shake and nuzzle into his arms, arms Asahi are happy to cradle Daichi with. Daichi cries into Asahi’s stomach, his best friend crying with him as they sit huddled on the floor. He needed to be held.

He wishes Suga was with him.

***

“Okay, so how do I do this?” Daichi asks Hinata as he moves quickly behind the bar, mixing cocktails and stirring mules.

“It’s really easy, honestly,” Hinata reassures as he takes in the fear washed over Daichi’s face. Hinata giggles. “Calm down, Captain. I’ll teach you everything you need to know, alright?”

Daichi nods and internally thanks Hinata. “How’d you get so good at this anyways?”

“Tsukki hired me as soon as the bar opened and at first, I was super intimidated. Just like everything he does, Tobio was great at this from the beginning but I definitely had my troubles. So I worked my ass off, watching as many videos as I could, going to different events. I studied harder than I ever did in high school and finally, something just clicked and I understood it. I worked hard and it paid off.”  

“Sounds like volleyball.”

Hinata nods and smiles wide, so wide it’s blinding. Very much Hinata. “I’m obsessive, I guess.”

“Yes,” says Tobio as he comes and kisses Hinata’s cheek. “But you're a hard worker and it’s impressive.”

“Well, I guess if you’re impressed I’m doing something right,” he plays back and the two wink at each other.

Daichi watches them and thinks back to high school; he remembers the bickering and the fighting, the jokes and insane, late nights that the two of them spent in the gym together. Who would have guessed that years later the two of them would have been the couple Daichi looked up to the most?

The beginning of Daichi’s new shift is insanely hectic and for the first few hours, all he wants is to leave. But just like Hinata said, finally, around midnight, something clicks and Daichi’s moving around the bar just as effortlessly as Hinata and Tobio and he’s not ashamed to say that he’s proud of himself.

By the end of his shift, Daichi is a puddle of sweat, drenched from head to toe but never has he ever been so grateful for a job. It pushes him and right now, that’s what Daichi needed. He needed to be challenged, he needed to be pushed past his comfort zones, or at least that's what his therapist had said and he wasn’t one to argue with a trained professional. He was grateful for the speed of his new job, it gave him less time to think and Daichi needed to stop thinking; about Kuwait, about Guam, about his panic attacks, about the flashbacks...about Suga.

He really needed to stop thinking about Suga and how...different he was.

He needed to stop thinking about Ushijima and how Daichi wanted nothing more to end him where he stood for looking at Suga the way he did. Daichi knew anger. For a Marine, anger becomes built into who you are but never did Daichi know anger like he did while watching the way Ushijima glared at Suga. The anger he felt was sinister, dangerous and he knew that he needed to avoid that confrontation for as long as possible.

But a part of him knew that avoid it forever, he could not.

Daichi walks to his locker and unties the apron around his waist, jumping when Tobio clears his throat from behind him. “Jesus,” he hisses.

Tobio looks apologetic. “Sorry, bud. My bad.”

“No, no. It’s okay. Whats up?”

“I-Tooru told me that you met Ushijima.” Daichi nods and goes to close his locker. “Well, um...I’m-well, we’re all pretty curious about him.”

Daichi turns back to Tobio. “What do you mean? You all know him.” Tobio looks confused. “Wait, you’re telling me none of you made the connection yet?”

“What connection?”

“Suga’s boyfriend, it’s Wakatoshi.”

Tobio pales. “W-What?”

“How did you not know?”

Tobio scoffs and comes into the room, falling into the chair by the door. “For one thing, none of us have met the guy yet. For second-”

“None of you? Not even Tooru?”

“Especially not Tooru.” Daichi pulls up a chair in front of Tobio. “And second, Suga refuses to let any of us meet him. He always uses excuses, like the guy’s busy with practices or whatever bullshit he fabricates but none of us, Daichi, none of us have a good feeling about the guy.”

“Yeah,” Daichi agrees, thinking back to their meeting. “I can understand why.”

“No, I mean...I mean, fuck, can’t you see it?”

Daichi’s eyes narrow. “See what?”

“Suga? He’s...changed. Drastically. It’s frightening and he won't let any of us in. That outburst at your party, that’s just the beginning of it.” Tobio drops his face into his hands. “I don’t think he’s taking care of himself either.”

“W-what do you-”

“He’s lost close to 50 pounds, Dai.”

His heart stops. “Suga? But, Suga has always been skinny-”

“Daichi, not this skinny. You can see every bone in his arm, man. Suga was skinny because he was fit. Not... _this_.”

Daichi feels his hands beginning to shake. “So...Ushijima…how long?”

“Five months. But...I think they were seeing each other before they called it officially so, Jesus, who knows.”

“50 pounds in five months?”

Okay, now he was worried.

***

Daichi gets home from the bar around 2:30 and when he walks in, everyone is on the couch and yes, he means everyone. Asahi, Noya, Kenma and Kuroo lay sprawled across the couch, legs tangled as they scream at the television, the sounds of guns blazing blasting from the bass speakers and Daichi jumps.

As soon as Asahi see’s him, he switches off the game, receiving annoyed grunts of the others on the couch but as soon as they see Daichi, their complains cease.

“Guys, keep playing. Seriously, it’s cool.”

Kuroo looks at the small clock on the side table. “Fuck, you’re home already? That means-”

“Late,” moans Kenma as he nuzzles against Kuroo and Daichi smiles. “Sleepy.”

Kuroo kisses his boyfriend deeply, lovingly. It’s beautiful. “I know, kitten. I know.” Kuroo scoops Kenma up into arms, the blonde's hair falling into his eyes. “Time to get him home.”

“Alright, drive safe, please,” calls Noya as he leaps off the couch and walks to the kitchen.

Kuroo and Kenma say their sleepy goodbyes to Daichi as he walks to the couch and plops down beside Asahi. He kicks his shoes off and slumps into the cushions, laying his head on Asahi’s shoulder.

“How was your first night?”

He grunts. “Tsukki was a saint for giving me a job but fuck, it’s exhausting.”

“You get used to it, I promise,” Noya calls from the kitchen and Asahi nods in agreement. “Our first couple of nights, Asahi and I didn't do anything but work and sleep. Get used to the routine while you can, buddy."

“Kill me,” he mumbles into Asahi’s arm. But Asahi’s serious face shows he’s not up for Daichi’s sarcasm. “Why so serious?”

“Are you feeling better?”

Daichi smiles. “Yes. Much.” He looks up into his friend's eyes. “I’m sorry you found me like that.”

“Never apologize to me ever again, Daichi. Unless, you know, you killed my husband or something.”

“Ah, babe. So protective,” Noya jokes but he’s right. Asahi is intensely protective.

“I’m serious. I’m here for you, always.”

Daichi kisses Asahi’s arm. “I know, big guy. I know.”

Noya comes back to the couch with popcorn and beer and they throw on a movie, Daichi snuggled warm between the two of them, falling asleep for the first time in a long time with a smile on his face.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More bloody scenes. I'm sorry, I know this fic is gore filled. <3 
> 
> ALSO...
> 
> Thank you all for your comments so far. You make my heart happy. OMG.

It’s 4 a.m and Suga is bleeding onto the bathroom floor. His dreams equal only one thing: Ushijima beating him in his classroom, his safe haven and each time his eyes close, he panics.

So now, Suga slices deeper into his thigh, relishing in the burn that steams from beneath the blade. Suga thrives from the pain and without, he doesn’t know where he’d be.

No, yes he does.

He’d be in a body bag.

Because as much as Suga love the pain, he’s also utterly and stupidly terrified of it, scared that if he was to ever really try and end it, to dig just a tad deeper into his flesh that he’d fail and cause more damage than it’s worth.

The pain is the only thing keeping him alive.

Maybe he should thank Waka.

His teeth bite hard into Tooru’s towel as he watches the blood spill from the cut and only when the puddle on the floor is enough to possibly stain the tile does he pull the blade back and shove the knife back into his pajama pocket. Suga pats his wound and shoves the stained toilet paper into the garbage bin before slapping a large latex band-aid over the cuts. With shaky legs, he climbs to his feet dizzy from the lack of blood and steadies himself on the counter before moving to empty the trash. He slips back into his pajama pants and ties the string to the trash bag before quietly opening the bathroom door and tip-toeing to the front of the apartment.

Each step in painful, his thighs rubbing as he walks and he winces with each step but again, the pain is good and he welcomes it. Once Suga reaches the elevator and walks out the front doors of his building towards the dumpsters, the night air is enough to heal all his wounds; the wind howling as it whispers against the glow of the half moon.

The night is Suga’s favorite time, when the lights are dimmed and when the world is silent. _The world is packed with so much useless noise_ , that’s what he had told Daichi on the night of graduation as they laid on the grass in front of the school, counting as many stars as they could before midnight hit them.

Suga looks across the street at the bench seated in the middle of the small dog park across from his flat and as he wraps his sweater tighter around himself, he finds himself mindlessly crossing the road. Once there, he collapses against the metal seat, his body sighing as he adjusts himself so that he can easily see the stars above him.

He misses these late nights, when he could study the sky without the hecticness of sound or life, when he and Daichi would sit for hours and fool with each others hair and make endless promises they both knew they could never keep.

_We'll be married one day, Koushi._

_I can’t wait until we have our first home together._

_I would never leave your side._

Suga closes his eyes and wishes they were all back in high school; young and naive and clueless to what the world truly had to offer...and to what it didn’t.

He stays on the bench until his alarm blares at 6 a.m. He has a routine to follow. He has a life so far away from the one that he always imagined for himself. Reluctantly, Suga peels himself off the bench and walks back towards his flat.

His thighs no longer sting.

***

Anya is exceptionally quiet today and Suga can’t seem to peel his eyes away from her. Samantha and Robin snicker at a few tables over, their cheesy, stupid pigtails bouncing with each snarky laugh they produce and Suga has to focus all of his energy into restraining himself.

_You have a routine to follow._

_You have responsibilities._

_You are a teacher._

_You are a coward…_

Anya sneezes the cutest sneeze possible and from Samantha's mouth rolls the last straw for Suga. “Quiet over there, little miss Piggy!” sings Sam and Robin follows her comment with supportive laughter.

Fuck his responsibilities.

Suga slams his hands on the desk, startling all the small bodies in the classroom. “That is _enough_ ,” he bites, Samantha and Robin jumping a mile out of their seats. Anya cowers but watches Suga carefully. “Sam, would you graciously repeat the last comment that you made, but to my face this time?” asks Suga, crossing his arms over his chest. Sam burns crimson. Suga’s eyebrows lift. “I’m sorry, was I not loud enough?”

“Oh, Sam’s in trouble now,” sings Flinn Richards in the back of the class and Suga holds his hand up in the kids direction. No one speaks out of line again. “Sam, I asked you a question.”

Sam drops her chin to her chest. “N-No sir.”

“No? And why not?”

“I-I-”

“You didn’t seem to have an issue saying it earlier.”

Her chin shovels deeper into her chest. “No sir,” she mumbles.

Suga closes his eyes and rubs at his brow. “Samantha, please stand up.” He looks to the girl at her side. “You too, Robin.” More _oo’s_ and _awe’s_ erupt from behind him. Suga is quick to silence the crowd. With his finger, he signals the girls to follow him to Anya’s table, where she sits with her eyes plastered to Suga’s. He smiles and kneels to her level before looking back up to Sam and Robin. “You will both apologize to Anya right now. You will also apologize loud enough to where every ear in this classroom can hear, am I clear?” Both girls after a moments of hesitation nod.

Sam and Robin looks to Anya. Anya slides her gaze to the girls.

Robin is the first to speak. “I-I’m sorry…”

A voice echos from behind Suga. “I can’t hear you!”

He has to fold back his lips to keep from laughing. Robin closes her eyes. “I’m sorry, Anya,” she says far louder this time and Suga nods, permitting her to go back to her seat.

Suga then looks to Samantha. “Your turn.”

Samantha, refusing to meet Anya’s eyes, huffs and bites at her nails. “I’m sorry, Anya.” Suga coughs and gestures for Sam to take her fingers out of her mouth. The small girl rolls her eyes but understands the meaning. “I’m sorry,” she says again, almost yelling, before stomping back to her desk to join Robin.

Once both fifth graders find their seats, Suga looks back to Anya who glares down at him with damp eyes and parted lips. He winks at her and squeezes her knee. “Protect me and I protect you.”

Anya only hums before daring a glance over her shoulder.

Suga stands back up and walks to his desk.

_Huh? Where did that come from…_

***

“No, I’m sorry but the Astros are better than the Dodgers. Deal with it,” barks Yama as he downs another handful of nuts into his mouth. Tsukki watches this action all too closely and Suga can’t help but snicker.

“You’re an amateur!” coos Kuroo who hangs one drunk arm over Kenma, whose focus in wrapped up in the game he plays on his PSP. “The Dodgers are legendary. The Astros, while good, are too fresh to be anything else but _amateurs_!”

“Kuroo, you’re aware that the Astros aren’t a new team, right?” adds Daichi as he finishing wiping down the counter and refilling Yama's bowl of nuts.

“Well, they are in terms of the World Series.”

Kenma laughs beside his boyfriend. “That was a terrible argument.”

“Hey, Kitten, what the hell? You’re supposed to be on my side!”

“I am on your side. When you’re right.”

“You just got burned by your boyfriend,” jokes Tsukki as he kisses Yama’s cheek.

“Oh hush, your boyfriend is too wrapped up in his nuts to pay attention to you right now,” Kuroo retorts.

“Oh, it’s okay. I’m getting enjoyment out of it.”

“EW, both of you, quit,” Suga giggles as he takes another sip of his rum. Daichi watches him closely and Suga’s cheeks heat.  

“How was work today, Sug? You don’t seem to be covered in colors today.” asks Yama.

“Actually, it was good. Great actually,” he answers, smiling honestly for the first time in...God, forever.

Daichi is the next to speak. “Yeah, good day?”

Suga meets his eyes, those brilliant, watchful eyes and grins. “Good day.” This makes Daichi smile and causes Suga’s world to cease from spinning. “You remember that girl you met-”

“Anya?”

“Yes! Well, there’s these two girls that just...ugh, they’re terrible to her and today, I just had enough. I put my teacher sized foot down and I have to say, you would have been impressed, Soldier.”

Daichi’s smile expands and Suga has to catch his breath. “I’m never not impressed with you, Sug.”

Everyone goes a little quiet from the comment, but the silence doesn’t last long as Tooru stampedes into the bar, door slamming against the wall.

Yama chuckles. “Here we go-”

“I’m angry!” he calls across the bar and everyone bursts out laughing. "Yeah, yeah. Laugh at my pain, but it was bad today. I swear.”

“Tooru, you say that everyday.”

“Well, today wins, Koushi. Today wins.”

“And what happened,” Kuroo asks out feeling like he must.

And that leads Tooru into complaining about how awful high schoolers are to teach, about how they’re stubborn and reckless and only care about volleyball if it somehow benefits them and the rant last for what Suga could believe to be years.

“Hey, you chose to teach high schoolers, Tooru. You put yourself back in high school on purpose,” says Kuroo.

“Yeah, I’ll never understand it,” adds Kenma.

“High school was amazing for me. I just wanted to show kids that it doesn’t always have to be a bad experience. Hell, maybe I should have gone to college instead.”

"I still don't know how you got that lucky," laughs Kuroo, "Who gets a job as a teacher without a degree?" 

"Tooru," everyone says at once and Tooru beams. 

“You have to remember, not everyone is as lucky as we all were in high school. We all had amazing opportunities and we were all lucky enough to be able to meet each other.”

No one has any issue agreeing with Suga on his point.

“We really were lucky,” whispers Daichi, knocking his fingers against Suga’s before moving to take a customer's order.

With that, duty calls and Suga leave the bar to move for the bathroom but as soon as he does, a dense wave of white blur dashes over his eyes and his hands instantly reach out for something solid. Kuroo is there almost instantly, sober and on high alert. “Whoa, Suga. Hey, what’s up?” Suga can feel Daichi’s eyes from across the bar. He tries to flash a smile, but it proves to be a tad difficult.

“I’m okay, I’m good. I think I just stood up too fast,” he giggles, trying to reassure the many eyes packed with worry that watch him. “Seriously, you mother man hens, I’m okay,” he jokes and finally, Kuroo loosens the death grip he has clutched around Suga’s forearm.

“Do you want me to come with you,” asks Tooru, his face pale as he keeps an eye on Suga.

“I can go to the restroom by myself, Tooru,” Suga reassures as finally, his vision clears and he takes his first solo step away from Kuroo.

Suga looks to Daichi, who watches anxiously, and tosses him a thumbs up. They exchange warm smiles before Suga leaves and makes his way to the bathroom. Once there, and after checking if all the stalls are empty, Suga falls to his butt on the floor, gasping as he tries to find a steady point somewhere in his spinning vision.

He ate today, right? Yeah. His co-worker ate lunch with him. He ate. He drank water, well, maybe not as much as he should and to top it off, now he’s drinking. It could be the weight loss, he knows his body is in terrible shape. But out of all the things in Suga’s life that he has to worry about, his body is the last thing on his mind.

His hand, out of habit, shuffles over his pocket where he feels for his knife. _No, Suga. Not here._

But the image of all of his friends frantic over him burns hot in his gut as that familiar pang of guilt boils in the back of his throat. He never wants his friends to worry. Not over him, not over anything.

_Stupid, stupid body._

_Stupid small limbs and weak bones._

_Waka is right. I’m disgusting and weak._

_I hate this body. I hate my face and the damn freckles that litter my stomach. I hate my long fingers and ugly feet._

_I hate myself._

Suga hates himself almost as much as he hates Waka.

But maybe they are one in the same.

***

The next evening after yet another late parent-teacher meeting, Suga stumbles into his apartment to find Tooru and Hajime dancing, Tooru’s hair bouncing in vibrant milk chocolate waves around his tanned face and Hajime, bless his soul, jumps to the music as he tries to make his hips sway.

They don’t take note of his presence and Suga is glad for it, happy to watch two of the most important people in his life enjoy themselves so much. The love they shared had always been thrilling to watch, the way Hajime chased after Tooru until his legs could run no longer. The way Tooru broke down and finally admitted to himself all of what he felt for Hajime. Both were stubborn and both walked a hard road to get to each other but never would you ever hear them complain about where they are today.

Suga leans against the wall, happy for the support, for the dizzy spells have yet to cease. Finally, as the song slides to a close, Hajime turns and spots Suga, leaping out of his skin and shrieking before laughing and falling to his knees. Suga bursts out laughing at his spook and joins Hajime on the floor, giggling out his apology.

“You almost killed my fiance, Koushi!” shouts Tooru and it only makes both of the men laugh harder.

“You’re such a stalker, how long were you standing there!”

“Not long, I swear!” he promises, holding his hands up in surrender. “I just couldn’t help it, you both suck at dancing.”

“Suga, how dare you!” bellows Tooru, as he drops down dramatically onto the couch. “I am a ballerina, thank you.”

“Sure you are.” Suga and Hajime finally crawl their way off the floor to join Tooru on the couch. The three men tangle up as Hajime automatically knows what to do next and reaches for the t.v remote. “Okay, what is it tonight? Scandal or How To Get Away With Murder?” he asks.

Tooru rubs his hands together as Suga rests his head onto his lap. “Scandal, I need some hot presidential sex.”

“Can those words even work together?”

“They do in Scandal.”

“But I wanna know what happens with Connor and Olli,” complains Hajime and the small cute, brassy whine causes both Suga and Tooru to forfeit so How To Get Away With Murder it is.

The television plays until the the blue screen flashes beams of lights across their sleeping eyelids and Suga is the first to stir. Once awake, he rubs at his eyes and attempts to untangle from his friends as quietly as possible. He whispers into their temples a sweet goodnight before shuffling off towards the bathroom. He pulls down his pajama pants to relieve himself when he sees that one of the deeper cuts on his thigh has reopened and he curses, praying to whoever the hell is listening that he didn’t get blood on either of his roommates. He curses under his breath and pats at the wound with a paper towel, keeping a bit on the wound to act as a band-aid before hiding the bloody napkin at the bottom of the trash bin.

Suga sighs and stares at his gash for a second.

_Why do you keep doing this to yourself?_

He closes his eyes.

_Your body is weak, baby. I’ll make you strong._

_I can make you better._

_Let me fix you, Koushi._

_You are ugly but I love you._

Suga moves to splash water on his face. He looks up into the mirror at his eyes, deep crevices dug beneath them as he then turns and looks to the scale. The weight loss can’t be that bad right? Tobio has been over reacting. He eats like a horse! He moves for the scale and steps up and-

Tears play at his eyes almost instantly. “W-What,” he whispers into his palm.

140….

He weighed over 190 back in January. “That...can’t be right…” Suga steps off and waits for the number to reset. He steps back on. The number is actually lower. **139.4.**

More tears.

_How? How is that-_

“Koush?”

Tooru’s sleep voice comes through the door. _Fuck, not now._

Whispering curse words, he hurries and steps back into his clothes before opening the door. Tooru jumps. “I have to pee,” he sings, his eyes squinted as they adjust to the bathroom light. Suga smiles and tosses his arms around Tooru’s neck. His friend only hesitates for a second before wrapping his strong arms around Suga’s waist. “Sug?

_I love you, Tooru. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I’m like this._

“Suga, what’s wrong?” His grip grows tighter.

Koushi pulls back and stares at Tooru with wide, grateful eyes before running his knuckle down Tooru’s jaw and walking past his friend. He walks into his bedroom and locks the door behind him.

Suga barely makes it to the bed before sobbing into his mattress and crying himself to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit is going down, my boys.

When he stands up out of the bed, he falls flat onto his face. The sound that his body makes as it crashes to the carpet is that of falling boulders and he grunts into the fine fabrics beneath his scrunched nose.

He counts down the seconds until Tooru stomps in.

_One._

_Two_

_Thr-_

“SUGA!” The door almost breaks as he and Hajime both enter. Suga laughs as he pushes himself up off the floor, with the assistance of Hajime and Tooru of course, whose lips won’t quit asking if he’s hurt anywhere.

“I’m okay, I’m okay. Just dizzy,” he reassures as they haul him back onto his feet. “I think I need to eat something.”

“Well, lucky for you, I was just making breakfast,” cheers Hajime as he kisses Suga on the cheek. “Scrambled or fried?”

“You know the answer,” Suga replies, rubbing his sore face.

“Scrambled, it is!”

That leaves Suga and Tooru alone. Tooru steps close to Suga, examining his face in painstaking detail and Suga feels himself nervously swallow. Tooru moves from his neck to his mouth to his eyes to his hair before poking at the deep, black bags beneath his eyes.

“You were strangely emotional last night.”

“Was not.”

“Was too.”

Tooru’s eyes narrow. He pokes at the bags again. “Will you knock it off!”

“Did you sleep at all?”

 _No_. “Yes.”

“Liar.” Suga just rolls his eyes. “How are you feeling?” Suga shrugs. “Use your words, Mr. Teacher.”

Suga grunts and pushes past Tooru towards the bathroom. “I’m fine, Tooru. I just got up too fast!”

He slams the bathroom door in Tooru’s face. “That’s sure been your go to phrase lately!” he calls through the thin door and Suga can’t help but smile.

He was still...if he was to admit it, frightfully dizzy. Every step he took was uneven and his eyes often swam in wild directions whenever he moved too quickly. But his health wasn’t his main concern for the day.

No, today was Miss Anya’s parent-teacher meeting and he was more than excited about this day. He had been wanting to meet the young girl's parents for quite some time now and finally, he was going to be able to meet the people who raised possibly the most perfect girl on the planet.

Suga goes about his regular routine; he brushes his teeth until his gums bleed, shaves the silly stubble under his chin, adds another cut onto his thigh, sprays his body with cologne then rushes back to his room to change.

Once he finishes and joins Tooru and Hajime in the kitchen, his breakfast is ready and even though his stomach growls in hunger, something about the way Suga feels just throws him off. He looks at the food and horrifically, he feels vomit on his tongue. He sits down and stares at the eggs as Tooru and Hajime devour their meals.

_He made food for you, you selfish bastard. Eat the eggs._

Suga shakes his head. He can’t.

_You’re a terrible person._

He nods.

“Hey, are you gonna eat?”

He looks up at Hajime. His face washes of color. “Y-Yeah, sorry!”

Slowly and careful not to vomit out his breakfast all over the kitchen table, Suga swallows each egg until the plate is clean, his body wrenching with each nibble. Finally, as he finishes, he sighs and drops the fork, his head leaning against his arm.

He feels Tooru’s hand curl around his wrists. “Koush? What is it?”

“I-I just ate too fast.”

Hajime hums and takes Suga’s plate. “Oh, don’t forget. We’re all meeting at the bar tonight for Daichi’s birthday!” he says dropping their plates in the already stuffed sink.  

Suga’s heart stops. “His birthday…”

Now Tooru is _really_ looking at Suga. “Suga. You...you forgot his birthday?”

 _Holy shit. He forgot Daichi’s birthday._ “I guess I’ve- just had a lot on my mind.”

“Well, did you get him anything.”

No, but he would. He would buy Daichi the world.

“No. But I will after work. What time are we meeting?” he asks looking back at Hajime.

“9!” Suga nods. “Honestly, Koushi. Just having you there would make him happy.”

 _No. No, I’m not enough._ “I still want to get him something. God, it’s been so long. W-What do I even get?”

“I got him some stuff for his room,” answers Tooru, who sits across from Suga with his arms crossed and his lips in a line. “He’s still...adjusting you know.”

“Yeah.”

He would figure it out. He knew Daichi in ways that the others didn’t.

He would be okay.

It would be okay.

He looks at his watch. “Fuck! I have to go! I’m sorry, I’ll do the dishes later!” he says as he stumbles for his briefcase. “I’ll meet you at the bar!” He kisses Tooru on the top of the head and waves by to Hajime.

Fuck. This day was already awful.

***

Anya is dressed in a pink and blue striped dress, her permed orange hair is three small pigtails down the back of her head and Suga realizes just how similar to a pedophile he must look.

But there’s something about that small girl that Suga truly cherishes, the way she acts, speaks, the way she’s always the first to interact without someone knew and Suga silently and selfishly hopes that if he was ever to have a child, that that child would be just like Anya.

The bell rings and as the rest of the kids pile out of the classroom, Suga noticed that Robin and Samantha are still seated at their desks, staring hard at Anya as she cleans up the crayons sprawled across her table. Assuming the absolute worst, he leaps to his feet and stands ready behind his desk, just in case he’s needed. Sam and Robin look to each other and nod before standing and walking towards Anya’s table.

Suga opens his mouth to defend the small girl but right before he does-

Robin taps Anya on the shoulder sheepishly. “A-Anya?”

Anya freezes and so does Suga. She turns around to face Robin and Sam nervously.

“We were wondering if...if you would show us how to do that galaxy paint that you did for your elephant drawing,” Sam says, pointing to the picture hung up behind Suga’s desk and he frantically tries to act as if he wasn’t just sending the two girls violent death stares. “It looks really cool.”

“Yeah, we really want to know how you did it!”

They seem to be telling the truth but Suga has serious trust issues, so he sits back in his chair but listens closely.

Anya looks between the girls and then looks to Suga, who bounces his eyebrows and shrugs his shoulders. She turns back to the girls. “R-Really?”

“Yeah!” both girls sing in unison. “And...we really are sorry about the other day. We feel terrible,” adds Robin.

Anya looks down and fools at her fingers. “I-It’s o-okay.” She smiles and grabs her box. “I can show you now, if it’s okay with Sensei?” All three girls looks Suga’s direction and of course, he allows them to draw through lunch.

Okay, maybe this day wouldn’t be so terrible after all.

 

***

After the final bell of the day rings, it takes Anya only a couple minutes to run into Suga’s classroom with one of the widest smiles he’s ever had the pleasure of seeing. With open arms, he bends to hug her as she chirps into his ear.

“They hung out with me all day, Sensei! We t-t-talked about art and m-movies and we all like Spider-m-man!”

Suga giggles. “Really?”

“Yeah! And they w-w-w-want to have a sleepover!”

“Oh, Anya,” he says, hugging her tighter. “I’m so happy for you sweetheart.”

He feels her jittery body go still and something in him goes cold. “But…” Suga pulls away and looks at her small, worried face. “I don’t t-think it’s a g-good idea to have them over at m-my house.”

Suga squints and tilts his head, a wave of panic washing through his veins. “Why not, sweetheart?”

Anya opens her mouth to answer but as she does-

“Mr. Sugawara, correct?” speaks a raspy, deep voice from behind him and as he looks over Anya’s shoulder, he spots a small, frail woman, black hair in a messy bun atop her head and a cigarette in between her fingers. He gasps and rushes over to her, yanking the cigarette from her hands and stomping it beneath his shoe. “Excuse me!”

“Ma’am, I apologize but you _cannot_ smoke in here.” The woman grunts and walks past Suga, making it a point to slam her shoulder into his and he’s sad to admit that it stings. He turns and watches as the woman walks to Anya and runs her hand down the girls pigtails. “Look at that, you managed to keep them in all day. What a shock,” she growls, pushing Anya's face away as she laughs and _Suga_ …

Suga feels anger like he’s never experienced before in his life, fiery wisps of darkness clawing beneath his skin as he watches Anya cower beside her mother. “Okay, how long is this going to take?”

_You mean how long until I rip your throat out?_

“N-Not long?”

“Oh, great. Do you have damn stutter too? It’s enough that I have to deal with _this one_ -”

“There is nothing wrong with her speech impediment, Mrs. Worthing-”

“No, of course not. It makes her unique, right? Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it all,” she says, falling into one of the tiny chairs and Suga tries to keep himself from screaming.

Anya tries to keep her focus and her smile aimed at Suga and he applauds the girl for her strength. If only Suga had an ounce of her bravery, where would he be?

Suga joins Anya and her mother at the table after grabbing a few necessary papers. “Well, as it does seem that you’re in a hurry, I’ll make this as fast as possible. Anya is easily my best student, so I really don’t have much to report.”

“Hm, I bet you spill that line about a thousand times a day, huh?”

Suga grits his teeth. “No, ma’am. I do not. Anya is an exceptional student and quite truthfully, an amazing artist.” He turns to point to Anya’s picture behind his desk and as he does, Anya smiles. “That’s one of her pieces there.”

Mrs. Worthing turns back slow to Suga, eying him up and down. “If you weren’t so obviously into butt sex, I’d be worried you were far too concerned with my daughter,” and as she finishes her sentence, Suga about melts into the seat. Anya blushes hard and as does Koushi.

“Mrs. Worthing, that is...extremely inappropriate and you have no right-”

“What, were you trying to hide it or something? Please,” she says laughing low and maniacal. “You stick out like a sore thumb, baby.”

“Please, if we can just-”

“Look, I think you’ve already made your case. My daughter is amazing’, blah, blah, blah. I have a night shift to work, thank you. We’re done?”

Suga has never contemplated murder before. Not even towards Waka but now-

“I guess, yes ma’am.”

“Good.” Mrs. Worthing snatches Anya wrist and it takes all of Suga’s willpower to keep him from slapping her mother in the face. Anya whimpers from her mother's rough hold and he grimaces.

Anya, while being dragged from the room, waves and smiles wide at Suga and he does the same, giving Suga just one more reason to truly hate himself.

***

**SEPTEMBER 4TH**

“She said what?” yells Daichi as Suga finishes his drink.

Suga nods and wipes at his lips with the back of his hand. “Yes! And right in front of Anya. Oh, Dai, it was...god, it was awful.”

“Who in their right mind...it makes you wonder what happens behind closed doors.”

“You have no idea, that’s all I could think about the entire time! It was so painful and Anya, she just takes it. I think she’s terrified of her mother.”

“From what you’re telling me, it wouldn’t surprise me if there was more going on. Maybe you should talk to someone, Sug?”

He grunts. “I know, I know. God, our school board is going to love this.”

“Hey,” he says, reaching and cupping one of Suga’s hands within his own and the touch is enough to turn Suga into dust. “It’s better to say something than to stay silent.” Daichi takes a sip of his drink. “That stands for all matters.”

Silence. _Oh, not you too._ “What are you getting at, Dai?”

Daichi moves to open his mouth when from behind him, Noya attacks, latching his arms around Daichi’s neck. “Happy, happy birthday, you old fart,” he jokes and Asahi is quick to peel his husband away.

“That’s enough, you monkey. Not everyone likes being climbed on.”

Daichi shrugs. “I guess it depends on the context.”

Suga almost spits out his rum and Daichi winks at him.

“Where the hell is everyone, Hajime said 9!”

“Noya, it’s 9:02. Give it time.”

Noya sighs dramatically and leans on the small table. “Not everyone is as punctual as I, I guess.”

“You mean not everyone is as compulsive as you?” question Hinata as he joins the group, hugging Daichi from behind. “Happy birthday, buddy.”

Daichi hugs him back. “Hey, thanks, man. Where’s the boyfriend?”

Hinata jerks his chin. “Bar, he still has a bit to go before the swap happens.”

“You weren’t working tonight,” asks Suga.

“Nah, Tsukki was finally kind and gave me a few days off in a row. I am eternally grateful.”

“Ah, so you're the reason why my next few shifts are going to be hell?” jokes Daichi.

Hinata snickers. “Oops.”

Everyone after that point begins to trail into the bar separately; Hajime and Tooru race in out of breath, terribly apologetic for being late while Yama stumbles downstairs close to 1 a.m after waking up from a nap. Tanaka came down for the night without Yachi, saying a guys night was desperately needed and Kuroo and Kenma joined in once Kenma was free from his final run of his new game.

Daichi’s birthday is special because once upon a time, September 4th had been he and Suga’s anniversary. It was a Sunday, everyone on the team had taken Dai out for his birthday when the birthday boy stood up, turned to Suga and handed him a small silver box. Suga had joked about how it was supposed to be the other way around but Daichi was persistent and Suga opened the box to find a ring and a small note that read: MARRY ME AND LET'S COUNT THE STARS? There were tears and cheers and _finally’s_ from all of their friends and after that, the rest was written in history.

It’s almost 2 a.m when Tobio reminds everyone that the presents need to be presented and the mess they make while scrambling to decide which one Daichi will open first is enough to give Tsukki a headache. Finally, the order is agreed and after many silly gag gifts, a few pairs of really expensive shoes, signed books Yama knew he would love, it’s Suga’s turn to give his gift.

Suga hands it over slowly and the look they share as the small envelope is handed to Dai is passionate and long, something secret and intimate swimming between them as Daichi hums and carefully rips open the envelope. Suga bites at his knuckles as he watches Daichi read the letter inside and once he realizes-

“S-Suga...you didn’t….”

Suga nods.

Tooru and Kuroo both lean to look at the paper. “What is it?!”

Suga watches them with a wide smile before looking back to see that Daichi is crying and Suga whimpers. Asahi reaches for Daichi's shoulder. “Dai, what is it?”

Daichi drops the letter into his lap and looks up at Suga, his large eyes burnt red with thick tears. “Y-You bought me star?”

All eyes fly to Suga and he feels incredibly small. “I...well, I _named_ a star after you so...yes?”

_Oh god, was that too bold? He hates it._

_This Daichi could never love you._

_He hates-_

“Suga,” he whines as he wipes at his eyes with the sleeve of his camo-jacket. “This is...where?”

Suga scratches at his thigh. “The one outside of the school...the night-”

“Graduation,” Daichi finishes in a whisper. Suga nods and bites his lip. Tooru’s eyes dart between the two. “This...I can never-” Daichi stops trying to form words and simply giggles, _giggles,_ like a peppy school girl and it’s the most beautiful song Suga has ever heard.  Daichi sniffles. “Thank you so much.”

_No, thank you. Thank you for existing._

Suga hums and nods quickly and if it wasn’t for his bladder burning in his gut, he’d stay and never stop staring at the grin he built across Daichi’s face. He signals for Tooru to let him out of the booth and as he takes a few steps, Suga stops, his body swallowed by thick layers of chills.

He stammers on his feet in the middle of the bar before suddenly, that clouded blur rushes back across his eyes and Suga’s floor shifts beneath him as he moves to try to take a second step.

It fails and as he gasps, within seconds, Suga crashes hard to the ground, his skull colliding with the concrete floor.

“KOUSH!”

_Daichi._

Tooru is panicking, Suga can tell by his voice as he feels cold hands take hold of his cheeks. “Hey, oh my god. Koush, look at me. Please!”

_Tooru, don’t cry._

Suga tries to keep his eyes open, but his eyelids feel weighted as he feels his neck grow numb.

Then a new smell engulfs him and he knows Daichi is there. “Suga, looks at me.” Firm hands take hold of his face. “Tsukki, call an ambulance, _now_!” Daichi’s breath tickles at his cheeks and he wants nothing more than to touch him, than to drown in his smell until he perishes. “Koushi, look at me. Hey! Keep your eyes on me, damnit!” But his eyes are blurry and glossed and he can’t see a thing.

He can hear Tooru whimpering and Tsukki on the phone with the hospital and he hates that he’s the cause of it but before he can speak out to reassure his friends, Suga’s head drops back and his world falls dark.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know this is really short but I won't be able to write until Saturday so I wanted to give you something for the holidays so...Happy Thanksgiving? <3 <3

What follows after Suga opens his eyes plays out in a series of heartbeats.

He lays on the floor of the bar, head on Daichi’s lap as he calmly whispers into his ear, begging for Suga to open his eyes. But his eyes are open and Suga is confused.

Time then seems to pass in a fog and now, he knows that he’s in an ambulance and Tooru is seated beside him crying. He tries to reach out but it’s pointless.

When his eyes open again, the fluorescent lights on the hospital ceiling lead him, much like the lights on a runway, down multiple halls that smell like chloraseptic spray. The world spins around him and again, Suga desperately searches for Tooru.

He wakes and now, there are needles in his arm and a white tag around his wrist. He can’t find Tooru and his eyes burn from the tears he wants to shed. Every part of him is sore and his stomach feels as though it’s trying to pry its way through his skin, so Suga stops trying to keep his eyes open and succumbs to the drugs now pumping into his system.

***

Daichi is literally sprinting as he opens the door to Asahi’s car and races towards the doors of the hospital. Out of breath, he stumbles into the emergency room lobby, pale faced and shaky, searching for Tooru.

Finally, pacing by the water fountain, Daichi spots him and calls his name. Tooru leaps at the call but sighs and rushes over to Daichi, where they embrace in a long hug.

“Thank god, this place was about ready to give me a heart attack,” Tooru admits and Daichi can see that he feels guilt for admitting it. Tooru looks over Daichi’s shoulder and sees Hajime, the tall man sprinting for his fiance without a second thought.

He understands Tooru’s feelings but there is only one person Daichi is concerned for at the moment, and that’s Suga. Ignoring the sound of his name being called by his friends, Daichi hurries over to the counter.

“Hi, I’m sorry. I know things are probably hectic, but my friend, Koushi Sugawara? He was just brought into the E.R? I was wondering if-”

“Are you a spouse or a relative?” the lady behind the counter repeats robotically.

Daichi stammers. “I-I well, um...technically but-”

“Are you a-”

“No! _No_ , I’m not but...he’s family and...I really don’t want him to wake up alone.” The lady, eyebrow cocked, watches Daichi as he sags against the counter. “Please. Please, I beg you.”

There is a long, unnecessary pause before the lady reaches over and presses a button behind the counter and Daichi’s heart begins to pound inside of his chest once again as he bows to her and sprints towards the automatic door. “Tooru!” he calls. “What room?”

“Seven!” he hears Tooru call weakly.

Daichi’s feet carry him deeper into the E.R. He drags a small, timid nurse to a stop. “Excuse me, room seven?” The nurse points Daichi in the direction that he’s needed and again, he's off, running until finally, he spots the door that reads ROOM 7.

His hand stops on the door handle before entering but when he finally gains the courage to open the door, all of him wishes that he didn’t.

Suga looks tiny on the bed, shriveled and scared as he lays on his side, coiled into the bar that lines the bed and Daichi can see the needle in his arm tugging at his skin. Daichi gasps and moves towards the bed, examining Suga's tired face while he sleeps before moving to lift his arm and place it into a different position.

“Better,” he whispers, reaching up to push back a strand of hair behind Suga’s ear. Daichi looks behind him and drags the chair against the wall closer until his knees touch the bed. Daichi’s eyes wash over Suga’s face, his cheeks sunken and his eyes fluttering beneath the lids. With nervous hands and a swollen heart, Daichi reaches out and cups one of Suga’s hands within both of his own, bringing Suga’s knuckles up to his lips. He kisses each knuckle, slow, tentative, gentle, proper; just as Suga deserves. He deserves to be pampered and spoiled and cherished to no end and Daichi feels his eyes sting.

“What have you done to yourself, Sug,” he whispers against Suga’s skin, kissing at his palm and Daichi places it against his own cheek.

A cough snaps Daichi back into reality. He turns to look at the short, chubby man behind him. “Relative?”

Daichi stutters. “N-Not exactly?”

The man chuckles and steps into the room, his eyes studying the monitors above Suga’s bed. “Fiance?”

Daichi looks back to Suga. “Once upon a time.”

In the corner of his eye, he can see the doctor smirk. “Well, that’s good enough for me then.” The man sticks out his hand. “I’m Dr. Feltman, I’m Sugawara’s on call for tonight, and you are-?”

“Daichi,” he is quick to answer while shaking the man’s hand.

The doctor eyes Daichi’s dog tags. “Army?”

“Marines.”

“You’re a braver man than I am.”

Daichi shakes his head. “Many soldiers would disagree with you.”

“Well, I appreciate that,” he winks.

Daichi likes the man, a lot.

“Now, what can you tell me about Suga here? That’s what the other guy was calling him. Where’d he end up?”

“H-He’s in the lobby.”

“Oh good, I was afraid he was going to need a separate bed as well.” Daichi chuckles as the doctor takes a seat on the rolling stool on the opposite side of the hospital bed. “Now, back to Suga here.”

“Y-Yeah, yes. Well...unfortunately, I don’t know too much about what’s been happening with him. I’ve only been back in the states for a few weeks but...I do know that he’s not okay. Apparently, he’s lost a lot of weight, like a lot of weight, in only the last five months. He doesn’t sleep well, he drinks far too often, he works himself to the bone but…”

“But?”

“Suga has always battled with depression. Ever since we were in high school. Do...do you think, I don’t know, maybe that could be connected?”

“It depends,” says Feltman as he sets Suga’s chart on the bed and places his hands on top of his knees. “I will ask you this, is this boy anemic?”

 _Anemic?_ “I’m sorry?”

“Anemia, it’s when-”

“I know what it is but...no, never. His blood sugar has always been spookily steady actually.”

“Well, I’d find that hard to believe from the way his iron levels are looking.” He reaches for the chart. “On the normal, iron levels should remain between 13 to 17 grams, 12 for men and 15.5 for women.”

“Okay?”

“Suga here, had almost less than 9 grams.”

Daichi pales whiter than before. “So…”

“Blood loss. That’s what that tells me and a lot of it. I’m talking to the levels that you would see for a minor gunshot wound.”

 _Blood loss? Suga, what is going on?_ “I don’t understand. We would have...he hasn’t had any serious injuries lately-”

“Well, don’t get me wrong. This could have been happening over a vast about of time as well. And if it’s how you stated before, the weight lose happening over...what, five months?” Daichi nods. “That would tell me something.”

“What does it tell you?”

Feltman looks to Suga and sighs. “You mentioned depression, yes?”

Daichi nods and Feltman stands. The doctor reaches for Suga's gown and Daichi stands too. “Hey, what-”

“Easy, soldier. I promise, you’re going to want to see this,” Feltman eyes Daichi. “Prepare yourself.”

So Daichi does and as Feltman lifts Suga’s gown to to expose his thigh….

_Holy shit._

_Holy...oh my god._

Deep, zigzagged slices carve roadways all along the insides of Suga's thigh; the cuts meaty and fresh and swollen, some infected with layers of pus while others are smaller but just as red and inflamed. Daichi’s hand moves to cover his mouth as he spins and braces his weight against the wall. His stomach churns as he closes his eyes, hoping to squeeze away the image of Suga’s butchered thigh but instead, it only burns the picture deeper and suddenly, Daichi is reaching for the trash bin, vomiting his heart out into the bright red plastic bag.

He feels a hand on his shoulder and when he looks up, Feltman is there with a paper towel. “Here you go, son.”

Daichi thanks him and then falls back into his seat. He keeps his eyes on the ground, too scarred to look back at Suga right now. Daichi leans over his knees, hands holding the back of his neck.

“I don’t...how-”

"Well, your reaction sure answers the question of whether anyone would have known about this or not.”

Daichi gasps and wipes at his lips. “God, no. Suga never...I mean, he was... _sad_ in high school and it definitely escalated after we graduated but... _never_ this. I would have never assumed _this_.”

“I see.”

They both fall quiet. “I’d like to admit him.”

Daichi freezes. He remembers his therapist suggesting the same thing to him only weeks ago. The idea was enough to set him straight and start opening up to Asahi more.

He looks to Feltman but before he can speak, Feltman raises his hand. “Now, I’m not about admitting people into psychiatric care without full consent. That is a very real thing and a decision I believe people and their close ones need to make on their own, together. But I will not lie and say that I do not highly suggest it. Not only is Suga dangerously anemic, but he is also on the verge of reaching diagnosed Anorexia, which means that this young man, on top of violently mutilating his body for most likely the past five months, has also been starving himself to the absolute extreme. And the bruises all over his body -” Daichi's eyes squint. Bruises? "Again, I highly recommend it."

Daichi can barely breathe, the muscles in his chest constricting, roping around his lungs as he struggles to stay upright in the chair.

This can’t be his Suga? This broken... _oh, God, Daichi._

_NO! How gross. Of course this is your Suga. He will always be your Suga._

Finally, with heavy eyes Daichi dares a glance at Suga and just as if his eyes were opening for the first time in months, he can see it.

The heavy drinking.

The rushed trips to the bathroom.

The apologizing, the timidness.

The way he walks with his head down.

The way he speaks at almost a whisper.

He sniffles and leans over, taking Suga's hand back in his. “I’m here, Sug. “I’m here now.”

He kisses Suga’s palm again and again. He doesn’t know when Feltman leaves the room but Daichi refuses to move from his position and eventually his eyes fail him and he falls asleep, happy to be the one cradling Suga’s bony hand.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, one more. I couldn't sleep haha  
> Happy thanksgiving all you beautiful people! 
> 
> Thank you for all your amazing comments! You make my heart happy, always! <3

**A FEW HOURS LATER**

 

Daichi would know Suga's voice from anywhere, and as he slowly starts to wake due to the sound of the ruckus coming from the room, he knows instantly that he isn't happy. 

"Please, Tooru, just let me go home. I-I'll be fine, I swear!" 

" _FINE_? Are you joking, Koushi?" 

Daichi hears the sounds of metal on metal. He rubs his eyes clear and opens them to see Tooru and Hajime standing by the bed, Hajime leaning with his forehead against the wall as Tooru stands beside Suga with his arms crossed and Suga...Suga is chained to the bed....like an animal, his small, bony arms fighting beneath the patted cuffs locked around his wrists and something in Daichi snaps alive as he jumps to his feet and moves for the bed.  

"What the hell is this?" his eyes focus on nothing but Tooru, who now stands with his eyes close as he massages his brow. 

"Dai-" 

"No, what the fuck, Tooru!" 

"Dai, please. Get me out of here," whines Suga and he feels cold fingers shake as they softly claw at his skin. Daichi bites his lip at the broken, weak cry and he wants nothing more than to break the chains with his bare hands and scoop Suga into his arms, holding him until he heals, until he makes Suga his again. He wants nothing more than to make Suga his, to hold him and cherish him.  Daichi wants to heal him, he wants him happy, Suga deserves happiness. Suga grabs desperately at Daichi's hand but his eyes stay on Tooru, for he can't look at Suga and it kills him. It _kills_ him. " _Dai,_ " that damn pet name, it's enough for Daichi to shatter at Suga's feet. "Dai, please. This hurts...I-I don't want to be here. I'll be fine, I promise. Don't leave me here-" 

"Sug-"

"PLEASE!" he screams and the Marine in Daichi refuses to flinch. "Please," he cries, face swashing to crimson and it becomes almost impossible for Daichi not to cry. "Please, Dai. Don't leave me again," he slams his head into the pillow and Tooru whimpers. The words he whined echo through Daichi's head.

_Don't leave me again._

_Don't leave me again._

"Suga, I never wanted-" 

Suga turns from him and looks to Tooru. Daichi feels as if he can breathe again. "Tooru, please. Please, you know I hate hospitals. I hate it here, I hate it!" 

"Suga, please. You need to understand why we're doing this," Tooru pleads, reaching for Suga's hand. But Suga pulls away and Tooru cries harder.  

Daichi looks to Tooru. "Wait...you already decided?" 

Suga looks between them.

Tooru nods. 

"Tooru, please!" 

Hajime is crying, Daichi can hear it now. 

"Tooru," Suga reaches out and the chains rattle demonically. Daichi runs his hands down his face. That sound will haunt him for the rest of his life. "Tooru, don't leave me here. I'll be okay, I-I'll go to a therapist. Daichi," he looks back at him and Daichi struggles to look Suga in the eye. "You're seeing a therapist!" _How the hell does he know?_ "You can connect me right? I-I can start right away and I'll take time off work and-" 

"NO!" 

Everyone in the room falls silent.

All eyes go to Hajime. "Suga...I-I know this is hard but this cannot go on any longer." Hajime pushes off the wall and faces Suga, who pouts and coils into a tighter wad on the bed. "Look at your leg Suga! T-That's-"

"It's not that bad." 

"Are you blind?" Hajime yells and Suga cowers. Daichi wants to hold him. "You're losing weight like crazy, your body is a mess. You are hurting yourself, terribly and you won't let any of us help." Hajime turns back to the wall. "It wouldn't be so bad if...you hadn't kept it from us, Koush. Fuck, we live with you! I mean, when did you do this?" Hajime gestures to his leg and Suga only looks away. "How often, and the knife? I didn't even know you owned a weapon!" 

"It's not a big deal, I-" 

"Stop, Sug," Daichi whispers and Suga looks up at him, hurt...betrayed. 

_I keep hurting you._

_I'm so sorry._

Daichi looks to Tooru. "How long?" Tooru sniffles. "How long will he be here?" 

"Feltman said we can decide but he suggested at least a week." 

"No. No, no!" Suga rattles against the chains and bites into his lip. Daichi can see that he's biting hard enough to draw blood so he moves and takes hold of Suga's cheeks, pulling his lips apart. Suga growls and Daichi grits his teeth. "Let me go! Let me go, you don't care about me, let go!" 

Daichi draws back...wounded. No, that was...

Suga is kicking now, screaming and that's the last straw for Tooru. He turns and crashes against Hajime who holds him while watching Suga thrash on the bed. His spine arches and he hollers, loud enough for Daichi's own memories to flood back into his brain. So he places his hands over his ears and turns away, unable to watch the man that he loves in so much pain.

And it was true and as he thinks it, Daichi realizes that it was a fact that he was always blatantly aware of, even if he wanted to deny it from the moment he stepped foot into Tsukki's bar that day. Even through all of his therapy session, as he sat and lied to the woman about how he hadn't been in love in quite some time, Daichi knew each word was a lie.

He had never not loved Suga, there was nothing about him not to love. Suga was the most important person in Daichi's life, he had been from the moment that Daichi had first laid eyes on the setter, his shorts riled up and his hands nervous as he and the rest of his friends all stood in a line, waiting to hear if they had been accepted onto the volleyball team in high school. He remembers back to the moment they first spoke, the silky softness and gentility that Suga carried, the way he made Daichi feel like he was apart of something larger than himself. The way he was watchful of each member of his team, how he cared and cheered for Hinata and Tobio, and how he had always supported Yama through his anxiety around speaking. He thinks of the first time Suga had gotten hurt during a game two months after meeting, and the absolute, sickening horror that suffocated Daichi as he watched Suga fall limp to the floor....and that was the moment, he realized, that he fell in love with Koushi. 

The moment the thought of never again seeing him laugh again or smile, or enjoy the beautiful life that was given to him. The fear of never having told him of all the wonderful things that hopelessly Daichi loved about him; like the cluster of freckles that danced on the bridge of his nose, or his hair, hair that could withstand the test of time. He loved the way that he fooled with the hem of his shirt when he was anxious and how he hated the taste of guacamole. He loved how Suga was afraid to stand up for himself but never afraid to stand up for the people he loved. He loved how Suga walked and how he held his cheeks when he giggled and how he always got the hiccups when he watched scary movies. He loved the way Suga cared for animals and his grandmother, the way he loved to cut Asahi's hair in the locker room and how he was afraid of hairspray. 

He loved Koushi for everything that he was and everything that he wasn't and as he turns back to the bed, Suga continuing to thrash and scream and cry, he accepts this Koushi all the same. So with a hefty breath, Daichi slaps at his cheeks and rushes into the hallway calling for a nurse. He then moves back towards the bed and frantically grabs at Suga's arms, holding him down on the mattress as he screams in Daichi's face. Daichi holds eye contact, Suga's eyes bloodshot and soaked with thick tears and it hurts him to see Suga in so much pain. But he refuses to ever turn his back on Suga ever again. He will not leave him. 

"I will not leave you," he whispers and Suga slowly settles, still fighting against Daichi's hold. "I'm right here, Sug. I'm here now." 

Doctor Feltman and a few nurses come into the room and Suga starts to scream again, begging Daichi and Tooru to take him home. 

_I want to take you home._

_But I want you safe._

A nurse presses the head of a needle into Suga's skin and almost instantly, Suga's body stills and Tooru gasps as he continues to cry into Hajime. He continues to mutter his pleas but soon, his head starts to hang to the side and Daichi is fast to hold his hand against Suga's cheek. 

"D-Don't...leave-" 

"I'm right here." He leans and kisses Suga's cheek. "I'm right here." 

Suga's eyes flutter shut.

Daichi kisses his temple. 

_I'm not leaving you ever again._

_***_

Daichi walks into the flat a little after 5a.m, impressed to find that Noya and Asahi are still awake. 

Asahi is on the couch staring blankly into space as Noya paces behind him, biting viciously at his nails. When they see him, both men stop and stare at him with open mouths and Daichi flashes them his best smile. Asahi says nothing as he simply walks over, wrapping his arms around Daichi's neck and he has never appreciated his friend more for maintaining the silence for just a tad longer. 

But unfortunately, Noya is not as tuned into what Daichi needs. "Is he...what happened? Where is he?" 

Daichi sighs and Asahi pats his back before they pull apart, Asahi keeping a hand entwined with Daichi's. "He's still there." 

"So they admitted him." Daichi nods. "Okay, and what did they say-" 

"They admitted him into psychiatric care." Daichi pulls his hand from Asahi who doesn't move as Daichi walks past him and falls onto the couch, happy for the warmth. The hospital was freezing and his skin is chilled and the smell of Suga's cologne still clings to his palms. He holds his hands to his nose and blows into them, basking in the smell of cherry blossoms. 

"I don't understand," breathes Asahi, who still faces the door. 

"Suga has been...harming himself."

Is that the correct term? 

"Like....cutting?" Noya asks and Daichi nods. "H-How bad?" 

Daichi sighs and leans his head back. "Bad." 

"Is that why he passed out?" Asahi comes and joins him on the couch, as does Noya. 

"He lost a lot of blood," his voice cracks. 

"The weight loss?" 

"He has been starving himself..." 

"I knew it," hums Asahi, hands carding through his hair. 

"He...his thigh, Asahi. They...did he ever cut? In high school?" 

"I-I don't know. I don't think so but...hell, I had no idea about this. No idea, who knows what else we don't know." 

_Ushijima._

Daichi's blood simmers beneath his flesh. He hadn't thought of the name in awhile and now, its rolls across his eyes in large, bold strips...like a warning sign. "I need to get a hold of his boyfriend," he whispers, the words painful to speak and Asahi leans over to catch his eye. "Don't look at me like that." 

"Oh, Dai." 

"It's okay," says Noya, "you know, to...admit how you-" 

"No, no it's really not." 

"Dai-"

"He is with someone else. He is not mine to want anymore," he snaps, far louder than intended. "I fucked up. _I_ left _him_ and he broke and...this is my fault." 

"Daichi, _no_." barks Asahi. "You can think many things right now but I'll be damned if I let you believe that for one second. Suga was...so proud of you, when you left for the Marines. Yes, of course, he was hurt. We..." he trails off and Daichi meets his eyes. "Suga was happy. He went to school, he became an art teacher. Dai, that's all he ever wanted and he did it. He did it and he forgave you and he will always, always care for you." 

_He will never forgive me._

"You should have seen him, Asahi," he finally speaks, voice cracking and both Noya and Asahi scoot closer. "He was begging us, _begging_ us not to leave him there. But...he was killing himself. He was dying, he was...we had no other choice. Right? We had no other option." He was rambling. He was _crying_. Asahi cups his face and pulls his head into his lap. "We did the right thing, right? I didn't leave him, right? I-I didn't-" 

Asahi and Noya both hug Daichi as he finally topples over and breaks, tears streaming free from his eyes as he shakes in Asahi's lap. 

They stay that way for hours, wrapped around each other. 

Daichi cries himself to sleep. 

***

Tooru cries in Hajime's lap in the waiting room, Hajime kissing his head as he strokes his fingers through his fiance's hair. 

"He's never going to forgive me." he cries and Hajime shushes him. 

"Hush, baby. Don't think that way." 

"He's never going to forgive me." 

Tooru cries until he's empty. 


	10. Chapter 10

**THREE DAYS LATER**

**SEPTEMBER 7TH**

 

Suga wakes up on a bed draped in white sheets.

The room is too bright, too bright to think, to see and he's cold, biting hard into the mattress as he groans and sobs and shivers. His palms are dug against his swollen eyes as he whines, every bone in his body dancing beneath his battered flesh, each drop of blood is hot and each nerve alive and he rocks on the bed, begging in the back of his head to go home, he wants to go home. Suga has no idea how long he's been in this room, or what day it is but there are no windows, and the lights above him hiss maliciously as he lays coiled on the bed, drenched in bloody snot and tears and sticky sweat and out of habit, Suga reaches for his pocket where his knife would be. But these are not his clothes and the pants he wears have no pockets and Suga wants to die.

He wants to die

He wants to die.

_Where was he? Where had he gone and how long had he been away?_

_How long had Suga been this broken?_

He screams, screams at the desire to drown in that delicious familiar pain, his body aching to be relieved. Beneath the chains locked around his wrists and ankles, Suga shakes, longing for the slice of the knife against his flesh but Suga is alone and he doesn't have his knife so, instead, he digs his teeth into his skin until he tastes blood on his lips. He then moves to bite anywhere he can;  he picks at the soft skin on his fingertips, ripping at the skin covering his knuckles, desperate to spot the white of his bones but before he can very far, the large door to his room opens and two men come storming in. Suga screams, screams until his lungs feel like dried desert dirt as he crawls backwards until his spine slams against the wall.

They battle with him while Suga yells into their faces, begging for them to let him die, to let him bleed. Death is what Suga deserves, he deserves to bleed out...slow, painfully. The men carry more hand chains and what looks like a muzzle with them and Suga cowers and hollers, cursing and shouting and thrashing.

_You're ungrateful, baby._

He is ungrateful.

_You're disgusting, no will ever love you like I do._

He is ugly.

_I want what's best for you. I am what's best for you._

No one could ever love like he does.

_No one will ever love you._

Daichi will never love him.

_No one will ever love you._

Daichi would never love him. Suga had wanted Daichi to love him but now, Suga wants nothing but for Daichi to run as far away from him as possible. Daichi deserved to have a healthy relationship, a steady partner, a happy life; a life that Suga, as he was, could never give him. Tooru deserved a friend, a roommate who wasn't crazy.

_You are a lunatic, Suga. No one will ever love you like I do._

_No one could ever stand you._

Tooru deserves the world. Tooru and Hajime deserve a life without Suga, to life together alone, without his issues, without his crumbling mind dragging them down with him and Dai, Dai hadn't loved him for a long time. He would find love again, a good love, a love he deserved. His grandmother deserved a grandson who called more, his students deserved a stable teacher. They would be okay without him, all of his friends, his family, would. Asahi had Noya, Kuroo had Kenma, Tsukki had Yama, Hinata had Tobio, Tooru had Hajime, Ushijima would find another plaything and Dai, he would move on. They would be okay without him.

They would be okay.

_We don't need you anymore._

_They don't need you like I need you._

The men shackle more chains over his hands, and now, there is no place for Suga to attack. He has nowhere to bleed from, no skin to demolish, no way to end it and fuck, he wants to end it. He wants the thoughts to stop, he wants to ache to go away, he wants release. They strap the muzzle around his mouth, shoving a mouth guard between his lips.

He needs to be bleed.

 _Let me die_ , he mentally begs the nurses. _I deserve to die. My friends deserve a life without me._

they will be okay without him, they will be okay. They will all be happier. They will be okay...and like a fresh breathe of air, a wave of relief washes over him and he feels numb, content to leave. _You can leave now, Suga._ They will be okay without him. He can leave and so Suga holds his breath and lays his head on the shoulder of one of the men and starts to count.

One...

Two,

_He can leave now. They will be happier._

His cheeks feel hot and his lungs burn but he holds his breath, the men ripping off the muzzle and slapping at his cheeks to make him breath but he doesn't get far before the door opens again and Feltman rushes in with more doctors and gurney. Suga ignore them, still refusing air into his lungs as he listens to Feltman give the orders. There is another needle shoved into his skin and Suga stops shaking. His body goes limp as air floods his lungs.

Suga wants to die.

Suga's eyes flutter shut.

***

Daichi sits alone in the waiting room of the hospital, legs bouncing as he checks his watch again. He had received the call from Feltman at work and Tsukki was fast to let him leave early.

Suga had been in the hospital for three days now but tonight, Feltman had called in saying that they were placing Suga into a medically induced sleep due to the fact that Suga wouldn't stop trying to kill himself and even as he thinks it, Daichi has a hard time believing it to be possible. Once upon a time, Suga had been one of the most happy, upbeat people he had ever had the pleasure of meeting; he was a man so sure of who he was. He had goals and desires and dreams and to see Suga hating himself as much as he was, it broke Daichi in ways he didn't know could break him.

Suga was perfect in every way. He was kind, gentle, selfless, funny, compassionate. How could someone so flawless despise themselves so much? Daichi looks down at his watch. 1:30 a.m. He grunts and rubs at his eyes. It's been quiet for too long and he flinches each time he thinks that he spots Feltman in the corner of his eye. He's alone in the lobby and it's freezing and Daichi is getting anxious so he pulls out his phone and looks up the term medically induced sleep.

The only term that comes up is sleep coma and Daichi shivers at the word. He scrolls more and finds that most coma's are only supposed to be induced during serious medical situations and he questions just how bad Suga was behaving to have Feltman reach that level. He had heard of Marines being put into medically induced coma’s when they would have episodes and Daichi wonders if Feltman used the term sleep as a way to not panic Daichi. But as he continues to scroll, reading the side effects of what these comas can cause, he leaps to his feet and starts to pace the room instead.

Where the hell was Feltman?

Where was Suga, he needed to see Suga.

Where-

"Daichi!" Dai spins to see Kuroo rushing up to him and he sighs, opening his arms as Kuroo dashes into his chest. Kuroo's hair is wet and smells of lavender and Daichi guesses that he came as soon as Tooru told him but where was Tooru? "Where is he, what's happening? Tooru said something that he tried to..to kill himself?" Dai nods. "W-What? Why...I don't-"

Daichi pulls back. "Hey, you're rambling. Take a breath." Kuroo pauses and then nods, following Daichi to sit. "I don't know anything yet. I've been here for an hour and nobody has said anything."

"They put him to sleep?"

"Yes."

"But...how do they do that?"

"I don't know, Kuroo. I'm a Marine, not a doctor," he tries to joke but neither of them are up to laugh. "Where's Kenma?"

"Asleep. He has a big meeting tomorrow for a new game. I didn't have the heart to wake him."

"Where's Tooru?"

Kuroo swallows. "He...Hajime wanted him to stay behind. He wanted to come but...Hajime said that Tooru has been making himself sick. He doesn't sleep and he vomits anytime he tries to eat something..."

"Jesus, Tooru."

"He feels so guilty, Dai."

Yeah, we all do.

"How long has he felt this way? I mean, god, it's like it all came out of nowhere."

"Tobio said he's noticed for awhile, ever since-"

"Let me guess, Ushijima?" Dai nods. "Yeah. I figured. He really hates the guy."

"But he's never met him."

"He doesn't need to. He hasn't trusted the situation from the beginning. Suga...changed, like over night. And we all tried, you know, to get inside his head but...he was always gone. Always at that guys place and..." he pauses. "Tobio told us that it was Wakatoshi, from high school."

"Yeah."

"You met him."

"I did."

"And?"

"Tobio was right to not trust the situation, let me just say that."

Kuroo shakes his head. "I wonder where he is."

Daichi looks to him. "What?"

"I mean...he hasn't been here, right? He hasn't tried to contact us or get a hold of him. If Kenma was AWOL for even a few hours, I'd be on red alert but Suga's been here for three, four days and nothing? It doesn't make any sense."

"I tried to find him, tried to contact Satori but apparently, after high school, Wakatoshi just sort of...dropped off the face of the planet. God knows how he and Suga reconnected."

"Suga was really excited, at first, I remember. I think it was the first time he really let himself trust someone again after you...you know, left." Daichi's chest constricts. "He seemed happy and then one day, he just started...shifting. Tooru was always bugging him but he always had these excuses to why we couldn't meet him. I thought it was maybe because he felt guilty."

"Guilty?"

"Yeah, f-for giving up on you." Kuroo looks down, almost ashamed to have told Daichi. "But, it was more than that. He was always at the bar but he didn't really talk. He wouldn't eat much, he threw himself into work which is fine but, Tooru would tell us that he would come home at all hours of the night and that he could hear him crying in his room."

"He was aware of all of this, and said nothing? He didn't-"

"Tooru tried everything, Daichi," he says, defensive and harsh. “You weren't here, okay? We all tried, Tooru killed himself trying to help Suga but he wasn’t Suga anymore. He hasn't been for a long time! You didn't see the shift, the attitude, the changes to his body."

"No, but you all did!" he yells. "And now, look where he is! You’re right, I wasn’t here and I hate myself everyday for not being here but I’m here now. I’ve been home for almost a month now and I can see it, I could see it the day I looked Suga in the eyes and saw that he wasn’t himself, that he wasn’t..." 

Kuroo and Daichi both battle eyes before admitting defeat and deflating into their seats. 

"He is the same Suga, you know. He's just...hiding. I just don't know from what." 

But that was a lie. Daichi did know...didn't he?

"I know. I'm sorry. I don't...none of us blame you for leaving, you know?" Dai looks to him. "You had to do what you felt best. We were all so proud of you, dude. I just....we all feel guilty. I feel guilty. We had no idea how bad it was and what if...what if we had been too late, you know? What if he had tried to kill himself outside of the hospital. I-" Kuroo sniffles and Daichi grips Kuroo's knee. "I don't know what I'd do without him, Daichi. We grew up together, I watched him from the time we were in kinder garden, I protected him. And Tooru would...God, Tooru would never get over that. I think in another life, those two were soulmates." 

Daichi actually laughs and Kuroo follows. "I agree with you on that." Both men look to each other and smile. "I still love him, Kuroo." His friend freezes, jaw dropping. "I never stopped." 

Kuroo sighs and places a hand on top of the one Daichi has on his leg. "He never did either." 

A few moments later, Daichi and Kuroo are pulled from their conversation by the sound of Feltman walking to join them and both jump to their feet with shaking knees. They shake the doctors hand and Kuroo introduces himself for the first time. 

"For a young man who feels very alone, he sure has a lot of friends," jokes Feltman and both only smile. "I'm very sorry to have kept you waiting, we were tending to a few of the wounds that Sugawara had...inflicted upon himself-"

"I'm sorry, wounds?" 

"He was biting himself, unfortunately. We had to muzzle him for a while but it wasn't long until he resorted to far more drastic measures." 

"Jesus," hisses Kuroo, running hands through his wet hair. 

"So, can you explain to me, the uh...medical-"

"Yes, the medically induced coma." 

"So, it is a coma?" 

"I'm afraid, yes. I know it seems drastic but quite honestly, I truly felt as if I had no other option and-" Feltman stops and gestures for the men to sit and they do. Feltman takes a seat in front of them. "Barbiturate is the name of the sedative that we used on Sugawara. Now, many would argue that that's exactly what we did; simply administer a strong sedation, which is why when we first spoke on the phone, Soldier, I used the term medical sleep. That's what his brain is doing, it's sleeping." 

"Is that not dangerous?" 

"With every drug administered, there are side effects. But I assure you, I wouldn't have taken this measure unless I firmly believed that it would save his life."

"No, thank you. We...yeah, thank you," adds Kuroo. 

"So...how long will it last?" 

"We administered a pretty low dosage, so I'm going to estimate about four to five days, maybe longer. At this point, the brain is sort of the deciding factor as to how long Sugawara stays asleep." 

"I see," whispers Daichi, cupping his hands around the back of his neck. "Can we see him?" 

Feltman sighs. "Well, usually I would say no. But you two look like shit and it is now 2 in the morning, so, yes. You can follow me." 

Kuroo and Daichi exchange looks and happily follow the doctor through the many winding halls of the hospital until they reach the part of the hospital that Daichi had only ever seen in movies; the part that reminds Daichi of his grandfathers nursing home, where the lights seem darker and the air feels colder and he wraps his arms around himself. He hates that Suga is here, lying dormant in a bed that is not his own, in a bed that they can't share. He hates that he's probably frightened beyond belief and that he is so upset, with his life and himself, that he feels like his only resort is...out. 

Daichi doesn't realize he's crying until Kuroo dabs a finger against his cheek and Daichi smiles at him in thanks. 

Finally, after it feels as if they had been walking for miles, Feltman stops in front of a room and turns to them both. "I'm going to tell you now, he does not look well. We've decided to keep his limbs restricted just in the case that he is to wake up and panic. We also have him connected to many machines, to monitor his breathing, his heart rate, all that fun stuff. So please, just be aware, yes?" Kuroo grabs Daichi's hand and he's grateful for it. They nod and Feltman opens the door. 

Suga is lying flat on his back, wires and tubes sprouting out of his body like twisted vines as he lays still, skin color washed to ivory and hair sprawled against the pillow. The bags beneath his eyes are darker now, deeper, puffier and Daichi's stomach lurches. His arms look so delicate and his hands lay rested atop of his stomach. Daichi watches as his eyes dart beneath his eyelids and he prays that he's dreaming of something happy. He prays that he's involved in those dreams, keeping Suga calm as he heals. Daichi holds his chest high and inches closer to the bed, his fingers brushing through Suga's bangs and his skin is like ice and Daichi winces. He turns to Feltman. "He's freezing," he whispers.

"It's better to keep his body temperature chilled when in this state."

Daichi nods and looks back to Suga, leaning until his chin rests on the bar by his bed, finger continuing to comb through his hair. Kuroo walks to stand on the other side, running his fingers up and down the back side of Suga's hand and Daichi and him exchange loving smiles. Daichi is glad that Kuroo is here with him, it brings a sense of warmth into his bones that Daichi desperately needs. He eyes Suga and smiles wider, he takes Suga's cold, tiny hand and cups it until his own hands swallows Suga's. "I'm here, Sug. You're not alone," he whispers, barely enough for the words to form clearly but he hears Kuroo take a deep breath. 

Hours pass and they stay this way, Kuroo now asleep in the chair by Suga's bed and Daichi staring blankly at Suga's face. Kuroo snores and for a moment, Daichi wants to yell at him not to wake Suga. But that wouldn't matter and Daichi feels foolish. His eyes flutter and soon, even as he battles the drag of sleep, his eyes close and he slumps down in his chair, succumbing to his dreams. 

***

_It's dark and the sky is littered with stars._

_He's lying on his back looking up at the sky, the stars aglow above him as he points and continues to count, losing his number and cursing as Suga laughs beside him. Daichi freezes and turns his head to look at Suga doing the same.  He's beautiful, freckles dusted over his nose and Daichi stares and studies the small mole below his eye and smiles. He's dressed in his graduation gown and when Daichi looks down at his own body, he realizes that he is as well and he smiles, happy to be back in the past. Suga's smile is intoxicating as he counts the stars and giggles with each number that spills from his lips._

_"You're so beautiful," whispers Daichi and Suga finally stops and looks back at him._

_Suga grins, cheeks blushed vibrant pink and teeth soft as they seductively bite at his lip. "One day, I'll name one of these stars after you. So that even when you're away from me I can look up and find you."_

_"You already did, Sug. You named that one," Daichi points at his star and his heart pounds faster._

_"I hope that made you happy."_

_"More than you know." He grabs Suga's hand and kisses each finger. Suga gasping. "I never stopped loving you."_

_"But you left me."_

_Daichi stills, blood spilling from his face into his feet. "I'm so sorry."_

_"You're always leaving me."_

_Daichi can't breathe._

_"Am I asleep?"_

_Daichi really can't breathe, is this a dream?_

_"Y-Yes."_

_"Why? Am I sick?"_

_Daichi shakes his head. "You're sad."_

_Suga hums. "Yes. I am. Are you?" He squeezes Daichi's hand._

_"Yes," he breathes, tears filling his voice. "I am sad. I'm sad that you're sad."_

_"You came back."_

_"I did," he kisses Suga's fingers again, pulling Suga against his chest and Koushi nuzzles into Daichi's neck._

_God, how he missed this. How he missed Suga and who they used to be._

_"You're here with me now."_

_"And I'm never leaving you again."_

_"You told that to me once before, you lied."_

_"I know."_

_"I'm scared."_

_God, Koushi, I'm so sorry._

_"Don't be afraid. I'll never let you out of my sight. I'll never let anything hurt you."_

_"He hurts me."_

_Daichi sits up. "W-What?"_

_"He's killing me."_

_"Wait, Sug-"_

_"He's killing me. He's killing me." Suga smiles and giggles demonically. "He's killing me."_

_"Suga-"_

_"Daichi, help me-"_

_"Suga-"_

_"DAICHI!!" he screams._

_No, no no.._

_Daichi..._

There are hands on his face. 

"Daichi, wake up!" 

Daichi leaps off the chair and yelps, gasping as he wakes and looks up to meet eyes with Tooru. 

"Hey, are you okay? You were having a nightmare." 

Daichi pants before nodding and rubbing at his eyes. He immediately looks to Suga. He's asleep. 

Daichi sits up quickly and listens to his nightmare. "I need to find Wakatoshi," he growls and Tooru closes his eyes. 

"Well, you don't need to look very far," he says and Daichi moves to his feet eerily slow. "He's in the lobby." 

His teeth grit and the Marine sleeping beneath his skin wakes up, arms tight and fists folded.

His feet are moving him before his mind can register what's happening. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I made the confrontation a little heated but I really want to save the REAL battle for later. Suspense is key, my babes. 
> 
> I hope you guys are enjoying this story. I didn't think I would enjoy it this much and I can't stop writing. Thank you for all your amazing comments and kudos. You fuel my writing, always. <3

**THE NEXT MORNING**

**SEPTEMBER 8TH**

 

In his vision, he sees nothing but burnt wisps of dark red as he storms down the hallways towards the lobby. Tooru and Kuroo trail behind them, Kuroo grabbing and tugging at Daichi’s arms but Daichi is numb and can’t feel anything besides that sadistic, barking fire smoking within his fists.

He knew his dream wasn’t a coincidence. It was Suga and he needed help and Daichi was committed, he was committed to Suga in ways he would one day make Koushi understand. But then again, maybe it was his subconscious just confirming what he already believed to be true but whatever it was, Daichi was finished ignoring it. He could no longer act as if everything was okay, not anymore, not when Suga was on the edge of falling into an abyss that not even Daichi could save him from.

So he ignores Tooru’s pleas to calm down and Kuroo’s brute strength and finally he barges into the waiting room, where he see’s Hajime and Ushijima, who seems somehow taller than the last time Daichi had seen him, shoving his friend against a wall and Tooru squeals.

Tooru moves to go to his fiancee but now, Kuroo is not playing around and tackles Tooru, holding him back. “Let me go! _Kuroo_ -”

“Let Daichi handle this!”

Daichi, his teeth shattering onto his tongue, rushes over and assists a few of the doctors in pulling Ushijima away from Hajime, hand wrapped tight around the man’s throat and that anger sleeping within boils over as Daichi slams an elbow down onto Ushijima’s wrist and the man hollers and tumbles back, Hajime falling to the ground. Tooru breaks free from Kuroo and slides until he reaches his fiancee.

“Someone call the fucking police,” barks Daichi as he squares up and faces Ushijima and Kuroo helps Tooru and Hajime move away from the situation.

“Oh, what a coincidence, figured you’d be here, _Solider,”_ Ushijima growls, each word razor sharp and laced with acid as he cradles his wrist.

“Why are you here?”

Ushijima sports a terrifying grin and Daichi’s lips quiver. “I’m here to see my boyfriend, why are you here-”

“Who told you where he was?”

Again, that smile grows wider. “Oh, I have my ways,” he says, nearing closer to Daichi until he stands right by Daichi’s ear and Kuroo behind him moves closer. “Pretty boy might be big, but he’s pretty weak,” he snarls and Daichi freezes.

He tilts his eyes up to Ushijima and locks their eyes together. “If you laid a hand on Asahi, I swear to God, I’ll kill you.”

Ushijima bellows at his threat and moves back. “Settle, boy. As I said, I just needed information. You all tried to hide my boyfriend from me, I’m just here to be supportive.”

“Supportive, my ass,” hisses Tooru and Ushijima’s eyes slide to his.

Kuroo is fast to move between the two, as does Hajime as Tooru clings to his shirt.

“You must be, Tooru. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

"Don't speak to him," growls Hajime but Ushijima ignores his threat.

Tooru fires back. “W-Wish I could say the same.”

“ _Oh_?” he questions, pretending to look hurt. “You mean my little crow doesn’t speak of me-”

“He is not yours-”

Ushijima yells and pushes closer to Daichi, chests touching as Daichi keeps his eyes level. “He sure as hell isn’t yours!”

Daichi lifts his hands and shoves Ushijima away from him. “HE IS NO ONE'S! Koushi is not a piece of property to be bought, you son of a bitch-”

“Do not call him by that name,” bites Ushijima, fists flexing.

Daichi laughs. “Oh, did I hit a sweet spot?”

“Where is he, Captain?”

“Like hell I’d let you near him,” Daichi spits, grabbing the front of Ushijima’s shirt and spinning him, walking back until his giant, towering frame slaps hard against the wall. “I don’t know what you’ve done to him but I will be damned if I let you within a hundred yards of _Koushi_ , especially in this state,” Daichi says, looking him up and down, “do I make myself clear?” There’s a pause and Daichi is now the one to whisper in Ushijima’s ear. “And if I find out that you have hurt him, if you have laid a finger on him in anyway that I find to be destructive, I will not hesitate to spend the rest of my days locked up in a penitentiary if it means killing you, slowly, breaking each of your bones piece by piece-”

“Dai,” hands land on his shoulders and he flinches only slightly, looking over to meet Kuroo. “Calm down, buddy. Come on, Suga wouldn’t want this.”

At that moment, Daichi realizes then that he can’t see, eyes clogged by thick, bubbled blood and he has to shake his head clear and fall away, Ushijima moving to toss a punch but before he can, two bulky security guards come and tackle the beast against the wall.

Daichi moves for a chair with Kuroo’s help, pushing his palms against his eyes as his friends come and hug each other.

The security guards move to haul Ushijima out of the hospital.

He calls Daichi’s name. “Tell him I was here! You tell him I was here.”

Tooru snickers. “Like hell.”  

Hajime kisses his fiancee.

Daichi needs Suga to wake up.

He needs answers.

“I need to call Asahi.”

***

Noya walks into the flat dancing, earphones plugged hard into ears as he sways and bounces to Pentatonix, each note following the steps he takes. He’s surprised that the door is unlocked. But he only shrugs as he hangs his keys up on the hook by the door and turns towards the living room, his heart sinking into the acid in his gut as he spots Asahi on the floor on the apartment, hair sprawled around him and spit trails of blood spilling from the corners of his lips.  

Noya gasps and whines as his phone and earphones fall to the floor at his feet. “No, no, no-” he stutters, walking in a rush until he slides on his knees to the floor. He pulls Asahi’s limp head into his lap. “Asahi, baby.” He brushes Asahi’s hair back from his eyes. “Oh my god,” his hand goes to his mouth at the large, blue bruise covering Asahi’s left eye. “Hey, Azu. Please, _please_ baby. Please open your eyes,” whispers, rocking him back and forth as Noya cards his fingers through Asahi’s hair.

“Oh my god.”

Daichi's voice from behind him is deep and hot and Noya can’t keep his tears back any longer. Daichi sprints over, not taking Asahi from Noya, but examining the bruise on his face and wiping the blood from his lips. “He just punched him, he’ll be okay-”

“W-What are you talking about? Who? Someone was in our apartment?”

“Ushijima.”

Noya squares his brow. “I’m confused, explain?”

“Ushijima was trying to find Suga so…”

“He beat Asahi for it?”

“I’m sorry, Noya-”

“That son of a bitch. How fucking dare he, who-”

“He’s violent, Noya. He went to the hospital looking for Suga. We wouldn’t let him near the room and he broke. He choked out Hajime and threatened Asahi and that’s, well, that’s how I knew.”

“S-Should we call an ambulance?”

Daichi laughs. “No, Asahi would kill us for calling an ambulance for him getting KO’d,” he jokes but Noya doesn’t laugh.

“This isn’t funny, Dai.”

“I know, I know, sorry. I’m inappropriate when nervous.”

But Daichi wasn’t nervous, he was furious. Furious in all the ways that terrified him and he didn’t want to scare any of his friend like he was scaring himself.

Asahi grunts in Noya’s lap and instantly reaches for Noya’s hand. “You better have not called an ambulance,” he whines and Daichi can’t contain his laughter.

Noya only squeals and leans down to kiss Asahi hard on the lips. Asahi winces and Noya apologizes through his laughter.

***

**LATE THAT NIGHT**

Tooru sits by Suga’s bed with Hajime asleep in his lap, curled in a ball with their hands entwined. Tooru watches Suga as the breathing bag inflates and deflates, water drops spitting against the plastic with each inhale. He looks down at Suga's hands, finger twitching every few minutes and Tooru wonder what he’s dreaming about or if he’s dreaming at all. He looks back up to see a small tear in the corner of his eye and Tooru gasps, reaching to wipe it away without waking his fiancee. Nightmares were always apart of Suga’s issues, Tooru had hoped those nightmares were exactly that but after today, he knows now that all of his nagging and constant worrying wasn’t for nothing.

Ushijima was a violent man, a man with anger made of iron and rusted steel and it terrified him. He looks down at Hajime, at the bruises scattered across his neck and Tooru places fingered kisses to each bruise while biting his lip before looking back at Suga. He scoops Hajime into his arms and stands, setting him back down carefully onto the small chair, Hajime only stirring to readjust and it’s incredible just how much Tooru loves this man; how Hajime had changed his life, how lucky he was to have Hajime love him back just as ferociously as Tooru loved Hajime. He kisses his temple then walks around to the other side of the bed.

His finger brushes the back of Suga’s hand, moving up and down his arm and he smiles. “You always hated how much I bugged you about Ushijima…” he says, brushing fallen strands of hair from Suga’s eyes. “You are such a jerk, you know that? Making me believe that I was crazy for worrying so much. I’m not your mother, Sug. I don’t have to care this much.”

But even as he says it, he knows it’s a lie. He would always care for Suga, as equally as he loved Hajime, even though that love was far different, it was just as strong. Tooru couldn’t remember a time when Suga wasn’t apart of his life; in fact, one of this earliest memories involved Suga and Kuroo, meeting them on the playground as Kuroo defended Tooru when some stupid kid thought it would be funny to make fun of his hair. Kuroo proved very quickly that it wasn’t funny and as he did, Suga comforted Tooru as he cried, telling Tooru that his hair reminded him of a Hershey's bar and from that moment forwards, they were inseparable. Hajime joined the group in first grade after moving to America from Japan and Kenma joined in second after moving from California after his mother died to live with his grandma. The five of them were always together, running the streets of New York, bothering all the pizza stands in Central Park and racing across the Brooklyn bridge.

Tooru watches Suga’s eyes. “I’m angry at you, Suga.”

Suga’s lip twitches.

“Can you hear me in there, you stubborn ass. I’m angry. You can’t always be the one protecting me. You...you have to give me the chance to help you every once in awhile.”

Tooru looks over as Hajime whimpers soft while he sleeps, curling into a smaller ball and Tooru watches him warmly before his eyes again fall to the bruises.

_That bastard._

Tooru turns back to Suga. “If you can hear me or feel me, I’m sorry but I can’t hold back any longer, Koush.”

Tooru leans over the bed and reaches for the bottom of Suga’s gown and squeezes his eyes. This feels wrong, so, so wrong. Suga has always been so anxious about his body. But after today, Tooru is certain that everything he had worried about over the past five, now six, months was true so he has to see for himself.

His fingers shake as slowly, he tugs up the gown, cringing as he spots the tips of the cuts that Suga has inflicted on himself peek out from beneath the bandages. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, hitching the gown up higher and slapped across his ribs like a nasty, poorly drawn tattoo is a large, hideous bruise, the skin yellowed and purple and swollen and Tooru finds himself crying almost instantly. He leans over to see Suga’s back, rolling his friend onto his side and Tooru’s anger steams fiercer as he studies the long, deep nail scars that sprint down his back, each one dried and scabbed over. The scars over his spine as the worst, the cuts deep and yellowed and he reminds himself to tell Feltman about these scars as well. Gently, he sets Suga back to lie down and looks over the rest of his chest. Over his right breast is a large black handprint, the bruise stretching over to lay across his heart and he can look no longer as he pulls down the gown and places his hand across Suga’s forehead.

“How long has this been happening, Suga. How...how long has he been hurting you?”

He doesn’t know when Hajime woke up but he’s grateful as he feels his arms snake around Tooru's waist. He spins and shatters against Hajime’s shoulder. Iwa runs his hands through Tooru’s hair, comforting his future husband as he sobs.

“I’ll call Daichi-”

“No, no,” Tooru says and Hajime pushes him back. “I need to deal with this first, I need to go...go file a report, we’re keeping that animal as far away from Koushi as possible.”

“Tooru, he needs to know.”

“And he will but...not yet. He already wants to kill the man, now he has no reason not too and I’d like to keep Daichi out of prison for as long as possible.”

Hajime cracks a sideways smile and kisses Tooru’s forehead. “I love you.”

Tooru at that moment looks to Hajime and feels nothing but gratitude. He has never felt safer than he does when by Hajime’s side. He knows Hajime would never lay a harmful hand on him, he would leave if he ever did and Tooru knew it. Hajime loved him more than he loved himself.

Tooru cups his hands around Hajime’s cheeks. “I love you so, so much. Thank you for...being you.”

“Tooru-”

“I’m serious. You’ve never treated me like anything less than gold and...I know I can be a really terrible person sometimes and an awful boyfriend-”

“Tooru, stop.” Hajime’s arms tighten as his hands slide up Tooru’s spine. Tooru shivers, shaking as his eyes flutter. It had been so long since they had been intimate, so long since Hajime touching him and drew out that part of Tooru that made him nervous sometimes. “You are not a terrible person. You’re one of the best people I have ever met. You’re so protective, you care about people on such a deep level, I worry sometimes. I love you for everything you are, even if you have the smelliest socks on this planet-”

“Mean, Iwa-Chan!”

Hajime pauses and brushes Tooru’s hair back. “I would never hurt you. You know that, right?”

“I know, love,” he pushes closer. “And Kuroo would kill you if you ever did,” he winks and Hajime kisses him deeper, tongue brushing against Tooru’s and as much as he wants to be here for Suga, Tooru wants to be home, with Hajime in their bed.

He brushes his nose against Hajime’s. “Marry me, already.”

“Soon, my life.” Hajime pulls Tooru to him. “Soon.” 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is SO short. I was at work and this was all I could write today! <3  
> You're all amazing and your comments give me purpose.

**FOUR DAYS LATER**

**SEPTEMBER 11TH**

 

Kuroo sits with Kenma in the hospital room, his beautiful boyfriend snuggled against his chest, Kuroo's fingers lost among the black and bleached white strands. Tooru and Hajime are asleep on the couch that Feltman had had brought in for them to all pass out on from time to time, seeing as they all took turns visiting Suga while he...slept. The breathing tubes were out now, as Feltman had said that was the first step for Suga’s body to start waking up and most of the I.V’s were gone as well.

It had been four days since Feltman had administered the coma and with each day that passed, Kuroo’s worries about the side effects kept growing, so much that he had trouble getting any sleep at all. He had spent far too long doing research, on the effects it could have on the brain, on memory, his biggest fear being that Suga would forget who he was.

Ever since they were kids, Suga and Tooru had always been the power-duo; it was almost impossible to not find the two of them together, braiding each other’s short hair or tossing food at each other at lunch, and it sure as hell wasn’t a surprise when Suga had moved in with Tooru and Hajime instead of Kuroo and Kenma. But in the reality of everything, Kuroo and Suga had actually been friends far beyond from when Tooru joined their lives and sometimes, he forgets that fact. He worries Suga and Tooru do as well. It’s not that Kuroo feels left behind but without Kenma, he worries that he might have drifted away long ago, that Tooru and Suga would have no issues dropping him if needed. Kuroo always believed that Kenma and Hajime had been the glue that linked them and without them, would Kuroo still have the family that he does now?

And then he thinks about what would happen if Suga wasn’t here. What his death would do to them? Would they all stay together or would it break them too much, who would make it and who wouldn’t?

Maybe he’s wrong. Maybe Suga was the glue.

Suga was born in the hospital room beside Kuroo’s, only a few days after Kuroo was born and their mothers had been practically attached at the hip from that day forward, that was until Suga's mother passed from cancer when he was six.

But much like their parents, he and Suga were the exact same, so to say he and Kuroo were more like family than friends was in no way an understatement. He couldn’t remember not knowing Suga, running barefoot through the park and drowning in pothole puddles whenever it rained in New York. He remembers how much Suga was bullied and how unbelievably angry it made Kuroo. He remembers how shocked Suga had been when he said he was going to stop playing volleyball to start training to be a boxer and how they didn't speak for a week after, but how after Kuroo’s first big fight, Suga was there to help clean up his face. He remembers Suga crying when he was sent to the same hospital they were both born within after getting knocked out at a nationals match, his opponent 4 feet taller and equally as violent.

Suga had always been his number one supporter and Kuroo had always been his bodyguard and now, as he stares at Suga...knowing about the bruises, about Ushijima, he wonders why Suga didn’t trust him enough to ever tell him.

Kenma stirs against Kuroo and he chuckles quietly as he continues brushing through Kenma’s greasy hair. They had both been practically sleeping at the hospital for the past two days and Kenma was a mess; they both were. He watches Kenma’s eyelashes flutter against his cheeks and Kuroo thanks the stars that this man is his, all his...forever.

His hand flutters to his pocket, over the gold ring that Kuroo carried with him everywhere.

Kuroo had just turned 18 and had just started training at his new gym. It was small and sketchy and Suga was wholeheartedly against it. But Kenma was there every day, sitting at the sidelines playing his PSP, silent and stoic as ever while Kuroo  trained. They hardly spoke during those long, eight months. But Kenma never missed a practice or a match and at New Year’s, while they stood on the roof of his parents apartment and watched the light show blaze over the Hudson, Kuroo leaned over and kissed him, deep and passionate and Kenma broke beneath him.He had never not loved Kenma but at that moment, there was no hiding it, no pretending it wasn’t real and thank god Kenma had felt the same and he did. Kenma had always felt the same, he whispered as he cried and clung to Kuroo and it was then that Kuroo knew that one day he would propose. Not then or anytime soon. They both had lives to live first and experiences to make but now, Kuroo watches Kenma and he’s never felt more ready.

This was the man he wanted, _needed_ , to share his life with and he would, there was no doubt in Kuroo’s mind about that.

But Suga needed to be there as well. Without Suga...no, he couldn’t think of it anymore. He leans against his palm and watches his breathing fluctuate from slow to quick, always slightly panicking when the monitor beeps louder.  

A small finger pokes at his cheek. He looks down and smiles into Kenma’s large, sunlight eyes. He kisses his forehead and Kenma purrs. “You haven’t slept.”

Kuroo smiles. “I’m okay, Kitten.”

“Don’t lie to me, you’re terrible at it.”

“You are so mean to me.”

“Only because I love you.” He leans and kisses Kuroo’s cheek, his nose, his jaw and Kuroo melts beneath each gentle peck. “Seriously, please sleep.”

“We both need sleep.” He sniffs Kenma’s hair. “And showers.”

“I know, I’m gross.”

“Ah, but beautiful, nonetheless.”

“Jerk of a boyfriend, you are,” speaks Kenma as he stretches and stands. “I have to pee. Do you want something from the cafe? I’m starving.”

“Hot chocolate?” Kenma only nods, walking a few steps before turning back and kissing Kuroo on the lips, tongue parting the kiss into something hotter and Kuroo cups Kenma’s cheeks. “You’re teasing me too much, Kitten,” he growls.

“I didn’t say what I was hungry for,” whispers Kenma and Kuroo’s spine rattles beneath his skin as he watches Kenma walk away, hips swinging.

“He’s a minx in disguise,” speaks a raspy, soft voice.

“Yeah, he-’ Kuroo freezes and jumps to his feet, looking down with lips parted and tears clogging his vision. “S-Suga?”

Suga holds the breathing mask away from his face and forces a smile. He’s a skeleton on the bed, bony and dry but he’s smiling, something Kuroo missed more than he realized as he leans down and tosses himself against Suga. Suga grunts but giggles and it’s beautiful.

“O-Oh my god. You’re awake. _God, Suga._ You-”

“Koush…”

Kuroo closes his eyes before lifting to look at Tooru. He’s crying and Kuroo feels guilty for the way his shoulders slouch.

“You’re both...here,” wheezes Suga, every other word weaker than the next.

“I-I'll go get a doctor,” says Tooru as he kisses Hajime’s cheek then sprints from the room.

Kuroo takes the opportunity while he’s turned to wipe at his eyes. He has a scar on his face from his recent fight, under his eye. Suga spots it and his lip trembles. “You’re hurt,” he says, fingers brushing against Kuroo’s wound and he captures Suga’s hand where it sleeps against his cheek.

Kuroo can’t help but laugh. “You’re laying in a hospital bed and you’re worried about me.”

“Y-You’re my brother. I always worry about you,” he pants and Kuroo’s knees buckle.

Tooru comes rushing back into the room with a few doctors and Feltman before tossing himself against Suga. The two hug and cry and laugh. Kuroo backs up.

He starts to speak, even though he knows no one is listening. “I-I’m just going to...go find Kenma,” he says, backing out of the room while the doctors tend to Suga.

He leaves the room and walks down the hall until he’s sprinting, running so fast that he doesn’t realizes that he rushes right past Kenma. He runs until his skin tells him that he’s outside. He goes to the side of the hospital and slides down, gasping…

He can’t breathe, his chest is tight—

He clings at his chest.

_Kuroo._

His lungs hurt.

It’s like what Kenma describes when he has a panic attack. Is this what’s happening? Is this what Kenma deals with?

_Kuroo!_

His skin is hot, he can’t hear a thing—

Suga’s okay. He’s awake. He’s okay now and he can protect him.

Breath, Kuroo.

Kenma.

Kenma

“KUROO!”

Small hands hold his cheeks before Kenma moves to pull his legs out straight in front of him.

It helps him to breathe.

He looks up and meets Kenma’s eyes. “Look at me!” he screams and Kuroo nods. “Good, baby, keep looking at me.” He nods again. “Good,” Kenma reassures, kissing him all over. “Breathe, love.” He nods.

Kenma slouches on the wall beside him and pulls Kuroo into his lap.

He cries until his chest burns.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> Okay, so just a few things:  
> -All the birthdays in here will not connect to the birthdays that the boys have in the show. I just don't wanna deal with that.  
> -I'm handling the police and medical stuff as best as I can. I've had to do the process of restraining orders personally, so I'm just going off of the things that had been told to me in the past. I'm sorry if it ever seems unrealistic but hey, it's fan fiction, right?  
> -Thank you so much for all of your comments. I never expected this piece to get so much love and it means so much to me.  
> -I'm sorry the length of the chapters are all over the place. I'm writing this in the small periods I have between lectures and work so I apologize! 
> 
> Okay, I'm done now. Enjoy! <3
> 
> I need a proof reader. I suck at editing.

**SEPTEMBER 16TH**

 

Suga is barely able to cling onto consciousness without puking or crying or sweating until the bed sheets flake into dust beneath him. His body feels as though it’s detoxing, the need to cut, the need to die still there, clawing at the slimy linings of his brain and the doctors refuse to allow anyone in the room anymore. His arms are still constrained, wrists raw and arms tired from struggling but finally, Suga realizes the severity of the situation.

He realized it as Tooru sobbed on his chest, shaking as he told him that he would make it better and that he would never leave his side. He realized it when Kuroo threw up in his hospital room at the simple sight of Suga smiling. He realized it as Hajime slept on the couch wearing one of Suga’s tee-shirts and when Kenma refused to bathe, scared to take his eyes away from Suga ever again.But he really realized it when Daichi came to visit him, bags as black as the ones that rested beneath his own eyes, disheveled and tired and broken. Suga didn’t realize Daichi could ever look so broken and he….he was the cause?

No, that’s not how love worked.  

Feltman was fast to inform his friends about what steps would be taken next; he spoke to Tooru and Hajime about maybe doing a surgery to fix the scars on his thigh, to save the sensitive skin, he spoke to Kuroo about rehabilitation and dealing with his work situation, and Feltman spoke to Daichi about...god knows what.

There had been whispers when he awoke, looks and folded fists and bent brows and he wondered all of what had happened while he _slept_ , as Feltman had called it, even though Kuroo couldn’t stop murmuring the word coma and then he was alone.

That was five days ago and still, his body leaked with the need to bleed. He had said no to the surgery and he was glad, he was already in so much pain...even if he was happy for it. He was addicted to the pain, to the sight of his blood sprayed against his bathroom tiles, on the white sink. There was no part of his body that wasn’t hot, that wasn’t sweating, that was shaking violently but he knew that if he was to move past this, if he ever stood a chance of maybe sharing a life with Daichi again, with soothing his friends worries, he needed to do this. Not only for himself but for his friends, his family.

He had spoken to his grandmother on the phone, the tears blocking the words she spoke and as she did, that was Suga’s last straw. It was still there, that urge, that desire, but he was ready now...he was ready to fight it.

But still, there were obstacles.

_Ushijima._

Tears leap back at his eyes as he slams his head repeatedly against his foam pillow.

He would never leave Suga be, he would never stop hurting him, coming for him. Suga was his toy, his device that which he released that pent up anger that Suga knew would one day kill him. Suga had once believed that he could fix Waka, but as he was trying to heal someone else, he himself was dying.

Suga wasn’t always this way. Yes, depression was built into his bones from the earliest of ages but never like this. He was never unhappy, no, he was simply sad. But how could have been unhappy with the life that he had had before Waka. Before Ushijima, it was Tooru and Kuroo and Kenma and Hajime. It was Hinata and Kageyama, Tsukki and Yama. It was Tanaka and Yachi and it was always, always Daichi.

Daichi was his life, _is_ his life, and with him, Suga forgot what sadness felt like. With Daichi’s arrival, his depression left him, the definition of the word was completely unimportant and without him, that’s when it slowly started to come back. He felt pathetic, not knowing how to live his life without Daichi in it and for awhile, he was successful at pushing him away, with moving on with his life while continuing to be happy and he was. For a long while, Suga was happy.   

And then he met Waka, a man who was as conniving as he was charming, sassy, fun. He was a substitute, anyone he had ever dated after Daichi was but Ushijima was his ultimate decoy. The one that pulled him from himself, his thoughts, who whispered in his ear sweet nothings and bottomless promises and Suga was naive and fell for every lie.  

But Ushijima was a demon in wolf's clothing, in tanned flesh with hands that knew how to bring out the worst in Suga, the part of him that now landed him in this smelly, cold hospital room alone and terrified.

He missed who he was.

He missed what it felt like to smile without it being a lie. He missed being in love, feeling secure in his skin, skin that he wanted to protect rather than destroy. What would it be like? To one day not feel the urge to bleed out, what would he be able to accomplish then? He wanted to enjoy his life again, he wanted to want to be alive.

 _He could do this_ , he thinks as he slowly starts to settle the nerves that swim around his bones in quick laps.

_He could heal._

He wasn’t alone, he never was.

He would tell them all about Waka, he would let it all out, even if it hurt them to hear, he wanted his friends, his family, to hear it. He needed to spill it all out like a broken faucet until every last nasty drop of Waka was freed from his system.

He would be safe again. Daichi, Kuroo, would never let him hurt Suga again.

Why was he so terrified? How foolish. He had wasted so much time. He had damaged so many people, he had damaged himself.

Suga was done.

He slowly lays his head back against the pillow and closes his eyes, lip pouting until he breaks like a dam and shatters, wailing into the tall, open ceiling of the hospital room and he cries; cries harder than he has in a long time and these tears, for the first time in years, are no longer lies.

 

***

**SEPTEMBER 18TH**

 

“Okay, so what does that mean exactly?” asks Tooru, exhausted and incredibly annoyed as he hangs over the counter at the police station.

He had been here for too long, receiving nasty glances from every chubby desk cop that walked by and each time, Tooru mocked them mentally.

“It means, that the person the restraining order is protecting must be present in able to vouch for the reasons and to present a proper statement,” hummed the beautiful dark skinned woman behind the counter. She may be irritating but damn, she was stunning thought Tooru as he tugged at the longer pieces of his hair.

“Okay, and I understand that. I really do and I’m not trying to hassle you. But said participant is currently in the hospital for trying to kill himself repeatedly,” he says, hands slamming against the counter and the attention of all those chubby cops are back on him. He rolls his eyes.”And what about my other friend, Asahi Azumane? He was attacked by the same guy! Doesn’t his statement count?”

“It does, yes.”

“Then I don’t understand why I don’t have a restraining order approved yet! This man is dangerous and has even hurt other people to try to get to Suga.” Tooru hums and presses his palms together. “Look, my friend was in a coma for _five_ days-”

“Due to the the person you named,” she says, looking down at the report Tooru had filed yesterday morning, “Wakatoshi Ushijima?” she says, struggling to say the name properly.  

“No, due to the fact that he was trying to bite his flesh off!” he yells again, hands cupping over his mouth as he slams his eyes closed and fights the tears gnawing at him.

He feels Hajime’s hand against his back. He kisses his neck. “Baby, let’s go get lunch or something, yeah? Take a break?”

Tooru spins on Hajime. “The longer we delay this, the more of a chance that asshole has of hurting him again, Haj, and I-I can’t let that happen. He can’t take anymore of this,” he says, finally breaking as his voice cracks and Hajime hugs him and flashes a nice smile to the lady.

Tooru hears her sigh. “If you can get a written statement from him recounting a few very specific details, _and_ if you can get his permission-” Tooru pulls from his fiancee and looks to her smiling. She smiles back. “I’ll see what I can do from there, how does that sound?”

“Y-Yes! Yes! Thank you,” he says grabbing her hands and she lets him. “You are a beautiful angle! Thank you!”

Tooru looks back at Hajime and laughs, jumping up and down and Hajime shakes his head, grabbing Tooru’s hand and dragging him from the police station.

“So all we have to do is get a statement and then-”

“Tooru, he can barely stay awake. You hear him in that room, all he does is cry and scream and...I just, don’t think it’s a good idea to overwhelm him with this right now, on top of everything-”

“But-”

“No! Tooru, I’ve been quiet the past two days but I’m speaking my mind now.” Tooru’s face falls and Hajime sighs, running his hands up and down Tooru’s arms. “Look, I know you’re just trying to protect him and I love you for it. But the situation is not like it was even a few days ago. We know about Wakatoshi now, we know. We don’t know everything but we know more than we did and you know Daichi and Kuroo would be damned if they let that man anywhere near Suga ever again. It’s ten of us against him. For the time being, we can keep him safe. And besides, she’s right. We don’t even know if this is what Suga would want. You know him, confrontation is not his strong suit.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know you’re right, okay?” Tooru says, pouting and crossing his arms.

Hajime laughs and cups his boyfriend's face. “I love you, you stubborn mule.” He kisses Tooru soft, digging deeper against the kiss as Tooru moans into Hajime’s mouth and he has to maintain his composure…

They are standing in front of a police station.

Hajime pulls back and Tooru chases after his lips with small whimpering complaints. “Take me home,” Tooru whispers while biting his lip.

Hajime drags him back to the flat without hesitation.

***

It's late and Daichi can't stop pacing.

The bar has been slow tonight, unbearably slow, which didn't help him control the thoughts racing across his mind. He needed to see Suga, it had been seven days, right? He was beginning to forget and the thought of Suga alone in the hospital room, crying, believing that he and all of his friends had stopped coming to visit was torturing Daichi. Hinata and Tobio sit at the bar sorting nuts into different bowls to place on the tables and both sets of eyes watch in worry and annoyance as Daichi walks back and forth, shoes squeaking on the mats lined behind the counter.

Yama and Tsukki sit a table behind them doing paperwork. It was good that it was a slow night, they all needed to clear their heads and slow down. Yama slaps Tsukki's arm and mouths for him to say something to Daichi and Daichi can hear Tsukki toss the blame onto Tobio and Hinata, who look back over their shoulders to throw angry glances back.

"I'm right here and you are all terrible at whispering," says Dai as he bites his nails.

"Look, just come sit and help us sort nuts. Tooru and the rest of the guys will be here soon, okay? We can't do anything until then," argues Hinata and Daichi sighs.

"I know, I know."

"We get it, man, you're anxious."

"That's an understatement," mutters Daichi and Tsukki chuckles.

"But there's not much we can do until Suga get's released by Feltman.”

"What if he's just laying in there, thinking we abandoned him!"

Tobio steps in. "Suga knows that's not true."

"No, Suga wants to kill himself! That's all he knows," bites Daichi, fists slamming onto the counter. Tobio leaps to his feet and tosses his arm before Hinata. "Oh, calm down. I wouldn't lay a hand on any of you and you know it."

Tobio still growls and sits back down. Daichi sees Yama grinning behind his fist. "Drama queens."

"Shut it," snaps Tobio.

The door opens and in walks Tooru, Hajime, Kenma and Kuroo. They evaluate the situation "Why does it smell like murder in here," poorly jokes Kuroo and Hinata is the only one to giggle.  

"How'd the match go, Kur?" asks Dai

"Great," answer Kenma, clinging to his boyfriends arm. "It was a KO in two rounds."

"Shit, good job," adds Tsukki and Kuroo scratches at the back of his neck.

"I needed to get my anger out."

"Sure sounds like you did," Tobio retorts.

"Alright, enough. You all sound like children, my lord."

Tsukki kisses Yama for his brave and much needed statement. Tsukki then stands and asks Hinata and Tobio to help push the tables together so they can all sit together and they happily oblige.

Tooru looks around. "Hey, where's Asahi and Noya."

"Noya's coming but Asahi is sleeping. Apparently, he's been having nightmares."

"Poor guy," says Yama.

“How is it that the biggest guy out of all of us is the softest?" says Hinata.

"He's a special one," speaks Noya as he pushes open the door and joins the rest of the group.

Everyone welcomes him, asking how Asahi is doing. Noya confirms Daichi's statement about the nightmares, saying he wakes up screaming and drenched and Daichi hates how his friends deflate. Asahi is kind, a better man than most of the people Daichi had ever met, better than a lot of the Marine's he served with. Just as Tooru, Hajime, Suga, Kuroo and Kenma had grown up together, it was the same for he, Asahi and Noya. The three of them had always been together, Noya joining Asahi and Daichi's pairing in the third grade, when he defended Asahi from a bunch of guys that decided Asahi had to 'prove' himself to them. Noya was fast to shut it down, for he may be small but he is not weak, and it wasn't long for Daichi to realize that the two shared a different kind of connection than he and Asahi would ever share.

Finally, all seated around the cluster of pushed together tables, the men sit and a much needed silence falls around them. The reality had been there from the beginning, what steps would need to be taken next, what would have to change, but it wasn't something they ever realized would approach as soon as it did and it shows on their faces as each of them share confused looks on as where to begin.

"So," Hinata says, clearing his throat. "W-Where do we start?"

"Somewhere, I'm assuming," answers Tobio.

"Babe, that was very close ended."

"We need to talk about where he's going to stay." Everyone looks to Kuroo. "After he gets released."

"What do you mean? He's going to come home," says Tooru.

"And I want him to be able to feel safe at that home. But right now, I don't know if home is the best place for him."

"Kuroo-"

"No, I understand what he means." injects Tsukki. "It all has to do with Wakatoshi."

Everyone falls silent. "He knows where we live," whispers Noya and Hinata pats his back. "So our place is out of the question."

Daichi sighs at that. He wants Suga with him.

"Guys, you aren't serious?" laughs Tooru, "He will want to come home, to where he feels comfortable-"

Hajime interrupts his fiancee. "Yeah, but baby, Wakatoshi knows exactly where Suga lives. If we can delay it for at least a while, until we can get a proper restraining order approved, maybe it is best for him to stay somewhere else."

"Hajime!" Tooru argues.

"Please, be realistic here, Tooru."

"I am! He's been in the hospital for almost over two weeks!"

"And if we take any chances and fuck this up, he could be there longer if Wakatoshi gets a hold of him again!" yells Kuroo and Kenma jumps beside him. Kuroo apologizes and kisses his boyfriends hand. "Look, I think my place is the best option," he says looking at Daichi, "that way you can come and we can both be there. With us both, Wakatoshi doesn't stand a chance."

Kenma nods in agreement, as does Tsukki, Noya and Yama.

But Tooru...

"Why do you not think that we can protect him?"

His question is aimed at only one person: Kuroo. "You really want to do this?"

"No, please. Be honest, because we're weak?"

Kuroo sighs. "You're not weak, neither of you."

"Then what is it!"

"Tooru, you're being selfish!" Kuroo yells.

"Me? You just want to pamper him all on your own, just like you've always wanted."

Hajime slowly turns his eyes to Tooru. "Hey, calm down-"

"I'd watch your mouth, Tooru," bites Kuroo and Kenma keeps a steady hand on Kuroo's forearm.

Daichi eyes the situation.

"No, it's true isn't? You've always been jealous of Suga and I, of how close we are! It's killed you since we were kids-"

"Tooru, you're acting ridiculous," mutters Kenma.

"Oh, shut up, Kenma,” and Kuroo is on his feet instantly.

"Speak to him like that again and I kill you."

"All of you, shut up!" yells Daichi. "This isn't about any of you, you selfish bastards! This is about Suga and what's best for him but if this is going to be a 'whose dick is bigger' contest, I'm getting a hotel room and putting him there, am I clear?" Everyone is still, but listens.

"Actually," adds Yama. "I think that may be a good idea."

Tsukki looks to him. "Yeah?"

Yama nods. "I do. This way, he's somewhere Wakatoshi can't find him. He knows our names, he could track any of us down and find Suga that way. I think keeping Suga somewhere like that would be the smartest game plan, don't you think?"

"He's right," speaks Noya. "That way we could even take turns, watching him. Two keys, that's it. No other way inside. It's perfect."

"I agree," says Tobio and Hinata nods and takes his boyfriend’s hand.

Daichi looks between Tooru and Kuroo, who both continue to shoot death glares into each other. "Can you two agree on that, at least, please?"

Kuroo takes a breath and is the first to sit, turning to Kenma and leans his head against his shoulder, Kenma brushing his small finger through Kuroo's hair. Hajime, after Tooru refuses, yanks him down into his seat and shakes his head and Daichi can see that he's livid with Tooru.

"Okay, then we agree then. As soon as Suga is released, I'm going to pick him up and take him to whatever hotel we _all_ agree on. He'll stay there while we get all of this figured out, yeah?"

"I wanna help pay for it," says Tooru and Hajime softens.

"Me too," speaks Hinata and Tobio looks at him with loving eyes.

"We all can, we will all contribute." Daichi looks to Kuroo. "Did you speak to the school?"

"Yes, Suga's covered for up to three weeks."

"Okay, then that's the time we have to get this sorted out, understood?" Everyone agrees. "Okay, good. Now. We're all exhausted and literally biting at each other's throats. So let's call it a night and I'll go talk to Feltman in the morning, agreed?"

Everyone nods, even Tooru. So that's where they leave it, everyone saying goodnight as they all move to go their separate ways.

***

Tooru and Hajime walk into the flat, Hajime tossing his keys on the table while Tooru peels out of his jacket. Tooru watches Hajime's back flex, a sure sign that his fiancee is angry and he prepares himself for the upcoming argument.

"If you're going to yell at me, get it over with-"

"You say the worst things sometimes," Hajime whispers. Tooru has never been affected by a statement so much in his life. He wraps his arms around himself and lowers his head. "Remember when I said that you care so much that it worries me? Well, this is what I meant. You speak out, you lash out and hurt the people closest to you, the ones that mean the most to you and you did exactly that to Kuroo tonight."

"Haj-"

"Do you forget that Kuroo was the one who defended you that day? I wasn't there yet and I am sorry for that, but Kuroo was always there first. He has always been the one to take the brunt of everything you or anyone else throws at him and he did not need to hear that from you, of all people, Oikawa."

 _Oikawa_. When was the last time Hajime used that name.

Tooru steps closer to his fiancee. "I'm sorry. I just...I get so angry and when it comes to Suga-"

"You lose your head. You always have. And, it really hurts sometimes, you know?" Tooru tilts his chin. "You tell him you love him with the same passion that you say it to me sometimes. You guys sleep in the same bed whenever I'm away, you are always together and it...really, makes me worry-"

"Hajime," Tooru says, refusing to go another minute without touching the man. He steps up and cradles Hajime's cheeks beneath his hands, their noses touching as Tooru stands on his tiptoes. "You cannot seriously think that the love I share for Suga is anywhere close to the love I share for you? I love Suga as if he was my brother. But... _God, Haj._  I love you in ways that terrify me. I would do absolutely anything on this planet if it meant keeping you by my side until the day my feet no longer walk this earth. I love you more than anything, I love you more than myself and I will say that and prove it until the day you no longer doubt that I don't." Hajime has tears in his eyes and Tooru's heart crumbles. "Oh, my love, no. _No, no, no_." He kisses each tear as they fall.

"I don't want to lose you to him," confesses Hajime and Tooru shakes his head.

"Baby, that would never happen. Never, do you understand me."

Tooru kisses him then and for the first time in months, he feels it. That fire that fueled all of their kisses before any of this happened.

Hajime, at first, is hesitant to dive into the embrace but finally, Tooru feels his hands slide up, up his spine, each bone tingling as Hajime's fingers brush against them and Tooru drops his head back. With tongues licking and teeth connecting, the kiss grows ferocious and desperate and hot, each kiss faster and more passionate than the next and soon, Hajime has both hands on the sides of Tooru's face, spinning him until Tooru's back is pushed up against the wall.

Tooru whimpers and Hajime kisses it away as he lifts Tooru's arms up above his head, holding him onto the wall and Tooru's eyes roll back into his head. Hajime attacks the soft spots on Tooru's neck, the spots that make his cock jump and Tooru's knees threaten to fail him as Hajime yanks Tooru's shirt off over his head. Tooru moves to unbutton Hajime's shirt, getting annoyed fast as he rips the buttons open, Hajime Growling against his skin as he does and Tooru loves it, craves it as he rips away from Hajime's hold and moves to flick his tongue over Hajime's nipples. He's hard, Tooru knows it by the twitch of Hajime's hips against his own.

He also know that it won’t be long until-

Hajime grips Tooru's hips and lifts him from the ground, Tooru wrapping his legs around Hajime's waist as Tooru shovels his hands deep into Hajime's pointed hair.

"Make love to me," Tooru begs breathlessly against Hajime's neck.  

And they do, over and over and over again until both men are sore and exhausted.

The two of them always had a rule: never go to bed angry.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's short, I know, I'm sorry! <3

**SEPTEMBER 19TH**

 

Suga wakes to fingers stroking his cheek. He’s sore, body aching and damp and his eyes flutter sickly as he peers out, blinded by the fluorescents above him. He’s covered by a thin hospital blanket and still, it’s far too hot, hair sticking to the skin beneath his ears and he reaches slow and groggily to wipe them away.

But it’s not only the blanket making Suga’s body sweat.

Once he awakes, he looks up to see Daichi, who’s partially asleep as he strokes Suga’s jaw with his sharp nails and it’s the most beautiful sight Suga has ever awoken to in his entire life. Daichi looks tired but shaven, a look Suga had always loved on him, and he’s wearing his old high school sweats; the words FLY sewed into the front of the shirt in bold, silver lettering and Suga grins behind folded lips. Daichi’s hair sticks up straight as his other hand rests atop of his head, brow furrowed against his sleeping eyes. Suga imagines how it would be to wake up to this sight, every day, for the rest of his life, just like they did before Daichi had left for the Marines six years ago and the idea only heats his flushed skin more. He could need nothing else, with Daichi, he could die happy. But as the thought comes to him, as does another.

_I don’t want to die._

_I don’t want to leave you._

No, not anymore. Not with Daichi beside him, caressing his sweaty skin as if Suga were rare and fragile and worth care. Not when he was here, arm tucked around the back of Suga’s neck while he sleeps beside Suga as if this was what Daichi was born to do for the rest of his days. Suga lovingly leans his head against Daichi’s shoulder, snuggling closer and the movement causes Daichi to stir, leaping from his skin as he jerks, startled.

_Yes. Daichi has his own demons._

Suga places a hand on his chest reassuringly. “I’m sorry, I'm sorry. I was really trying not to wake you-”

“You’re awake,” he whispers, eyes wide as his fingers cradle Suga's chin.

Suga smiles. “What, did they put me into a coma again?”

Daichi is thrown off by the joke but soon, smiles sideways and relishes in it, the change. The shift, the kind of shift Suga could tell he was happy to see.

Daichi nuzzles closer. “You’re sticky, you know that?” Suga nibbles at his lip and Daichi watches with warm eyes. “I don’t want to ask you how you’re doing. I know how...ridiculous that question can sound.”

“Hmm, maybe from anyone else. But from you, I’m happy to hear it.” Suga coughs and Daichi holds him closer, forcing Suga to cough against his chest.

“Are you thirsty?” Suga nods, almost apologetically. “Don’t give me those, eyes, Suga. They kill me.” Suga mutters an apology and Daichi scolds him, causing both men to laugh. Daichi stands, kissing Suga’s head before he does. He walks to the small table in front of the bed while Suga sits up, arms shaking and pathetically weak. He stretches and yawns wide, bones popping as his body comes to life within him. “Sug,” Dai whispers as he pours water into the small pink cup. “We need to talk...about-”

“Do you all know?”

_Was he ready to face this?_

_Ushijima._

“Do you? Does Tooru?”  

Daichi sets the water pitcher down. “Yes.”

Suga nods and bites at his lip, but not hard.

_No, you need to fight those urges._

Dai walks back to the bed and slowly gives the cup to Suga. He takes it graciously with both hands.

When was the last time he ingested anything?

“Did the doctors find them? The bruises-”

“Tooru did. While you were still, well, _asleep._ ”

Suga laughs. “Of course he did.”

Suga peers into the water and now that he’s awake, really awake, he looks back into Wakatoshi eyes, who glare at his through the water in the cup. Suga’s brow bends as he stares back, lip trembling as his hands shake. But he maintains eye contact with the mirage floating in the cup, even as Waka grins devilishly. He would always be afraid of Waka, but if he was going to get through this, he knew he couldn't always rely on his friends, on Daichi. Even if it was in his own ways, he had to fight this battle for himself, by himself, in ways that the other may not understand. So Suga takes a deep breath and brings the cup up to his lips, swallowing the rest of the water until the glass is empty. Daichi watches him carefully, as if he knows what Suga is feeling. He always knows what Suga is feeling; Daichi was always a superhero.

“Why?” Dai asks as he sits on the bed beside Suga, snatching his hand within his own and the hold is so intimate, so hungry and loving that it causes something to stir inside of Suga; something familiar and safe and hopeful. “Why would you keep this to yourself, Sug? H-How long-”

“Dai, I’m not ready to-”

“ _N_ _o_ , no. I’ve been here everyday for weeks, Sug. Every day, watching you in pain. Watching you cry and sleep and sweat, slamming my head against walls trying to figure out what could have happened to you that made you fall so _goddamn_ low. I didn’t know what it was, but from the day I walked into that bar, I could see it. You were-” Dai stops and shutters, coming back to rest his hand against Suga’s cheek and he gasps. “You were gone, Koush and I couldn’t find you, no matter how deep into you I looked, I couldn’t find you, _baby_ ,” Dai huffs, voice cracking and Suga feels tears. Daichi’s face hardens then, teeth locking and brow arching. “And then _he_ came here, and he threatened you and Asahi, he hurt Asahi-”

“W-What??”

“-And then Kageyama told me about the weight loss, Tooru found the bruises and suddenly, it all clicked. So, Sug,” Dai says as he scoots closer, Suga curling into himself as he hugs his knees to his chest. Daichi’s hand frantically switches between cupping Suga’s hands and face and Suga is desperate for Dai to keep touching him, so he finally lays his hands on top of Daichi’s as they land back onto his cheeks. “Please. Please, so that I can keep you safe, tell me what he has done to you.”

Suga shakes his head. “Please,” begs Suga. “I want to...God, I want to tell you. I want to stop feeling this way.” His lip shakes and Daichi grabs his hand and kisses each finger. “I want to be happy again, I want to start over, I want to be myself again and I want…” _I want you, Daichi. I want you so bad._ “I want to stop making everyone worry-”

“No, Sug-”

“But I just...I need time.” Dai moves to argue. “You’ll understand...when I tell you, you’ll understand why I want to keep this from you for now. _If you knew_ …” Suga stops and wipes at his eyes, cleaning his tears off on the ratty hospital gown. “You’d kill him, Dai. Kuroo would-”

“Too late, I already want to kill him,” shrugs Dai and after a moment, Suga giggles. Daichi’s shoulders sag. “Fuck, that’s a beautiful sound.” He runs his thick fingers through Suga’s hair. “I have always loved that laugh.” Suga closes his eyes and rubs away the crusts at the corners, laughing as Daichi makes a sarcastic face at him. “I want to be with you, Sug.”

And at that, Suga’s heart ceases to continue pounding as every fiber in his body drums and pulses and his lips part as his eyes swell. His breathing quickens and his skin numbs as he struggles to draw air into his sore, raspy lungs.

No, no. It couldn’t be true. It couldn’t be- Daichi could never love him, Waka had told him this. He was worthless, he was scarred and pathetic and weak and-

_You’re disgusting, Suga._

_No one could ever love you like I love you._

_You nasty, nasty pig._

Suga looks down and shakes his head. “Please,” he wheezes. "Don’t do this, don't lie to me.”

“Koushi-”

“I’m _broken_.” He gasps, breath shuddering. “I am literally, falling apart. I’m damaged and _ugly_ -”

“HEY.” Suga jumps. “Don’t you ever say that again, do you understand me?” Daichi scoops Suga against him, hands combing back the bangs that drape over his eyes. “You are the most beautiful, stunning thing I have ever laid eyes on in all of my days of being alive.” Daichi drags his hands down Suga’s face, his neck, his arms, feeling every line, every curve of Suga's body. “You are flawless and precious...you are my life, Sug. You always have been.”

Suga’s eyebrows crease as he shakes his head again, and again, lost in confusion and pushes away from Daichi. But the soldier is fast to keep him as close as possible, even as Suga fights him.

“No. No, you-”

“Yes,” Daichi shakes him, hands on his cheeks. “Yes, damn it. Yes!”

“Stop! Stop this. You can’t mean this,” he shoves against Daichi, clawing at his sweatshirt. “You left me.” Daichi draws back, eyes fluttering closed. “You didn’t...you called off our engagement, you haven’t loved me-”

“I have always loved you!”

“Liar! You just... _dropped_ me-”

“No, baby” Dai grabs Suga’s waist, careful of the I.V’s, and lifts him, until Suga is perched in his lap and Suga can’t remember how many long, terrible nights he had dreamed of this connection, of being this close to Daichi again. He can feel Daichi beneath him, huge and throbbing and a shiver washes down his spine.

“You left me,” he mumbles. “You left me, you just  _left me_ , like I meant nothing-”

“You mean everything! Everything, damnit.”

“I waited, I waited until I couldn’t anymore-”

Daichi draws him closer. “I’m sorry.”

“I waited and then he came along and he wanted me…” Suga meets Daichi’s damp eyes. “He wanted me, at first, Dai.” Suga wipes at his nose. “I’m not stupid, he didn’t start this way. Yes, it was there, I guess. But not like...it didn’t start bad. He made me feel wanted, after feeling like I was never wanted-”

“Suga-”

“I was wanted again. But he wasn’t you. No one was ever you or could ever be you, and I think he knew it and it brought out this nasty, sinister side of him and it just never left.” Suga’s voice is small and foreign and Daichi shakes before him sprouting more tears. “I never understood why you left, you know. You had never spoken about joining before.”

He nods. “I was afraid too. I-I never wanted to hurt you.”

“How long….had you thought about it?”

Daichi pauses and takes a breath. “Two years.”

Suga’s throat constricts. “T-Two years? We...we dated...why-”

“ _T_ _his_ ,” he enforces, brushing Suga’s hair out of his eyes, leaning to kiss his cheeks. “This was why, because I know how that silly, beautiful mind of yours works and I knew you would think it was because of you, that I wanted to leave because of you. But fuck, Suga, the other reason I didn’t say anything was because it took me forever to make the decision to join in the first place. I didn’t want to leave you, joining was the hardest decision I ever had to make in my life. If I could have it my way, you would never leave my side.” Daichi searches his face and continues to stroke Suga’s matted hair. “You’re my Hajime, my Kenma. You’re the one I would kill for, the person I would give my life for, the person who has made me into the man I am today and without you, my life would be absolutely terrible because I would have spent my entire life searching for you!” There's a pause. The eye of the storm. “I have never stopped loving you. I-I didn’t leave you because I wanted to, Sug. I left because that’s what I wanted to do with my life, because of the life I wanted to one day build together. But never, _never_ , did I not plan on coming back to you. I didn’t care who you were with or where you’re life had gone, I would have fought for you-”

Suga slaps him, hard and Daichi is stunned. “Bastard!” Suga yells, his flat hands folding into heavy, furious fists. “You selfish, selfish, bastard! How...I’m not something to be won!”

“That’s not what I meant!”

“That’s _exactly_ what you meant! You’d _win me back_? No! I don’t work around your life, I-I had to keep moving! I had to keep going, without you, even though most days I couldn’t _breathe_ without you, you son of a bitch!" Suga covers his eyes. "I would have never stopped you from doing what you wanted to do, never! So why act as if I would have, why act as if that's the kind of person I am, like I would have just given up on you and after everything?! Don't you know me at all?"

"Sug-"

"And what? Was I supposed to wait for you, after being told over and over again to just forget about you, after realizing that you really weren't coming back for me? And don't tell me that you were planning on coming back to me, _no_! You made it very clear that you weren't, you made it clear that I was no longer what you wanted-"

"-b _ullshit_ -"

"-so why would I wait, when you never said anything about coming back to me-”

“Because that right there, _that_ would have been selfish! It would have been selfish of me to lie to your face, and to say that I, without a doubt, would come back, and come back in one piece for christ sake. _That_ would have been a promise I could break at any moment, and I would never lie to you in my life! I was blown out of my boots more times than I could count, Koush. I was shot at and stabbed and locked in boxes and trapped in burning trucks and you know, that's fine, that's what I signed up for but you did not! So to keep you waiting when I didn’t know-” Dai stops and so does Suga. “I didn’t know if I would come back or not. So of course I didn’t ask for you to wait for me.” Daichi tosses his arms around Suga’s neck and they embrace, the hug greedy and sensual and everything Suga had craved since the day that Daichi came back from overseas. Suga knots his hands in Daichi’s short hair while Daichi rubs slow, seductive circles against Suga’s spine. The two pull apart, gawking, before Daichi leans and presses their foreheads together, Suga’s legs roping around Daichi’s waist. Suga’s lips part as their noses brush, lips gracing cheeks and brows but never lips connecting. Not yet, not like this. “You’re not mine yet,” whispers Daichi, as his stares at Suga’s lips. “I won’t take a kiss from you until you are.”

Suga peers up at him through wet eyelashes. “Daichi. I was never anyone else’s.” Daichi kisses the bridge of Suga's nose. The freckles. The ugly freckles. "Asahi. Is he...okay?" 

"Yes. Ushijima really played his cards with that move. If he hadn't done that, I don't think...Tooru would have never checked for bruises." Daichi studies him. "Would you have said anything, if we hadn't found out about him?" 

 _Yes._ Because Suga wanted to change. He was ready to change.

"Yes."

"Really?" 

 _Yes._  

"Yes." Daichi nods. "I-I'm so sorry." 

Daichi shakes his head. "No." 

"Is he mad at me?" 

"Never. He's only worried about you." 

_You cause so many problems for people, Suga._

"Is Noya mad at me?" 

"Noya is mad at Ushijima, like we all are, not at you. No one is mad at you, Koushi, do you understand me?" 

 _No one will love you like I love you._  

No, he's wrong. 

"We have a plan, for when you're released. But I don't want to overwhelm you with all those details right now." 

Suga hums. "I don't want to be alone." 

Daichi almost laughs. "Trust me, the last thing you will be is alone, Sug. You have a full rotation of very angry bodyguards, 24/7, the second you step foot out of this hospital." 

Suga’s body sags against Daichi’s as they lower onto the bed.

Daichi coils his arms around Suga, his nose nestled against Daichi’s chest. He drowns in Daichi’s natural scent of wet sand and shaved ice and closes his eyes as Daichi massages his scalp with gentle nails. Above him, Dai hums softly as they rock and cuddle closer, until no space remains between them and Suga, for the first time in years, feels as if he can breath. In the back of his head, Waka still sings his usual insults and Suga fears that he may never not hear that monster's voice scratching at his thin layer of sanity. But beneath Daichi, within his arms, he is safe and Suga when with him could never feel fear as he did when Daichi was away.

“Stay with me,” begs Suga in a whimper.

Daichi holds him tighter. “Always.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll write longer chapters soon, I promise! <3  
> College is killing me and takes up literally all of my time!

  **SEPTEMBER 22ND**

 

Suga is released three days later at 6p.m and Daichi has already started his shift. Suga, after finishing and passing a few of the tests that Feltman and a few of the psychiatric care doctors had administered after Suga woke up, they concluded that the sleep had done wonders for Suga and that he was ready to go home. So now, Daichi stands to the side of the busy bar and bounces with the phone to his ear while Kageyama and Noya drown in the ramblings of tipsy customers. Tsukki is at the register, punching out receipts and even Yama is helping Asahi handle tables. Hinata was sick, like vomiting onto his pillow sick and it couldn't have been worse timing. The bar was busier than ever; three 21st birthday celebrations were stirring, drunk girls dancing all around the bars while a frat gathering had clustered by the stage. The counter was lined with the regulars trying to avoid the drunk mess that partied behind them and Daichi didn't blame them, drunk 21 year olds were the absolute worst. He remembers being one of them.

Finally, the dial tone fades and Feltman comes back to the phone. "Alright, Soldier, sorry to keep you waiting."

"No, no, it's...fine."

"Alright, now, unfortunately, your name is the one stamped here on the release sheet and due to the restriction we have with that large fellow of yours-" _Ushijima,_ "-I'm afraid I can't just release him for anyone else."

"You have my full permission to release him to Kuroo, does that count? Please, we are slammed here at work and we all...practically work in the same place except for Kuroo, really."

Feltman hums after a long, dramatic pause. "You bunch really give me trouble, you know that?"

"I truly am sorry, sir."

"Nah, don't be," he says and Daichi can hear the sound of metal clanking, a pen clicking. "You've made it quite exciting around here."

Daichi smiles. "Glad we could entertain you."

Feltman bellows and Daichi has to hold the phone away. "Alright now," he says groaning. "Spell that kids full name for me, will you?"

Daichi sighs and pounds his fists. "Yes! Yes, thank you. It's last name, Tetsurou, T-E-T-S-U-R-O-U and Kuroo, K-"

"I think I can handle that one," Feltman laughs, "Don't worry, I'll make sure your boy gets out of here safe, yeah?"

"Y-Yes, thank you. Thank you so much-" Daichi stutters before hanging up the phone and taking a deep breathe.

He was confident in Kuroo's ability to protect Suga, at all costs. Quite honestly, he didn't really trust anyone more, except Asahi obviously. But Kuroo was with Daichi on the plan, and the hotel had been set up ahead of time, room on the highest floor, and closest to the stairs.

He could breathe now, he needed to breathe.

Tsukki whistles at him to get back to work and he does, even though the entire shift, all he can focus on is Suga.

***

Kuroo knocks soft on the door to Suga's hospital room, the small man finishing up the last of his turquoise button up as he turns and smiles at Kuroo, whose knees melt as he allows himself to be sucked in by Suga's smile. He had missed that smile; the one that sang songs and whispered greetings and blinded Kuroo when he wasn't careful. Suga's smile was just one of the many wonderful pieces that built Koushi into who he was, into the kind, soft hearted, loyal man that Kuroo had always known he was from the day they met...someone Kuroo had always admired. Suga is frail and thin, far thinner than before and it causes Kuroo to clench his teeth and think of all the horrible, sinister things that he could do to Ushijima to make him suffer, to make him bleed just as he's made Suga bleed.

Suga is speaking, and Kuroo doesn't know for how long. "W-What?"

"Daichi called and said you'd be picking me up. I was happy."

His voice is so raspy that it dries Kuroo's throat. "Oh-" _Oh, Sug_. "Oh, well, I'm happy to be here." Suga smiles larger and Kuroo can't breathe. He looks down to watch Suga struggling with his bag. "Here, you nutcase. Give me that," Kuroo says, snatching the bag from Suga a little too quickly and Suga tumbles forward, his hands crashing against Kuroo's chest. Kuroo drops the suitcase and catches Suga in his arms. "Holy shit, I'm so sorry, I-"

"Kuroo, it's okay," laughs Suga and not just laughs but giggles, like he did when they were kids...like he did six months ago. "I promise, I know I look like I'm made of glass but I'm okay, really," he assures Kuroo with smiling, squinted eyes.

And at that moment, Kuroo feels as if he takes his first breath in minutes. "Okay," he nods, keeping Suga steady. "Okay, let’s get you out of here then, yeah?" Suga nods and relies on Kuroo for support as slowly, they start to walk out of the room.

"Do you think they'll offer me a wheelchair," jokes Suga.

"What, did you age while you were in here too?"

"Shut you, you jerk," chuckles Suga, slapping Kuroo's chest.

But, behold, Feltman comes to greet the two pushing nothing other than an old wheel chair and the two share snickering glances. "I know, I know, it's protocol," Feltman laughs, waving Suga into his chariot out of the hospital.

Suga rolls his eyes and with Kuroo's help falls into the chair, sighing as he stretches his feet. "I don't think my legs like the idea of walking just yet."

"Yeah, that's a normal side effect. I assure you, the numbness and tingling won't last for much longer. You're body is just getting used to waking up again. And you," he points to Kuroo, "careful with what this boy eats, yes? His stomach is smaller now and if he eats too much, it could disturb his stomach and make him sick, understand? He may be leaving but he isn’t finished healing, so I want some sort of eye on him at all times. Let me know right away if you notice anything unusual."

Kuroo nods. "Yes sir, anything else I should know so that I don't kill my best friend the second we leave here?" Suga laughs up at him and grabs Kuroo's hand.

"Water is vital, lots of water and stay away from alcohol, period, understand, Sugawara?"

Suga blushes. "Yes sir."

“Gonna be hard seeing as all of our friends work at a bar,” mutters Kuroo.

“Not helping,” hisses Suga and Kuroo blows him a sarcastic kiss.

"I don't want to see your pretty face back here for quite some time, got it, I’m tired and need sleep."

"Oh, you mean you won't miss me?" he says as he and the doctor shake hands.

"You and your loud, over protective friends? No, I have other complicated patients to deal with, you know."

All three laugh and shake hands as they finally make their way out the hospital doors, Feltman saying his last goodbye before walking back inside. Kuroo watches as Suga basks in the night wind that licks at his face, his hair. Suga's unique, stone silver hair slaps past his eyes as the wind picks up and Suga leans his head back and allows the wind to wash over him. When was the last time Suga was outside? It had felt like years ago that Suga was first brought in, since they had discovered the truth, since Suga had confessed and opened up fro the first time since his nightmare had begun. His friend giggles louder, sticking his arms out at his sides and Kuroo can find it as nothing else but perfect, happy that he can finally spot the glimpses of his Suga that had been lost to him for the past 6 months.

_I won't ever let anything hurt you again._

Suga tugs on Kuroo's shirt. "You heard the doctor, help me, sir," winks Suga and Kuroo shakes his head.

"You're going to be a handful to handle, aren't you?"

"Hey, I'm sickly. Be nice to me."

"Uh huh, I-"

" _Koushi._ "

Suga's eyes widen, eyes bloodshot as his trembling lips hang apart and Kuroo's upper lip quivers in anger as he slowly keeps one hand tight around Suga's and stands up, spine straight and eyes stern as he looks over to see Ushijima. He's dressed in a dark brown hoodie and black pants, brown leather dress shoes to match the strange, incohesive ensemble. Kuroo is sure to keep eye contact with Wakatoshi, battling against the man’s aura as it warms and pinches at Suga, who can’t seem to look away from Kuroo. Suga wraps both hands around the one Kuroo has around his own.

Ushijima dares a sideways, sharpened glance in Suga's direction and Kuroo is fast to move and stand in front of him.

_I will keep you safe._

“Leave or I call the police.”

Ushijima’s eyes snap back up to Kuroo’s. “Oh, I’m shaking.”

“Waka, please-”

“Suga, no,” snaps Kuroo and Suga inches closer into Kuroo’s back. “You owe him nothing.”

Ushijima cracks a fake smile. “No? I think there’s much that little crow owes me, isn’t that right, Koushi-”

Kuroo steps up to Ushijima with his teeth bared and his eyes burning red, heights matching and Kuroo is more than pleased when Ushijima stammers back. “Speak to him one more time and I rip your tongue from your throat.”

“You’re threats hold no backbone.”

“Oh, I assure you. I’m holding up just fine.” Kuroo bites, voice rustic and low. Suga shivers behind him and it kills Kuroo. “You have no business here. You have _absolutely_ no business with Suga, so I suggest that if you would like to remain standing on legs with all of your bones unbroken, you will leave right now.”

Ushijima pushes his chest against Kuroo’s. “I was surprised, you know, when you quit volleyball to be a boxer. Hell, you were nothing but a backup player then anyways. I thought, fuck, what can he really do as a boxer-”

“Waka, s-stop,” Suga stammers and Kuroo wraps one arm around his friend.

“Then you started winning matches and _boy_ ,” Wakatoshi claps mockingly. “I sure was impressed. But not as impressed as I was with that soldier. I mean, that was a career move, if any! Tooru was a disappointment. That boy could have been playing at my side by now but...no. He couldn’t stray too far from that artist of his I guess.” Ushijima’s laugh could shatter thick glass and Suga flinches. He inches closer, too close for Kuroo’s liking and he lifts his chin. “I have no fear when it comes to those gloved fists of yours, boy.” Ushijima’s eyes flutter down to Suga and Kuroo bends to catch them before they threaten Suga’s. “So protective, just like you were with that faggot kid. What was it that you called him, _Kitten_ -”

Ushijima barely has the time to spit out Kenma’s nickname before Kuroo’s free fist is flying, knuckles turned to iron as the hit punctures hard up into Wakatoshi’s nose and the sound of his bones cracking beneath his flesh cause Suga to whimper behind him. Kuroo hisses as he shakes out the pain vibrating in his fist but fuck, if it ain’t worth it. Ushijima cups his bleeding , broken nose, eyes and growl pointed sharp at Kuroo.

Kuroo quickly hauls Suga to his feet. He can barely stand and suddenly, he’s slinging Suga up to rest on his back, Suga wrapping his legs around Kuroo’s waist.

Ushijima shakes at the sight, fists slamming against the concrete. “ _Let h-him_ _go_ ,” hisses Wakatoshi and Kuroo grins.

“He’s not your property, you sick fuck.”

Kuroo slams his foot into Ushijima’s ribs before turning and walking back towards the car without another word. Suga buries his head into Kuroo’s neck and begins to cry and it’s a terrible sound. Kuroo listens to Suga cry all the way back to the car, not bothering to try to tell him to calm down. Suga needs to let whatever emotions he feels out and Kuroo would be damned if he was the one to stop him from doing just that. Kuroo unlocks the car door and slowly sets Suga into the backseat, where he slumps onto his side and continues to cry, cradling his head in his hands as Kuroo puts his bag on the floor by Suga’s feet. He then runs, looking back to see Wakatoshi being lifted to his feet by a few nurses. He laughs and gets back into his car, slamming the door.

The drive to the hotel is quiet and unbothered, Suga whimpering as he shakes and cries and remembers and Kuroo wishes that he could take away all of Suga’s terrible memories. But he also knows that this is a battle that Suga will fight for a very long time, longer than he may even realize and that thought alone breaks Kuroo as he leans against his palm and drives while trying to keep his tears leashed back.

The great thing about New York City is that even if it may not always seem like it, everything is close and within walking distance. The hotel that the guys had picked was only three blocks from Daichi, Asahi and Noya's place, five blocks from Kuroo and Kenma’s, seven from Kageyama and Hinata’s, two from Tooru and Hajime’s and four from the bar. The hotel is one of notoriety; popular enough to where a lot of people would be walking in and out but not enough to where Wakatoshi would be able to find Suga with ease. Kuroo shows his parking pass to the bellhop at the front, the same pass that Kuroo and all of his friends now acquired. He tosses the keys to the young man with the small pimples and collects he and Suga’s belongings, carrying the sleeping Suga on his back through the hotel. Daichi had checked into Suga’s room ahead of time, speaking to the hotel staff and a few personal security guards about the situation. The hotel managers had asked if the police should be involved due to the situation but they all still agreed to keep the police out of it until Suga was strong enough and confident enough to make the decision on his own, so each member of their group received a key to Suga’s room; they were his family after all, and his bodyguards.

Kuroo and Suga receive curious stares from hotel guests but nothing Kuroo didn’t expect and just out of precaution, he keeps his eyes alert for Wakatoshi at all times. The elevator chimes and the doors open to reveal a small older woman. Kuroo lets her pass before stepping into the elevator with another tall man, skinny, dressed in a suit.

He looks to Suga and smiles. “It’s only a Thursday, had a rough night already?”

Kuroo wants to slap the man out of annoyance. “You could say that,” he says as sweetly as he can muster.

Finally, after dropping the nosy business man off , the elevators open and Kuroo drags he and Suga to the room, opening the door, locking it behind them and dropping Suga on the soft bed as Kuroo sighs and collapses into a chair. Suga may be thin but he was never light and it makes Kuroo laugh as he drags his hands down his face. After catching his breath, he walks to the bed and slips the blankets over Suga, whose tears are dried against his cheeks and Kuroo wipes them away with his sleeve before laying down in the bed beside Suga.

Suga stirs slightly and nuzzles into Kuroo’s side and it reminds him of when they were kids. He whispers something that Kuroo can’t comprehend.

“What, Sug?” he says leaning closer.

“D-Don’t tell Daichi...please,” he mutters before falling back asleep against Kuroo.

As much as he knows that it’s a bad idea, after a second, Kuroo sighs and lays his head down against the pillow. “I won’t, Sug. I promise.”

Kuroo’s eyes are closed within seconds.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: There are some pretty graphic descriptions in this chapter so if you cannot handle violent sexual descriptions, PLEASE, do not read! 
> 
> <3

**FRIDAY: SEPTEMBER 23RD**

 

A soft, familiar knock at the door stirs Kuroo from the chair he’s slumped within. He can’t remember when he left the bed, but he does remember when Suga woke up screaming, panting, still fast asleep beneath the heavy hotel blankets. He doesn’t know what time it is but the sun is beginning to come up and he rubs at his tired eyes as he stands, yawns wide and shuffles towards the door. He looks through the peephole and smiles, quick to unlock the many bolts on the door before he swings it open and peers down at Kenma.

His hair is a mess, greasier than usual and he holds violet bags beneath his eyes.

_Shit, he didn’t call._

Kuroo sighs and closes his eyes. “Kenma, I am so sorry. I-I fell asleep-”

“You didn’t call me.”

“I know.”

“You always call me.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” he says as Kenma brushes past him and comes into the room. Kuroo follows him with his eyes. “Have you slept?”

“No.”

“Kenma-”

“I was too worried.” Kuroo’s heart palpitates in his chest. “I waited all night, Kur.”

Kuroo walks to Kenma and cups his small face between his palms. “Forgive me,” he says, leaning and kissing his nose, his forehead, both eyes. “I’m really sorry, baby.”

Kenma closes his eyes before peering up at Kuroo stubbornly. He then looks over to Suga, fast asleep on the bed. “Is he okay?”

Kuroo sags then, resting his head on Kenma’s shoulder. “Can I be honest?” Kenma only nods. “No, Kenma. No, he’s not.”

Kuroo feels his boyfriend reach for his hand. “You’re hurt.”

Kuroo curses mentally and stands up straight. “I’m okay.” Kenma kisses his sore knuckles and Kuroo warms, thawing for the first time since last night. “Ushijima was there.” Kenma stills and his wide eyes snap to Kuroo’s. “It’s okay, we were both okay-”

“Your knuckles-”

Kuroo shrugs. “Yeah, well, I took care of it.”

“Are you an idiot?” Kenma sighs and drops his hand. “You should have called one of us. What if he had followed you?”

“I’m not that stupid, Ken,” Kuroo drags as he walks back to his seat and collapses into it, utterly exhausted. Did he even sleep? “Besides, Suga...he asked me not to tell Daichi,” he whispers.

“And?”

“And?”

“Suga doesn’t get to make those sorts of decisions right now, Kuroo.”

“He deserves some kind of say.”

“Not with this. I’m sorry, but I’m not arguing with you on this,” Kenma says, turning his back to Kuroo as he stares at Suga.

“What is wrong with you? You’re so snappy-”

“I haven’t slept, you _ass_ ,” bites Kenma and Kuroo is thrown off guard by the hiss layered beneath Kenma’s voice. “I was scared shitless, Kur. You saw what he did to Asahi and I-”

Kenma stops and Kuroo feels like an ass. He reaches and tugs on Kenma’s hand, pulling him closer and closer until Kenma falls into his lap. Kenma does reluctantly before gripping tight at Kuroo’s shirt and tossing his skinny arms around Kuroo’s neck. “I’m sorry, Kitten, I wasn't thinking...I’m sorry,” he pleads, stroking Kenma’s hair as he feels Kenma shake. “Oh, baby.”

Kuroo rocks Kenma against him. “Never again,” Kenma mutters into Kuroo’s shoulder. “Please, please…”

Kuroo shushes him, kissing Kenma’s neck, his cheek, before holding Kenma’s chin and drawing their lips together, the kiss lingering and close and everything Kuroo had needed to wake him up.

Suga then stirs in the bed, moaning. Kenma seems to moan as well, annoyed and Kuroo wishes they could stay this way forever. Kenma pulls back. “Daichi is downstairs.”

“Already?” Kenma nods. “Figures.” He pats his boyfriends legs and scoops him into his arms as they stand. Kenma chuckles only slightly but it’s enough to break Kuroo.

_Marry me, already._

“Hungry?” Kuroo asks.

“Very,” whines Kenma into his neck. “But not for food.”

Kuroo’s eyes flutter as Kenma licks slow circles into the dip of his collarbone. Kuroo has difficulty remaining on two feet. “We may need to get a room, Kitten.”

“Hurry up then,” he begs and Kuroo has no issues with spending the necessary money to make this boyfriend, and his erection, happy.

***

Daichi chooses to ignore it when Kuroo and Kenma stagger to the desk laughing while asking for a room. Instead, he only smiles, salutes when they see him, and heads for the nearest elevator that will take him to Suga.

The hotel is calm this morning and Daichi is happy for it. He couldn’t remember the last time he was so tired, hands shaking as he unlocks the door and quietly pushes into the room. He locks all the locks behind him as he slips out of his shoes and tiptoes into the room where Suga sleeps, hands curled around the blanket as he tugs it close to his nose. His hair is sporadic and his cheeks look red and Daichi can tell that he had a rough night.

They both had.

Daichi hated being away from Suga, hated that he had responsibilities and commitments and a life outside of Suga. He knew Tsukki would be lenient but that wasn’t fair of him, to take advantage of Tsukki’s kindness like that would be unforgivable in Daichi’s eyes. But as he looks at Suga, it’s obvious to Daichi that he would do almost anything for Suga’s sake and it frightens him, just how far he would go, how much he would sacrifice for Suga. There were no limits, no fears, no hesitations at all and Daichi takes an actual, physical step back until he hits the wall.

He needed to be careful, Daichi was still healing as well. His nightmares hadn’t stopped, his anxiety wasn’t gone, his attacks weren’t over and his memories sure as hell still lived in the deep crevices of his mind. Granted, Suga had helped sooth those memories, the ones of a child being blown to chunks before his eyes, of bombs exploding beneath his truck, but Daichi would be a liar to say that they no longer existed simply because of Suga. Yes, he helped. God, Suga helped in ways he could never understand. But Daichi would have to heal his wounds in his own ways, without Suga’s help and it’s at this moment that Daichi realizes that Suga would as well.

They both had monsters to fight and they couldn’t always rely on each other to win every battle and Daichi hates that he knows that it’s true.

He would give his life for Suga’s happiness and he know Suga would do the same...because that exactly what Suga was trying to do; rid them all of his burden…

It forms bile on Daichi’s tongue, to think that Suga really found himself to be such a problem that he believed that his friends would rather he be dead than to help him through his issues. Why did Suga have so little care for himself? But he knows...Ushijima was the why, he was the answer to everything, the reason to why Daichi now takes a deep breath and walks to the window, watching the street and sidewalk with cautious eyes, eyes the Marines had perfected over time and he has to again push those memories out as his hands shake.

He hears the sheets rustle and he spins to find Suga struggling to sit up, arms slim and shaking. Daichi looks at the bottle of water on the night stand and hurries to grab it, walking to Suga’s side of the bed where he helps him up. Daichi scoots behind Suga on the bed, opening the water for him to drink. Suga through squinted eyes looks up at Daichi and his sleepy frown pops into a light grin as he reaches for the water and drinks it, each gulp loud and pronounced and Daichi fights a smile.

_Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful._

Suga practically finishes the bottle and then pushes it back to Daichi who tosses it to the ground, which makes Suga laugh. He covers his mouth with his hand.

“Sug?”

“Morning breath,” he stutters.

Daichi rolls his eyes. “Oh, for christ's sake,” he laughs, yanking Suga’s hand down and Suga giggles harder, “like I haven’t woken up with you before.”

“That was then-"

“And this is now and it’s no different.”

Sug looks down and rubs a fist at his eyes. “What time is it?”

“Early, you can sleep longer if you need to.”

“Please, all I’ve been doing is sleeping.” Suga looks around the room. “W-Where-”

“We’re at the hotel I had mentioned to you about.”

“Oh.”

“You forgot.”

Suga nods. “I did,” he whispers, as if ashamed.

“It’s just until you decide what you want to do next...about Ushijima. We figured this was the best way to keep you safe and I swear, Sug, we will keep you safe.”

Suga smiles small. “I know you will. Thank you.” He folds his knees to his chest. “Is it...bad that I have no idea what I should do?”

“No, you’ve dealt with a lot recently. No one is rushing you or expecting you to make a quick decision about this,” he says, carding Suga’s hair between his fingers.  

Suga sighs. “W-Who is paying for all this?”

The mood lightens. “We all are.”

Suga goes white. “What? N-No, no. I want to, let me-”

“No. Besides, it’s already paid for. You’re late to the party.”

“Dai! I’m serious, this is too much. _I’m_ too much-”

“ _Stop_. Right now.” Suga gasps. He grabs Suga’s face and draws them closer, noses kissing. “Stop looking at yourself as a problem that we have to deal with, like some sort of disease. We all love you, Suga, I...please, start thinking of yourself as worthy.”

Suga trembles and Daichi drags him closer. “I don’t know how,” he admits and Daichi shakes his head. _That fucking bastard. That son of bitch for ever making Suga see himself as anything but perfect._ “I’m sorry.”

“No,” he bites, scooping his arm under Suga’s knees, hauling him into his lap as Daichi leans back on the head board. “Look at me.” He pulls Suga’s eyes to his. “I missed so much time with you and it’s my fault, I know that. I could have had six more years with you but I left-”

“Daichi, I don’t blame you for-”

“I know. But I do. And I plan to make it up to you, everyday, for as long as you’ll let me. I wasn’t here, and I should have been. I have never belonged anywhere but right by your side. I’m yours, Suga, and I will do anything to prove to you that you deserve nothing but the damn world on a silver platter.” Suga brushes his cheek against Daichi’s arm. “You have to leave him.”

Suga shrugs. “I think I already have.”

Daichi nods. “The hotel knows, about the situation. I know it’s gonna feel like prison for a while but please, Suga, I need you to listen to what I say on this. I don’t want you leaving this hotel without one of us, I don’t care who but until you decided and until we can get a proper restraining order…”

“A restraining order…”

Suga looks away, mind racing and Daichi can see it's too much. “Sug, like I said, there is no rush. I promise you.”

“I know, I know. I...know it’s a good idea, I do. And you have no idea how much I appreciate everything you guys are doing for me but...you don’t, know...how he is,” Suga pants and for the first time since finding out about Wakatoshi, Daichi feels as if he can see it, all of it.

The beatings.

The insults.

The blood.

Daichi’s blood boils. “Will you tell me?” Suga looks to him and shakes his head. Daichi leans forward and runs a knuckle along Suga’s jaw, fighting the need to punch the nearest wall. “Baby,” the word slips but the look Suga give him is worth it, “I want to you help, in anyway I possibly can but I can’t do anything if you don’t tell me.”

Suga’s quick breathing slows as he meets Daichi’s eyes and huffs. “You’ll kill him.”

Daichi nods, face stern and serious. “Probably.”

So Suga spills, like a broken faucet; every terrible word Ushijima ever spoke to him, every late night beating, every slap, kick, every punch. He tells Daichi about how it progressed, slow at first and then how all at once, Suga would fall asleep expecting not to wake up the next morning. He tells him about the insults; _nasty pig, filthy faggot, ugly freckled beast, dirty baby, naughty baby, fat baby, swine._ He tells him about the time that Ushijima threw a pot of hot soup at Suga and about how he would wake up with hands around his throat. He tells him of all the times he threatened to kill Tooru is he ever saw them touching, or how he tracked Suga’s phone.

Suga cries and shivers and rocks against Daichi’s chest as he listens, angry whips of black lightning lurking within his blood as something sinister and scary built within his fists and as Suga keeps on, that anger only gets worse; it gets worse as Suga tells him about how Ushijima always hit him in the same places so that it would always, always hurt and about he would starve Suga, he tells him about the nightmares and that Ushijima would slap him for waking him up too soon, about how wouldn’t let him eat for days because Suga wouldn’t come during sex.

And that’s when he finally tells Daichi about the sex; about how it was the most painful thing Suga had ever experienced, about how his body bled and shrunk and begged for the touch of a gentle hand, for Daichi’s hands and his heart crumbles into the acid in his stomach. He tells him about how Wakatoshi would fuck him raw until he could no longer hear his own heartbeat, until his lungs and mind would give out and he would pass out from the pain, only to wake up with Wakatoshi still inside of him. He tells him about how Ushijima would make him sleep on the same sheets his blood littered, blood Wakatoshi spilled and at some point, Daichi finds himself on his feet pacing, a dark anger heating his skin.

Suga crawls across the bed and tries to reach out for hm but Daichi is blinded by all of the details and descriptions and he can see nothing but his hands locked around Wakatoshi’s throat, strangling him until every ounce of air dissipates from him lungs, until his eyes go dim and his face turns blue and Daichi needs it; to feel that animal die by his hands for ever laying a hand on Suga, for ever-

“Dai, this...this is why-”

“How long?” Suga doesn’t answer. “Please, how long?”

“Three...four, four months-”

“Four? That’s almost all of your relationship!”

Suga flinches and Daichi hates himself. “I-I know, I’m sorry-”

Daichi spins to him. “Never apologize to me, do you understand me Suga?” Suga stills. “Never apologize to me for who you are and what you are or what mistakes you make because everything you are and do, that is what makes you _you and I love you.”_

The air goes hard, heavy, and Suga tosses his hand to his throat as if he can’t breathe but fuck, neither can Daichi.

He said it...he…

“Suga-”

But Suga….

His hands claw at his throat, long red lines following beneath his nails and Daichi crouches before him.

“You...this Daichi...could never…”

_Suga can’t breathe._

“You could never…”

Daichi stands and lifts Suga in his arms, his body cold and sweaty and Daichi bites into his lip as he carries Suga to the bathroom. He’s mumbling, the same phrase over and over again and each time, it breaks his heart.

“This Daichi could never...love me. This Daichi...could never love me.”

He leans to look into Suga’s eyes but he’s gone, eyes clouded and white and face ashen.

Daichi places Suga into the large bathtub, long thin tee-shirt hanging around him like a blanket as he rocks and cries and shatters within Daichi’s hands.

And then-

“Nasty pig,” Suga slaps at his head. Daichi grabs his wrists and Suga yells. “Nasty little faggot. No one could ever….ever love you...like…no one will ever love you….like I do you…”

“Suga, look at me!” Daichi screams, keeping a firm grip on his wrists, his fragile...small wrists. “Look at me, baby, please. I’m right here. You’re safe.”

Daichi knew what this was, episodes were nothing foreign to Marines...flashbacks and memories and words that won’t fade. Daichi knew it well because he had episodes of his own.

“Nasty, ugly bitch,” Suga hisses, spit foaming from his lips. “Nasty, nasty, nasty-”

Daichi doesn’t hear the knocking on the door.

“Nasty faggot, you nasty-”

“Suga, look at me! You're safe, you're safe now, I’m right here!”

_This was all his fault._

“I’m sorry Suga…”The knocking is louder. Daichi looks over his shoulder and goes to the door. “Tooru…” he breathes and quickly opens the door, Suga now screaming in the background.

Tooru is smiling, but that soon drops as he sees the horror on Daichi’s face and the the sound of Suga’s screaming explodes past them both and Tooru sprints into the bathroom.

“Koushi!” Tooru is running his hands through Suga’s damp hair. “Oh, Koush. I’m here-”

“Nasty, nasty fag….ugly, Koushi. Ugly, ugly,” Suga mutters and Tooru goes solid.

He looks back at Daichi. “W-What is this? What’s happening?”

“He’s having an episode,” Daichi says, hands on top of his head as he cries and watches Suga in pain. “Tooru...the things...he told me what he did, that bastard. All the horrible...this is my fault, I made him-”

“Shut up! I can’t handle both of you breaking!” demands Tooru and he’s right and it snaps Daichi out of his funk as he comes back into the bathroom and climbs into the tub. “What are you doing?”

Daichi ignores him and reaches around Suga to get to the faucet, cold water spouting into the tub and almost instantly, Suga stops moving, speaking, breathing and Daichi wraps his around around Suga, chest to his back, head on his shoulder as he hums soft in Suga’s ear. Daichi’s body is massive compared to Suga’s and he swallows him in a bear hold, cupping his arms around Koushi’s to fold them against his chest. Daichi links their fingers, kissing at Suga’s neck as he shivers and sniffles and deflates, Tooru’s hands still combing through Suga’s hair.

Daichi continues to hum, the song for the U.S Marines and Suga little by little loosens, muscles unwinding and tears subsiding. Suga’s eyes close as his head drops back and leans against Daichi’s shoulder. The water continues to fill and Tooru’s eyes switch between the two of them as time passes until Suga is fast asleep against Daichi’s chest, water past their thighs as they wade in the tub.

Twenty minutes pass before Daichi looks at Tooru, who cries as he robotic strokes Suga’s hair, chin on his knee at he stares blankly at the wall.

“I’ll kill him, Tooru.”

Tooru doesn’t react.

“Tooru-”

“Do it.” He sniffles. “I won’t stop you.”

The three of them stay in the bathroom a while longer before they depart to put Suga back to bed.

Daichi tells Tooru everything and just like Daichi did, he breaks.

_Do it._

_I won’t stop you._


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's something lighter. Short, but lighter.   
> :)

When Suga’s eyes open, his hair is wet and so is Daichi’s; he only knows this because of the hand Suga has rested beneath Daichi’s cheek, eyes flutter while he sleeps and Suga takes the moment to admire him, to watch him and praise the stars that he knew what it was like to wake up with Daichi again.

Suga grins and slowly slides his hand out from beneath Daichi, his head rolling slightly on the pillow and their foreheads connect, Suga nuzzling against Daichi’s sweat lined skin. He looks down at his hand, fingers laced with Daichi’s and Suga squeezes, soaking in the feel of his rough, dry hands; hard hands; safe hands; Daichi’s hands, no-  _ Suga’s  _ hands. These hands were his, hands that knew what Suga needed, hands that were crafted to touch only him, crafted to make Suga lose control by the simple grace of his fingers along Suga’s cheek. 

_ I fell in love with his hands before I fell in love with him.   _

He looks up and continues to study Daichi, the wrinkles that crease as his brow lifts and burrows, as his nose scrunches and his cheeks flutter. He watches his dark eyelashes dance against the bags beneath his eyes, watches his lips part and close and-

_ God, he is so gorgeous.  _

Every scar, every mole, every freckle, every aspect of this man is flawless and Daichi loves everything that Daichi is. 

Never apologize to me for who you are and what you are or what mistakes you make because everything you are and do, that is what makes you  _ you and I love you. _

_ I love you.  _

But that couldn’t be right? T-That could never happen, Daichi could never love who Suga was now; a damaged, dented, matted mess of a version of himself that he hated with every fiber of his being. Daichi could never look past the scars on his thigh or his arms, he could never deal with the long nights and the tears and the nightmares and the memories that Suga is afraid will never leave him. Suga is fucked up, catastrophically fucked up in ways that he doesn’t know how to mend, not yet anyways but that  _ yet _ is what scares him...no, terrifies him. Because what if  _ yet _ never comes. What if he never heals, what if he never finds who he used to be, and what if who he used to be doesn’t even exist anymore. Where does that leave him, where does that leave his life, Daichi…

But Suga knows exactly where it leaves him...

It leaves him in the position that he’s in now; the one that leaves him in dusk hospital rooms with nasty food and painful thoughts and bottles of strong medication. It leaves him alone, sobbing and begging for his pocket knife. It leaves him depressed and desperate and pathetic and everything Ushijima had brainwashed him into believing that he was for the past six months.

He curls closer into Daichi, fisting his hands into his oversized military green shirt and soaks in the scent of shaving cream and coffee. Coffee, that was the smell that he always associated with Daichi. Suga could never stand the smell of it, or the taste, but he loved it on Daichi. He loved the way it blended with his natural smell, the one that reminded Suga of damp grass and cloudy days. Daichi always had a way of making many of the things that Suga hated a thousand times better; walks through the streets of New York at night, driving in taxi’s, grocery shopping in Chinatown. Daichi had a way of making Suga feel safe, protected, cared for...when had he sacrificed what he loved about Daichi for Ushijima and why? Why, why…

Why did he waste so much time…

Why didn’t he wait longer? 

Why didn’t he wait, Daichi was worth it. He could have waited…

He should have waited. 

_ I love you, Daichi. I love you, I love you-  _

“Sug?” 

Daichi’s voice is heaven, sleepy and slurred, the S in Suga’s name dragged out and whispered carefully, as if each syllable of his name was studied and examined by Daichi daily for the past six years. Suga wipes at the tears he didn’t realize he was shedding and looks up at Dai. 

_ Gorgeous.  _

_ Absolutely, ridiculously, magically gorgeous.  _

“You have morning breath,” Suga picks, poking at Daichi’s curved nose and a small smile cracks across his lips. Daichi blushes dark and it’s almost too adorable for Suga to handle. He nestles closer, Daichi’s large arms roping around his waist, hauling Suga closer. There is no space between them, skin on skin, legs tangled and this was what Suga had missed the most. ‘

Mornings. Mornings with Daichi.  _ Daichi _ , his Daichi. Sleepy, cold, sunlit mornings with morning breath and long yawns and groggy voices and crusty eyes; imperfections...it was okay to not be perfect with Daichi. 

That was what made him perfect. 

Dai swipes a finger beneath Suga’s eye. “You’re crying.” 

Suga rolls his eyes. “You’re blinding.” 

“Blinding? Oh, Sug, how very Nicolas Sparks of you,” Dai giggles and Suga slaps him playfully, burying his blushed face against his chest while moaning in embarrassment. “No, no, please,” he says, hooking a finger under Suga’s chin. “Let me look at you longer, before the day starts and we have to deal with real life.” 

Suga shakes his head and peers up through his eyelashes and Daichi’s breath hitches as he nibbles at his bright pink lip and Suga’s eyes drop down. His mouth waters as he watches Dai play with his lip, wet and pursed and Suga tips his tongue against his teeth. 

When was the last time he felt his cock twitch? 

When was the last time he enjoyed what it meant to be sexual? 

Dai drags his hand down Suga’s face. “Beautiful,” he sings, expression...unreadable and Suga doesn’t know what to think. He places a hand to Suga’s forehead. “How are you feeling?” 

“Hmm, okay.” 

“Okay?” 

Suga nods.

“You don’t have to lie.” Suga opens his mouth to speak. “Okay, okay. I’ll relax, at least I can read your mind still,” he winks. 

“Thank you.” 

Suga’s eyes watch his lips again and Dai sucks in a breath and quickly looks away, rubbing at his eyes. “You can’t do that, Sug. You kill me, those eyes-”

“Can’t do what?” he laughs, acting sheepish and far too innocent. 

Dai looks back at him with wide eyes. “W-What, are you serious?! Don’t you dare act like you’re innocent, y-you tease!” he says, flipping Suga on his back and Suga bursts out laughing, harder than he has in far too long as Daichi tickles him, attacking, and both men destroy the sheets as they wrestle and laugh and touch...touch, feel, explore and slowly, the tickling fades into something slower….sensual. 

Daichi eyes Suga, his chest, his face, fingers licking at all of the spots his fingers grace and Koushi moans, low in the back of his throat as Daichi’s hand flattens across his heart. Daichi whistles. “I’m not doctor but that thing is pounding pretty quickly.” 

“Hmm, you’ve always had that effect on me. It’s quite dangerous.” 

Dai tilts his head. “Are you expecting an apology?” 

Suga scoffs proudly and pretends to be offended. “As a matter of fact, I am,” he says, turning his chin away. 

Dai whines as a complaint before tugging Suga’s attention back to him and it doesn’t take much for the tension between them to wash into something suffocatingly delicious. Daichi’s hand is still flat over Suga’s heart. 

It beats faster, Suga knows it because Dai smiles and leans down to place his ear to his chest. Suga strokes his hair. “What do you hear, doc?” 

Dai drums his fingers on Suga’s chest. “Ba-dum, ba-dum...ba-dum.” Dai lifts and kisses Suga’s chest and Suga’s eyes flutter from the soft, familiar sensation of Daichi’s lips on his skin. “I hear you.” 

“What am I saying?” 

Dai kisses his neck. Suga’s head drops back. “That you’re still in there.” 

Suga’s hands fists the sheets. “And?” 

“And that you’re happy...or that you will be.” 

Suga nods as Dai moves his lips down, down...so devilishly close to Suga’s nipple. “Can you hear what I’m thinking?” 

Dai shakes his head while his tongue circles Suga’s nipple and Suga’s spine arches, which allows Dai to snake his arm beneath him, wrapping around to pull him closer as Dai climbs on top of him. Suga loves this sight, the sight of Dai straddling him...fuck, how many nights he dreamt of this…

“It’s not as clear as it used to be but...I can hear what you want.” 

Suga cups Dai’s face, stroking his jaw as Dai looks deep, deep into his eyes. “And what do I want?” 

“You want to be loved. You want to feel secure.” Dai kisses his nose. “You want to feel wanted.” He kisses Suga’s chin, his cheek. “You want to feel whole, complete...healed.” Dai lifts and kisses his forehead. “You want to feel like yourself again,” Dai draws back and teases Suga with slow swipes of his tongue against Suga’s ear and Suga shivers violently as he claws and tugs at Daichi’s shirt. Dai laughs. “Did I get that right?” 

Suga matches his stare, holding it as if he could lose it again...he never wanted to lose Daichi again, he couldn’t stand it. “You’re right about wanting to be loved.” 

Dai’s chest rises, falls, quickly. “You deserve to be loved...a large love that consumes you, swallows you.” 

Suga’s heart sinks a bit. 

“I loved you like that once.” 

His heart officially shatters. 

Once. 

But not now. 

_ This Daichi could never love you... _

Suga looks away, battling the hot tears scratching at his eyes. “Once…” 

Dai scans his face before his eyes widen and his mouth forms an O. “No, no...oh, Sug.  _ No. _ I didn’t mean it like that! God, I’m a damn idiot,” he laughs and Suga dares a glance at him. Dai turns his eyes to his, running a finger along Suga’s lip. “I-I didn’t finish...I loved you like that once and...I ruined it. I had everything I ever wanted, in my arms, within my reach and I blew it...and I lost it. I lost you...I loved you like that once and I took it for granted.” Dai stops and closes his eyes. “I want another chance to prove to you that I can love you like that again, that I’ve never stopped loving you like that...you’re the love of my life.” 

Suga can’t breathe but this time...it feels good, it feels like it should...a familiar tug that Suga forgot that he could feel. 

“Can you...just say it? Say it like you did last night?” begs Suga. 

Dai clenches his teeth. “I-I...well, you...you didn’t really handle it well last time…” 

_ Oh. Oh yeah… _

“I-I’m sorry.” 

“No.” Daichi kisses both of Suga’s cheeks. “No, don’t you dare. I just...I never want to upset you like that ever again. I can’t stand to see you...”

Suga places his hand against Dai’s chest, directly over his heart. Dai’s eyes close. “Please, say it. O-Only if you want to. I-I don’t want to make you say something that you don’t mean and I-” 

“Of course I love you.” His voice breaks. “I have always loved you. Only you, always you, just...you.” 

Suga pulls him closer. Their lips are inches apart. “Again.” 

Dai smiles, breath licking Suga’s. “I love you, Sugawara.” 

They move closer…

So close. 

_ I love you, Dai.  _

Is he...is Daichi-

A knock at the door causes both of their eyes to leap open. 

“Yo, Suga! Lazy boy, time to get up! You can’t just eat room service and take baths all day.” The handle rattles. Dai sighs. “Ohhh, you’re not aloneee,” sings Tooru and Suga wants him dead. 

Dead, dead, dead. 

Suga hisses. “Can we kill him?” 

“Oh, yes.” 

Dai groans and rolls off of Suga. Suga reluctantly sits up and rubs at his eyes, grabbing for the shirt that hangs off the end of the bed, one of Dai’s...it’s practically a dress on him and he laughs as Dai whistles at him. 

Tooru is far too loud in the mornings, he always has been, but he brings breakfast and both he and Daichi are eternally grateful so Suga takes a deep breathe holds back from strangling his best friend….at least for now. 


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short, again. I'm so sorry, I have no time to write long chapters! But soon!

Kuroo, Tooru, Hajime, Kenma, Daichi and Suga are sprawled around Suga’s hotel room in sweatpants and baggy tee shirts. There's a single lamp on, dim, the lightbulb needing to be changed that tosses tall shadows against the thin walls of the hotel room. It’s 3a.m and the television shines with the images of Ghostbusters, Kenma’s eyes glued as he shoves his small hand into the massive bowl of popcorn, a bowl almost twice his size. He’s leaned up close against Kuroo, who strokes his boyfriends long blonde hair in slow, rhythmic motions while he mouths along to the movie; something that Kuroo has done ever since they were all kids in Hajime's basement watching the Yankees games. Also in fashionable tradition, Hajime and Tooru laugh at every single scene, tossing apple chunks at each other when the other beats him to quoting one of the many classic lines. 

_ “WE GOT ONE!”  _

_ “We came, we saw, we kicked ass.”  _

“Cheat,” whines Hajime and Tooru kisses his nose. 

Suga is sprawled on the end of the bed stealing popcorn from Kenma’s bowl, the small kitten slapping his hand each time which makes Suga smile like a child, when he looks back at Dai who's fast asleep, curled into a large ball against the headboard and Suga chuckles. Tooru and Hajime laugh boastfully again and Suga shushes them, pointing and Daichi and they all understand. Suga stares at the clock. How were they all so awake? Daichi, he understood, the man worked for hours at the bar with rowdy drunk girls and stoic frat boys then spent the remainder of his time with Suga. It made Suga feel guilty, always seeing Dai stumble into the room exhausted.

When would Suga go back to school? He missed his job, his classes, his students...Anya. He thinks of the parent teacher meeting and it feel like years since that day, since he felt like slapping the small girl's mother into another dimension for her mouth, for her temperament and now, he worries all over again. Is she okay? Does Anya miss him? Has she ever been hurt by her mother like Wakatoshi…

_ No.  _

No, Suga couldn’t think that way...he would never wish that upon anyone, not even Wakatoshi...but the thought does linger, stinging his brain as he continues to wallow in his own hot pity. 

He eyes all of his friends. He missed this as well, spending late night like this, together, smiling and laughing and watching old movies. This had always been their way of bonding, old movies and apple chunks and slapping at grabbing hands. Cuddling, being close, this is who they were at their core and Suga, looking over his shoulder, is happy that Dai is now apart of that duo. 

Tooru tugs on Suga’s finger. “You alright up there? You’re strangely quiet for Ghostbusters.” 

Suga folds in his smile and nods his chin. “Yeah. I’m just...I’m happy.” 

Tooru’s jaw literally drops as everyone goes quiet and eyes Suga. He looks around at them all confused. “W-What?” 

“Say that again,” asks Kuroo and Kenma nods. 

“Say what-”

“That you’re happy,” pushes Hajime. Suga feels his eyes swelling. No, no more tears, dammit. He’s dry! “Suga?” 

“Please?” Tooru’s voice breaks. 

So Suga rolls his eyes and runs a messy hand through Tooru’s perfect hair. “I’m happy. There, good enough?” 

Kuroo is the first to break the content silence as he tosses a handful of popcorn into suga’s face, one piece landing on Dai’s cheek and they all laugh as quietly as possible. Suga plucks the piece off Dai and pops it into his mouth. Dai stirs only slightly before humming and flipping to face the headboard. Suga runs a hand through Daichi’s hair then turns back to the movie, winking at Kuroo who watches him. They all point their focus back on the movie, each of the boys falling asleep at different times. 

They never make it to see the marshmallow monster. 

***

It's bright, so bright that it makes his headache pound to the sound of the water dripping in the bathroom sink. 

But that's no what truly makes his head hurt. 

No. He doesn’t know why it's so loud but he does know that someone is screaming. 

Loud. 

Suga leaps off the bed to see Kuroo and Hajime holding Daichi down on the mattress as he screams, no- growls into the air, limbs flailing as he cries and sweats profusely. He’s clawing at his shirt, as if he wants it off and Suga crawls backwards off the mattress until he falls off the bed, tumbling into Tooru’s arms. 

“I got you, I got you.” 

Suga looks around frantically. “W-What-” 

He sees Kenma in the corner with his hands pressed over his ears, Kuroo’s eyes darting between Daichi and his terrified boyfriend. 

“He just started...screaming,” Tooru mutters into his ear, out of breath and shaking. “I-I don’t know…” 

Suga panics. He knew Daichi had memories that he tried to desperately keep hidden from all of them, he knew it from the day Daichi dropped onto his stomach in the bar as if his life was at stake. Daichi had saw things that Suga and the others could never understand, and Suga never wanted to push Dai on any of those memories. But now, more than ever, he wants to be there for Dai; for all the times he held Suga as he cried, for the times when Suga was the one sweating and crying and broken. 

_ Oh, Dai. Oh god… _

_ You helped me.  _

_ I will always help you.  _

So Suga takes a large breath and nods his head, slapping his cheeks, as he pulls from Tooru, who tries to hold him back, but Suga manages to break free. He keeps his eyes locked onto Daichi, because like a horrible car crash, he can’t seem to look away. Daichi’s face is blistered red and swollen almost, nails clawing at the sheets until they rip and Suga bites his cheek as he crawls onto the bed. The blood in his face is prominent and his ears burn hot as Suga slides closer and brushes a hand along his cheek. Dai growls and he pulls back, shaking his hand out.

“He’s burning up,” he whispers to himself. 

“Suga, no! Careful,” commands Hajime as he battles with Daichi’s arms and Suga, mentally, applauds Hajime for being able to fight those massive arms.  

Suga looks to him and shakes his head. 

“Sug, you can’t do this right now.” urges Kuroo. 

“I can! I can do this!” 

_ He can do this. He  _ will  _ do this.  _

Suga focuses all of his attention on the soldier, on the love of his life, who’s screaming only intensifies as he bites into his bloodied lip. 

What did he do for you, Suga? 

How did he help you? Think, think...

_ The tub.  _

_ Water.  _

“Water,” he says, much louder than he hears in his head. 

Kenma yells through the white noise. “What?” 

“WATER!” Suga yells again, climbing from the bed and rushing into the bathroom. He flips on the water and closes the stopper, bouncing on his heels as the tub fills, listening to the screams of Daichi in the background. 

One second passes. 

Four, ten, sixty and finally, when it seems to be enough to soak Daichi, Suga gasps and rushes back into the room waving his hands. “Bring him in the bathroom, now!” 

Kuroo and Hajime share exhausted glances before they nod and struggle to keep Daichi in their grasp. Tooru joins in and even Suga tries to keep Daichi’s kicking legs under control as they drag him into the bathroom. His eyes are still closed and his eyes are still watering and it’s tearing Suga to shreds to see him this way. 

_ You’re so strong, baby. So, so strong.  _

Suga points to the tub and all of his friends stare at him confused. “Put him in the water!” 

Kuroo and Hajime shrug but they listen, lifting Daichi with loud cries and as they drop him into the large tub, Daichi’s screams turn into something different as the cold water slashes against Suga’s legs and Daichi’s eyes snap open, his mouth agape and his body shivering. 

It’s freezing, but that’s what he needed. 

He needed to be woken up and...it worked. 

Daichi’s eyes flutter open, his breathing sporadic and fast and breathy as he wraps his arms around himself and rocks back and forth, mindlessly muttering. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Drop the bomb, let them go. Let her go. Let her go…” 

Suga’s eyes water. He walks towards the tub. “You guys can wait outside.” 

Tooru snatches his hand. “Suga, that water is freezing.” 

Suga shakes him away. “Wait outside, please.” 

He steps into the tub. The water is freezing, absolutely freezing, but his body is already numb so Suga sinks in behind Daichi and curls his arms around Daichi’s large chest. His fingers link against Dai’s, who is covered in large, sharp goosebumps and Suga whispers his apology over and over and over again. 

“Let her go.  _ She’s a child, _ let her go. Please,” he repeats. 

What has he seen? What has he experienced, why doesn’t he let Suga in? Suga wants to be let in. 

But that’s a hypocritical thought and Suga pushes it away. 

“I’m right here,” Suga kisses against Dai’s neck. 

“Let her go. L-Let her go…” 

He kisses his hair, nuzzles closer. “I’m right here, Dai.” 

“Let her...go…” 

His body stops rocking, slow at first and then all at once, until Dai’s head drops forward, Suga catching his chin with his hand. He carefully pushes Dai’s head back until it rests against Suga. Dai slumps down, curling against Koushi’s chest and Suga strokes his hair, teeth clattering from the cold. 

Tooru stills stands at the door and Suga is thankful for it, thankful that Tooru is so stubborn. But he doesn't stay for long, as he grabs two towns and sets they on the toilet by the tub. Suga nods and mouths a thank you. Tooru only nods, blows a kiss to both of them and silently shuts the door. 

Suga keeps them close until Dai passes out against suga. 

He refuses to move, he refuses to ever let go of Daichi again. 

_ I’m not losing you. _

_ I'm never losing you again.  _

"I'm right here, Dai." 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're getting places, I promise!

**ONE WEEK LATER**

**SEPTEMBER 30TH**

 

He, Kuroo and Tooru stand outside of the court house and Suga actually can't breathe.

It’s cold and cloudy and early, far too early for Suga’s liking but as Daichi and Tooru had told him, this was a necessary step and honestly, he agreed. If Suga was going to start heeling, he needed to start by pushing himself and finally, he was.  

Kuroo stands behind he and Tooru, the tension between the two suffocating and as much as Suga wants to fix it, he can only focus on one thing at the moment.

_Ushijima._

He was actually doing this.

The idea of the restraining order had once sent him into a panic attack, the idea of how Waka would react and of course, it still scared him. Wakatoshi was a bomb ready to explode at any moment and all Suga wanted was to save his friends from the destruction as much as he could. He didn’t fear for himself much, not anymore, not after all that Waka had put him through; Suga was going to be working on that of quite awhile. No, his fear lied with his friends. Waka had already attacked Asahi, and Noya was still hesitant about letting his husband anywhere near the hotel and Suga understood. But Dai had finally convinced him that this restraining order was a good step for not only Suga, but for all of them.

Kuroo and Dai were just as dangerous, the anger they held for Ushijima made them blind and fast to react with clenched fists and scary promises….but Dai knew that the argument would work on Koushi, for he was weak when it came to his friends, and the idea that he was so easily tricked still made Suga a little upset.

But only slightly, because he would do absolutely anything for Kuroo and Dai, for all of his friends, even if it involved him standing outside of the court house in the snow as Tooru and Kuroo actively try to ignore each other. They were corrigal, they hung out and spoke but only in small sentences but with each glance, at least one of them ended up snarling or huffing their chests and it was beginning to weigh on Suga. When was the last time they had an argument that lasted this long? Middle school? High school? Suga doesn’t know if he has an answer.

But again, as much as he wanted to help and he would later, right now he could focus on nothing but the large stone building that towered before him.

So he sighs and shoves his frozen hands into his pockets. Tooru tugs on his heavy jacket. “You breathing okay?”

“He’s fine, right, Sug?”

Suga only nods.

“Yeah, he’s just peachy,” Tooru snaps back and Kuroo, appropriately, snarls. “You...are you sure you wanna do this today?”

_Is he sure?_

“Y-Yeah, I just, you know, need a second.”

Kuroo places a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “There’s no rush, we have all day.”

Suga nods again, as for most words at the moment are escaping him. The polished stone building is extremely intimidating, tall, as it casts a dark, chilled shadow against the three men and Suga gulps. He gulps again.

“Stop gulping,” shakes Tooru as he squeezing Suga’s arm. It makes Suga smile. “We’re here for you, Koush. This is a good thing, I promise.”

“I know it is, I do. It’s just...scary.” He looks down, rubbing his thighs together and he can feel Tooru’s eyes on him. “What will I have to do again?”

“So, there will be...um, well, a medium amount of paperwork involved-”

Kuroo scoffs. “That was convincing.”

“-describing, uh, Wakatoshi; what he looks like, what he’s done,” Tooru says, waving the medical file they received from the hospital in the air, “which these will definitely help with, so you don’t have to explain so much and if you want me to do most of the talking, I will!”

_How did he get so lucky, having a friend like Tooru?_

“Okay, and then what?”

“Yeah, okay, well after we file this thing, they’ll set a court hearing. It usually takes about one to two days to set the date and then the actual hearing is scheduled within like... two weeks?”

And that’s when Suga goes numb. “Wait...an actual like..I have to go to court thing? Like in front of a judge?”

His palms sweat and Kuroo rubs his back. Tooru answers nervously. “Well, yes?”

_No, that's...that's too real. He couldn't possibly..._

He gulps.  

“Sug, I know it sounds scary,” Kuroo interrupts, “but there is an option that if you ask for an emergency restraining order, which we should do, the hearing will take place as soon as possible and maybe we can get this over with a bit faster? That wait is usually only within a week.”

Tooru turns to him, arms crossed. “Oh? And how do you know this? I didn’t see _you_ at the police station!”

“I looked it up online, you ass,” bites Kuroo, stepping forward and while still frowning, Suga can’t help but laugh at how Tooru inches behind him for safety. Suga was Kuroo's kryptonite in this situation and Tooru knew it.

“Fair enough,” he mumbles.

When Suga finally pulls up the courage, they walk into the courthouse and the air inside instantly feels colder, even when debated against the heavy New York snow. Suga's jacket only barely protects him from the stares and mumbles from passerby's as they approach the desk and state their case. As Suga expected, Tooru was of course lying about the paperwork, there is far too much of it and Suga is quickly overwhelmed, and with every line he signs and every complaint he files, the more Suga’s hands shake. But Kuroo is supportive and Tooru is there to help him write all of the hard details that his mind can’t manage to handle yet. It was easy for the court to go along with the suggestion of an emergency restraining order, especially after viewing the medical files issued by the hospital and Suga hates the way that the woman behind the counter stares at him with heavy doses of pity while she reads through Feltman’s notes. They file a request a order to keep Wakatoshi at least two miles away from Suga at all times, adding Asahi’s name to the order as well, which he and Noya had both approved beforehand. He tears his eyes away as the woman reads over his scars, as if she’s reading into Suga, and he keeps his stare locked with Kuroo’s as Tooru discusses the technicalities with a few more people.  

“So before the hearing happens, which we can push up so that it’s completed by early next week, you have to choose what method you would like the restraining order to be presented in.”

Suga looks between his friends. “I’m sorry, p-presented?”

The nice lady smiles. “You have a few different options. You yourself are not allowed to deliver the order, so you can either have one of your friends deliver it, someone over the age of eighteen or hire a courier service.”

Suga nods. “Courier service,” he repeats to himself.

Kuroo laughs. “I don’t have a problem giving it to that son of a bitch.”

“Down, boy,” slurs Tooru.

“When your hearing occurs, you will need to give testimony supporting your request in front of a judge. You’ll be asked to bring in evidence that supports your claims, your medical records will work just fine, the hospital did a good job of including pictures already so you won’t need to bother with that.”

“Okay, that’s good!” assures Tooru and Suga smiles at him.

“Now, just so you are aware, the abuser _is_ offered the opportunity to give their side of the story.”

Suga’s heart stops beating.

Kuroo’s hand stills against his back. “What?”

The woman continues. “But if he _doesn’t_ show up to the hearing, the restraining order is almost always granted instantly.”

Suga shakes his head.

_No, no. He was being bold. He...he was doing this._

“But what if he does come?” Suga asks to no one in particular. “What...what if he comes and calls me a liar, what if...what if all of this is for nothing...what if he-”

“Sug, look at me,” Tooru says, holding Suga’s face between his hands. “Breathe, okay? This is all hypothetical right now, yeah?”

Suga’s breathing picks up but he nods.

“Besides, we have your medical records. No one will call you a liar after seeing those report, okay?” Suga nods. “Please, breathe.” Suga looks to Kuroo, he nods and offers his warmest smile.

The woman places a hand over the one Suga has rested over the counter. “We have all that we need Mr. Sugawara. I’ll make sure your file gets pushed up, we’ll get this figured out as soon as we can, okay?”

Suga’s heart settles. “O-Okay, thank you.”

The boys wait awhile longer until the woman calls Tooru back to the desk and informs him of the hearing date and she was telling the truth about pushing up the case. The hearing is set for Monday morning at 9 a.m and they choose to have courier service deliver the order or to Wakatoshi. Daichi will want to be there, but he works Sundays and Suga hates the idea of having to wake him up all because of his silly problems.

_No one will love you like I do._

Suga shakes away the voice.

Two more weeks. That’s all he had left until he had to go back to work.

Four more days until the hearing.

One week for Waka to know, one week to deal with the consequences.

Was he ready for this? Was he ready for his friends to really experience all that Wakatoshi was? Of course he wasn’t. He wouldn’t wish that upon anyone...

Kuroo taps Suga on the hand. “Hey, you with us?”

Suga snaps from his trance. He nods and offers a small grin before Kuroo and Tooru walk him back to the hotel in silence. Kuroo has a match and again, Suga has to miss it. He curses himself and Tooru promises to record it.

“You’re going?” whispers Kuroo in shock.

Tooru sighs. “Of course I’m going.” He bounces on the balls of his feet. “Who’s gonna film it for Sug?”

Kuroo blushes while biting at his nails. Koushi smiles as he jumps onto the bed. “I could go, you know? It’s a public place, everyone will be there...”

_I know they can keep me safe...but can I handle it?_

Kuroo clicks his tongue, seeming to read his thoughts. “Large crowds? Big spaces where we could lose you? Nah, Sug. Too much of a risk. Sorry, bud.”

Suga looks at his lap and nods. Tooru kneels before him. “I’m gonna film the entire thing.”

“Promise?”

Tooru winks. “Promise.” Suga nods and pokes Tooru’s cheek. “You’re a child,” he rolls while grabbing the remote and shoving it into Suga’s hands. “Call Daichi, he’ll wanna know how it went at-”

But before Tooru finishes, Suga’s phone vibrates at his side.

“And speak of the devil,” jokes Kuroo as he and Tooru gather their things and head for the door. “Lock it up behind us, first thing!”

Suga nods and waves, refusing to tear his eyes from the flashing glow of Dai’s name on his screen. Tooru complains about Koushi ignoring him and he’s right, he is, but he is smart enough to lock the door behind his friends before answering the phone.

“Dai?”

Daichi seems to sigh, and it brings goosebumps to his skin. “You’re okay.”

Suga places his hand across his heart and leans his back against the door. “I’m okay.”

“I’m sorry I was gone before you woke up this morning. I had to help Tsukki at the bar and-”

“Don’t apologize, I understand! You spend too much time here with me anyways.”

He really did and Suga didn't deserve it. 

“Oh, Sug. In my opinion, I don’t spend enough time with you,” he breathes and Suga’s eyes flutter.

_I love you._

“How did it go?”

Suga hums. “Well. The hearing is set for Monday morning.”

Dai gasps. “That was...fast. How did you swing that?”

“You know Kuroo and his research.”

“Bless that man,” Dai jokes and they both laugh. “I’ll let Asahi and Noya know when about the hearing when they come in for their shift.”

Suga nods and plays with his shirt. “H-How is he? Asahi? I know...I know Noya is upset with me-”

“No, Suga. He’s worried about you, he's furious at Wakatoshi. He’s just being cautious.”

“As he should,” mumbles Suga.

_I cause too many problems._

His silence gives him away. “Suga, whatever it is you’re thinking...stop.” Suga allows a smile to form. “And to answer your question, he’s doing much better. He misses you, asks about you everyday.”

 _Asahi._ “I miss him too. I miss everyone…” _I miss a lot of things._ “Is it pathetic to say that I miss you too?”

There’s a pause and Suga worries that he’s said too much. But then- “God, I miss you too.” His heart calms. “I get to wake up with you and fall asleep with you every night and still, I’m greedy.” Suga hears shuffling. “You’re all I think about,” he whispers. “You’re quite the distraction, Koushi.”

He blushes something fierce. “Are you trying to be secretive?”

Dai laughs softly. “I’m hiding from Tsukki. And Yama, that boy is bossy!”

Suga giggles behind his lips. “Yes, yes he is.” There’s a long, comfortable pause. “When do you come back to me?”

That was always their saying, from the moment he and Dai started dating...he forgot how much he missed saying it.

“As soon as the clock lets me.”

Ah, and just like that, they were back in their routine.

“I-I have to go-”

“Yeah! Yeah, of course. Go.”

Dai sighs. “But I don’t wanna,” he purrs and the sound rattles through Suga, down, down-

“Hurry and the time will go faster.” This makes Dai scoff and it’s adorable. “I’ll be waiting.”

Another pause. “Bye, Sug.”

“Bye, Dai.”

They both wait for the other to hang up the phone before Suga makes the first move and presses the end button. He hugs the phone to his chest, leans his head back against the door and closes his eyes.

_Come back to me._

_“As soon as the clock lets me.”_


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story is so much fun to write. It's really pushing me. 
> 
> Finals are hell so I'm trying to write as much as I can but I'm sorry that all of these chapters are so short!  
> Thank you guys so much for all your comments and kudos! I love talking to you guys, it always makes my day <3

**SATURDAY NIGHT**

**OCTOBER 1ST**

 

The bar is pure insanity.

Kageyama has sweat pouring into his eyes as Hinata occasionally jumps to wipe it away, his rag soaked and each time, they both laugh. Asahi is a hot mess as he scrambles to take orders, Noya right behind him to clear the tables to make room for the next set of hungry customers. Tsukki’s bar was the only in 9th block of New York to serve food until closing and they always drew in the late crowd.

 _I need a new job_ , Dai thinks to himself, even though he definitely doesn’t mean it.

In the beginning, Dai thought of this job as nothing more than a stop before jumping back into a serious career, probably construction, he was always fond of working with his hands, which is why he had loved the Marines so much. But after the first few shifts, getting close to all of his friends again, helping Tsukki with the ordering, making new menu’s and learning to cook in the back with the cook, Mad dog, Daichi had actually comes to love this job, more than he ever expected. He especially loved that he was able to learn about of his friends again; he was able to learn more about Yama’s job at the publishing house and that he mainly worked within the historical fiction genre, even giving Daichi a few manuscripts to scan every once in awhile. He learned about the life Kageyama and Hinata had built together, about how they only planned on working until they both had enough saved up to open a place of their own, but instead of beer, they wanted tackle coffee and Daichi loved the idea. He learned that Asahi and Noya went back to Japan for their honeymoon to visit Asahi’s parents after getting married right our of high school and that they almost stayed, that they missed the slow pace of Japan and the quiet that comes with the seasons.

This job was also the perfect place to hear about all of the gossip; gossip that of course involved his Suga. He learned that Suga had met Wakatoshi in March, if tobio recalled correctly, and that they called it official in April. He learned of all the times that he would come in and stay until the lights were out, sleeping in the booths until Tsukki had to call Tooru to come pick him up. He heard stories of all the girls that he attempted to hit on, but of how he always ended up complaining to them instead. It hurt Daichi, to hear those stories, to know of the life that Suga had cocooned himself in during all those awful months while Ushijima kept him locked beneath his feet with fear.

Daichi hated no one, not even after all that he had seen overseas, in the deserts, in the jungles, he refused to allow hate into his heart but now, he found that he had to fight the feeling away more than ever. Even the mention of that monster's name sent waves of rolling, hot anger up Daichi’s spine and he has to shake away the blood swimming behind his eyes as he feels a hand squeeze his shoulder.

“You awake in there?”

Dai looks to meet Tsukki’s eyes. He cracks a smile after a second and nods.

“Can you tackle a few tables?”

“Yeah, of course,” Dai says, grabbing a spare pad from the counter.

He’s about to tell Kageyama that he’ll be back to help after the 1:30 rush but before he can - “Hey, before you leave tonight, meet me in my office?” says Tsukki and Dai squints his eyes. Tsukki chuckles. “Settle, Soldier, I’m not putting you in time out,” he jokes, rushing away as he and Daichi share mocking looks.

Three tables order the chicken sandwich, Mad Dogs specialty, onion rings and beer nuts included. One table orders nothing but chips and guacamole (Daichi’s personal favorite) while another orders five trays of cheese fries and each order only adds to Daichi’s growing hunger.

 _I should pick you up food for Suga before going back to the hotel_ , he thinks and the thought of Suga calms him in all the ways that he needed to be calmed.   

After handling the tables that Asahi was too busy to reach in the front, he finally works his way to the back of the bar where a man sits with his nose in the menu while slouched in a booth. Dai smiles and and turns to a fresh page in his tablet.

“You know, my opinion is if you stare at the menus enough, that your stomach will just-”

But before he finishes his sentence, the man lowers the menu to reveal his face and that rolling anger stings at his straightened spine as he drops the order book to his feet and balls his fists.

“You were saying?” growls Wakatoshi with a curved grin.

“Leave,” grunts Daichi as he steps towards the booth, chin held high.

He eyes the bar and sees Asahi frozen in the center of the bar, staring at the two as he shakes...terrified and Daichi only grows hotter as his eyes snap back to Wakatoshi.

_Noya, get him out of here._

“Is this not a public establishment? Or have you closed?”

His fists shake.“I won’t ask again.”

Ushijima cocks an eyebrow. “Is your manager around, I really must complain about the service here-”

Daichi leaps forward and grabs the front of the beasts shirt, Ushijima’s hands doing the same as Daichi hauls him to his feet, tossing the man to the floor of the bar. Daichi roars as he rushes forward, blinded by his bubbling anger, foot ready to strike at Wakatoshi’s exposed gut but before he can, two large arms ropes around own as he hauled back.

Daichi seethes, spit seeping through his clenched teeth as Tsukki begs him to calm down. Tsukki addresses Ushijima. “Leave or I’m calling the police. I have every right to kick your sorry ass out.”

“Oh, and should I complain about the manhandling of a customer when they arrive?”

Dai snickers. “I wouldn’t act so cocky if I were you,” he laughs and Ushijima’s smug expression drops. “They have all the information they need about _you_.”

_Fuck._

“Dai, no,” hisses Tsukki.

_Shit. SHIT!_

“Oh, no need for secrets, boys. I know all about your little restraining order!” he laughs.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._

“Hey,” bellows Kageyama as he comes up behind Tsukki. “Are we having issues over here?”

“Oh, and if it isn’t the king!” laughs Ushijima as he pushes himself upright, feet wobbling beneath him.

Kageyama stays cool and Daichi finds himself jealous. “Good to see you again. How’s the sport treating you.”

“Oh, how nice for you to share in small talk with the criminal,” hisses Wakatoshi but Kageyama keeps his smile while wrapping his knuckles with his bag rag. “Where’s that ace of yours, huh? Has he grown at all?”

Ushijima’s stare slides to where Hinata stands supportively with Asahi and Kageyama is fast to block his view. “I’d stop while you’re ahead. How about you just leave, alright?”

Ushijima turns back to Tobio and Daichi fights his way free from Tsukki, whose grip is bone numbing. “He can handle himself,” bites Tsukki as Dai begs to be released.

“Tobio, just leave it alone,” whines Hinata and only then does Kageyama’s face twitch.

Ushijima hums. “Yeah, King, may wanna listen to your bitch, huh? Wouldn’t wanna miss out on that sweet ass of his later tonight,” he sings before Kageyama laughs and looks down at the fist wrapped with the rag.

“You’re right. I should listen,” he jokes before his smile drops and his fists lunges forwards, bones breaking beneath his fists as it collides against Ushijima’s jaw. The tall man drops to the floor and Hinata’s moan is loud enough to shatter glass.

“Tobio!” Hinata says before running to his boyfriend, who scoops Hinata into his arms and carries him as far away from Ushijima as he can, cursing and kissing Hinata's neck. Tsukki drags Dai back further as well, the owners eyes darting between Yama, who stands on the stairs with tears in his eyes, and Ushijima, who rubs at his jaw as he drunkenly climbs back to his feet.

“Man,” he boast before spitting blood out on the floor. “You all really know how to pack a punch. Kuroo’s was still better but damn, that wasn’t half bad, king,” he jokes.  

_Kuroo?_

Ushijima focuses back on Daichi. “Where is my boyfriend, Soldier?”

“Fuck off.”

Ushijima shakes head and steps closer. Dai finally breaks loose of Tsukki and matches Ushijima’s threatening glare. “I’ll find him eventually and you know it, don’t you? That’s why you’re so...uptight,” he clicks, scanning Daichi up and down.

Daichi pushes closer. “You’ll never again get close enough to Suga to even feel his breathe on your skin, and that’s a promise, _player_ , since we’re assigning nicknames and such,” growls Dai as his fists wad tighter, nails biting into his palms. “And if I ever see you anywhere near him, I assure you, the last thing you’ll see if my face as you as you lay dying, cold and alone, somewhere on the street, as I’m hauled away in handcuffs,” he pauses and licks his lips, “and I’ll be laughing. Oh, I’ll be laughing my ass off, you can bet on it.” Ushijima is pale and Daichi is proud. He leans closer. “You hurt my hurt my best friend.” He can hear Asahi whine. “You broke the love the of my life,” he sings and Ushijima snarls. “I wasn’t lying when I said that I’d be happy to spend the rest of my days in a penitentiary if it meant you never laying another fucking finger on Suga for as long as he lives.” Daichi pauses, to see if Ushijima will strike back. His wait is over. “I’m a man of my word, Wakatoshi. Do not come back to this bar, do you understand?”

The bar is dead silent, besides the sound of Yama sniffling on the stares and Tsukki steaming behind him.

Ushijima opens his mouth to speak before he steps back and starts to turn. But before he commits to leaving the bar, he looks back at Daichi. “You can threaten me all you want. You can lock him in a box, hide him away like some rabid pit bull but believe me when I say that this will end with one of you dead,” he promises, cocky and...serious as he eyes all of the men working the bar. “You know I don’t handle losing very well,” he says, eyeing Hinata again, and memories of Hinata lying limp on the bathroom floor pops back into Daichi’s mind. He had hurt Hinata in high school, he remembers now, after their team had beat Wakatoshi in Nationals.  

Kageyama stands in front of his trembling boyfriend and Asahi, Noya at his side.

Daichi swallows his feral anger.

Ushijima laughs softly once more before turning and leaving the bar. Once the door slams behind him, Daichi sighs and sags, leaning his hands on the table and Tsukki comes and rubs his back.

“Go take a break, Dai.”

Daichi shakes his head.

“That’s an order. Go.”

Daichi meets Tsukki’s eyes and nods, running his sweaty palms down his face. As he walks to the back, he passes by Asahi and runs his finger against the back of his friends shaking hand, Asahi silently thanking him. He slaps Kageyama on the shoulder and winks up at Yama, who grants him the sweetest smile before pushing through the doors that lead to the break room.

He falls into a chair.

He takes  a few deep breathes and then pulls out his phone.

He scrolls until he finds Suga’s name. He sends a text:

**Are you okay?**

He waits, knee bouncing. A minute passes:

**Suga: I’m lonely and hungry, but I’m surviving.**

**Suga: Why? Are you okay? Did something happen??**

Daichi smiles. Of course Suga is only worried about others:

**I just miss you.**

_I love you, Suga. I love you so much._

**Suga: Come back to me.**

Daichi’s heart starts to slow behind his ribs:

**As soon as the clock lets me.**

He locks the phone and holds it up to his lips. He kisses the screen and thinks of Suga. He wants to go home. He looks at the clock on the wall. 2 a.m. Only an hour left.

The door opens and Tsukki walks in. Daichi looks at him stone faced, waiting for the silence to break. Tsukki sighs and grabs the chair by the door and slides it to sit in front of Daichi.

“We have a lot of nervous customers out there, Dai.”

Daichi shakes his head. “Tsukki, I’m so sorry.”

“Are you kidding me? That asshole deserves a hell of a lot more than Kageyama’s weak punches.” Daichi laughs and so does Tsukki. “I don’t think….it really hit me until now.”

“What do you mean?”

“Suga,” he moans, leaning into his hands. “I don’t think I really understood how bad, how violent Ushijima was until now. I thought, you know, maybe everyone was over reacting for a while, especially when Tooru mentioned the restraining order but…” he pauses and Dai nods. “Daichi, promise me something?”

“Hm?”

“Don’t get yourself arrested, yeah?”

Again, Dai laughs and nods. “Yeah, yeah. I promise.”

“I’m serious. I know...what it’s like to be protective of someone.” Tsukki rubs at his mouth. “In high school, people would pick on Yama all the time, you remember? About his freckles.” Oh, Daichi remembers. Tsukki as a monster in high school. Especially when it came to Yama. “I was sure I was going to murder that asshole, what was his name, Yuri? That prick always knew how to break Yama and fuck, I never wanted to hurt anyone like I wanted to hurt that bastard.”

“I know, Tsukki.”

“I know you do, which is why I worry. I had to work a long time to learn how to control my anger and still, whenever Yama is involved, I turn into a completely different person. And so do you.” Dai scoffs and nods. “Suga is your Yama.”

“Yeah. Yeah, he is.”

“Be careful, that’s all I’m saying. You’re important to  a lot of people,” Tsukki says as he slaps Daichi’s knee and stands, tightening the apron around his waist. “Besides, I can’t make you a partner if you’re in prison, yeah?”

Daichi stills, his eyes snapping to Tsukki’s. “What did you just say?”

“You heard me.” Tsukki smiles. Daichi is speechless. “We’ll talk more when you calm down. But for now, get out of here. Go see Suga.”

“A partner…”

Tsukki just chuckles and leaves Daichi alone in the break room. Daichi smiles and chuckles to himself before he pulls out his phone and sends a text to Suga.

**Indian or Chinese?**

A minute passes:

**Suga: Indian, always.**

“Indian, it is.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AHH. This was fun to write and stressful! Please let me know if you catch any errors. I'm exhausted and barely awake at work writing this! Hope the scenes made you happy <3
> 
> Woah. SO many typos, I'm so sorry!!!

**OCTOBER 3RD**

 

It’s the morning of the hearing and Suga is awake before Daichi which is nothing new. Suga was always the morning person as for Daichi was the night owl; just one of the reasons why they seemed to work so well.

Opposites attract, right?

Suga looks comical while dressing in different suits, matching different bright bow ties...sweating profusely and Daichi can’t help but laugh as he watches Suga make faces in the mirror. This routine was nothing new for Suga; he had done the same thing the day of graduation and the day that Daichi had been sworn into the Marines but Daichi had nonetheless missed it. He missed watching Suga do his hair and shave, missed watching him dress until he was pleased, missed watching him get nervous over social events but overall, God, he had missed Suga; missed the feeling of being domestic with someone. The hotel had so many advantages for Daichi. He was able to fall asleep with Suga, wake up with him, eat dinner and watch old movies with him, share about their days.

These were the moments that kept him sane while overseas, the moments that made him smile while covered in blood other than his. He remembers those long nights now; laying on dirt cots with only his jacket as a pillow, dreaming and replaying moments that he had shared with Suga in his head to distract from the sounds of distant gunfire and dropping bombs. Suga was his saving grace during the late night raids, when Daichi was sure he would walk away with one less limb, when he could feel the earth beneath his feet rock due to the IEDs planted in the sand. Thinking of Suga kept his feet moving when his body would freeze, when his nerves would win...Suga kept him alive and one day, Daichi would thank him for that properly but for now, Suga had other matters to pay attention too.

This was an important step; one that Daichi was proud of him for taking. He thinks of how the idea was one that in the beginning had paralyzed Suga, one that made him panic and sweat but now, here he was, dressing to stand before the court and make his case and Daichi had never been so proud of him.

Daichi sits up, tossing back the covers as he yawns and stretches his arms high above his head. Suga smiles into the mirror before turning to look at him and Daichi can’t help but notice at how his eyes flutter up and down his bare chest.

Daichi grins. “Well, good morning to you too.”

Suga blushes and turns back to the mirror. “It’s your fault. It’s sinful, not wearing a shirt when you look like that,” pokes Suga and Daichi’s eyebrows lift.

“This coming from you?”  

Suga’s jaw drops. “Excuse me?”

“Come on, Sug! Have you seen your body? It’s practically streamline! And your hips?” Daichi whistles while standing from the bed, his legs cold from the snowy chill that New York slams against the thick windows; snow in October, it's sinful.

He trots closer to Suga before reaching out and taking gentle hold of his hips, pulling Suga to his chest.

Suga giggles and tosses his arms around Daichi’s neck. “Says the man with thighs as large as firetrucks.”

“Is this what this is gonna be? A compliment battle because I assure you, I will win.”

“Oh, cocky, are we?” jokes Suga as he drags a finger along Daichi’s cheek and his eyes flutter while Suga bites his lip.

“That’s cheating,” hums Daichi and Suga nods.

“Oh, I’m aware.”

Daichi is speechless. It’s quite a frequent happening lately. “I always knew you are a secret tease but damn it, Sug,” moans Daichi as he leans down and licks at Suga’s neck, the man’s head falling back as Daichi leave light kisses along his throat, down his neck and Suga _purrs_ …

“We have…” he gasps and Daichi melts. “We have places to be.”

“Oh yes,” he says coming up to nibble at Suga’s ear. “Very important places.”

“ _Very_ important,” Suga repeats as he shovels his fingers through Daichi’s hair.

Suga takes hold of Daichi’s cheek and stares far into Daichi’s eyes and his breath hitches. Daichi draws in a sharp intake and walks Suga backwards until they meet the wall with passionate force and Suga moans deep behind his teeth as he bucks his hips forward. Daichi can barely keep his knees locked as his hands roam along Suga’s body. He looks delicious in his dark grey suit, buttons snapped tight and hair slicked over and Daichi could eat him up in one sensual bite, devour this beautiful, beautiful creature in one fine sweep of hungry eyes and desperate touches. Daichi forgot just how crazy Suga made him, how his body craved Suga’s; every swipe of their fingers, every time their legs touched while they slept was enough to destroy Daichi in all the ways that mattered. Suga tilts his head and runs his tongue along his bottom lip, Daichi watching until the very last moment, dreaming of the feel of that pink tongue against his…

Daichi closes his eyes.

_No, no. Not like this…_

Daichi lifts his hands away from Suga’s perfectly crafted hips and holds them high above his head and grunts, folding them back into fists before he places his hands on top of the ones Suga has rested atop of his cheeks. “Oh, Sug, as much as I’d love... _love_ , to continue this-”

Suga sighs, interrupting him. “I know, I know…”

Daichi leans to catch his eyes. “You look beautiful,” he whispers and he loves that it makes Suga blush even harder.

“Thank you.” Daichi goes to move away but Suga is fast to cling to Daichi’s boxers, hauling him close again. He snakes his arms back around Daichi’s neck. “Am I a coward to admit that I’m nervous?”

Daichi wants to laugh. “No, that only makes you sane.” Suga pouts. “Who wouldn’t be nervous in this situation?”

Suga glares at him. “You. You were never nervous in...serious situations.”

“Are you kidding me, Koush. I am always nervous, about everything. I’m just...eh, a good actor?”

“Better than Tom Cruise.”

“Ew, I hate that guy.”

Suga giggles. “I know you do,” he says, playing with the longer strands of hair at the base of Daichi’s neck. “Thank you, Dai.”

Now he’s the one to tilt his head. “For what?”

“You...you’ve been really patient with me, about, you know...sexual things and I really...just thank you.”

Dai deflates. “Sug, I’m not here for that. Of course, I will always be attracted to you. There’s no controlling that, it’s almost built into who I am,” he says, trying to make Suga smile...and succeeding. “But I’m not here for that. Hell, I have to take you on a proper date first!” Again, they both laugh, Daichi wiping at the tears that escape Suga’s eyes. “I would never force you into anything like that, ever, you have to know that. You went through... _hell_. I understand that things are going to take time and I will wait for as long as I have to.” Suga sniffles and Daichi lifts his chin before he can drop it. “I’m not going anywhere, ever again, please believe me, baby.”

Suga’s lips part. “I believe you,” he says, leaning into Daichi’s touch, “and...I won’t...I won’t make you wait-”

“Make me wait, dammit! Make me wait,” he urges, combing his fingers through Suga’s  hair. “You are not something to wait for lightly. You are something to be earned, Koushi, do you understand me?” Suga’s eyes burn red. “I’m not giving up on you either. I’m waiting until you want me gone.”

Suga sighs, breath shaking. “I could never want you gone.”

Daichi can feel his lungs collapsing. How does Suga manage to steal his breath so easily? “That’s good to know then.” He leans his forehead against Suga’s. “I’m going to make up for all of the time that I lost, Suga, if you’ll let me of course,” he asks softly, biting his cheek.

Suga shakes his head. “I don’t know, I’ll have to think about.”

Daichi knows it’s a joke, but it terrifies him nonetheless. “Is there anything I can do to convince you?” he asks and instantly, Suga's yes fall to Daichi’s lips.

Koushi peers back up. “You haven’t kissed me yet.”

Dai feels butterflies in his stomach. No, screw butterflies. These are bats, bats with razors for wings. He swallows. “Do you want me to kiss you?”

Suga's tongue tips at his teeth. “I do.”

Daichi locks his jaw. “Are you positive? I swear to God, Sug, there’s no rush.”

Suga pulls Daichi closer. “And that’s why I want you to kiss me.”

Daichi blinks rapidly before sighing and nodding.

Suga stares at him with the same look that he would give Daichi right after sex; that look that swam with so much love that it could drown Daichi, eyes washed over with white hot desire that could burn them both if they weren’t careful. Dai lifts his hand to stroke Suga’s cheek, fingers wrapping around the back of Suga’s neck and Koushi swoons, gasping and panting from the touch. How long had he dreamt of this moment, of kissing Suga again...of melting from the simple touch of their lips? Daichi tugs him closer, closer until their breath mixes and then their lips grace and it’s more than anything Daichi could ask for.

The world continues to spin and the ground is still present beneath his bare feet, but the air is hot and heavy and Suga’s lips against his feel like that of cool water; gentle and slow and lapping as Suga whimpers against his lips, begging for more but Daichi refuses to push him. He refuses to hurt Suga in any possible way, so he keeps the rhythm steady, even as his body begs for the usual hungry speed that his entire being is so happily familiar with. Daichi goes again to kiss away each of Suga’s moans, his whines, each one just as precious and memorable as the next. His hands tangle within Suga’s silver locks, the feel of his hair against his fingers silky and Suga groans something ferocious as Daichi’s nails scratch at his scalp. Suga’s own hands have a firm grasp in Daichi hair, at his neck, at the scarred muscles that sleep beneath Daichi’s skin.

Suga pulls away, Daichi chasing after the kiss and looks at Daichi’s chest, at the many scars that litter his flesh and before Daichi can say a word, Suga leans down and kisses each wound...each hideous blemish and Daichi slams his eyes closed as he strokes Suga’s hair. “Beautiful,” Suga whispers against each of the little scars. “Perfect, always.”

Daichi hums and has to focus on keeping his balance.

“I love you, Suga,” he whines, scared of what might occur as Suga stills and stands straight again to look up into Daichi’s eyes. “I’m sorry, I-I don’t want to overwhelm you…”

Suga shakes his head and kisses Daichi’s cheek, lingering by his ear. “I love when you say it.” He bites at Daichi’s ear and it’s enough to turn his turn the bones in his knees to mush. “C-Can I say it back?”

Daichi is in utter shock as he draws back and cradles Suga’s face between his hands. “Suga, it’s all I’ve ever wanted to hear,” he sings with damp eyes, “but you are not forced to say it. You’ve been...you are not mine, not...really-”

“Yes, I am!” he declares, voice breaking. “I have...never been anyone else's…”

“You were his,” Daichi whispers painfully but Suga shakes his head harder. “You loved him-”

“Never, _never_ in the same way that I loved you…” he stops and runs his hands down Daichi’s chest. “Never in the same way that I _love_ you.”

The words echo through his head. He can feel his chest restricting. “Again, Suga…” he begs, leaning his head on Suga’s shoulder.

“Oh, Dai. I love you.”

“ _Again…”_

“I love you...I love you so much-”

Daichi silences him with another kiss and another until both of their lips are sore and the clock tells them that it’s time to go. He hates that damn clock and the time that it shows, he hates it for interrupting easily one of the best moments of his entire life.

But this is an important step...and it’s time to get this over with.

***

Suga hasn’t seen Asahi since before he went into the hospital and when he sees him, dressed in the same suit that he wore to graduation, he hates himself for already tearing up. But from the second their eyes meet, Asahi is the same, his arms lifting Suga off his feet into a giant bear hug and Suga is eternally grateful that there is no hate in the hug whatsoever.

“You’re okay,” breathes Suga.

Asahi laughs as he sets him down. “Me? Seriously, Sug?”

Daichi laughs behind them. “Yeah, he has an issue with that.”

Noya comes from behind Asahi and hug’s Suga tight. “I miss you, buddy.”

Suga sniffles. “You aren’t angry?”

Noya grunts. “Will you quit that? No, I’m not mad at you, you goof.” Noya looks up at him and winks. “I am mad at that asshole, but never you, Suga.”

Suga only nods and thanks him, over and over and over again.

Tooru and Hajime are the next ones to come running up, out of breathe, as usual. They were never on time and it always made Suga chuckle. Tooru squeals when he sees Suga and ropes his arms around Suga’s neck, squeezing the little bit of air that he has left in his chest. “Oh thank god, I was afraid I was gonna have to drag you out of that hotel room by your ankles.”

“Oh gee, thanks for the support,” snickers Suga and Tooru hugs his tighter.

“I miss you,’ he whispers and Suga closes his eyes and intensifies the hug.

“I miss you.”

He really did. It was strange, always being alone. Not that Daichi really let him be alone but without Tooru, sometimes it felt weird. They had lived together, he and Hajime and Tooru, for so long and without them, he did find himself feeling...off at times.

Tooru pulls away as Hajime pushes himself into the hug. “Okay, my turn,” he smiles and Suga hugs Hajime almost tighter than he did Tooru. Hajime was silent and brooding but had always been the mediator between he and Tooru; an incredible and important aspect of he and Tooru’s relationship.

“The flat is quiet without you.”

“Yeah, try sleeping in that hotel at times,” Suga snips back and Hajime laughs as he pulls away and squeezes Suga’s hand.

“Is Kuroo coming,” asks Noya and Tooru nods.

“He got it pretty bad at the match the other day. Kenma had to play doctor all weekend.”

“Are you serious?” Says Suga. “He didn’t have to come!”

“You think I’d miss this?”

They all turn to see Kenma and Kuroo, who hangs off of Kenma’s shoulders like a rag doll. Daichi goes to help Kenma, who struggles more than he would like to admit. “Jesus, Kur, you look like shit,” Dai adds as he hauls one of Kuroo’s massive arms around his shoulder.

“Yeah, thanks, man! Just the compliment I was hoping for!” he punches Daichi’s arm.

“Yeah, sorry. Sorry.”

They all burst out laughing and Suga could drown in the chorus of their laughs.

“Thank you guys, for all being here. It makes this...easier.”

“Tsukki and Yama wanted to be here too  but-”

Suga shakes his head. “No, they need to sleep! More than anyone.”

Asahi nods. “Amen to that.”

After a few more minutes of bullshitting and waiting for the hearing to start, Suga is finally standing before the court, the older judge at the stand kind and soft spoken as Suga nervously goes about requesting the restraining order. Ushijima isn’t here and Suga is relieved...if it weren't for the constant nightmares and mental images branded into his brain, he’s positive that he would have forgotten what his ex looked like by now.

Yes, his ex.

It was over.

It was finally and actually over and that thought alone helps him get through the rest of the hearing.

Feltman is here, who was asked to be a witness by the judge and the case he presents is incredibly convincing, each photograph bringing tears to the eyes of everyone in the courtroom...but not Suga. No, all he has are memories and scars and he hangs his head until the doctors slideshow is over. There is barely a case to be made by the end of it all, especially after Asahi makes his statements and requests the same limits presented to Suga, there isn't a soul in the room who doesn't want to order approved.

And after an hour and half, that’s exactly what happens and Suga breaks down at the desk. Daichi sits behind him, rubbing soft circles against his back as the judge lists off the requirements of the order.

“The limits set by the court are listed for the named assailant, Wakatoshi Ushijima, in the proven claims of physical, emotional and sexual assault towards the victim, Koushi Sugawara, as well as Asahi Azumane, as seen here today in court. These limits include, but are not limited to, keeping a distance of at least 200 yards at all times for a time period of up to two calendar years, which later can be renewed and re-established. Within this order, we also assign police notice of the assailant, which can include police restraint or detainment if ever spotted near the home addresses of any of the names listed in the order, which I will name now, as well as the public establishment, Crow Bar and Pub and it’s owners and mentioned employees: Tooru Oikawa and Hajime Iwaizumi. Asahi Azumane, Yuu Nishinoya and Daichi Sawamura. Tobio Kageyama, Hinata Shouyou, Kei Tsukishima and Tadashi Yamaguchi. The court finalizes this order from the date of hearing and may be contacted if said order is to be disturbed or battled against. Thank you and good luck. Court dismissed”

And as the gravel slams, a large sigh rings through the court as Suga leaps to his feet and is met by a group of outstretched arms. Tooru is the first to reach him, tears soaking Suga’s suit jacket and he can’t help it as he sheds his own tears as well.

“I’m so happy, Koush,” cries Tooru. “I’m so, so happy.”

“I love you, Tooru.”

Tooru nods. “I love you.”

He pulls away and shares an even longer hug with Kuroo, who also proclaims his undying love before he turns and faced Daichi, who stands patently behind the group.

Finally, Suga runs to him and drowns in the suffocating embrace, nuzzling his nose into Daichi’s shoulder. “I’m so proud of you, Sug. God, I’m so fucking proud.”

“I love you,” he whispers into Daichi’s neck. 

“Oh Sug.” He squeezes tighter as he kisses Suga’s cheek.

They all hug and celebrate until the sun goes down. This was it. He was healing. This was his first move and later that night, for the first time in months, Suga falls asleep with a smile, feeling absolutely and completely safe.


	22. Chapter 22

**OCTOBER 7TH**

 

“Okay, is everything packed?” asks Tooru as he continues to squeeze Suga’s clothes back into his stuffed suitcase. “We’ve been here too long, if you forget something, they may just toss it due to built up annoyance over the late night room service runs.”

“Yes, Tooru!” Suga calls from the bathroom as he finished collecting his toiletries. “And I didn’t order that much room service!”

“Oh, our room bill says otherwise you, you glutton!”

Suga stills at the sink. The guilt of having his friends pay for all of this for the past two weeks had been torture, absolute torture and Tooru, even though Suga knows he doesn’t do any of it on purpose, hasn’t stopped with the jabs since he came to join Suga for breakfast this morning. He swallows back the tears he would cry if he had any left in his system and zips up the bag, walking back into the room with a silicon smile.

Tooru looks at the bag. “I thought you said this was everything? You liar!”

“Calm yourself, this goes in my book bag, alright,” giggles Suga as he moves for the bag, shoving his laptop and charger inside first before stuffing the leather kit in between.

“Are you excited to go home?”

Suga warms, picturing sleeping in his own room again, beneath his soft tee-shirt sheets and his unnecessarily long body pillow. It was time, he missed waking up to the smell of Hajime cooking breakfast, missed coming home and sharing about their days. He missed all of the late nights that they would spend together re-watching their favorite anime's and tossing popcorn into each others mouths. He missed bathing in a tub that his body knew like the back of his hand, he missed the sound of the keys jangling whenever one of them came home. The hotel had been a nice getaway, a break from the life that he so desperately needed an escape from. He needed to hide, to block out the world for a while, to heal and find himself again. He had come to love the staff and the nice guests who he would see and talk to when he walked to get ice on the fourth floor. Suga really did feel safe here behind the bolts and chain locks and the thought of moving to a place where Waka could easily find him was...terrifying.

But he needed to go home, not only for himself but for his friends. Their pockets couldn’t take this anymore, even though they all heavily disagreed, but overall, Suga needed to stand up straight and face the real world again and again, he missed it, home, and even though Tooru is a giant jerk, there was no hiding that Suga desperately missed his best friend.

Tooru grunts and hauls the suitcase off the bed, the bag slamming onto the thin floor with a giant huff. “Where is your Marine when I need him?”

Suga shrugs. “Good question. He’s been...I don’t know, secretive lately.”

Tooru peers protectively over his shoulder. “Secretive? He may be a Marine, Suga, but I will beat ass if I need to.”

“Oh yes, I’m sure Daichi just felt a shiver run down his spine from that...insult?”

“It was an insult!”

“Mmhm.”

Tooru scoffs. “Rude, all of you.”

“I’m not worried about it though. I trust Dai, if he has something to tell me, he will eventually.”

Part of that statement was an utter lie.

Of course he was worried, he was frantic, he was so close to fully falling back into what he and Daichi had always been and he didn’t want to backtrack now. That, of all things, would be the thing that finally broke him down if anything, not Waka. But he was truthful about the second half; of course he trusted Daichi. He didn’t trust or feel safer with anyone else on this planet like he did with the Marine, not with his body or his mind or his heart….no, all of those things belonged to Dai, they always had and always would…

He only hopes Daichi feels the same.

Tooru cups Suga’s cheek and he doesn’t realize that he’s crying. But these tears are happy and Tooru can see it. “I’ll beat his ass...but I don’t think I’ll need to.”

Suga sniffles and licks Tooru’s hand, the man squealing as he pulls away. They leave the hotel room as clean as they found it and turn in their keys to the front desk, all eleven of them.

“So much for only making two keys,” jokes Tooru and Suga looks at him confused. “Inside joke, don’t mind,” he snickers and waves a flirtatious wave to the girl behind the counter.

“Hajime would have killed you for that,” Suga snaps.

“Hajime gets a kick out of my teasing. It turns him on,” Tooru winks and Suga pretends to vomit. They push through the front doors and on his tiptoes, Tooru searches desperately for Hajime, finally spotting his fiancee’s black taxi and waving violently.

Hajime and the cabby pull up to the curb, Hajime fast to jump out and hug them both, Tooru for a tad longer, of course, but the hug he gives Suga is just as heartfelt and hard and Suga melts into the embrace.

He was finally going home.

He sighs and climbs into the taxi behind Tooru.

He was finally going home.

***

Daichi sits at the bank in a pinstriped suit sporting his thick framed glasses and an old briefcase Yama let him borrow. Tsukki looks equally as professional, his face carved from stone as the teller finishes stamping the necessary paperwork to add Daichi onto all the account information for the bar.

His knee won’t stop bouncing and Tsukki eyes him with a sheepish grin and Daichi wants to slap it off. The kid had always been cocky but he had always admired that side of Tsukki, the side that wasn’t afraid to be cocky and take the shit he needed to take to be successful and Daichi winks as Tsukki just shakes his head at his new business partner.

The teller, a short stocky man with a shiny head, finally smiles and looks to the men as he shuffles the papers, staples them and hands each of them a copy. The teller moves through the papers, telling them where to sign and why they’re signing. He tells Daichi about his half of the business and the cut he would get from Tsukki if he was to ever leave or pull out, and the same for Tsukki’s part as well. Daichi is amazed by how calm Tsukki reacts to all of the numbers and Daichi must admit, he didn’t realize just how well off Crow Bar and Pub kept Tsukki and he thinks of the income that this position will supply him with.

Could be buy his own place now, for not only himself but...? Well, he could have easily purchased an apartment before, of course. He had been a Captain in the Marines, he had a pretty good supply of savings from service but Asahi had been adamant about keeping him around once he got back. But now, therapy was going well and his mind was, while not healed in anyway, slowly getting better and Daichi could trust himself alone again, even though he had never been alone.

He looks to Tsukki then as he nods and listens to each word that spills from the short man’s lips.

“Now, has Mr. Sawamura been added to the lease as well?”

Dai goes to say no but Tsukki- “Yes, I added him last week.”

Dai looks to him with his jaw dropped. “Tsukki-”

“Oh, don’t look surprised. You expected me not too?”

“That’s...that’s you and Yama’s business-”

“Yes,” Tsukki interrupts, “and we talked and we both agreed and now you’re apart of it too so deal with it and finish signing these papers so we can go talk to some guys about a new brew, please.”

Tsukki cracks his best smile and Daichi just scoffs and turns back to the paperwork before him. Honestly, he didn’t know much of what he was signing, big words and fancy lingo were never his specialty but nonetheless, he tries his hardest to ask all the questions he has and Tsukki reassures him that he’d be happy to help him through most of the legal nonsense and finally, Daichi signs the last line and gives the papers back to the teller and…

...that’s it.

Daichi was now a partial owner of Crow Bar and Pub.

The three men shake hands, Tsukki trying not to break beneath his smile from what Daichi can tell before they leave the bank and head back for the bar. They walk back smiling in silence, Tsukki nudging Daichi’s shoulder once they turn the corner and they both burst out laughing.

Tsukki looks to him and grins. “Happy?”

Dai nods slowly. “Happy.”

Daichi and Tsukki make their way to a coffee stand, a few tables scattered along the sidewalk and the two place their orders before sitting at a table and catching their breaths.

“I hope...I hope I haven’t overstepped here and made a mistake.”

Dai leans forward. “W-What do you mean? Are you...having doubts about adding me, because I understand-”

“No! God no, are you kidding? I’ve never felt more sure about anything in my life, Daichi. You were the right choice, I knew it from the moment I hired you."

Dai tries to hide his blush. “Talk to me, Tsukki. What’s up”

He pauses and stares at his coffee. “I support a lot of people with this job, I support Tobio and Hinata, Yama and that, _he_ , is what matters most to me. This bar, it’s built my life. It’s what I always wanted, and it means the world to me. I-I just trust you, I always have, since high school and if Yama and I ever decided that we wanted to pack up and take a breather, I wanna know that what I’ve built here will last and you’re the only one I could see keeping this thing alive if that ever was to happen.”

“Pack up? You planning on going somewhere?” Dai jokes.

“Not anytime soon but...Yama has always wanted to travel. He wants to see the world and I want him to. I want to help him do all the things that he’s ever wanted to do. He’s stuck by me through everything, my entire life. He supported me when I wanted to open the bar, when I was struggling to find the money, he was always there to throw in his paychecks and...I work to give him the life that he deserves because that man, I swear, he deserves the world. He deserves to see it.” He pauses. “I love him so much,” Tsukki coughs into his hand.

_Big softy._

“I know you do, Tsukki.”

They pause. “You’re okay with this right? I didn’t force you into anything? I know...this happened so fast but I just felt so confident in this, you know? It felt right. You feel right, and I want to help get you back on your feet and-”

“Tsukki, I am more than okay with this, understand? And you haven’t overstepped. I’m not taking this lightly. I care about this position, about the bar, about you and Yama and everyone who works there, you know that. You offering me this job...it’s more than I could have ever asked for, from anybody. Man, I just hope I don’t let you down.”

Tsukki laughs and Daichi is...confused. Tsukki leans back in his seat and crosses his arms. “Do you remember when I first joined the team in high school? Tobio and I could barely be in the same room together but...one day, after practice, you pulled me to the side and told me that even though Tobio was the one that everyone was excited about, even though he was the one that was placed on pedestals, that you saw something in me.” Dai smiles. “You saw potential and drive and skill and you trusted me. You didn’t keep me on the bench while he took spotlight. You gave me my own spotlight and I will forever be grateful for that. You gave me a family, on that team. You pushed me towards Yama, you and Suga both, you gave me the confidence to man up and go for it. Watching you, with Suga, God, you guys were goals all the way, Daichi.” Daichi laughs and drags his hands down his face. “I trust you and I respect you, more than anyone. I know you won’t let me down.”

“I don’t know what to say, Tsukki.” He looks away. “Thank you, for, fuck, everything.”

“Don’t thank me man, that’s what I’m doing,” he laughs. They both laugh. _How was he so lucky, to have this many amazing people in his life?_ “I do have, one more question for you.”

“What is it?”

Tsukki smirks. “Well, I already talked to Mad Dog about this but...I want you to take over, as head chef. It’s just another of one of the many reasons why I wanted to invest in this business change.”

“Tsukki-”

“The changes you’ve made to the menu have made more income in the last two months than they have in the past year. You know your way around a kitchen and it shows.”

As humble as it sounded, Daichi knew it was true. He had always loved to cook. He loved thinking of new ways to serve up traditional dishes, he loved working with his hands. This was…

“But I can’t take Mad Dog’s job, Tsukki.”

“You wouldn't be. You’d need another hand in the kitchen and he's damn good.” _Yeah, he really was._ “But he said it himself, he’d be honored to learn beneath you. You bring it a lot of business with that menu of yours. I want you to be the one cooking it up now.”

Daichi tries to process all of what’s happening. “So no more bar work?”

“No more bar work, unless you think of cool drink ideas then by all means, show Tobio and Hinata how it’s done.”

“Head chef…”

Tsukki laughs. “Head chef, man.”

Daichi thinks but not for long. His life a being built right before his eyes...and he owed it all to Tsukki. He sticks out his hand and Daichi take it, finalizing the position change.

“This is happening.”

“Welcome home, Dai,” whispers Tsukki.

Welcome home, indeed.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phew, this was a hell of a chapter to write! I hope you guys like it! 
> 
> Also, you are all amazing and your comments make me so happy!  
> Thank you to all the people who always read my pieces and leave awesome feedback. You guys rock. <3

When they walk into the flat, Suga can feel the weight that has lived on his shoulders for the past months slip away as he sighs and leans against the wall, soaking in the familiar smells of his home; Hajime's cooking, Tooru's shampoo, the smell of thrift store furniture and he smiles, really smiles.

But he also know that something is up, as Hajime sits on the couch with his legs crossed and his eyes wide. 

Tooru hums. "What are you hiding, beautiful," he says as he places Suga's suitcase by the door and hurries to his fiancee, but Hajime is only staring at Suga. 

It clicks then. 

He looks towards the hallway that leads to his bedroom and drops his book bag, rushing past the couch and ignoring Tooru whining his name as he hurries until he reaches his room, his limbs vibrating as he looks to see Daichi standing by the window, his back turned to Suga and for a moment, Koushi can only admire the way the light washes down the Marine's back, the way he stands and god, does he notice the suit...it's,  _ fuck _ , it's very well fitting, to say the least, every curve perfectly tailored beneath the grey pinstripes that lined his sculpted body and Suga swallows back the erection swimming between his thighs. This man is his, beautiful and his and Suga closes his eyes before he mocks Daichi's position and leans against the doorway, continuing the gawk. 

He clears his throat and Dai spins with incredible speed to face Suga, lips parted and cheeks flushed red and it's adorable, he's stunning. His smile wraps tight between his cheeks, eyes shining as the sunlight spits at the gold layered at the corners of his eyes and Suga thanks the universe for placing Daichi into his life. 

What had he done to deserve this man? 

Diachi closes the space between them, hand caressing Suga’s cheek with an intimate slowness that causes Suga to melt into his touch, hand layered on top of Dai’s. The Marine’s fingers tickle at the strands of silver hair that touch his fingers and Suga feels...so loved…

But no, it’s too soon for that. 

Dai could...never…

_ I love you, Suga.  _

He had said that, but had he meant it? 

_ Please, mean it _ , Suga begs in the darker parts of his mind as he gulps and finally looks to meet Daichi’s eyes. 

“You’re thinking,” he whispers and Suga smirks. 

“I’m always thinking.” 

“I know,” he says, cupping his hand around the back of Suga’s head before he pulls him into a hug, kissing at the soft spots on his neck. “Are you happy to be home?” 

Yes. Of course he was but there was something behind that happiness that was screaming; bellowing and begging to be set loose because while he was happy, god, he was just as equally terrified. It hadn’t hit him fully as he and Tooru left the hotel, or as they they drove through the city...past Waka’s apartment. But now, that fear that he was trying so hard to pretend wasn’t there was eating at him, bubbling beneath his skin, licking at his thigh…

He swallows back that familiar desire to reach for his knife, to bleed onto the bathroom floor until he passed out but —  _ No, no _ , he was healing. Wasn’t he? He was going to get better, he could beat this, he could, right?

He had Daichi and Tooru and Kuroo, he had Hajime and all the guys back at the bar on his side, his family. 

But why, again, as he stands in Daichi’s arms in the middle of this room, does he feel so alone? 

He doesn't realize that he had left the hug until he hears Daichi saying his name. 

“Suga.” He sounds worried. _ I’m sorry _ . “Suga, hey,” he whispers, cradling Suga close to him, while still far enough to search his eyes. “Come back to me,” he smiles and as much as Suga wants to smile back, all he does is drops his chin. 

“I-I hate this…” 

“Hate what, love?” 

Suga sniffles and closes his eyes. “This room...I should feel comfortable here, shouldn’t I?” 

“Do you not feel comfortable here?” 

Suga shrugs. He doesn’t know what he’s feeling. He just wants to change the subject. “Why the suit?” 

“Oh, smooth transition, Koush.” Okay, that makes him smile. “But...it’s kinda the reason I stopped by. I-I have some news?” 

Suga feels his heart warming as he smiles small. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he breathes, taking Suga’s shaking hand within his and pulling him to the bed. They sit, Daichi pulling Suga’s legs over his lap as Suga’s arms snake around the Marine’s neck. “So...as of today, I officially own half of Crow Bar.” 

Suga’s blood pumps in his ears. His smile widens and so does Daichi’s. “W-What?”

“Tsukki proposed the idea to me, and we finalized all the paperwork today so I’m officially a partner, Tsukki’s business partner.” 

There’s a silence before Suga shakes his head and laughs, all the fears he had only a few moments earlier gone as he squeals and hugs Daichi, wrapping his legs around Daichi’s waist. “Dai! That’s amazing! I-I had no idea!” 

“I know, and I’m sorry I kept it from you! I just wanted to keep it on the down low until I really decided but I finally did and it just sort of happened."

Suga loves the way Daichi’s eyes glow as he grows more and more excited. “Oh, Dai,” he hugs tighter. “I’m so happy for you!” 

Dai chuckles. “Well, there’s something else.” 

Suga pulls away with his jaw dropped. “Something else?” 

“He wants me to be head chef. I’ll be redoing the entire menu, everything will be my food, my recipes. I’ll be in charge of my own kitchen, Sug. Do you remember how I always used to talk about opening my own restaurant? I can...I can kinda do it now.” 

Suga does remember, how much Daichi loved to cook, all the times he had made dinner for the two of them. Suga’s skin was fluttering. When was the last time he had felt happiness like this. Daichi deserved this, he deserved a career that kept him safe, that kept him happy. He deserved everything he’d ever worked for and Suga feels himself crying. 

“No, you can’t cry!” laughs Dai as he kisses away Suga’s tears. 

“I can’t help it! I haven’t been this happy in so long, Dai! How long has this been...when did he ask you to be apart of the business?” 

“Well, it was kinda random, you know? It was the night I almost beat Wakatoshi’s ass in the bar, that son of a bitch just keeps asking for it. But after Tsukki just came up to me and asked and-”

“W-Waka?” Suga stutters.

Daichi freezes, face washing white. 

“What are you talking about?” 

Daichi looks as if he wants to speak but his tongue clogs his throat. 

“Dai, when did he go into the bar?” 

“It...wasn’t that big of a deal. He came in...and I was working, I had to serve his table and he just started running his mouth, you know? Then he threatened Hinata and Tobio hit him and-” 

“WHAT?” 

“-But we took care of it and he left and...I didn’t want to worry you with it, Suga. Everyone is fine, I think he was just trying to get a rise out of us. I think he’s pushing his luck if you ask me, like he’s trying to get one of us in trouble. I think he even went after Kuroo-” 

Yeah, he did. Suga remembers, but that’s not the point right now. 

Suga scoffs and stands for Daichi’s lap. “Why wouldn’t you have told me that? He’s going after my friends, he already went after Asahi, what if he’s targeting Hinata now!” 

“Suga, calm down, please-”

“NO! You keep….keeping things from me. I’m not mad about the job, I’m so happy for you, I get it but I won’t lie and say I wasn’t worried! You were being so secretive and now I find out about this, I mean, how long ago did this happen?” 

Daichi looks down. “The day before the hearing.” 

Suga can’t catch his breath. 

_ This wasn’t happening again.  _

“This can’t be happening again,” he mumbles and Dai’s head snaps up. “You can’t...do this to me again, not after last time…” Suga says walking to the door and swinging it open. “Please, leave.” 

“Wait, Suga. This is...nothing like before! I’m not leaving you, I just didn’t want to scare you anymore than you already were!”

“That doesn’t make it better.” He keeps his voice still as the tears flood over. “Last time you kept something from me, you left for six years and went across the damn world.” 

“Suga-”

“I’ll call you later and...I’m still happy for you but please, go.” 

His heart was healing. He wouldn’t let it break again, not this easily...not even for Daichi. But...was he totally innocent? He hadn’t told Dai about the hospital, about Kuroo knocking Wakatoshi to the ground in the parking lot the night he was released. He wants to say something, he should say something…

Was he a hypocrite? 

He turns as he watches Dai leave the room with his head hung low, walking down the hallway past Tooru and Hajime’s worried faces and crossed arms. Suga opens his mouth but no words slip from his lips. 

Dai closes the door softly. 

Always considerate. 

Suga breaks in the middle of the hallway and Hajime and tooru are fast to go to him, wrapping Suga into their arms on the cold floor of the flat. 

“You did the right thing, Sug,” whispers Tooru. 

Suga wants to believe him but...did he over react? His emotions were a mess and so was his mind. He shakes as he sobs into tooru’s shoulder

“It’s okay, Sug.” 

_Daichi_ ,  _ Did I do the right thing? _

***

Daichi downs another whiskey beneath the watchful eyes of Tobio and Tsukki, Hinata at the end of the bar going over a few pages with Yama, one of his latest projects and Hinata’s high pitched voice rings through Daichi’s ears. He wants to be angry, he wants to scream and yell and argue back with Suga that he was overreacting but...he wasn’t, not really because he was right. Daichi didn’t give him the notice he deserved back then, when he had left his life in New York to join the service. While Suga was preparing for their wedding, Daichi was filing for his physical and even as he thinks it, he sighs and runs his guilty hands down his face. 

He was good at hurting Suga. He was good at ruining the good things in his life, so he drowns in another glass of sharp whiskey and slams the glass on the counter, both Hinata and Yama jumping from the loud sound. 

“So boss likes the new whiskey, I’m guessing,” Tobio grins and Daichi growls. 

“Leave him alone, Tobio, can’t you see he’s having relationship troubles,” Tsukki laughs as he cleans the glasses. 

“You didn’t see how angry he was,” Daichi finally responds after his friends finish laughing at his expense. “I was stupid, I should have told him. But I really thought I was doing the right thing, you know? I don’t want Wakatoshi controlling his life anymore.”

“Keeping things from the people you love is never a good idea, Captain,” adds Hinata, still reading over the manuscript pages Yama is drooling over. “You were the one who told me that back in high school, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he growls and Hinata giggles. “How do I fix it?” 

“You give him time. That’s what I do when I mess up and usually, it works.” 

“ _ Usually _ ,” bites Yama and Tsukki rolls his eyes. 

“Are you still upset with me?” 

Yama’s head snaps up from the counter. “You bought a entire case of $300 whiskey without knowing if it was decent or not!”

“$300!” Hinata laughs. 

Daichi shrugs. “It’s good  _ enough _ .” 

“That doesn’t make it okay, Daichi,” whines Yama and Tsukki jumps the bar and moves for his boyfriend. 

Yama crosses his arms and turns away, only for Tsukki to scoop Yama into his arms and Yama can’t help but laugh as they spin and Yama hides his head in Tsukki’s chest. 

“Are you still mad at me?” Tsukki jokes. 

“Yes, you jerk!” Yama screams muffled. 

Tsukki stops spinning and leans, catching Yama’s eyes. “I love you.” Yama scoffs and pouts. “I love you, Tadashi.” Yama shakes his head. “Kiss me, baby,” he whispers.

“T-That’s not gonna work.”

Tsukki hums then before quickly moving in, locking their lips together and Yama breaks instantly, carding his fingers through Tsukki’s hair and it’s...perfect, so perfect that Daichi blushes as he watches the two slowly sway in the middle of the bar.  

When they pull away, Yama wipes at his mouth as Tsukki continues to kiss Yama’s cheeks, his neck, his arms. “Well, I guess it does work after all,” Yama winks and Daichi raises his glass.

At that moment, Kuroo strolls into the bar and he looks…

“Woah,” whistles Tobio. 

“You look like shit, buddy,” Daichi says as he pats the stool beside him and Kuroo makes a face as he sinks into the seat. Daichi, now that he’s up close, can see the damage; the bruise across his left eye is massive and already sports a dark black color and the cut that zigs down his cheek is deep, so deep that once Yama gets a good look at it, he’s up the stairs going for his first aid kit. 

“Who did you go against, Kur,” asks Tsukki as he examines the cut closer. 

Kuroo pulls away. “Aone.” 

Tobio winces. “Again? I thought you fought him last week.” 

“I did and he came back with a vengeance,” he groans as he takes the ice pack Hinata makes for him. “Thanks, shorty.” 

Hinata pouts and Tobio kisses his head. “Has Kenma seen this yet?” 

“No, I’m hiding for as long as I can.” 

“You mean he wasn’t at the match,” Yama says as he takes the seat beside Kuroo and opens his kit, tearing open a pouch of neosporin and wiping it across the cut. 

Kuroo hisses. “ _ Ouch _ , and no. He’s been stuck at work since last night.” 

“That boy works too damn much,” Dai answers. 

“Tell me about it. I need to get laid.” 

“Too much info, Kuroo,” laughs Tsukki. 

“Oh, you like it.” 

“Hey, Kuroo…” Dai says, changing the topic. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Shoot,” he says through gritted teeth while Yama cleans the wound. 

“That night when Ushijima cam into the bar, he said something about...how you hit him.” 

Kuroo stills. 

“Did something happen?” 

Kuroo sighs. “Did suga tell you?” 

Daichi heats. “No.” 

Kuroo snaps his attention to Daichi. “Fuck…” 

“What happened?!” 

“Daichi, it was a long time ago-”

“So something did happen!” 

“Well, yeah,  _ maybe _ \- but I took care of it!” 

“Wow, that seems to be the theme tonight,” Tsukki jokes and both Kuroo and Daichi toss him looks. 

Daichi goes back to Kuroo. “You took care of what exactly?” 

“Well, when Suga was discharged, Ushijima sort of...showed up.” 

Daichi is...on fire, he must be. “ _What?_ ” he snarls. 

“Wakatoshi said something about Kenma and I just lost it. Suga was a mess, man! And he told me not to tell you, he didn’t want you to stress about it-”

“That jerk!” cries Daichi. “Yelling at me for not telling him about that night when he was keeping secrets from me too!” 

“Yeah, but...Dai,” Hinata injects. “You...kinda have a pattern.” 

Daichi slides his eyes to Hinata. “A pattern?” 

“Well, you know...leaving and all-”

“So that means he gets a free pass?” 

“Yes,” answers Yama and they all look his way. “In this case, it does. And no, I don’t agree that two wrongs make a right but...I would understand, where he’s coming from. For one thing, Suga isn’t exactly stable yet, as much as he tries to play it off that he is. The things that Feltman showed us that day at the hearing prove that. The things that Wakatoshi did to him,” he says and Daichi’s eyes burn. “Suga isn’t going to be okay for quite awhile...and he isn’t going to trust very easily either.” Yama looks Daichi straight in the eyes. “I know you didn’t do what you did to hurt Suga, Daichi, but when you left, it killed him. He loves you so much and I know...if Tsukki was to ever break my trust, it would kill me too.” Tsukki kisses Yama’s cheek. “I know you love Koushi but...I think in this situation, you need to be the one to scoop up Suga and sway in the middle of the bar.” 

Kuroo looks confused. “Did I miss something?” 

Tobio laughs at him. 

Daichi looks back to his whiskey. “Why are you so smart, Yama?” 

Yama looks at Tsukki. “I’ve had a good teacher when it comes to solving arguments.” 

Daichi closes his eyes, takes another swig of his drink and leaps from his seat. "Pick your battles right?" 

Yama smiles and give him a thumbs up. So Daichi  leaves the bar, his feet running once he hits the sidewalk back towards Suga’s apartment. 

But first, he needed to make a quick pit stop. 

***

Suga is laying on his back, popping slices of oranges into his mouth when he hears a knock at his door. He wipes at his juicy lips and then sits up in bed. 

“Come in,” he says softly, not surprised when Tooru’s chocolate hair peeks through the crack he creates. 

“Hey, buddy,” he sings and Suga rolls his eyes. 

“What are you up to?” 

“Why do you always assume that I’m up to something?” 

“Because you are a terrible liar and I always know when you’re trying to hide something from me.” 

Tooru sighs and he pushes into the room. “Fine, you caught me. I’m transparent, what can I say?” 

Suga takes another orange slice and slips it between his lips. “What do I owe the pleasure?” 

“Well, if I was to say that Daichi is in the living room...with flowers...looking very apologetic...what would you say?” 

Suga stops chewing. “I’d say that it’s mean to make jokes involving Daichi.” 

“And I said that I’m not joking and that he looks like a hot mess.” 

Suga looks down at his clothes...or lack thereof and squeals, leaping out of bed and tossing on a large tee-shirt...Daichi’s tee-shirt. 

God, he was pathetic. 

Suga spins back to Tooru. “He really has flowers?” 

“All twelve of them, sunflowers.” 

“M-My favorite.” 

“Duh.” 

Suga nods and checks his hair in the mirror, making angry faces. “Do I look mad?” 

Tooru covers his smile with his palm. “Furious, Koush.” 

“Good, good.” He stands up straight and moves for the window, sitting on the ledge. “Okay, okay, he can come in.” 

“You sure, Casablanca?” 

Suga pouts. “Shut up.” 

Tooru only laughs as he leaves and calls for Daichi. He hears Hajime threaten him and Suga smiles. A few minutes pass and then there's another knock at his door.  Suga calls for him to come in and once he does, Tooru was right, he looks like a hot mess but the sunflowers are beautiful and bright and his lips struggle to keep his frown solid. 

“You...still like sunflowers, right?” 

Suga ponders for a second. “Not as much as I like daisies but...they’ll do.” Daichi panics and Suga grunts. “I’m kidding, Soldier,” he says, walking to take the flowers and the brush of their fingers almost breaks him. “Thank you,” he mumbles, holding the beautiful flowers to his nose. 

Waka never bought him flowers. 

“Of course,” Dai answers as Suga goes to set the flowers on his desk. 

He runs his fingers over the petals. "I don’t remember the last time someone bought me flowers.” 

Daichi scoffs. “Yeah, Wakatoshi doesn’t exactly seem like the romantic type.” 

“No, he showed his love in different ways…” Suga looks away. So does Daichi before Suga feels fingers tugging at his own. “Daichi-”

“Can I go first?” Suga smiles and nods. Daichi huffs and closes his eyes, hands holding Suga’s carefully. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kept Wakatoshi a secret from you. I know...you don’t trust me yet.” 

“Daichi, it’s not that.” 

“No, you have every right not to trust me. I know that when I left, that I hurt you and trust me, I regret leaving you every single day of my life, Koushi. I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me. I was going to marry you, Koush. God, that’s all I ever wanted, was to call you mine; not to control you, I’d never do that, but because you deserve to be shown off…and I felt, I  _ still _ feel, like the luckiest man to ever walk this planet.” Suga sniffles, but their eyes are locked and he can’t seems to look away. “I understand why you don’t trust me, I really do, Sug.  _ But _ I hope one day I can prove to you that I’m not going anywhere and that I will never leave you again, unless I kick the bucket or something,” he jokes and both men giggle. “But I don’t plan on that happening until I’m old and annoying and you wanna kill me yourself.” Suga rolls his eyes and wipes his tears away on his sleeve. “Kuroo told me about the night you were discharged…” 

Suga’s breathes hitches. “Oh. Dai, I wanted to tell you-” 

“Hey,” Daichi says, pulling Suga closer. “I understand. You have this annoying habit of protecting everyone but yourself, I get it,” he smirks and Suga leans his forehead against Daichi’s chest. “I don’t want to start this relationship...if there is to be one...in the same way that we ended the last one. I don’t want to keep secrets,” he says, lifting Suga’s chin. “I’m here now, Sug. So, I don’t need or want an apology, I really don’t. All I ask is that you rely on me more. Use me, talk to me until my ears bleed, I beg you. I’m all yours, Sug,” he says, brushing Suga’s hair away from his muddy eyes,” so use me.” Suga takes a deep breathe and tosses his arms around Daichi, Daichi’s own arms roping to hold his waist and he sighs. “I love you so much, Koushi, so much.” 

“I love you, Dai.” 

_ I love you.  _

Suga draws back and runs his thumb across Daichi’s lip before he slowly leans in and kisses him, carefully, and Daichi whimpers beneath the kiss. Suga loves that he can bring out those sounds from Daichi, loves that he alone can make Daichi feel so good. Daichi pants as Suga slips his tongue between Daichi’s lips, tongue grazing and tasting and exploring but Daichi will always be Daichi, and Suga loves him for it, so he pulls away before things can escalate too far. 

Daichi stares at him, his look saying all the words that Suga knows he doesn’t need to hear to understand. “Thank you,” he whispers and Daichi just shakes his head.

“I told you, there’s no rush, love.” Daichi kisses his nose. “You taste like oranges.” 

Suga’s eyebrows lift. “Do you like it?” 

Daichi’s eyes flutter. “Fuck, Suga, you have no idea.” 

Suga wasn’t ready to be completely intimate, even though his erection said otherwise, but he was ready to be close to Daichi. God, he was ready for that at least. 

He takes Daichi’s hand and kisses each finger. “Then kiss me more, Soldier.” 

And again, they’re kissing. It’s slow at first, cautious, alert but soon they fall into a easy rhythm, hands grabbing and moans loud as they collapse onto Suga’s bed, Daichi’s body rolling atop of Suga’s as the Marine is careful to not touch anywhere that Suga doesn’t allow and Suga can’t deny how amazing it feels to be in control again; to have a say in what he wants, in how far he wants to go. Daichi never pushed him, not now and not in the past, but it’s intensified now, each touch delicate and watchful and packed with care and it makes Suga moan louder as he bites Daichi’s ear.  

Daichi’s head rolls back. “ _ Suga _ …” 

His name on Daichi’s lips is sweet and dripping in ecstasy and it cools Suga’s rushing blood as he slides his hands up, up Daichi’s spine, beneath the thin white shirt he wears and he loves the feel of the goosebumps that engulf Daichi’s skin. Daichi shutters from the touch as he attacks Suga’s lips, each kiss purposeful and well-thought out, for it’s clear that Daichi wants nothing more than to show Suga that he matters and in his hands, Suga does feel special; he feels important. Suga’s hand roll down now, down to play at the buttons at Daichi’s pants and  _ shit _ , he forgot just how  _ massive _ Daichi was and he hums, lost in the lust biting at his insides. Daichi rolls his hips, erections connecting and Suga gasps from the contact, thrusting up, up and…

Daichi falls backwards on the bed, panting and shaking his head clear. 

Suga sits up and runs his hand down Daichi’s cheek. “Baby?” 

Daichi is shaking and it kills Suga. “I-I don’t want to hurt you,” he mumbles and Suga can hear tears. “I don’t want to hurt you…” 

“Oh, Dai.” 

Suga moves forward and pulls Daichi into his lap. “Stay here with me tonight?” Daichi can only muster a nod and Suga pulls them down onto the bed, Daichi lays against Suga’s chest. His eyes close as he listens and soothes Daichi as he cries. “I love you so much,” he whispers, more than once, until both men fall asleep together chests bare and hearts pounding. 


	24. Chapter 24

**OCTOBER 8TH**

 

For the first time in a month, Suga wakes up happily in his own bed with Daichi at his side. Suga’s nose is nuzzled against Daichi’s spine, skin warm and soft against his cheeks and he smiles, completely and utterly content.

Daichi smells of last nights suit, the fabric cleaned with lavender and Suga moans against the smell, roping his arm around Daichi’s waist and Suga flinches when Daichi jumps, a yelp escaping past his sleepy lips as he flips on Suga. Suga’s eyes widen, not scared just...nervous as Daichi stares down at him, teeth gritted, panting, face ashen.

Finally, the Marine takes a breath and sags, falling back onto the bed. “I’m so sorry, Sug.”

Suga, after controlling his heartbeat, sighs and leans his forehead on Daichi’s chest. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Daichi kisses the top of his head, finger massaging Suga’s scalp. “No, no. You’re not what scares me, love,” he whispers. Suga peers up, kissing up Daichi’s chest as he does and he loves how Dai’s eyes roll back at each kiss. “Good morning to you too,” he sings through his moans and Suga giggles.

“Good morning.”

Daichi runs his fingers down Suga’s neck. “What do you have planned for today?”

Suga gulps and looks at the calendar on his wall. “I-I have a meeting...with my boss.”

Daichi’s eyebrows lift. “You didn’t say anything.”

“He called after...you left yesterday.”

Daichi nods and kisses Suga hand, the ones that draws sloppy, loving circles at Daichi’s collarbone. “Are you scared?”

Suga hesitates before he nods.

“Don’t be. You love this job, it was what you were born to do.”

Suga smiles, blushing and Daichi hauls his higher up his chest. “Thank you. I-I’m just nervous, there’s going to be so many questions that I don’t think I’m ready to answer and the kids-”

“Suga, you don’t have to tell anybody anything that you don’t want to, do you understand? You don’t owe anyone and explanation.”

Suga smirks. “Why does that sound so much easier when you say it?”

Dai shrugs. “I guess I just have a way with words,” he jokes before leaning down, catching Suga’s lips against his.

The kiss is fast, casual...so, so easy. Suga missed easy, he missed simple, natural and with Daichi, everything felt so deliciously natural. He never felt as if he had to perform around Daichi because Daichi new each and every one of Suga’s dirty little secrets. He wasn’t afraid to be himself with Dai, to be open and to feel safe and he relaxes against the Marine as the realization settles in. Daichi’s fingers spin through his hair as they kiss again and Suga is happy to lean into the embrace, tongues tasting and lapping and rolling and soon, as usual, the kiss grows hungry and intense and Suga crawls up until his knees are straddling Daichi’s hips. He drags his hands down Daichi’s chest, nails scratching at his thick skin and Daichi hums dark in the back of his throat and the sound does dangerous things to Suga’s insides. Daichi takes control then, hands groping Suga’s cheeks as he devours Suga beneath the kiss and Suga feels his arms tingle; Daichi causes his body to do strange things and it rocks his body, his mind, as Dai growls, smiling against Suga’s lips as he flips him onto his back. Suga laughs at the switch of power, but only for a moment, until Daichi is rolling his hips against Suga, hands touching and sliding and Suga is hot. So unbearably hot. He tilts his chin to the side as he moans behind clenched teeth.

“Don’t stop,” he whimpers and Daichi shivers under Suga’s hands.

Daichi just shakes his head and continues working at Suga’s lips, passionately and delicately. Suga feels sparks lick at his skin as Daichi leans his elbows on the sides of Suga’s head, leaning down until almost every inch of skin is touching. Suga loves the feel of Daichi’s body, the dips and the marks and the lines and _fuck_ , it drives him crazy, feeling each shiver that he draws out of Daichi as they continue to explore each other’s bodies. He accepts it, the twitch of his cock between his legs, the heat, he’s okay with it; the touching, the palming of Daichi’s own member...he can do this...he can-

_He’s back in Wakatoshi’s apartment._

_He’s being fucked on blood stained sheets._

_Waka growls against his back, biting him, biting into him._

_He’s bleeding and his body aches._

_He’s bleeding…_

_He’s…._

“Sug!”

Suga’s eyes snap open and he’s crying.

Daichi is panting, lips parted as he searches Suga’s face. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry,” he repeats breathlessly as Daichi flips over, pulling Suga into his lap, cradling Suga’s head against his chest.

“Oh, Sug. I’m so sorry, I should have stopped.”

“No, I-I’m sorry. I’m so sorry-”

“Stop, baby, please,” Dai begs as he combs Suga’s sweaty hair.

“I’m so broken. I’m so disgusting.”

“No, no, Suga. You’re stunning,” he whispers into his hair.

“You deserve better.”

“I deserve you,” he bites and Suga gasps. “I deserve you. Please, I love you. Please, you’re so perfect.” He scoops his arms under Suga’s legs and holds him close. “No more, Sug. I know you want to make me happy but I’m not him.” Suga cries harder. _No, you’re not him. You’re nothing like him._ “I will never make you do anything you are not ready for and baby, you’re not ready and that’s okay.”

“I’m sorry,” Suga whines into Daichi’s chest.

“Shush,” he demands softly. Daichi kisses Suga’s cheek before forcing Suga’s eyes up. “Listen to me, Koush. You are not disgusting. He’s the disgusting one, Sug. Not you.”

_You filthy fag._

_Wash those fucking freckles off your nasty face, baby._

“I hate him so much…”

_I hate you, Waka. I hate you, I hate you for breaking me._

“I hate that I’m like this.”

Daichi holds him tighter. “It’s not your fault, Koushi.”

“I-I’m going to get better. I-I have to , for you-”

“No. Suga, I would love you even if I had to glue you back together piece by piece for the rest of my life. But I don’t want you to heal for me. You have to heal for yourself. I promise you, I’m not going anywhere. If we never make love, I wouldn’t care because I don’t love you because of your body, or because you give me sex. I love you because you are the absolute best person I have ever met.” He kisses Suga’s nose. “I love you because you push me, you make me better. You support me and fight for me and you have never given up on me. So do not heal for me, heal because it’s what you deserve. I’m right here, and I’ll always be here to help you so don’t apologize for who you are because I love every version of who you are, broken or not.”

Suga is speechless, tongue dry in his throat as he swims in his tears. What did he do to deserve Daichi? Who did he pray to, what did he do in his previous life? This man was his in every way he could imagine, he had always been, since the first day Suga met his eyes in the gym that day. He fell in love with Daichi in the same way you see in movies; suddenly, as if it was scripted, as if it was destined. Daichi says that Suga pushed him but no, it was opposite. Daichi pushed him to be a better athlete, to be a better volleyball player. He pushed Suga to be a better student, he pushed him as an artist. Daichi was the reason Suga believed in himself enough to go to college, to  pursue his dreams; the reason why Suga was now an art teacher in the same school that he and his friends grew up in. Daichi changed his life in so many ways and as he dries his tears and cracks an honest smile, he thinks of all the ways he will one day thank him.

He leans down and kisses Daichi.

_I’m going to get better._

Not for Daichi, not completely at least.

_I’m going to heal._

His life was improving. He was safe now.

_I’m safe here._

He was home.

_I’m going to be happy again._

He was home with Daichi.

***

Suga sits in the office, knees bouncing as he nervously rubs his hands together. Principle Kline had always been terrifying but Suga had been gone from work for almost two months now and he knew that this meeting was going to be anything but smooth.

It's Saturday, Suga's never been to the school on Saturday and it's quiet. The clock on the wall is the only sound as Kline reads over Suga’s note, the one that reads that he is approved by Feltman to return back to work effective immediately and Suga can’t help but watch the facial expressions he makes while reading over the paper.

“And you can stand for extended periods of time, yes?”

“Y-Yes, sir.”

“Hm, well, you seem to look well. As well as you can, I assume.” _Ouch._ “Well, the substitute was informed yesterday that you would be returning so I guess,” he grunts as he sits up and reaches for the stamp by his computer, stamping a seal of approval onto the note, “you are free to return to your classroom.” _Thank the stars._ “I’ll have this faxed over to the head office once you leave here and I expect to see you back here on Monday morning.”

“Monday?”

“Yes, is that too soon?" 

"No! No, I'm just shocked you want me back so soon." 

"this is a job, Mr. Sugawara." 

"Yes, sir! I know, yes!"

Kline hums again and Suga bites back the urge to roll his eyes. “Yes, well, you’re free to go.”

Suga is...shocked, to say the least. “That’s it?”

“I’m sorry?”

“That just seemed...incredibly easy.”

“And what, may I ask, were you expecting?”

“Um-"

“Sugawara, you have a fabulous record here as a teacher. Your program is one of the most established and is highly recognized throughout the city. While I may not agree with your...personal life,” he coughs and Suga locks his jaw, “there is no denying that you are good at your job and we respect the work you do. You’re a good man, I’m happy to see you back on your feet.”

_Hypocrite._

Suga takes Klines extended hand. “Thank you, sir. I appreciate that.”

Kline nods. “Go rest for a few more days and be ready to work again on Monday, yeah?”

Suga smirks. “Yes sir, thank you.”

Kline only waves him away as he leaves the office with a sense of pride flooding his chest. Wakatoshi had broken so many things about Suga; his confidence, his body, his mind but without him around anymore to tear him down, Suga was beginning to remember what it felt like to be himself again; to feel established and smart and…yes. He had felt like that once. He had once held himself tall, proud, unlike the way he carried himself now; with his spine bent and his confidence lost. He was a hard worker, he worked for his position and made it his own, he needed to feel good about that but out of habit, he questions himself: Does he deserve to feel good about that?

Wakatoshi had always made him regret his own decisions, demeaning his position, his passions. But not anymore and Suga as he walks through the halls of the school feels full. This was the job he had always wanted and he had done it, he was respected. Why had he ever been ashamed of who he was?

_Wakatoshi._

Wakatoshi had ruined the way Suga thought about everything; the way he walked, stood, lived. Wakatoshi had practically killed him, burned him into nothing but ash and now, Suga was left to reconstruct. It wasn’t fair, none of it felt fair. But it didn’t mean that he couldn’t get better, right? He had his friends, his job, Daichi. He could get better. He could heal eventually. It would take time, he thinks, as he pushes open the doors and slowly walks to call a cab. He stands on the sidewalk alone, paranoid of his surroundings, always terrified as he closes his eyes and curses Waka in his head because as much as he wants to believe that he’s getting better, he knows that he isn’t healed. He had to reconstruct, rebuild himself into who he used to be; the version of himself that he actually respected.

But he wouldn’t be that version of himself for a long time and it makes him sick. The cab pulls up and he slides inside, clutching his book bag as he stares out the window.

 _I hate you,_ he thinks as he leans his head against the window and closes his eyes. _I hate you. But I will beat you._

***

**SATURDAY NIGHT**

 

Kuroo goes down at the end of the second round and Kenma flinches, his hair curtained in front of his eyes as he struggles to watch the fight. But he refuses to look away; he’s never turned his back on Kuroo and he never would.

He clings to his boyfriends jacket where it lays in his lap, drowning comfortably in the smell; it calms him, to breathe Kuroo in while he sits alone on the bench by the side of the ring. Kuroo’s manager, Yabu, is there, yelling out plays and punches, telling Kuroo to _wake the fuck up_ and Kenma slides his leveled, annoyed eyes at the skinny, washed up manager.

Kuroo lifts himself slowly, arms shaking before peeking up and winking at Kenma through the blood he wipes across his eyes and his gut spins as he bites harder at the inside of his cheek. He supports Kuroo, this is what he loves and Kenma loves Kuroo too much to tell him to quit the thing he loves most. But he hates watching these matches; hates watching Kuroo drop to the floor limp, hates not knowing if the next punch will break his nose or a rib but overall, he just hates watching the man he loves in pain.

Kuroo had always been a klutz, prone to spraining bones and scraping up knees and Kenma remembers the day Kuroo told him about wanting to be a boxer. His heart had sank, no, melted rather at the thought of Kuroo fighting. But then he saw the way Suga reacted, how he yelled and stormed away and Kuroo had shattered then so Kenma decided at that moment that he would never miss a match. He would stand by Kuroo always and he meant it.

But to say that it wasn’t painful, to say that he didn’t have nightmares about Kuroo falling and never getting back up, would be a lie. Kenma worried constantly. Kuroo was his entire life, he would be lost without him -

Kenma shakes his head at the sound of the bell ringing. The next round starts and instantly, Kuroo is swinging, punches connecting solidly into his opponents jaw and the crack that radiates echoes through the arena is nauseating.

His hands are tingling and his chest feel tight. He needs to leave, he’s going to have a panic attack if he stays here any longer. He leans over and tells Yabu to let Kuroo know that he’s at the bathroom. The manager waves him away as he keeps his focus on Kuroo and Kenma sighs, whispering a soft _I love you_ to Kuroo before standing from the bench and shuffling through the loud crowd and even during his match, Kenma can feel Kuroo’s eyes watch him as he departs.

His shoulders are hit by screaming fans and drunk women as he pushes through, his panic attack rising to the surface as he tries to make his way through without crumbling but before he can even make it to the stairs, a large body moves to stand before him, face jammed against the hard stomach before him and when he looks up, his heart stops.

Wakatoshi stands before him, staring down with a mile wide grin plastered between his cheeks and Kenma’s eyes widen as well. The panic attack that was swimming in his throat washes now to absolute fear as he takes a shaky step backwards, Wakatoshi advancing as Kenma pants through parted lips.

“W-What are you doing here?”

“Am I not allowed to be here?” he growls, eyeing Kenma as he licks his lips and Kenma shivers, the fear in his limbs heating and cooling and it burns.

“I-If you hurt me, everyone will see-”

Wakatoshi laughs, low and rustic and...Kenma hates how terrified he is. But he saw the marks on Suga, he knows what this man is capable of. Wakatoshi leans over, staring at Kenma’s lips, hand coming up to flutter against his cheek. “Now why would I hurt you, Kitten? You’re too delicious for that,” he purrs, Kuroo’s pet name rolling from his tongue laced in acid and Kenma takes another petrified step back.

His hands tingle. His panic attack resurfaces as he reaches for his throat.

_Kuroo._

Wakatoshi continues to stroke his cheek. He’s paralyzed and the monsters hands are rough against his soft, pale flesh. He can’t breathe, everything is hot.

_Kuroo, help me._

“Your boy is impressive,” he sings, breath hot as he whispers in Kenma small ear and it only draws out his fear more. _Move, Kenma. Run._ But his legs say other wise as he trembles beneath Wakatoshi’s shadow. “But I bet you’re impressive in other ways,” and then, Wakatoshi’s tongue licks at Kenma’s neck, right below his ear and Kenma yelps as he falls backwards. No one around them stirs or stares or moves to help and it makes Kenma sick. The crowd is loud but his blood pounding in his ears is louder.

“D-Don’t touch me,” Kenma surprisingly hisses, barely loud enough for Wakatoshi to react. But he does, kneeling down to crouch before Kenma before he drags his finger down Kenma’s stomach.

“He may be impressive but what can he really do that I can’t?” His hand clutches Kenma’s shirt, lifting Kenma off his back quickly and the jolt is painful. Kenma whimpers. “Let me have you, Kenma. I could make you feel good in ways you could never imagine, _Kitt_ -”

Before he finishes the last word, Wakatoshi is trampled, Kuroo growling as he leaps on top of the beast, howling into his eyes as he slams his fist into Wakatoshi’s jaw again and again and again and again and the sounds are hideous. The crowd’s attention is now focused on them as they cheer, watching Kuroo murder Wakatoshi in the center of the aisle. Blood spews from Wakatoshi’s mouth but still, he smiles, eerily glancing over at Kenma and he shivers. Kuroo grabs Wakatoshi’s face and forces his eyes away from Kenma.

Kenma can see Kuroo screaming something at Wakatoshi as he continues to deliver blow after blow, Kuroo’s face burnt crimson and bruised from his fight. Finally, after what Kenma could guess to be years, security is there, hauling Kuroo away and to his feet. Wakatoshi lays on the floor laughing.

_Why does this man insist on getting the shit beat out of him?_

Kuroo breaks free from the guards and falls to the floor beside Kenma, scooping him into his arms instantly and finally, Kenma can breathe, clawing at Kuroo’s shoulders as he gasps and shakes and thanks him with soft kisses at his neck.

“Did he hurt you?”

“No-”

“I’ll fucking kill him, I swear to God-”

“Kuroo, I’m okay…”

Kuroo leans back and pushes Kenma’s hair out of his eyes, blood smearing along his cheek and Kenma grimaces. “You’re okay,” he repeats.

“I’m okay.”

Kuroo struggles to catch his breath before nodding and drawing Kenma back into his chest. The small boy soaks in Kuroo’s smell, settling the nerves in his body as he swallows back his attack.

“You came for me.”

Kuroo curses and kisses Kenma’s head, the crowd growing louder but he could care less. Kuroo is there and he’s safe. “I’m sorry I was late.”

Kenma shakes his head and hums. “You came for me.”

_I love you so much._

He doesn't know how long they stay on the floor, Kuroo rocking him and rattling with anger but soon, there are cops and handcuffs and Kenma is shaking and scared but Kuroo refuses to let go of his hand as they’re hauled off through the cheering crowd. Kenma looks up at one of the large screens and watches them...they’re on camera.

He squeezes Kuroo’s hand tighter as he watches the cops drag Wakatoshi to his feet.

Why had he done this so publicly?

What does he have to gain?

How far is he willing to go?

...And it’s that thought that lingers with Kenma as they're ushered out of the arena towards a cop car outside. Kenma whimpers and looks up at Kuroo.

“I’m here, Kitten, it’s okay.”

_Kitten._

How far is he willing to go?

***

Tsukki rushes down the stairs into the bar and Daichi jumps as he scrambles for the remote. He’s shaking, _Tsukki_ , hands sloppy as he struggles to turn on the T.V. Yama is the next to descend the stairs, rubbing at his tired eyes as he watches Tsukki carefully.

Yama looks to Daichi. “What’s going on?”

“I have no idea-”

“Quiet!” barks Tsukki and all of them, Tobio and Hinata, Asahi, they all freeze as the t.v blares and the headlines scrolls across the screen.

The newscaster stands outside of the arena where Kuroo’s match was, crowds of people in the back cheering and freaking out, cop cars blocking them behind barriers and Daichi’s eyes threaten to pop from his skull.

“-we know, well known New York native, Kuroo Tetsurou, was in the middle of his match when the boxer leaped from the ring into the crowd, where there are reports that his partner, which we have yet to learn of his name, Jake, was reportedly being assaulted-”

Yama gasps. “Oh my god.”

“-by a man by the name of Wakatoshi Ushijima, from what our sources have confirmed.”

A picture of Wakatoshi appears on the screen, face battered and bloodied but...he’s smiling and Daichi growls. Then a video of Kuroo leaping from the ring plays, the crowd around them going crazy as he sprints to where Wakatoshi has Kenma pinned on the floor. Kuroo tackles him, slamming his fists into Ushijima’s face repeatedly and Hinata has to look away as he whispers Kenma’s name.

“Now, at the moment, there are reports that Wakatoshi will be pressing charges against the boxer, for we know now that Kuroo Tetsurou in fact broke his jaw in three places and inflicted a head injury when he tackled Wakatoshi to the ground.”

“This isn’t happening,” breathes Asahi.

Hinata scrambles for his phone. “I-I need to call Kenma,” he stutters. “I need to-”

“Baby, he’s detained. He couldn't answer even if he wanted to.”

“But he was the one attacked! Why...why would he,” Hinata stops there, panic flooding his face and Tobio holds him close.

“That stupid son of a bitch, what’s the point of this? What is he playing at? Because unless he just really likes getting the shit knocked out of him none of this makes sense,” growls Tsukki as he continues to glare at the television.

“It’s like he’s trying to provoke us,” says Tobio.

“He’s a damn idiot if he is.”

“Or he’s smart. Pressing charges will have to keep Kuroo away, Kenma. He’s not trying to provoke us, he’s trying to eliminate us,” mindlessly answers Yama before he squeals and turns to Daichi. “Call Suga, right now. Dai, if he sees this,” Yama slurs but Daichi is already moving for his coat.

“Tsukki, I’m going! Keep me informed!”

“You got it.”

Daichi is running before he can process a response.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters out in one day? What? Who is she? 
> 
> <3 <3 <3

Hajime gapes at the television with blurred eyes, re-watching the video of Kuroo and Kenma being pushed into a cop car and his stomach flips. He bites at his knuckles while Tooru sits at the dining table crying softly, the sound of Tooru crying would never been a sound he could get used to and finally, he tears his eyes away and walks to the table. Tooru is staring blankly at nothing, his leg bouncing beneath the table as he spins a spoon in his coffee.

Quietly Hajime pulls out the chair next to him and reaches for the hand Tooru isn’t working at, his fiancee biting far too deep at his nails. “Baby, you’re going to hurt yourself,” he whispers and Tooru jumps at the sudden contact.

Tooru’s eyes shift to the T.V, where the same video plays again.

Kuroo leaps out of the ring.

Kenma is small, pinned beneath Wakatoshi.

Kuroo attacks Wakatoshi. Attacks.

Tooru looks away and squeezes the hand Hajime holds into a fist. “Bastard,” he hisses and Hajime only nods.

“Have you heard from Suga?”

Tooru squeezes his eyes closed and shakes his head. “I don’t think he knows.”

“Is he still shopping?” Tooru nods. “He was so happy on the phone earlier. I hate that...why can’t he catch a damn break.”

“This is going to kill him, Iwa,” breathes Tooru and Hajime sags, bring Tooru’s hand up to his lips. “He’s going to blame himself for this, that bastard knows it too. That’s the entire reason…” he says cutting himself off with a sniffle.

"Tsukki said Yama thinks that he’s trying to eliminate us, to get to Suga. He knows Kuroo tends to think with his fists first, it's probably why he faced Daichi and Tobio at the bar too.”

Tooru finally meets Hajime's eyes and he sighs. _Beautiful_. “What do you mean eliminate us? Like...literally?”

“He wants to get his hands on Suga. He knows which of us are weak, which ones aren’t. I just don’t know how far he’s willing to go…”

“He attacked Kenma at the match, in front of hundreds of people, in front of cameras! He doesn’t _have_ a limit, Hajime! He doesn’t give a shit about himself, we know that from all the times he’s provoked Daichi and Kuroo,” he snaps and Hajime pulls his eyes away. But Tooru is fast to drag them back, taking hold of Hajime’s chin. “I’m sorry, I-I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, _no_ . It’s not okay. This entire situation isn’t okay. He’s hurting my friends, he hurt Asahi and Kenma, he hurt _you_ and Suga, I don’t know what he can take anymore and what he can’t and I feel like I can’t breathe,” Tooru rambles and Hajime scoots back in his chair before he takes holds of Tooru’s hand and pulls him into his lap, shushing him as Tooru breaks, crying into his shoulder.

“Calm down, baby. We’re okay. Kenma is okay, Kuroo made sure of that. Asahi is okay,” Hajime pulls Tooru’s eyes to his, “look at me, I’m okay. You’re okay, I’ll make damn sure of that. And Suga, no, this isn’t going to be easy for him. None of this is. I think he still hides a lot of what he’s feeling but he is getting better. He got his job back, that made him so happy and he’s home now. We have the restraining order still, it’s going to be okay. Wakatoshi is really pushing his luck and one day, it’s going to run out-”

“Yeah but what if by then it’s too late? What if we’re too late. I-I should have gotten the order sooner, I should have noticed sooner-”

“Tooru, nobody knew! No one. Suga hide him really well. That is not your fault, it’s no ones fault. It’s not Suga’s fault either, we know now how bad it was for him...this is no ones fault but Wakatoshi’s, okay?”

Tooru nods and wipes at his runny nose. “We...should go to the station. For Kenma, Kuroo...we’re still fighting, you know.”

“Tooru, Suga will be home. He’ll find out, you need to be here for that.”

“But-”

“You will fix things with Kuroo. You guys always come back to each other.”

Tooru sighs. “I’m an asshole.”

“No, you run off of your emotions. That’s all.”

Tooru moves to open his mouth when a knock at the door startles them both, loud and pounding and instantly, Hajime is on his feet and angry.

Tooru grabs at him. “Hajime, Wait! Please, let’s call the cops if it’s him! Please!”

Hajime shakes loose. “I’m just going to see who it-”

“Tooru, Haj! Is Suga in there, please!” Both of them deflate at the sound of Daichi’s voice, Hajime rushing to open the door. He tosses it open and Daichi hugs him instantly. “Are you guys okay? Have you heard anything, where is he?”

Tooru stands to hug Daichi as well, the hug long and needed from what Hajime can tell. “He’s out shopping. He...had a good day,” Tooru says, voice breaking. “I don’t think he knows yet.”

They pull apart from each other and all move for the table. “Did Tsukki call you?”

Hajime nods. “Yeah, he told us what Yama said.”

“I agree with him. It only makes sense, showing up at the bar, threatening Hinata, attacking Asahi and now this. If he’s trying to throw us off, tear us apart, it’s working.”

“This doesn’t seem real. How is he still getting away with all of this? And Kenma, how are they the ones in trouble?” asks Tooru.

“The video only shows Wakatoshi kneeling above Kenma, it doesn’t show him hurting Ken. Even though we know better, from that video alone, it does look like Kuroo initiated the fight.”

“But once they get Kenma’s statements?”

“Maybe, who knows.”

“Yeah,” adds Hajime. “The police in this town have a good way of placing blame where it doesn’t belong.”

“This is insanity. I feel like I’m stuck in a bad dream,” draws Tooru, head hanging in his hands and Hajime rubs his back. “Someone needs to go down to the station.”

“I’ll go,” offers Hajime and Tooru after a moment, nods. Hajime looks to Dai. “You should stay here, for when Suga gets home.”

“No, I’ll come with you. I think Tooru can handle it,” he looks to Tooru, “but call if you need me, promise me.”

“I promise, Dai.”

Daichi nods as he and Hajime stand to leave. Tooru stands and hugs Hajime, the hug hard and hungry. Hajime runs his hands through Tooru’s hair. “Please lock the door behind us.” Tooru nods and pulls back, placing his lips against Hajime's and the kiss is enough to shatter Hajime’s knees beneath his skin. Tooru lingers there, kissing Hajime so delicately slow and he forgets that they have company. Hajime hums beneath the embrace before pulling back. “I love you.”

Tooru nods and kisses him once more before he and Daichi share a look and leave the apartment and as they do, Hajime hears Tooru whisper, “Be careful.”

They walk down the sidewalk to the station in silence, the wind cold and sharp as they occasionally bump shoulders and maneuver past other New Yorkers also in a hurry. As they pass by shops, a few of the T.V’s replay the fight at the arena, people cheering on Kuroo as he beats Wakatoshi, some cursing his name, calling him an animal and it causes a dark anger to boil in Hajime.

“It’s gross,” hisses Dai and Hajime looks to him.

“I know.”

“Sad thing is that even if they knew what Wakatoshi was like, I bet you they’d still find a reason to hate Kuroo.”

Hajime only looks forward, steaming with Daichi’s statement until they reach the station. It’s crowded and loud and Hajime already has a headache from crying, from worrying. There’s people crammed against every wall, people crying, people screaming and he can tell that it’s a lot for Dai to handle, thinking of what must be running through his head. Hajime tends to forget that out of the two of them, Suga isn’t the only one who has demons to battle.

Daichi finally curses and grabs Hajime’s hand, stepping forward, pushing through the hoard of angry people until he reaches an empty spot at the counter and Hajime is grateful for Daichi’s bravery.

He would have stood back there all day.

But he is the one to speak first. “Hi, my friends were brought into this station I believe, Kuroo Tetsurou and Kenma Kozume?”

The man behind the desk raises an eyebrow. “You’re friends with the boxer?” he laughs as he turns and yells to a few of the guys behind him. “Yo, whats the hold on the boxer?”

“Locked up, the order went through. But the little one is over there,” a tall woman yells back and Daichi is fast to dart from the desk and find Kenma.  

“I’m sorry, order?”

“Yeah, the guy your friend beat up is a better guy than I would have been. He ain’t pressing charges but he did request an immediate restraining order, the whole nine yards. Your boxer ain’t leaving until his bail’s paid.”

“You’re fucking kidding me…” he hisses and the cop drops his cheeky grin. “Alright, what the hell is the bail?”

The cop eyes him. “Nothing small.”

He feels small arms wrap tight around his waist and looks down to see Kenma. Hajime sighs in relief. “Oh thank god,” he says, hugging Kenma back just as ferociously. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” Kenma doesn’t answer but his entire body feels cold as he shivers and Hajime is way beyond furious. “I’m gonna kill that son of a bitch.”

“What’s the bail?” asks Daichi.

The cop smiles again, eyeing Daichi’s dog tags. “Nine grand, Soldier. You single-”

“I’ll pay it.”

Hajime and Kenma both look at Daichi in utter shock as he reaches for his checkbook.

The cop scoffs. “Excuse me?”

Daichi slams the book on the counter and growls. “I’m paying the damn bail, you gotta problem with that?” The cop just shrugs and moves from the counter, requesting to have Kuroo released.

Kenma tugs on Daichi’s sweater. “Are you serious?”

Daichi softens then. “Money isn’t an issue, Ken.”

Kenma pouts, eyes watering. “Daichi-”

Daichi leans to look Kenma in the eyes. “He doesn’t deserve to be in there. I’ll pay whatever I have to.”

“But...we can’t pay you back. Kuroo-”

“I would never ask you to pay me back. Besides, Kuroo can pay in me in drinks,” he winks before hugging Kenma, who thanks Daichi repeatedly in small moans.

Hajime stares at Dai in disbelief. He was a damn good man. Damn good. Hajime slaps Daichi on the back and smiles, Dai returning the gesture before filling out the check and ripping it from his book.

The cop coughs from behind them now. “Kenma Kozume?”

Kenma flips around. “Yes, where is he?”

“He have a few of his things and yours. Wanna follow me and we can bring you to him.”

“O-Okay.” he agrees and looks back at Hajime.

“We’re not going anywhere, Ken.”

Kenma smiles, even though it’s small and struggling, before following after the cop to get Kuroo. Daichi handles the bail fee with the accountant, signing his name and receiving his receipt from the teller as Hajime stands close by, admiring Daichi as he professionally handles the transaction. After all is settled, Hajime and Daichi move for the hallway and wait for Kenma and Kuroo, Daichi leaning against the wall, totally unfazed…

“You just paid out nine grand as if you’ll shit it out in about an hour.”

Daichi grins. “Maybe I will.”

“Dai, that was something else. I don’t know many people who would have done that.”

He simply shrugs. “I would do anything for the people I care about,” he says, and it’s that statement that completely summarizes Daichi. That’s who he had always been, this was the man Suga had fallen in love with and now, Hajime understands. He understand why suga fought so hard, why he waited…

He thinks of Tooru.

“You’re a good man. Suga is a lucky guy.”

“I’m the lucky one,” he says, quick and sure and Hajime smiles as he leans on the wall beside Daichi.

Hajime nudges Daichi’s shoulder. “The Marines pay that well, huh?” he jokes and Daichi chuckles.

“I had many reasons for wanting to join.”

“Was Suga one of those reasons?”

Daichi hesitates. “Of course he was. They offered me good cash, man. I was fit. I scored high on all the tests. I was made a Captain after only a year and half, right out of basic. I thought if I was in there long enough, one day, I could support him like he deserved and hell, I can. I saved up good. But...you get caught up. They keep calling you back, keep recruiting. I was a stuck in countries we shouldn't even be fighting in, I was deployed somewhere new every year. I didn’t plan on staying that long, I really didn’t...” Daichi cuts himself off and takes a deep breath.

“You really were planning on coming back to him, weren’t you?”

Daichi folds his lips in and coughs. “I did it all wrong.”

“Dai, you didn’t do anything wrong. You did what you felt was right.” Daichi shakes his head. “You’re too hard on yourself, Dai. Suga...he was proud of you. He was sad, yeah, of course but more than that, he was proud.”

“He shouldn’t have been. I was a coward.”

“Daichi, you are the farthest thing from a coward.”

“No, I am. I didn’t talk to him about any of it because I was terrified, I didn’t want to keep him tied down to me, not when I never knew if I was gonna be blown to bits or not. I couldn’t have asked him, told him...Suga doesn’t think the same way other people do. He’s special and he cares, so damn much. He blames himself for everything. I didn’t need him to blame himself if I was to die out there, you know?”

“That doesn’t make you a coward. That makes you selfless and brave. You’re...an amazing person, Dai.”

“Why do I not feel like it?”

Hajime moves to continue the conversation but before he can, Kuroo calls his name from down the hall and his heart stops as he turns and smile, running to Kuroo without a second thought. He jumps into Kuroo’s arms, laughing as Kuroo lifts him off the ground as they hug.

“Son of a bitch,” whispers Hajime.

“I’m okay,” Kuroo reassures and Hajime nods.

_He’s okay. He’s alright._

“You better be,” Hajime answers, hugging him tighter before pulling away and hugging Kenma all the same.

_They’re both alright. My family._

Kuroo looks up and meets eyes with Daichi. “I-I don’t know how I can ever repay you-”

“I already told Ken that you’re gonna pay me back in drinks.”

Kuroo drops his chin. “Daichi, I’m serious.”

“And so am I,” he says, coming to hug Kuroo, the hug strong and deep and Hajime feels his eyes water as he continues to hug Kenma.

They all pull away and after a few necessary jail jokes, they leave the station and head back towards Hajime’s flat. People shoot nasty looks as they pass and Daichi is fast to shut them all down, giving Hajime one more reason to admire the man.

Kuroo nudges Hajime. “Does Suga know?”

“I don’t know.”

“He’s...what am I supposed to do now, Haj? If he tries to hurt Kenma again, or Suga, I can’t be…”

“He did that for a reason, Kuroo,” injects Daichi, Kenma clinging to Kuroo’s arm as they walk. “That son of a bitch is playing with fire, he’ll get burned eventually.”

“Suga goes back to work Monday,” mumbles Hajime.

“What?” bites Kuroo.

“Don’t worry, the school is aware of the situation.”

“And they let him back anyways?” asks Kenma.

“Suga couldn’t stay away any longer. Besides, he deserves to go back to work. It’s not fair to him, he doesn’t deserve to be scared out of his job.”

No one argues with Hajime on that point.

When they finally get back to the apartment, it’s obvious very quickly that Suga in fact knows. Tooru holds him in his lap as he cries, shaking and the second he and Kuroo lock eyes, he rushes towards Suga, Koushi staring at Kuroo as if he were a ghost, not sure if he’s real or not but Kuroo is fast to assure him that he’s really there, scooping Suga into his arms. Suga cries into Kuroo’s shoulder as they all watch, Daichi still and stone faced behind them, always aware of every move that Suga makes. Suga cries until he’s dry, hugging both Kenma and Kuroo repeatedly until he and Daichi both fall asleep on the couch together. Kenma and Kuroo decide to stay close by as well, sleeping on the love seat while Hajime and Tooru stand in the kitchen, watching peacefully.

They would tell Suga about how Daichi paid the bail tomorrow but for now, they were all together and safe and that’s all they needed, all that matters. Tooru and Hajime also end up sleeping in the living room, Hajime holding Tooru in his arms as they fall asleep to the sound of their friends breathing.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi Guys!  
> Oh my god, it's been a hot minute and I'm sorry.  
> My uncle (who was like a father to me) passed away last week and so I've been with my family ever since. I'm sorry this is so short, but with holidays and his passing, things have just been too hectic. I know, excuses, but family comes first! 
> 
> I hope you all had great holidays.  
> I love you beautiful people and if I'm not back by then, HAPPY NEW YEAR <3

**OCTOBER 10TH**

 

Suga's first day back in class is just as hectic as he assumed it to be but he wouldn't have wanted it any other way. On top of all the craziness of his classes, Suga's mind is swarmed by thoughts of his friends. He thinks of Kenma, of the worried faces he sported while asleep in Kuroo's arms and Kuroo, the idea of him locked in a jail cell because of someone who wanted nothing but to get to Suga. He thinks of Daichi, of all the money that he shoveled out to bail Kuroo out of the station, and of how he acted as if NINE GRAND was nothing to sweat over. He thinks of how he heard Tooru crying in the bathroom this morning and of how only a few months ago, he was in the same exact position. He thinks of Hajime and Asahi, Noya and Tsukki and Yama, all of his friends. 

But while at work, Suga has to push those thoughts as far away as he can because now, he has students to teach again and they are just as important. 

The kids are crowded around him, asking all types of questions revolving the extensive "vacation" that he took. Samantha keeps asking about the beaches and the volcanoes, and it doesn't take Suga long to assume that someone lied and told the kids that he had been in Hawaii. But Suga was a good story teller, so he has a good time constructing his fake vacation. 

He tells them about how he swam with soft, kind dolphins in the deep ocean and about how the waves were taller than the empire state building, and about how all he ate were cracked coconuts and snails for breakfast. He tells them about the high mountains, painted in lush carpets of damp green grass, rocky, black volcanoes erupting and roaring every other second, and he makes jokes about how he feared for his life on the constant; a few kids cower from the stories about volcanoes so he shies away from the topic a bit and switches to speak to his imaginary vacation. He tells them about the food, everything dowsed in fire and agave when presented and the kids lose their minds from all the details he incorporates into his story. 

Well, all except Anya, who sits patiently at her small table, silently smiling and listening closely to every word Suga mutters; cheeks bright pink and eyes wide, pigtails tight on the top of her head. She's calm in a way Suga isn't used to, lips folded in as she eyes the other students while they ask their many questions. Then, finally, Suga catches Anya roll her beautiful bright eyes dramatically and it finally hits him. 

She knows that he's lying.

So he finishes, finally ushering the kids to go back to their art projects before he crosses his arms and looks over at Anya, who spins back in her seat with a yelp and quickly begins back on her art. Suga holds back his laugh as he goes and kneels beside her. Anya keeps focus on her drawing. Of course, it's a dolphin. Suga warms and smiles behind his obviously fake teacher scowl. 

"Miss Anya," he sings and only her eyebrows raise. "I couldn't help but detect a little bit of...oh, I don't know, _sass_ , while you listened to my story." 

"S-S-Sass? What a-are y-you talking about?" 

"Uh huh. You know what I'm talking about." 

"D-DO NOT." 

"Do too!" 

"Do not!" 

"Miss Anya, if you don't talk to me I'm going to go behind my desk and take down your-"

"A-Alright!" she finally sighs, falling back into her seat and Suga cheers mentally at his small success. "You weren't in H-Hawaii." 

Suga closes his eyes and shrugs his shoulders, looking around the room before leaning in closer. "You caught me." 

This makes her happy. She yelps agains. "I-I knew it!" 

"Shush!" Suga tosses a finger over her lips. "Our secret, yes?" 

Anya nods and gently wraps her tiny fingers around his hand. "You protect me and I-I protect-t you," she winks and Suga's jaw brushes the dusty floor of the classroom.

"You're not going to ask me where I was?" 

Anya shrugs. "T-That's none of m-my business."

Suga wants to cry.

_No, no more, damnit._

"Thank you, Miss Anya." 

Anya giggles and tosses her arms around his slim neck and it startles Suga, the sudden embrace, even though it's more than welcomed. She smells like spring cherries and honey nut cheerios and it hits him then that he didn't realize just how much he had missed the small girl over his missed time, how much he had worried about her and her horrible mother. He wants to ask, ask if she's okay or is she needs his help because all he wants to do is help her; he wants to keep her safe, to keep her smiling. She deserves that.

But Suga must be appropriate...or simply wait for the right time. 

***

Tooru is dead asleep on the couch when Hajime and Yama stop by the flat to grab lunch. Hajime's hands are stained with paint and ink and Yama smells of the printing press at the publishing house. It was a private company, started by people who had dreams of self publishing and now, they focused on small authors who deserved to have their voices heard; a company Yama had aimed for since he was a student in university. Everyone had been so proud of Yama and even more proud when he worked Hajime into the company to design book covers. They were both talented, even though Hajime would always think Yama was far more talented, and he would always owe Yama for the favor. 

They tip toe towards he kitchen, Yama quietly pulling out one of the chairs at the table. "Why isn't he at work?" Yama whispers. 

"He doesn't have practices on Mondays, so he usually gets to come home early." 

"He works hard," Yama sighs, closing his eyes and combing his long fingers through his hair. "In some ways, he reminds me of Tsukki."  

"I don't know about that but he certainly does," whispers Hajime, bring Yama a warmed up bowl of left over pasta. Yama thanks him wholeheartedly. Hajime keeps looking at Tooru. "Hey, I have an idea I wanna run by you." 

Yama's eyebrows shoot up. "Hit me." 

"I wanna propose to Tooru again." 

Yama opens his mouth and then closes it, confused. "I'm not following?" 

"When I proposed to him last time, it was quick. Sloppy. Nothing like he deserved. I just... _wanted_ him so bad, I was so impatient. And so I rushed it, maybe because I knew that he wouldn't say no but now, it doesn't feel right. I wanna redo. Especially with all that's going on, I need to show him, really show him how serious I still am. I wanna show him that I can keep him safe, that I'm nothing like..."

_Ushijima._

Yama seems to understand and squeezes his hand before leaning back and going for his food. "Then redo it."

Hajime tears his eyes from Tooru. "Yeah?" 

"Yeah. It sounds romantic as hell and he's all about that mushy romance stuff. It's _Tooru_. But if you're going to redo it, you're going to have to really go for it." 

Hajime just nods and goes for his food. 

He smiles into his soup as new ideas sprint through his head. 

***

"So how are the dreams?" 

Daichi's palms are a hot mess. "Dreams?" 

"Yes, Daichi. The dreams, you know, the ones you come and talk to me about three times a week? You're still having them right," Misty questions as she jots down gibberish about their session onto her mustard yellow pain pad. 

"Yes, smart ass, I am." 

Misty winks. "And?" 

"And?" 

"Anything knew? Anything hot?" 

"You just want details about me and Suga." 

"Maybe," she sings, again, her long lashes winking and Daichi scoffs. 

"I've known you for far too long," Daichi sighs, leaning his heavy, pounding head back against the chair. 

"Well, hurry up and open up to me and we can get this over with! Now, again, tell me about what you dreamt about last night?" 

So Daichi does. 

He tells her about the same dream that he has every night, even though in reality, it's more of a memory than a dream:

He tells her about the heat, how it bubbles his flesh as he clings to the gun.

He tells her about the pack on his back sagging and sinking him deeper into the mud that surrounds a small decrepit shack. 

There are snakes hissing beneath the soles of his water logged boots, fleas in his ears, flies flying past his eyes. 

The Gunny gives the order to proceed to the front of the shed. 

They kick in the straw door, Rogers at his back with Adams at _his_ back. 

There's a man with a bomb in the corner of the room.

He's screaming something Daichi can't understand.

Adams yells back at him. 

The Gunny is calling his name but Daichi is distracted...in the center of the roofless shack, in what must be her mothers arms, is a small girl, jaw hanging off as she gasps for air through thick black blood. The fingers on her left hand are gone, blown off to nothing but white bone, and Daichi hisses as her eyes roll to his, continuing to gasp. 

She mouths for him to help. 

He watches behind his weapon. 

He can't move. 

He can't...

The Gunny calls his name, so does Davis. 

He hears the man with the bomb scream something louder.

And then, the bomb explodes and his body is tossed back, back into the mud and-

" _SAWAMURA_!"

Daichi gasps and flies to sit upright, gasping at his chest.

Misty runs a cold cloth over his forehead. "It's okay, it's okay. You're back." 

"I-I-"

"You're back, just breath," she confirms. 

He's back.

He's home. 

His breathing calms finally as his body sags back into the cushions. He's sweating, shirt stuck to his chest as he gulps down the after taste of the episode, each light in the room sharp as his eyes readjusts and he thinks of only one name to calm him down-

"Suga," Daichi moans and Misty grins. 

"You really love that man. I'm jealous." 

That makes Daichi crack a small smile. 

"Just wait here for a moment. Take all the time you need, I'm going to go sign a refill slip for your prescription." 

Daichi nods. 

Why wasn't he getting better, why couldn't he get over this? 

It had been months...he didn't know that little girl, or those men. He wasn't close Adams. 

Why wasn't the therapy working? Would he ever get over this?

There's a cold glass pushed into his hand. Water, thank god. "Thank you," he whispers. 

"You got it," replies Misty as she walks back to her seat across from Daichi. "I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to draw out an episode." 

"It's okay," he admits truthfully. "I-I need to be able to talk about it, think about it, right?" 

"Eventually, but there's no rush." 

"But...it's been so long," he says, taking a large sip from the water. "I should...be getting better." 

"And you are, everyday." 

"Bullshit," he hisses and Misty snaps. 

"Don't get sassy with me, Marine," she bites and he smiles. "You couldn't even tell me about what the weather was like during our first two weeks. You really are getting better." 

He scoffs. "Thanks. It just never seems like it's good enough." 

"No one is asking you to be perfect." 

Daichi nods. She's right. "I know." 

"Have you told Suga?" 

Daichi freezes. _No. Never._ "No." 

"May I ask why?" 

_Suga has his own nightmares._

"He doesn't need to know. He has enough to worry about." 

Misty knows of the demons Suga battles. She understands. But she doesn't stop there. "You helped him, didn't you?" 

"Of course I did." 

She nods. "Then why is it so hard for you to let him help you?" 

"Because-" 

"Does he not love you?" 

 _Does he? Yes, I guess he does._ "I-I think so." 

"No, say that again with more backbone." 

"Yes. Yes, he does," finally says Daichi and his chest deflates, loosens. He can breathe. "He loves me," he says again. 

"Yes, he does. And I know you sure as hell love him. So if he loves you even a smidge of what you feel for him, I know he wants to help you just as much, Dai." 

"But what if he can't handle it? W-What if he retreats, what if he goes back to the way he was before and it's all my fault-"

"Daichi, you are not what haunts him." she says, each word defined. Accurate. 

"Ushijima." 

"Yes," she hisses and Daichi meets her eyes. "He loves you. You love him and I think by telling him what's on your mind, what you think about, you're going to feel a whole lot lighter, Marine."

Daichi nods and sinks into his hands. 

"You better be right." 


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi babes! 
> 
> I'm back and again, happy new year! Hope you all had a great time over the break :)
> 
> I needed to clear my head for awhile but I started the outline today for how I'm going to finish this thing and I'm very excited. I'm looking at maybe 31-32 chapters so we still have a few more chapters to go. I hope that makes you happy. 
> 
> Also, I need to thank you all for being so understanding and supportive over this time. All of your comments made me sob today and I love you all so much, thank you from the bottom of my heart! My uncle was a very sick man and as much as it kills me that he's gone, I have to look at it as that he's no longer in pain. I know he's with me me still and thats what matters. <3
> 
> Alright, well, here it is. It's a lot. I hope you like it! <3 Love y'all!
> 
> Also: FanArt!! I'm in love <3  
> Check it out, by @Calvinbae, link here:  
> spottedwithfreckles.tumblr.com
> 
> It's beautiful, thank you so much!

**OCTOBER 13TH**

 

“Cheers! To Kuroo and Kenma for not going to prison!” salutes Noya and Asahi is fast to slap him as everyone at the table, all except Kenma of course, laughs and tosses bar nuts his way. “What? That’s funny!”

“Too soon, you jerk,” peeps Kenma and Kuroo leans and kisses his head.

“Oh come on, Kitten. We have to make jokes right? It’s the only way we’ll make it through this….nightmare,” he says and again, they all fall quiet.

But no one more than Suga and Daichi can tell that he’s thinking, over-thinking to be exact so he slides his hand under the table to squeeze Suga’s, popping a smile to the mans face and _fuck_ , it’s breathtaking. But then again, to Daichi, everything about Suga has always been breathtaking; from the freckles on his face to his long fingers to the unique shade of his hair, nothing about Suga wasn’t perfect.

Why couldn't he see that?

Suga’s quietness not only draws Daichi’s attention but Tooru and Kuroo’s as well.

The boxer tosses a wrinkled napkin at Suga and he smiles. “Why?”

“Because, I know what you’re thinking and you better stop. What happened was no ones fault but that bastards, Sug.”

“Kuroo’s right,” adds Kenma. “We don’t blame you at all, Suga.”

Suga only grins, sideways, sloppy...struggling to calm his friends nerves but Daichi can tell that Tooru is still wound tight. Hell, out of all of them, even Suga, lately Tooru was the one who worried Daichi the most. He was different, quiet, which was something new for Tooru, and even with all his prodding and Hajime’s questions and endless stream of affection, nothing was pulling him from his slump.

But if Tooru was good at anything, it was making Suga smile. “Sug, how was work? Are you happy to be back?”

Daichi thanks him internally.

Suga hums. “I guess someone told the kids that I was taking a vacation, in Hawaii.”

“Ah, that would have been nice, huh?” jokes Tsukki and Daichi laughs into his drink.

“Yeah, you’re telling me. SO _I_ had to come up with an entire backstory for my imaginary vacation and let me tell you, curious children have wild imaginations,” he chuckles and Daichi drowns in the sound.

“How was your fake trip to the big island?” asks Noya.

“Oh quite lovely, I swam with dolphins. A lot.”

“Dolphins are nice,” adds Asahi and it’s precious, Daichi leaning his head on Asahi’s shoulder and it makes the big guy blush red.

Tsukki whistles. “Hinata! Another round, yeah!”

Hinata’s groan is loud and dramatic and Suga chuckles. “You alcoholics can’t walk and get your own drinks!”

“What do I pay you for?” Tsukki yells back.

No response.

They all burst out laughing.

“That kid has balls,” Tsukki finally sighs.

“He has to, you’re his boss,” slurs Yama as he leans and kisses Tsukki’s jaw.

“Well, I’m glad you were able to go back smoothly,” finally replies Tooru and now, Suga is the one to question his friend.

“Tooru, what’s the matter?”

Yama joins back in. “Yeah, Suga’s right to question. You’ve been awfully quiet.”

Tooru looks around, before his eyes land on Hajime’s. “You have to promise you won’t yell at me, promise?”

Everyone goes still, Hajime washes pale. “Tooru, what happened?”

Tooru turns his eyes away and sighs, sniffling and Suga inches closer. “Tooru?”

He then takes a breath and looks to Suga. “H-He came to my job.”

Hajime’s lips fall apart but it’s Kuroo who speaks first. “Did he hurt you?” Tooru doesn’t reply and Kuroo melts crimson. “I swear to god, Tooru, did he hurt you-”

“N-Not really. He just...threatened me. There were too many people around.”

“He came to the school?” Daichi asks.

Tooru nods.

He’s becoming far too sloppy. Risky. Scary.

“W-When did this happen, baby?” Hajime asks, titling Tooru’s chin towards him. “Why didn’t you call one of us?”

“I was going to see you all tonight anyways. I just...figured I could tell you now and there would be less damage.”

“What if he hurt you!” yells Kuroo.

Hajime, low and deep, growls. “Back off, Kuroo.”

“I’m serious!”

“What could you have done, anyways, huh!?” yells Tooru and as quick as he says it, the regret piles in his cheeks as Kuroo scoffs and raises his hands in surrender. He moves to leave the booth. “Wait, Kur-”

“I gotta piss,” he says, climbing over Kenma and Tooru is fast to leave the booth after him.

Hajime moves to follow them but Suga grabs his arm and shakes his head. “They need to fix this, Tooru can take care of himself.” It takes a minute but finally, Hajime agrees and sits back down, chugging the rest of his whisky.

***

Kuroo rushes into the bathroom, spinning on his heels before growling and splashing water onto his cheeks. His face is burnt and hot and his eyes sting but as much as he feels Tooru’s words stomping in his chest, what he said wasn’t wrong and that’s what he hated so much.

But that was the point, right? To break them apart, to seclude them, to seclude Suga.

“Fucking bastard,” grunts Kuroo.

“I hope you’re talking to the sink. It’s filthy.”

Kuroo closes his eyes, straightens his back and spins to see Tooru, hair disheveled and eyes red. Kuroo knows that look, the one that warns him when Tooru is about to break and so Kuroo takes a long breath and drags his hands down his damp face.

“You were right. I couldn’t have done anything-”

“I didn’t mean it...I would never say-”

“Tooru, it’s okay. I’m just...on edge from, you know, being arrested and plastered all over the news.”

Tooru laughs and Kuroo forgot how much he missed the sound. “When...I saw, what you did on the news...all I could think about was how awful I had been to you lately.”

“Tooru, I haven’t been great either.”

“No, I-I said awful shit to you, Kur. I can be a really terrible person sometimes-”

“Hey,” Kuroo says, sliding forward to cup Tooru’s cheeks. “Quit that. I don’t even think it’s possible for you to be a terrible person. Loud, yes. Conceited, when you need to be but terrible, never.”

Tooru moves from Kuroo’s grasp and wipes at the tears hanging to his cheeks. “I don’t really think that, you know. That you’re jealous of me and Suga.”

Kuroo sighs. “Well, you weren’t all wrong,” he says, moving back towards the sink, fingers combing through his hair.

“What?”

Kuroo chuckles. “Come on, Tooru .You have to see it? How you and Suga are together sometimes, it’s like you were soulmates in another life or something.” Tooru’s mouth speaks no words, only continues to hang open. “I don’t want you to think I want to take Suga from you or anything, I love you both equally. Yes, I’ve known Suga literally...my entire life but the moment that you and Kenma and Hajime joined, you were all placed on the same pedestal that he was. I-I just...worry.”

“About what, Kur?”

“When Suga was in the hospital...for awhile, I really, truly believed that he might not walk out of there alive. I just...felt it, for a few nights, when I would watch him sleep. It made me think about what would happen to all of us, if he passed and instantly, it was like a part of me knew that I wouldn’t be included anymore.”

Tooru looks...flabbergasted. “Included?”

“Without Suga, you don’t need me. You have Hajime and all the guys at the bar. Really, my only connection to you guys is Suga so...why would you need to keep me around after that-”

Before he can finish, Tooru is slapping him. Hard. Kuroo’s eyes expand as he licks at his lips, skin still vibrating from the slap.

“Um, ouch?”

“What the hell, Kuroo? Are you serious?”

“Tooru-”

“NO! That’s...bullshit. I don’t even….how would I even function without you?” Kuroo stills, his eyes sliding to meet Tooru’s. “Yes, me and Suga are very close but who was it that really saved me that day on the playground, Kuroo, huh? It wasn’t Hajime, it wasn’t Kenma and it wasn’t Suga. No, it was you. It’s you who I thank everyday for bringing Suga and Kenma and Hajime into my life. It’s you who protected me from all those assholes who teased me about the way I looked and talked. It was you who always made me feel safe. It was you who I was furious at when I heard you were going to start boxing because the idea of you getting hurt anymore than you already did _killed_ me! Kuroo, it’s you who brought Suga into my life. It’s you who I have always looked up to, who I’ve always wanted to be like. Y-You’re my brother, Kuroo. I love you.”

Kuroo’s eyes sting. Is he crying? He wipes at his cheeks. Tooru is standing in front of him now, wiping away the tears beneath his eyes.

“If I ever hear you say anything so stupid to me ever again, I’ll kill you myself, do you understand me, you idiot?” Tooru says as he whines and tosses his arms around Kuroo’s neck.

It takes a minute but finally Kuroo gasps and hugs Tooru back, harder and fiercer than he ever has before and Tooru melts into the hug, grasping at Kuroo’s thin sweater. “You’re my brother too,” Kuroo whispers. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” whines Tooru before pulling away and slapping Kuroo’s chest. “Stupid.”

Kuroo laughs. "I get it, I’m an idiot.”

“Duh.”

Kuroo crosses his arms. “But so are you, not saying anything about Ushijima. You know how dangerous he is.” Tooru nods in agreement and hangs his head. “What did he say to you?”

Tooru shrugs. “You know, the usual. How he’s going to hurt Suga and about how we can’t stop it.”

“You promise he didn’t hurt you?”

Tooru scoffs. “Not enough to prove it.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“He roughed me up, yes, but like I said...there were too many people around and he knew I wasn’t going to hit him. I’m not you or Daichi, he knew he would be the one to get in trouble that time because I wouldn't fight back.”

Kuroo sighs. “I still wish you’d let me train you, just in the basics.”

“Me? Come on, I’d break the second I tried to hit a bag.”

Kuroo shakes his head before pulling Tooru beneath his arm and kissing his head. “Come on, slugger. Let’s go back before they send one of our boyfriends after us.”

“Yeah, yeah,” agrees Tooru. He stops them both before they step from the bathroom. “You believe me, don’t you?”

He did. He really did. How could he be so stupid?

“I believe you.”

***

Suga and Daichi fall onto the bed, exhausted and tipsy. 

It's 1a.m and after some much needed convincing from his friends, at the bar, Suga finally remembered that he had his job back now and children to watch and sleep to get so now, he and Daichi snuggle against each other on the small full mattress in Suga's room, clothes half way on as they hide beneath the blankets of Suga's bed. Daichi keeps inhaling deeply, apparently soaking in Suga's smell and it makes Suga laugh louder than he needs to, finally pulling Daichi's lips to his. 

Suga loved sex, he had always loved sex but with Daichi, what he loved more than anything was kissing. There was something far more sensual about kissing when you did it with someone you truly loved and with Daichi, it made things shiver in Suga when they kissed; it made his toes curls and his knees lock and his skin soften and now, as Daichi slips his tongue between Suga's thin lips it's no different. Kissing Daichi is bliss, easy, natural bliss and as Daichi's hands finally make their way into Suga's hair, it's all Suga needs to flip Daichi onto his back and straddle the man. 

Daichi groans from Suga's domination, rustic and hard and Suga, rocking his hips now, he feels things...tighten and jolt and twitch and he licks his lips. 

"S-Suga, you have to stop-" Daichi's breath hitches as Suga does anything but stop. "You're driving me insane, baby..."

"I just....want to feel you," he breathes, nails biting into the exposed skin beneath Daichi's button up and its erotic and hot and Suga is telling the truth; he wants. He wants all of Daichi, more than he's wanted anything in a very long time. He leans forward, attacking Daichi's lips again, rocking, rocking, bucking and Daichi moans, hands running up and down Suga's exposed spine, each bones embraced by Daichi's thick fingers and god, it makes Suga wet and so, so horny.  

Daichi is aware. "You like my hands on you?" he growls into Suga's ear, nibbling.... _licking_ , slowly. 

"Dai," he whimpers and now, Daichi is dominant, flipping Suga onto his back, Suga arching up into Daichi's chest as the Marine comes down and devours Suga beneath him with a delicious gentle hunger that gnaws at Suga, despite the voice in the back of his head that screams that he isn't ready for this. 

But how long can he make Daichi wait, how long can he force himself to wait? Ushijima was a beast, a demon wrapped in white sheets and yes, he broke Suga in almost every way possible. But Suga remembers, how he kept his sanity during sex, how he used Ushijima against himself, how he relished in the sex, in the pain. He might of broke in every other way possible but not in bed...and why should Ushijima keep him from making love to Daichi, to the man he truly, deeply loves more than life itself. 

He can't deny it any longer, he wants Daichi, he wants him but-

Daichi is climbing off of him before he can reach up to kiss the Marine.

Suga sighs and looks at him. _Good, he's at least rational._ Suga rubs away his erection. 

 _"_ I can't, Sug. Not...like this...not yet." 

Suga nods, sighing even deeper. "I know, I know." 

Daichi cups his cheeks. "You know I want to, you know that, don't you?" Suga bites his lip. Daichi watches. Suga nods. "I can feel it, this is almost over. He's almost out of our lives, Suga." 

Suga closes his eyes. "I hope you're right." 

"I know I am. He's getting sloppy, desperate. This isn't going to be able to last much longer until he blows it and really fucks up."

"I can't believe he went after Tooru," Suga whispers as he stands from the bed, helping Daichi to his feet so they can both undress. 

"But he's okay. That's what matters," Daichi whispers, leaning to kiss Suga's neck before stripping from his clothes. 

Through the window, the moon spills in light as it crashes against Daichi's bare chest, against the many scars and permanent bruises that sleep beneath his golden skin. Suga whines and reaches forward, catching Daichi off guard as he drags is finger down one of the long scars on Daichi's sculpted stomach. Daichi shudders and it's beautiful, to watch this man melt from his touch. He follows Suga's finger as he finishes tracing the scar. 

"We were ambushed, in Kuwait." Suga's eyes snap up to his. "We had intel on a hut, one that was a front for an underground arms race happening, smuggling guns into Iraq through all these underground tunnels. I was one of the first men inside. It was a maze and the lights were dim. A guy came around the corner, cut me real good." 

Suga pouts and Daichi places a hand against his cheek. Suga looks to another scar, what looks like a cluster of three bullet wounds.

"An automatic, just missed my vest. It also missed my lung so I suppose that's a plus." 

Suga moves to his side, dragging his fingertips along Daichi's skin as he investigates Daichi's military body, the one he has yet taken the time to learn properly. He lifts Daichi's arm, there's a gash beneath his armpit. "IED went off, I got a piece logged into my side. The guy next to me...he was a friend. He lost his foot."

Suga gasps and feels water in the backs of his eyes. "You were hurt so many times." 

Daichi is quiet for a moment. "But I'm alive." 

Suga repeats his words. "You're alive."  

Daichi spins and takes Suga's cheeks within his hands. "Nothing was going to keep me from coming back to you," he says, leaning and kissing Suga on the nose. 

"You were hurt in many ways." 

Daichi closes his eyes and nods. 

"You don't ever have to tell me." 

Daichi's eyes split apart again, face stern and serious. "Would you listen, if I was to tell you? W-Would you want to hear it?" 

"Of course I'd listen, Dai," Suga says, tossing his arms around Daichi's bare neck, hands rubbing at his neck. "Tell me but...don't let go." 

So Daichi listens. He squeezes Suga tighter, scooping Suga off his feet and moves to sit on the bed, Suga in his lap. Suga keeps his face hidden in Daichi's neck and somehow, it helps. It helps Daichi breath and open up. Suga can tell. 

"We were on a beach in the Pacific, not far from Korea. Inland, there was word of a few groups who were sending signals to some big time officials in the North about arms trading. Nuclear weapons, big bombs, planning to use the smaller islands to bypass any U.S ships, trying to be secretive about smuggling more weapons into Korea. But we knew, the U.S is good at finding out information you wouldn't expect them too. So are the Marines." Suga stiffens and Daichi continues. "It had been raining for days and me and my commander, a few of my own men, were camped out in a mud trench a few yards from a shack we had been sitting on, a small location for one of the smugglers, nothing we thought was..."

Suga doesn't lift his head. "Dai?" 

"It was a civilian hut. They had used it as a front, to distract us from where their true base was. Hell, I don't know if they even found it or not. I was gone long before I'd ever find out." 

"What happened?" 

"The Gunny, he saw movement, movement that looked suspicious on the heat radars so we moved in before they could move out but...they weren't moving out. No, they were just trying to get our attention. They knew we were there. So they started to make it look like a ruckus was happening. We moved in, the shack was decrepit and the damn rain wouldn't quit." Daichi is shaking down and Suga clings to him harder. "The Gunny, he kicks in the door and I enter and in the corner of the room is one of the guys we had been trailing. He's wearing a bomb, a big one but in the center of the room, was a little girl. She was injured...bad, practically dead, not even five." He hisses and Suga finally sits up, cupping Daichi's cheeks. 

"You don't have to continue, Dai." 

"No, I need to...I need to get this...out...I-"

"Then I'm listening," Suga says, kissing him quickly before pulling back. "I'm listening, keep going." 

Dai nods and sniffles, even though no tears fall. "The man, he starts yelling in some language, hell, there are so many out on those islands and even though I can't understand it, I know what he's saying. The Gunny, my men, they keep trying to talk to him, calling for me to shoot just shoot the son of a bitch but...I'm not focused on him. I'm focused on the little girl. She kept whispering to me, _begging_ for me to help and I-" Daichi starts to cry and Suga's heart shatters. "I couldn't move. I couldn't move a fucking muscle and then...someone is screaming and the bomb goes off and...next thing I know, I wake up in a hospital in California. They tell me that a few of my men had been killed, they tell me that I've been honorably discharged from the U.S Marine Corps and that my time in the service was over and...that's all of it. I was home a week later." 

_A week?_

_"Dai..."_

Daichi shakes his head. "No, no. Please, don't look at me like that." 

"Like what?" 

"Like I'm some wounded, pathetic..."

"Stop, stop! I'd never see you like that and you know it." Daichi sighs and nods, apologizing. "Is that why, you've been going to therapy?" 

He nods. "It was mandatory. Her name is Misty, I've known her for awhile now, a lot of my men have needed to be sent her way." 

Suga only nods. 

"She helps. It helps, with the dreams." 

"Dreams?" 

"At first, it was every night. It just replayed in my head like a broken record but now...it's better. You've...helped a lot." 

Suga shakes his head...confused. "Dai, I haven't done anything." 

"You have," he breathes, pulling Suga to him. "Being with you, falling back in love with you...you've helped me, Suga." 

Suga sighs. "At what cost? All I've done since you've been back is made you worry about me, make you spend countless nights in the hospital-"

"And I would do it all again, do you understand me?" Suga leans and catches Daichi's eyes. "Being with you, in whatever capacity, is more than I could ever desire, Sug. No, I'm not happy about the situation because if I could have it my way that son of a bitch would be dead by now but..." Daichi brushes Suga's hair back. "Koushi, I love you. Do you hear me? I love you and everything that happened, as terrible as it may sound, was supposed to happen because it brought me back to you. So please don't ever say that you haven't helped me. You have, you always have." 

Suga sinks into Daichi lap, hands running up and down Daichi's arms. "I love you, so much." 

Dai nods and pulls Suga to him, falling back onto the bed with Suga wrapped secure in his arms. He cries for awhile, he cries for Daichi and Daichi lets him, holding him close until they both fall asleep, together, safe, just as Suga hoped that they would for many years to come. 


	28. Chapter 28

**OCTOBER 20TH**

 

It's a Thursday and Kenma sits in his office, legs tight beneath him, Indian style, as he swivels nervously in his chair, leather and plastic moaning. His eyes are focused out the window, watching the people far below him on the street pass by his building and his eyes, wide and red, taunt him with faces that all look like Wakatoshi’s.

It had almost been two weeks since the attack and still, he can’t focus on his work, on the new game that in reality, would be his big break. This game was all his doing; his idea, his concept, his art, his technology, all of it belonged to Kenma but at the moment, none of that matters as he sits shaking in his seat, the word Wakatoshi whispered, a word that had once belonged to no one else but he and Kuroo, echo's demonically through his head.

_Kitten._

_Kitten._

Kuroo had started calling Kenma kitten back in middle school due to the fact that Kenma was known around school as the cat lady, always taking care of the stray kittens that came to wander around the schools in New York. After the nickname started to really catch on, Kenma always assumed that Hajime and Tooru and Suga would start in, calling him by the new pet name as well but it never happened.

No, because that nickname belonged to Kuroo and everyone knew it, because he always made it clear.

Kenma remembers back to a time in high school, when some ass was messing with his hair in the locker room, twirling it between his fingers, telling him it was as soft as a kittens coats and before the boy could move in the touch Kenma in all the places Kenma didn't want him to, Kuroo was there, fist flying into the boys jaw.

No one dared to touch Kenma again after that, or use the nickname.

But Kenma didn’t hate it, he never hated it because it did belong to Kuroo and Kenma belonged to Kuroo, and vise-versa. They belonged to each other and that was always how Kenma liked it. Kuroo was apart of Kenma in ways that scared him at times, when all he can think about is their life together, of making love in their bed, or growing old in some stupid retirement home up in the Bronx somewhere. The nickname was just one more thing that tied them together in ways many other people would never understand but now…

All he can hear is Wakatoshi’s voice, tainting his safe word.

_Kitten._

_Kitten._

“Kuroo,” Kenma whines as he spins back to his desk and covers his hands over his ears.

His anxiety was always an issue, ever since he was a baby. His voice never knew how to work like other peoples did and until he met Suga and Hajime, Tooru and Kuroo, Kenma truly believed that he would always be alone; especially after his mother died. His mother was his rock, his father absent from the day he was born so when she passed and Kenma was told he was leaving California to move to New York, he felt his world crash. He moved to a new state with a new family he had never met before and basically had to start over again.

That was until second grade, when he met Kuroo and Tooru at a lunch table. Kenma was alone, quiet, scared but from the moment Kuroo sat down across from him and tossed him a tub of chocolate pudding, both Tooru and Kuroo acting as if they had known Kenma all their lives, Kenma felt as if his world has expanded again at that moment. After that, he was introduced to Hajime, who they had met only a year earlier, and Suga, who was probably one of the kindest, most beautiful people Kenma had ever met and from that moment forward, he had a family; a real family, outside of the grandmother who didn’t really like him and the city he didn’t know. But with Kuroo and his friends, he came to know it and he came to love it, respect it. He learned the streets and the shops, he learned where to walk alone and where not to. He learned about what spots were best for gaming and what stores to go to for good discounts.

He met Kuroo in this city, fell in love here and now, around every corner, he was becoming terrified of it again; of all the places Wakatoshi could hide within it. He was scared to walk the streets, to be alone, a fear he had finally been proud of himself for overcoming. But now it was back and at full force, along with his anxiety.

He looks at the clock. Only a few minutes had passed. He wants to go home, to see Kuroo, to be at the bar with all of his friends, surrounded by people he knows he could trust his life with.

A heat boils in his stomach, hands shaking and sweaty and his chest...god, his chest is tight. He was used to panic attacks but he couldn’t remember the last time he experienced one alone but here he was, in his office in broad daylight, falling out of his chair to hide behind his desk as his breathing hitches.

He clings at his thin tee-shirt, one of Kuroo’s that he cut down to fit his small frame and he'll admit, it helps, wearing something of Kuroo’s, it helps his heart not to beat as fast as he tries to control the attack. But as much as he tries to focus on Kuroo, on the shirt, nothing helps and his eyes water and his face blushes. He’s sweating and breathing fast and through it all, he doesn’t hear his door open.

Standing before him now, tall and towering, which doesn't help, is Lev, his assistant. His face is worried and long and far too innocent to be dealing with this and Kenma only panics more. Lev is telling him to breathe, he knows it, but Kenma can hear nothing but his blood pumping and his heart racing and then…

Behind Lev stands Wakatoshi and even though Kenma knows that it’s all in his head, that his anxiety is playing games with him, the image is real and hot and the mirage Wakatoshi glares down at Kenma with fire and a wicked smile and Kenma whimpers into his palms as he closes his eyes. He starts to mouth Kuroo’s name, unaware if he’s actually saying it or not but Lev is leaving and now, he’s alone with the mirage of Wakatoshi standing before him, licking his lips, like he did at the arena.

“Go away,” Kenma whispers through soft moans. “Go away, go away…”

He closes his eyes and tries to breathe.

“Go away, go away, you’re not real…”

_Kitten…_

Kenma stills, lips tingling as he remembers the way Wakatoshi touched him.

_Kitten!_

Kenma opens his eyes. “Kuroo?”

_What is he doing here?_

Kuroo is standing before him now and instantly, all the sound comes rushing back into his ears and Kuroo is hauling him into his lap. “I’m here, I’m here, Ken.”

After a moment, Kenma gasps and clings to Kuroo, who shushes him as he rocks in Kuroo’s lap. “Are you really here?”

“I’m here, I’m real.”

“W-Wakatoshi-”

“He’s not here, Kenma. I am, I’m here. _I’m real_ ,” he says, pushing Kenma’s long hair out of his eyes. “I’m not letting you go.”

 _Kuroo_.

“Kuroo,” whimpers Kenma. “Take me home.” Kuroo looks back at Lev who only nods and then he’s standing, holding Ken close to his chest, but Kuroo doesn’t leave the office, Lev does, locking the door behind him. Kenma looks up at Kuroo. “Hey-”

“You can’t let him do this to you,” Kuroo says as he walks over to the couch in the corner. “We’re staying here until you calm down.”

“N-No, please-”

“Kenma, you are stronger than this.”

“No! No, I-I’m not,” he stutters between breaths. “He’s following me, I know he is.”

Kuroo holds his face between his hands. “Mentally, yes but I swear to god, he’s not following you!”

“How do you know that, huh? How?”

“Because _I’ve_ been following you!”

Kenma quiets, breathing stalling in his lungs as he peers up at Kuroo. “What?”

“I’ve been following you to work, everyday.”

Kenma is shaking. “Everyday?”

Kuroo nods and continues to stroke Kenma’s hair. “Everyday. I wanted to make sure...I don’t trust him and I swear, I will never let him get that close to you ever again. So, I’ve been following you to work, watching you, keeping you safe.”

His heart is still beating but now, it’s for a different reason. “B-But you sleep during the day.”

“Fuck sleep, Ken. You really think _sleeping_ is more important than keeping you safe?”

Kenma, shaking still, reaches for Kuroo’s hand, who pulls Kenma’s up to his lips. Kuroo kisses each finger, slow, passionately. “Everyday…”

Kuroo nods.

“Marry me.”

Kuroo pales. “W-What?”

“Please, marry me. Marry me, I love you so much, please.”

Kuroo is speechless for a solid minute before he finally shakes his head and sets Kenma down on the couch, leaping to his feet and pacing. “Wait, Kenma, no. _No, no_. You can’t do this!”

“What? Why? Do you not-”

“NO! No, _I want_. I want literally nothing else! But...this isn’t happening,” Kuroo laughs, digging into his pocket.

“Kuroo, what are you doing?” Kuroo pulls out his wallet and digs until…

The ring is simple, gold and slim, perfect and Kenma is gasping, lungs tight and cheeks hot.

Kenma looks up at him through damp eyes. “Is that…?”

Kuroo gulps and then walks to Kenma, who now sits on the very end of the couch. Kuroo holds the ring between his fingers before he closes his eyes and kneels before Kenma.

“I have been carrying this ring in my wallet since I was eighteen because...that is how long I’ve known that I’ve wanted to marry you. I have wanted to marry you...from the night we first kissed, before you even knew I loved you. You were always different, from Haj and Suga and Tooru. You looked at me differently, saw me in ways that no one else really did and you _never_ questioned any choices I ever made for myself, for my life. And that day, in the lunchroom, I don’t know what it was that drew me to you but something inside of me was screaming that if I didn’t walk over to that table, that I would regret it. And the night we kissed, on New Year's, I knew it was because you were my person. You know, that one that you always hear about in movies and books.”

Kuroo laughs and Kenma does as well.

“I hate myself for not...getting to you in time, the night of the match-”

“Kuroo-”

“-But I promise you, Kenma, if you marry me, I will always protect you from anything and anyone because you are a part of me in ways that I don’t think I’ll ever really understand. I love you, fuck, Ken, I love you _too_ much.” Kuroo pauses and takes a breath, reaching slowly for Kenma’s small hand. “This better fit still,” he chuckles and Kenma loses it, biting into his lip, fighting back the laughter and the tears. “Kozume, marry me. Please, make me the happiest man alive and marry me.”

Kenma tips his tongue at his top lip and sniffles, shaking his hair out of his face before smirking. “You know, technically I asked you first but...yes, Kuroo, I will marry you-”

Before he can properly finish his response, Kuroo is scooping Kenma off the couch into his arms, Kenma wrapping his legs around Kuroo’s waist as they kiss, hungry and grave and full of unconditional love. Kuroo’s tears stain Kenma’s cheeks as they continue to kiss and spin in the middle of his office.  

Kenma pulls back, foreheads touching and kisses Kuroo’s nose. “Husband,” he whispers and Kuroo hums.

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this…”

Kenma leans, licking at Kuroo’s ear. “Now will you take me home?”

Kuroo’s eyebrows lift before his eyes shift towards the couch. “The door is locked, you know.”

Kenma purrs and grinds against Kuroo. “Make love to me.”

Kuroo offers no arguments.

 

***

Suga’s lunch break is all too short and still, he’s starving.

But the bell rings and as his students pile into the room, it’s as if Anya knows, tiptoeing up to Suga’s desk holding what looks like a small slice of cake. The small girl clicks her tongue to get Suga’s attention and he grins, acting as if he can’t see her.

“S-Sensei!” she whines.

Suga scrunches his face. “Is someone there?” he jokes.

“Very f-funny,” she slurs and it’s enough to break Suga so he stands and walks around his desk to greet her, kneeling.

“I’m sorry, I had to. You’re so easy!” he pokes, literally, at her stomach.

“Meanie,” she coos, even though the frown on her face is obviously fake. “I won’t give you t-this cake if you keep being r-r-rude to me!”

“Cake! For me?!”

“Y-Yes…”

“Well, Miss Anya, how kind of you! Why are you spoiling me?”

“Well, I know that you d-didn’t _really_ g-go to Hawaii so...I figured cake would fix whatever w-was really w-w-wrong.”

Suga’s smile struggles to keep his teacher smile as his heart flushes to liquid in his chest. “Why are you so sweet, Miss Anya?”

“You’re m-my teacher.”

Suga again is...blown away. So he takes the small box Anya pushes against his chest and bows his head. “I thank you, miss.” She giggles. Suga pushes the next question he has for her as far back as he can but soon, he places the box on his desk and clasps his hands together, keeping his voice low. “Miss Anya, I have a question for you and if you don’t wish to answer it that is perfectly alright but...I feel like I must ask. I protect you and you protect me, right?”

Anya nods innocently. “R-Right!”

“Okay, good,” he breathes before she interrupts. 

“You’re g-gonna ask about mommy, aren’t you?”

Suga flames. “I...yes. I was.”

“I’m okay, swear it.”

Suga sighs. “Anya-”

“Mommy is tough but that’s good, right? M-Mommy says women need to be tough, says that I need to be t-touch,” she says but there’s a sadness there, sleeping behind those large, beautiful eyes.

“You know you can always talk to me, right? About anything?”

Anya pauses then and Suga’s heart literally stops. Her lips part and right as she’s about to speak, Samantha calls for Anya at their table, waving her over to check out her art project and as much as Suga hates her timing, he can’t deny that it’s cute.

Anya turns to Sam and waves, then looks back at Suga, her smile gone. “Are you happy, Mr. Sugawara?”

Suga stops and thinks. “Are you?”

“Sometimes. I am w-w-when I’m here.” Suga smiles as his heart continues to rip inside of his chest. “Do you have a p-place, where you go to be happy?”

Suga grins. “I do. My friends own a restaurant, it’s called Crow Bar. That’s my happy place, surrounded by all of my friends, like how you are with Samantha and Robin.”

That makes Anya smile and he’s grateful for that smile, for the light this girl brings to his life. “Then I am happy, f-for that,” she says as she pats his shoulder and then spins to join Samantha and Robin at the table.  

Maturity, he wonders of the life this girl has lived to have made her so mature already.

Suga makes a promise to himself that he will find out.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE BELOW:

HELLO LOVELIES! <3

SO: for myself and my sanity, I decided to make a timeline for everything thus far in the story since this is my own world with my own dates and events and I was getting myself lost! 

 

As the story continues, because we still have a little ways to go, I will come back and add new dates but I wanted to give you this since I have gone back and made some changes to the chapters before this, just to make the times clear and to make things flow a whole lot more naturally than it was before! 

 

This way you won't have to go back and read all the new time stamps and changes to the chapters but if you feel like it, damn, that's dedication! 

So yes. Here is a timeline. I mention their time in high school there as well! :)

 

**Timeline:**

 

**2010: SUGA, KUROO, KENMA, HAJIME, TOORU, ASAHI, DAICHI AND NOYA START FRESHMAN YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL.**

  
  


**2011- TOBIO, HINATA, TSUKKI AND YAMA START FRESHMAN YEAR**

 

**-DAICHI AND SUGA START DATING 5 MONTHS LATER.**

 

**2013: DAICHI PROPOSES TO SUGA ON SEPTEMBER 4TH**

 

**2014: THE FIRST GROUP GRADUATES HIGH SCHOOL, THEY ARE ALL ABOUT 18/19 AT THIS POINT.**

 

**-A MONTH LATER, NOYA AND ASAHI ARE MARRIED**

 

**-FOUR MONTHS LATER, DAICHI LEAVES FOR THE MARINES AND SUGA HAS STARTED UNIVERSITY**

 

**2019: HAJIME PROPOSES TO TOORU**

 

**(CURRENT TIMELINE)**

 

**2020: IN MARCH, SUGA MEETS WAKATOSHI AND THEY START OFFICIALLY DATING IN APRIL**

 

**-STORY BEGINS IN EARLY AUGUST (FIRST WEEK)**

 

**-DAICHI COMES HOME A WEEK LATER**

**-DAICHI MEETS WAKA ONE WEEK LATER**

 

**-SEPTEMBER 4TH: DAICHI’S BIRTHDAY AND SUGA GOES INTO THE HOSPITAL**

**-SEPTEMBER 7TH: SUGA IS PUT INTO A COMA**

**-SEPTEMBER 8TH: NOYA FINDS ASAHI IN THE APARTMENT**

**-SEPTEMBER 11TH: HE WAKES UP**

**-FIVE DAYS PASS (SEPT 16TH)**

**-SEPTEMBER 18: TOORU GOES TO THE STATION TO FILE A RESTRAINING ORDER**

**-SEPTEMBER 19: SUGA AND DAI HAVE THE TALK IN THE HOSPITAL**

**-SEPTEMBER 22: SUGA IS RELEASED FROM THE HOSPITAL**

**-SEPTEMBER 30TH: THEY SET THE COURT HEARING FOR A RESTRAINING ORDER**

  
  


**OCTOBER:**

 

**-OCT 3RD: COURT HEARING**

**-OCT 7TH: LEAVES THE HOTEL ROOM**

**-OCT 8TH: SUGA HAS HIS MEETING WITH KLINE AND KUROO ATTACKS WAKATOSHI**

**-OCT 10TH: SUGA GOES BACK TO WORK**

**-OCT 13TH: DAICHI TELLS SUGA FINALLY ABOUT HIS DEPLOYMENT**

**-OCT 2OTH: KUROO PROPOSES TO KENMA**

 

 **AND** this is where we are now! I am trying to punch out two chapters today so wish me luck anddd, I love you and all your comments and you're fabulous. <3

 


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys. 
> 
> WOO. 
> 
> This is a HELL of a chapter. I mean, I mention a lot of shit in here but it's all leading to something more maybe...like prequels? (HINT, HINT)  
> Anyways, I know I said I was gonna try to get two chapters out today but damn, this one was really a lot to tackle so this might end up being a tad longer than estimated. I hope you guys like this and were okay with me posting the timeline earlier! I love you guys, stay posted for more soon! :)

For the first time since April, it had been a peaceful 10 days straight for Suga and not once during those ten beautiful days has any of his friends mentioned any sort of attack by Wakatoshi, any threats or weird feelings or long nights and for Suga, it had been the same. 

Daichi finally took him on that date: 

**OCTOBER 24TH**

_It's cold for October. New York winters are never easy but this, it's amplified and chilly but Suga doesn't mind because it means that he gets to be walk closer to Dai, who smells of roasted coffee and almond milk. His hand in Daichi's is small, small but safe; a feeling he never knew with Waka when walking down the streets of the city and he basks in it as he nestles close to Dai with his eyes...blindfolded._

_"Can you just give me a hint, please?"_

_"Nope," Dai responds quick and light heartedly._

_"Please, this is scary and it's already dark so what's the point!"_

_"Suga, dark in the city? Are you serious?" he says, then places a soft kiss to Suga's head and just as each kiss by Daichi does, another memory of Waka washes away with it, vanishing into the abyss that is Daichi and what they are building together._

_"Okay, maybe that was a low blow BUT I'm serious, where are you taking me, Marine," Suga moans, his new favorite nickname for Daichi swimming hot on his tongue._

_"Just relax, will you and allow me to surprise you, please?"_

_Suga sighs, "Fine, fine," he says as he aims his focus on the smell of pizza that has been following them for six blocks now._

_I_ _t better be pineapple._ _Suga sniffs to get a wiff. Loudly._

_Daichi laughs and pokes Suga's nose. "Don't worry, it's pineapple."_

This man is my other half. 

_The wind picks up, and as do the sounds that flood the city; jazz music, taxi's boasting, evangelists praising their Lord, the subway roaring beneath their feet and Suga loves it, because as much as he loves silence, he loves New York City just as much, maybe even more. New York is where his heart is, where his family is, where Daichi is. It's where he's built his life; on bruises and bad mistakes, along with great ones and beautiful memories and so Suga thinks of all of those memories, comfortable in the silence that he and Daichi share before finally, Daichi gently hauls Suga to a stop, giggling when Suga almost trips over Daichi's shoe._

_"You will always be a klutz, won't you?"_

_"What can I say, I grew up with Kuroo," laughs Suga and he feels Daichi take his hand to lead him forward, each step careful and cautious. "Don't let me fall, please," Suga begs._

_"I'd never let you fall."_

_Suga blushes beneath the blindfold._

_"This thing itches!"_

_"Oh my god, you are ruining this amazing moment that I've planned, Sugawara!" he bellow, loudly but not too loud...always making sure suga was comfortable was one of Daichi's specialties._

_Suga feels grass beneath his feet before he feels Daichi's warm hand cup his cheeks._ So warm, _thinks Suga as he begs in his head for Daichi to never stop touching him; to never let go._

_"Okay, I can take this thing off now...if you're ready," he says, barely containing his giggles._

_"What do you think? Yes, I'm ready!"_

_"Okay," Dai finally huffs as his fingers brush back Suga's hair before lifting the blindfold and..._

_Suga's eyes widen as he takes in the scene before him. It's Daichi and candles, two to be exact, and pizza and wine and blankets and the spot where they laid together and dreamt of their future the night of graduation, where Suga had promised him a star. He looks up, the silhouette of their old high school looming proudly over them, watching them return to their spot after all these years and Suga, finally, with watery eyes spins to gape at Daichi._

_"This..." he has no words._

_"Have I actually left you speechless or am I dreaming?"_

_Suga says nothing, only stares at the man before him; his Daichi._

_Daichi walks closer to him and takes on of Suga's hands. "I promised you a date and I'm sorry it took so long but, you know, there were complications," he jokes._

_Suga chuckles wryly. "I think the word complications may be downplaying it a bit."_

_"Eh, details," Daichi shrugs and Suga can't help but smile. Daichi moves closer and takes both of Suga's hands. He pulls him down onto the blanket. Suga lays his legs across Daichi's lap as Dai cards Suga's hair, each stroke sensual and safe. "When you were in the hospital, I had a dream about that night, about graduation. We were lying there and we were talking about the stars."_

_Suga nods. "I think I remember."_

_Daichi hums, kissing Suga's cheek. It tickles and Suga loves it. He loves Daichi. "Do you remember what you told me?"_

_Suga pauses for a moment; not to remember, no, he would never forget. But just to study Daichi, beneath the stars, under the glow of the moon and the lights from the city that hum behind them in the distance, to take a second to actually convince himself that this moment is real. But finally, after watching Daichi's eyes flicker with worry, he answers. "I said, o_ _ne day, I'll name one of these stars after you. So that even when you're away from me I can look up and find you."_

_Daichi's lips fold in. "Yes, that happened. And then, you..." he kisses Suga and his breath is taken, sucked away with the kiss and he loves the feeling. Dai pulls away all too soon. "You bought me a star, Koush."_

_He hums. "I did?" he jokes, biting his lip but Daichi kisses him anyways, both laughing._

_"_ _You are so ruining this."_

_"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"_

_"Uh huh."_

_"I will always remember that night. I could never forget it."_

_"You blew me away that day, at my party. I could barely keep myself together."_

_Suga's eyes drop down. "And then I ruined it."_

_"Suga, no-"_

_"I passed out in the middle of the bar!" he laughs, dryly, but Daichi keeps his serious frown. "I ruined most of your parties."_

_"You made all of my parties a thousand times better."_

_"Liar," he coos._

_Dai kisses away his doubt. "Never to you."_

_Suga leans and hugs Daichi, slow, nothing rushed because now, there was no need. They were together, solid and sturdy and happy. He looks at the high school. "I guess we have this stupid building to thank for us meeting, huh?"_

_Daichi laughs into Suga's neck and his stomach swims from the tickle against his skin. "Moving to this school was the best decision I ever could have made." He says before pulling back and running his knuckles down Suga's jaw. "Well, second best."_

_Suga tilts his head and steals a piece of pineapple off of one of the pizzas. "I don't know if any of it was our doing," he says between bites and Daichi smiles._

_"What do you mean?"_

_"Us meeting. It felt...pre-determined, like there wasn't really anything we could have done to stop it."_

_Daichi is still beneath Suga. "You...really feel that way?"_

_Suga panics. "Yes? Is that...bad?"_

_"NO! No, that's...nothing has ever made me happier, that you feel that way."_

_"And that makes me happy."_

_They stay that way for hours, talking, remembering, apologizing, kissing. They eat and laugh and listen to music and watch videos and it's not until the pre set alarm on Daichi's phone blares, telling them that it's time to go back to the present, do they even contemplate leaving that spot. But reluctantly, they do, slowly packing up, occasionally teasing each other with the brush of a finger or light kisses to sweet places. Daichi walks Suga back home, promising to see him tomorrow after work and Suga knows it's true. They kiss goodnight, spending another hour outside of Suga's door, kissing against the wall and moaning_ I loves you's _down the hallway before Daichi leaves and Suga beams, walking back into his apartment to dream of the dream that he just experienced._

_***_

And then, there was the day that Kuroo and Kenma came to him with the good news: 

**OCTOBER 2OTH**

_He doesn't know what time it is exactly but Suga knows damn well that it's way past midnight and that he's exhausted, awoken by the awful sound of Tooru yelling from he and Hajime's bedroom._

_"Whoever is banging on our door at this hour better be dead or dying!" Tooru yells through the wall._

_Suga can't help but laugh from his bed, slipping out of bed and into his sleeping pants before walking out into the hall._ _He looks to Tooru's bedroom where Haj is leaning against the door frame half awake._

_Hajime rolls his eyes. "If they're not dying already, they're gonna be now," he moans and Suga laughs as he rubs at his eyes and watches Tooru shuffle towards the door._

_He tosses it open, rather angrily, only to reveal two very drunk friends, Kenma slumped over Kuroo's back laughing while Kuroo dances in the hallway and at the sight, Suga is instantly awake, as is Haj, as they rush to the door to meet them, and S_ _uga thinks to himself about how he's never seen the two, especially Kenma so...animated._

_"What the hell are you two doing?" yells Tooru, leaning to look at the clock by the door. "Oh, come on...IT'S 3a.m. On a Thursday, you imbeciles! What the-"_

_"WE'RE ENGAGED!" Kenma attempts to yell through a hiccup and their jaws drop._

_"What?!" laughs Hajime._

_Kuroo only laughs louder, eyes wide and bloodshot while waving..._

_"Where did you get a Canadian flag from and why do you have it?" asks Suga before Hajime interrupts with, "Engaged!?"_

_Suga and Haj share in a laugh as Kuroo storms into the apartment, Kenma still drunk and loopy on his back, singing Whitney Houston._

_Suga cannot stop laughing as Tooru, bless his heart, still looks pissed._

_"When did this happen?" asks Suga as they watch Kuroo run in circles around the apartment...drunk._

_Very drunk._

_"Today!" he answers, out of breath but still going strong, while he and Kenma hold out their hands to show the rings._

_"We c-celebrated," Kenma burps._

_"Yes, that is apparent," snides Tooru and Hajime laughs at the entire situation._

_"I finally did it, Sug!" cheers Kuroo and Suga's heart warms._

_"Finally," whines Tooru._

_"We are very happy for you guys but...it's 3a.m!"_

_Kuroo tosses a wet raspberry in Hajime's face as he passes and Hajime, disgusted, wipes the spit off of his face._

_Suga is practically rolling on the floor._

_Tooru is still annoyed._

_"Don't be party pooper! We're engaged," sings Kenma._

_"Yes and if you don't either sleep on that couch or shut the hell up and leave, you won't be alive to have the actual ceremony!" yells Tooru, stomping his tired foot._

_Then, to Suga's surprise, Kuroo stops running, peers up at Kenma, who then slides off of his back and slumps onto the couch. Kuroo then walks slowly to Tooru, leans and kisses his cheek and then joins Kenma on the couch._

_Haj looks to Suga. "That felt...far too easy."_

_Suga holds up a finger. "Give it a second."_

_So they do. They wait and within five minutes, both of the men are passed out on the couch, drooling and smelling of cheap whiskey. "If I find out tomorrow that they were at the bar, I'm killing our friends for allowing them to come bother us while this drunk," growls Tooru before he grabs Hajime's shirt and pulls him back towards the bedroom. "goodnight, Sug."_

_Hajime winks and Suga and mouths goodnight._

_Suga only waves and laughs, looking back at Kenma and Kuroo coiled on the small couch. He sighs and shakes his head, walking to cover them both with a blanket before he goes to the kitchen and fills to glasses with water. He sets them on the coffee table with a note that says,_ Drink Newlyweds _._

_He watches them for a moment in admiration, happy and crying for his friends before he stumbles back into his bed, ready to deal with the aftermath in the morning._

_***_

**OCTOBER 30TH**

**PRESENT**

And now, looking back on the week, on the engagements and the dates and the small, perfect moments he shared at the bar with his friends and Daichi, he thinks about how the last eight months have tested him.

How he's fallen apart and crumbled, how he's cried and drank and broken into pieces in dark hospital rooms, terrified of his own mind. He thinks of Wakatoshi and the bruises, the scars and the harsh words and the humiliation.

But he also looks at how he's healed, he thinks of how he's pushed himself and his limits and how he's learned to love again and trust and grow, to open up to his emotions and to the amazing people that surround him. He looks back at all of his friends; at how they all helped him through and supported him, stood beside him, protected him, gave up their lives for him and he tries to think of ways to repay them, one by one, and he knows that he will, one day at a time. 

But today, it's Hajime's day. 

The tux he's wearing is the same color as Kuroo and Kenma's; a dark, wine red ensemble matched with silky, black button ups and white pocket squares, black loafers to tie it all together (Hajime's fashion talents put to good use) and he can't help but notice the way Dai watches him as he moves around the bar, setting up small globes that look like planets and sparkling Christmas lights. When Hajime had first presented the idea, the day after Kuroo and Kenma had stormed into their apartment wasted and engaged, it took everything in Suga not to burst into tears at the idea and he was nothing but completely on board with the entire idea and now, it was all coming to life. 

Suga was in charge of decorations and keeping Tooru distracted, sending him on a wild goose-chase for a certain brand of rum, which Suga knew would keep him distracted for hours, seeing as the only place to buy the rum was in the Bronx. 

Tsukki and Yama obviously provided the venue, closing down the bar and allowing Suga to have full reign over decorating. 

Daichi was in charge of food, obviously, baking a beautiful cake shaped like nothing else but an alien....sticking with the theme.  

Hinata and Kageyama were in charge of drinks and serving. 

Noya was in charge of finding chairs and sending out invites, after all, he was the tech wiz. 

Kenma was in charge of contacting all of Tooru's family, well, the ones that still spoke to him anyways, as well as helping with travel arrangements and Kuroo, as best man, was in charge of getting the outfits together and finding a minister and low and behold, he did...in Asahi. 

Suga recalls the conversation: 

**OCTOBER 21ST**

_"Now, all we need is a minister," whines Haj, as he writes it down on the long to-do list they were all manufacturing in the bar._

_"Does that cost money?" asks Hinata._

_"I would suppose so."_

_"Wait," Noya says, running over to where Asahi waits on a table. They watch as the two play lovable tug-of-war until Asahi gives in and is pulled over to the table._

_"What? Are you guys giving me another duty? I'm already placed with the stressful situation of finding a D.J!" Asahi panics and Suga laughs._

_"No, baby! They need a minister!"_

_Asahi settles. "Oh, yeah. I can do that," he beams and Daichi spits out his drink._

_"You...what?"_

_Asahi shrugs. "What?"_

_"You? A minister? Asahi, have you ever even been inside of a church?" Dai teases and everyone laughs._

_"Hey!"_

_"Are you even religious?" asks Yama, who leans against Tsukki at the table._

_"I-well, not exactly but my parents needed a minister and...you can do it online nowadays!"_

_"You became a minister online?" laughs Tobio and Hinata joins in._

_"Hey, I think it's cute," gloats Noya as he jumps and kisses Asahi's cheek._

_"Thanks, Yuu," he blushes._

_"Asahi!" yells Haj in frustration. "Why didn't you say anything?"_

_"I-I don't know, I was just...nervous already!"_

_"You're a goof," laughs Dai._

_Asahi rushes away, blushing and nervous but hey, they had a minister._

_***_

**OCTOBER 30TH**

**PRESENT**

Suga always really enjoyed decorating, happy to do it for Asahi and Noya's wedding as well but he has to admit, given the day and the people, he had gone a bit further than he did back then and he is nothing but pleased with himself. 

The bar is decorated to perfection, stars and twinkling lights scattered about, large paper planets and glow in the dark stars plastered on the ceiling and Suga beams as he stands back and admires his masterpiece. Laid on the floor to mark down the aisle is a black, satin cloth, decorated with bright stars and placed against the back of each of the chairs that face the altar are X-Files logo's, paper alien heads placed in every seat, which Hajime had fallen in love with. The altar itself is nothing but strung up planet lights, each one dazzling and bright and where they would stand, on the floor, is a large cut out moon, detailed perfectly, knowing how picky Tooru is about outer-space. 

Hajime knew that if he was going to go all out with his plan, that it had to be perfect and being perfect meant that if this thing was going to happen, it was going to happen on Halloween, Tooru's absolute favorite holiday and now, as everyone packs the bar, Hajime and a few members of Tooru's family included, he sees now that it's beyond perfect.

Besides the people in the wedding party, everyone besides the usual group, everyone invited was instructed to wear a costume and...it's hysterical. The idea had been Tanaka's, as a joke when they included him in the group conversation that night at the bar but Hajime had loved the idea and so now, here suga stood, watching as older ladies dressed as witches and Hajime's mom, dressed at Cher, walk happily into the bar and Suga can't help but think:

Yes, this is the wedding them should have had all along. 

But it wasn't the wedding Hajime really wanted to redo. It was the proposal but leave it to Hajime to step things up a notch and tonight, that was exactly what he was doing. 

Suga is finishing stringing up lights by the altar when he feels a tap on his shoulder, turning around to face Kuroo's mother and he squeals as he smiles and tosses his arms around her. 

Kuroo's mother, after Suga's mother passed from cancer when he was six, had been his rock in the beginning and had practically adopted Suga as her own before his grandmother stepped in a snatched Suga under her wing. Kuroo's mother, Yuki, was the sweetest woman; kind and warm and supportive, always standing behind Kuroo in whatever choice he made and as Suga's Godmother (a promise she had made to Suga's mother before she passed) she was the exact same towards Suga. She smells just as he remembers, lilacs and cucumber and he hugs her tight as she whispers sweet hellos in his ear.

She pulls away and strokes Suga's cheek. "You look well, my love." 

Suga sniffles. "I got your flowers, while I was in the hospital." 

"You always loved sunflowers. Just like your mother." 

"Yes, but you were the one introduced them to me. So I blame you for my obsession," he jokes. 

"Well, my dear, if that is all you blame me for then I will take it," she laughs, leaning to kiss his cheek. "I'll take it the decorations were all your doing as well?" 

Suga shrugs. "I know Tooru, maybe too well." 

"No, that is what I love about you. You know your friends better than you know yourself sometimes, Koushi." 

Suga chuckles and bows his head. "Also like my mother." 

Yuki's fingers lift her chin. "And Kono would have been proud, my love." 

"I'm glad you're here," he says, hugging her again. 

"Please, once Kuroo adopted Tooru, I knew that was it! All of you boys practically became my sons, how could I not be here?" 

"Did Sal join you?" Suga asks. 

"Kuroo's father is in Canada on business but he made me promise to Facetime the entire thing, so you better show me how!" 

"Oh, that's all Noya's area of expertise but don't worry, we'll make sure he's here." Suga pulls away, looking around the room for Tooru's mother but... "It'll make him feel good, that you're here." 

"That vile woman," Yuki curse Tooru's mother and Suga laughs at the fact that Yuki knew exactly what he meant. She looks over her shoulder at Tooru's sister, Wanda. "I'm surprised that one came." 

Suga sighs. " _That one_ is one of the only ones who still somewhat speaks to him." 

"Hm, she has a son, doesn't she?" 

"Yes, Takeru." 

Suga points in the small boys direction, who is currently too distracted with Yama and his books to notice Suga staring.

"What a shame. How could a mother waste her time on stupid, societal judgements when she has such a wonderful son?"

"At least his father, Haru, still calls. Veronica refuses." 

"Pity," Yuki says, still watching Wanda. "His sister looks just like him." 

"Just not as pretty," slurs Hajime as he joins the conversation, moving to pull Yuki into a large embrace, "but don't tell her I said that," he winks. 

"Well, look at you!" boasts Yuki and Hajime blushes. "My, my, never would have guessed this all those years ago when you boys would run into my house covered in central park mud!" she pokes and both Suga and Hajime blush. 

"We cleaned up nicely, I'd say," he plays back and Suga is...so warm. 

So happy. 

"How are you feeling, Iwaizumi?" asks Yuki, holding Hajime's hands in hers. 

"Happier than I have in a very long time. Relieved. Thank you for coming, for me. For Tooru." 

Yuki's eyes water as he leans on her toes to kiss his cheek. "Oh, baby. I wouldn't have missed it," she sings before kissing them both goodbye in order to go bother her son. 

Hajime turns to Suga. "I love that woman." 

"As do I." 

"Tooru will be happy." He pauses and Suga turns to him, noting the small bit of sadness in his voice. "He'll be happy, right?" 

Suga turns to him and cups Hajime's face in his hands. "He's going to pass out from happiness, Haj. Look at this place, think of who Tooru is." 

Haj nods and smiles, leaning into Suga. "He just....this is what he always deserved. Not some rushed proposal because I was too scared to lose him. He deserves this. He deserves to be surrounded by people who love him. " 

"He deserves you. And you him." 

Haj blushes. "I'm so happy." 

"I'm happy for you." 

"I still wish his mother-"

"Hey, you can't solve every problem. It's not your fault." 

"I know but I know he would have wanted her here." 

"Haj, I can assure you. Tooru will be thinking about only one thing tonight and that is going to be you and how much he loves you." Hajime smiles and Suga is so grateful. "This is amazing, Haj. He's going to be blown away." 

"God, I hope so." 

"HEY!" calls Kuroo where he stands with Hajime's mothers and Yuki. "Don't you guys leave me to get ganged up on over here!" he calls. 

Suga and Haj share looks before they walk to go save Kuroo from the parents. 

While they all wait for Tooru's text message that says he's on his way back home from the Bronx, they all mingle; Tsukki, Hinata and Tobio finally meet with both of Hajime's mothers; Fuka and Kotomi. Kenma, Haj, and Kuroo sit with Yuki and Kenma's grandmother, Cecilia, while Daichi, Noya and Asahi entertains Suga's grandmother, Hanae and as he does, Suga watches Wanda, walking aimlessly around the bar while Takeru still sits with Hinata and Yama talking about books and video games. 

He walks up to her, quiet and slow, clearing his throat and she jumps. "Oh, Suga." 

Suga smiles. "Wanda, I'm...glad you came."  

She nods, avoiding eye contact as much as possible. "Well, Takeru, you know, misses his uncle...so." 

"I see." 

She looks to him. "My father almost came." 

Suga is genuinely surprised. "Why didn't he?" 

"You know why," she whispers, looking a few pictures hung up on the wall of Hajime and Tooru. "These are beautiful." 

"They're beautiful together." 

Wanda turns and faces Suga. "I don't...I don't hate him, you know. I know you all think that I do but-"

"Wanda, I know you don't hate your brother. Or Hajime." 

"My mother..." she pauses and wipes at her nose. "She was furious, the first time around. She's very traditional, I always knew that but..." Wanda pauses. "I was afraid to tell her about tonight." 

"But you did?" 

"No. The invites." Suga only nods. "Will he be okay, with me here?" 

There is no hesitation. "Yes." 

Wanda nods and turns back to the picture. It's of Tooru and Hajime on New Years. It's a nice picture. 

"Tooru loves you, Wanda. He loves Takeru. And, even though he doesn't speak much at all of his family, I know him and I know he misses you." 

She doesn't turn around. "I miss him." 

From behind Suga, someone clears their throat and both Suga and Wanda turn to see Hajime. Wanda and Haj lock eyes, Wanda's red and damp and Hajime steps forward, grabbing Suga's shoulder. "Give us a moment?" 

Suga nods and kisses Hajime's cheek, waving to Wanda before moving to join Daichi where eh stands watching.

"You were staring." 

"I always have an eye on you, Sug." 

"That's creepy," Suga says, tugging on Daichi's tie. He's dressed in the same attire as Suga and he looks... "You look amazing."

"Yeah?" Dai questions, "you never liked me wearing red." 

"No," Suga says, leaning closer to whisper in Daichi's. "I never liked you wearing _anything,"_ he purrs and Daichi shivers. 

"We are in public, you minx." 

Suga only giggles and looks over his shoulder to where Asahi and Noya chat with Suga's grandmother. "I forget how much she looks like my mother sometimes." 

"When was the last time you saw her?" 

"She came to the hospital one day, after I woke up. But it hurt her tOo much to see me like that so she didn't stay long." 

Daichi strokes the hand he holds, fingers cool on Suga's palm. "Hanae is a sweet woman. I'm glad you had her." 

"I was lucky, I had a lot of people around me growing up. My mother passing was...hard. Harder than dealing wIth Wakatoshi, any day but...she was in pain and she needed to go." Suga says smiling, truly smiling. "I haven't spoken about her this much in a very long time." 

It was true. Kono was never really a topic Suga talked about much. It wasn't that it made him sad, at least it didn't anymore. No, it was more that his mother would always be a part of him, no matter alive or dead, and he would never forget her, never not remember who she was or how she treated him, all the love she gave him while she was alive. She was a happy memory, nothing could ruin or take that away from him and even though she was gone, Suga always felt her around.  

"Are you okay?" Dai ask, stepping closer. "In general, how are you?" 

"I'm...good. I'm really, really good, Dai." 

And at that, Daichi smiles, just before the phone in Suga's pocket vibrates and he reads Tooru's name. 

He looks up at Daichi. "Okay, show time." 


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shorter than the last but just as important <3

"We're having a fancy Halloween party, he says. Dress up nicely, he says. Get me some crazy rare rum from the Bronx because I'm special and needy and can't drink anything but spiced gasoline, he says," Tooru mumbles snottily to himself as he shivers in his white silk tux. "I am a good friend, dammit," he continues. "A good friend who deserves something _realll_ good after all of this bull-" 

Tooru is cut off by the sight of Hajime outside of Crow Bar, standing on the sidewalk with his hands shoved in his pockets and he looks...oh, wow. 

He's dressed in a wine colored suit, a color Tooru has always preferred to see him in but in that suit, the edges clean and slimming and...Tooru is drooling from the spot where his feet have stopped him on the sidewalk.  Hajime's hair, which is normally spiked and wild is now gelled and buzzed, the top higher and combed back and his eyes, dark green eyes normally covered by that wild, beautiful hair, glow sharp and defined beneath the neon lights of the bar. He looks taller, even though Haj was always taller than Tooru once they left high school but still, in that suit, he looks like a greek god and Tooru can barely keep his hold on the expensive fucking rum that kept him away from his fiancee for this long. 

Hajime says nothing as they lock eyes, Tooru's cheeks pinked from the blush and the cold and it's Hajime that finally makes the first step and advanced towards him. Iwa's eyes lick at Tooru, making the hairs on Tooru's arms stand in excitement and his flesh burns hot, which is nice against the cold New York night. Hajime is shaking his head, licking his lips and Tooru is....speechless? 

_Is this what this feels like?_

Tooru breaks the silence. "Happy Halloween to me" he slurs, a little more breathless than expected. 

Hajime does nothing but point to the rum. "Has Suga converted you?" 

"No, he's only got me wrapped around his finger. And he knows it." 

"Ah," Haj whines, then grabbing Tooru's hand, the hand with the engagement ring on it. He bring's it to his lips and kisses, soft, exotically and Tooru can feel his knees weakening. "You look incredible." 

Tooru is a mess; sweaty from the walk and besides, this isn't even his best suit! 

"W-Well, I was told that this was to be a fancy Halloween party...so," he coughs. 

Hajime's eyebrows lift. "Tooru Oikawa, did you just stutter?" Tooru scoffs and pulls his hand away but Hajime is fast to snatch it back and keep his grasp tight. "I missed you."

"Iwa-Chan, you saw me this morning. Truly, I know I'm irresistible but-"

"I did things wrong, Tooru." 

Tooru's heart stops and sinks and palpitates and... "What are you talking about?" Haj says nothing, only smiles. "You're scaring me." 

"I made a mistake," he says stepping closer. "I should have never proposed to you." 

And at that moment, Tooru...goes absolutely and terrifyingly numb and he drops the bottle of expensive rum without a care in the world, hoping the glass shatters and wakes him up from whatever nightmares that he's living.

Luckily, Hajime isn't as fazed as he is and he catches the bottle in his hands, setting it at their feet before he snaps back up to address Tooru.

Tooru can't feel his tongue, his lungs but he manages to speak. Kind of. "You... _what_?" 

"I said-"

"YEAH, I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID!" he _yells_ and Hajime flinches. 

Tooru thinks that he's never yelled so loud at his life. Not at his mother for calling Hajime a faggot at their graduation. Not at his sister for throwing his sexuality around as if it belonged to her. Not at the snotty kids that he teaches at work, no, with this yell his lungs hurt and so does his damn heart. 

"Tooru-"

"What the hell do you mean you shouldn't have proposed to me? Do...are you joking?" 

Hajime steps closer and Tooru steps away. "Tooru-" 

"What? Have you been fucking with me all this time? Huh? Am I-" 

"Hey-"

But he doesn't finish because Tooru slaps him. "You son of a bitch! How...why would you ever-"

"TOORU, SHUT UP!" 

He does. And he cries and Hajime panics and steps forward, wiping his tears away. Tooru only allows it for a second before he turns his head away and scoffs. "Don't touch me-"

"Oikawa." Now Tooru freezes. He turns his eyes back to Hajime who doesn't hesitate to lock their lips together, the kiss hard and confusing and Tooru moans beneath it and doesn't draw away because this is Hajime. His hajime and he's so, so lost and... "I should have never proposed to you...in the way that I did." 

Tooru steps backwards, pushing on Hajime's chest. They are both silent as a cocky grin engulfs Hajime's face. "You...you better have a damn good explanation for what's going on." 

Hajime smiles and steps back, reaching and gently taking Tooru's hand in his, tugging him towards the door and stopping before he grabs the handle. He looks to Tooru and brushes a few loose strands of Tooru's gelled hair out of his eyes. 

"Take a deep breath for me, okay?" 

Tooru can hardly stand, how does Hajime expect him to breathe? "Please, just tell me what's going on?" 

But Hajime doesn't. He only leans forward and plants one last gentle, safe, familiar kiss to Tooru's lips. "I love you." 

Tooru's eyes widen then as Hajime turns from him, holding firm to Tooru's hand, to open the door and when he does...

The entire room is littered in stars. The lights are low to make way for the hundreds of twinkling Christmas lights that vine the high walls of the bar, globed planets; Mercury, Pluto (Tooru's favorite), Saturn, hanging by invisible strings from the ceiling and all over are tiny aliens, placed in funny places and X-Files quotes are taped to every table he passes and just as he thinks he can keep his tears contained, they turn the corner to see many smiling familiar faces and Tooru loses it. His hand flies to his lips to mask the large gasp he releases and a few people, Yuki, Suga's grandmother, Hanae, Hajime's adoptive mother's, Fuka and Kotomi, all lightly giggle as they spot Tooru. 

Tooru looks around to see who all is here;

Suga, Kuroo, Kenma.

Asahi, Noya, and Daichi. 

Tobio, Hinata, Tsukki and Yama. 

All dressed in the same outfit as Hajime; all stunning and perfect and it makes Tooru cry more. 

Tanaka and Yachi, their kids. 

Wanda...his...sister, his beautiful sister, Wanda and his nephew, Takeru. But not his mother, or his father, and he's okay with that. 

And then at his side, exactly where he has always been, smiling and offering his arm now, is Hajime.

Tooru looks at him with a gaped mouth and wet eyes and says nothing as he sniffles and takes Hajime's arm with a smile that's trying way too hard to be angry. He looks to the floor. More stars and he looks up at Suga, who is biting back heavy tears. 

 _I'm killing you_ , he mouths. 

 _I love you_ , Suga replies. 

Hajime starts then, pulling Tooru's weak legs along with him, down the aisle of bright stars, between the many chairs filled with Tooru's family and friends and Tooru can feel his composure thinning by the second as he tries to keep his eyes focused on Hajime. 

"When did you...how?" 

"You said it yourself," Hajime whispers while stroking Tooru's hand. "Suga has you wrapped around his finger," Hajime winks and Tooru can't even fathom a laugh. 

Finally, they arrive at an altar made of string lights, planets, a blend of neon colors and yellowed lights. On Hajime's side stands Kuroo and Kenma, Yama and Noya and on Tooru's side stands Suga and Hinata, Tsukki and Daichi and Tobio at in the center, behind the large cut out perfect moon that Hajime leads them too, is Asahi, smiling and holding a large notebook. 

Tooru looks at all of his friends, most of them working to contain laughter but that doesn't bother Tooru. He can barely fathom the events that he's experiences at the moment, let alone feel angry at his friends for possibly giggling at his expense. He's get them back later. 

Finally Hajime turns to Tooru and grabs his chin, directing Tooru's complete focus on him and Tooru, again, can feel his lungs numb s Hajime takes his hand and takes the ring that sleeps on Tooru's finger off, tossing it behind him for Kuroo to catch. He does. The crowd laughs but Tooru doesn't. 

"That was...mine," he whispers and again, everyone giggles. 

"Eh, it was the wrong one," Hajime responds as he then reaches into his pocket and pulls out not an engagement ring but a _wedding_ ring and it's at that moment that Tooru is completely done for and gasps. Yes, he knows the difference between rings, it's all he ever looks up on the internet and the one that Hajime holds between his fingers is absolutely stunning, beating anything Tooru had ever seen online.The ring is lined in gold, crisscrossed with silver and splattered with lined diamonds and he...truly can't breathe.

His step wavers and Hajime is fast to grab his arm. "Now, babe, this won't work if you don't stay awake and after that slap you gave me outside, I deserve this." 

"Yeah," coughs Tooru, "you also deserved the slap!" 

"Okay, yes, maybe but...this is more about you than me at the moment and I know how much you love yourself." 

Everyone laughs. Yuki maybe the loudest, bless that woman. "Well, I _am_ great." 

Hajime's lip quivers and Tooru cries a bit harder. "Yes. You are great. Which is why when I proposed to you the first time, it made me sick." 

Tooru tilts his chin. "Iwa-" 

"I rushed it. I rushed it...terribly because, you were getting offers, big ones. To play in big leagues in big cities in big countries and I was...petrified." 

Tooru steps forward. "Haj, I was never going to play professionally." 

"You don't know that. You don't know if you would have or not, because I proposed to you before you had time to contemplate it. I locked you down and kept you near me, just like I always have my entire life. I have always been terrified of you leaving my side because, I don't think I know what being me means without you and I never wanted to find out. I never wanted to know a me that was without you, Tooru." Hajime steps forward, cupping his hands on Tooru's cheek's and the space between them grows heavier. Hotter. Tooru is drowning and he's okay with it. "I'm sorry, if I ever made you feel like I was keeping you from life, from a life maybe even yourself didn't know you wanted to live-" 

"Haj, I know I complain a lot but I _love_ my job, I love my life! It's all I've ever wanted, _you_ are all I've ever wanted-"

"I know that, I know that now. I really do, which is why I feel okay about dragging you up here in front of all of these people and asking you, flat out, to marry me again. I'm okay with asking because now, I'm doing it right. I'm giving you the choice you deserve, the proposal you deserve because Tooru, you deserve, god, so much." 

Hajime then huffs and laughs slightly before dropping to his knee and Tooru looks down into those beautiful forest painted eyes and thanks the stars, both in the room and in the sky, for the man kneeling before him now. 

"I always wondered why you liked space so much. You would sit for hours in my bedroom on the weekends and watch documentary after documentary about space and aliens and planets and stars and it confused the hell out of me. But I realized it confused me because you confuse me, Tooru.  It confuses me why you come home to me at night and not some other lucky man in some other lucky bed. It confuses me why you can quote every line of X-Files, like you were born with the scripts in your head and it confuses me why you ever chose to teach high school kids." Everyone is laughing, including Tooru and it's perfect. This is perfect. "But what confuses me the most, is why _you,_ Tooru Oikawa, my lovely man lost in the stars, ever fell in love with me in the first place." He pauses and Tooru wipes his eyes. "But I think I'm done questioning it because whoever put you in my path, who ever placed you in front of me, whatever magic the universe worked to make you love me back...did it for a reason. So...it must be okay right? For me to propose to you...twice now?" Tooru laughs as people awe.  

Suga steps from behind him and taps Tooru on the shoulder, holding another ring. A wedding ring, just like Tooru's. "S-Sug-"

"Take it, Tooru." 

Tooru nods and takes the ring, hands shaking and turns back to Tooru. 

Hajime holds the new ring at the tip of Tooru's finger and his body craves it, to feel the new metal find a home on his finger. 

"Tooru. My alien, my flawless, flawless being...will you please, marry me again? Right here. Right now." 

Tooru waits, clearing his throat as he fingers at the finger he holds in his own hand. 

He looks down at Hajime and it's as if no one else is in the room. they are alone. Together and so Tooru, lets it all go. 

"You said that you thought you were keeping me from a life that I didn't even know if I wanted or not. But Hajime, I only played volleyball, because you were there. I follow you to gaming conventions because I get to go with you. I moved in with you because living apart from you was physically painful." He pauses and closes his eyes. "You know, I was an idiot, back then." 

"Tooru-" 

"No, it's my turn, right? Vows and all?" 

Hajime laughs lightly and nods. 

Tooru continues. "When you confessed to me, sophomore year, I pretended like it didn't matter. I pretended like my entire world didn't just suddenly shift beneath my feet but it did. It did because my mother was cruel and hated you already for being gay and hated that she already knew that I was. I was scared to ruin us, or what I thought was us, I was scared that Kuroo and Kenma and Suga would hate me, that I would be judged and god, I was so, so stupid and I ran from you. I ran from you and, you let me." 

Hajime looks down.

"You let me run because you couldn't anymore. You couldn't chase me anymore and I'm so sorry Hajime." Haj shakes his head but Tooru continues. "I'm so sorry that I ever made you chase me, even though I also, was always chasing you too. I was always in love with you. It just took me a while to wake up and admit it." 

"It was worth it," Hajime whispers behind tears and Tooru pouts.

Tooru sniffles and kneels in front of Hajime now, taking both of his hands. "I agreed to marry you, back then, because the day that I stopped running from you, back in high school, when I finally let myself just realize that there was no other life worth living because if it didn't involve you, I didn't want it. I agreed to marry you because that was the life I didn't know I wanted until there was an option of never having it. And I know that sounds awful but Haj, please know that there is no doubt in my mind at all, anywhere, about wanting to spend the rest of my life with you. I will never run from you. I will never leave you. I love you so fucking much," he pants.

Hajime caresses his cheek. "Tooru?" 

He lifts Tooru's eyes to his. "Yes." 

"Please, for the love of god, tell me that was a yes?" 

Laughter, again. So much of it. 

But Tooru only cries harder and nods his head. "Of course, yes. Yes." 

Hajime lifts Tooru's finger and slips the new ring on and Tooru's eyes finally break and tears rolls down his cheeks as he nods, breathing the word yes until the cheers around him drown it out and he opens his arms for Hajime to slide into, flawless, just as he always has. Tooru looks at the ring as he Hajime holds him tight and secure and pushes Hajime back to slide the one he holds onto his husbands finger. 

And after that, Asahi says the words. He makes the promises, lists the commitments, tosses the water. He plays music and he says the prayers and the all the proper lines and shows the paper that announces them as an official married couple in the state of New York and finally, after what feels like years, then he says: 

"And now, one of you may kiss the other because, well, you're married now," all cute and shy like and Tooru wastes no time in kissing his husband. 

 _Husband._  

"Husband," he whispers against the kiss as everyone cheers and throws tiny baby stars over their heads and Tooru is weightless with Hajime's arms, in the same arms where he will happily stay until the day he dies.  

_Husband._


	32. Chapter 32

The reception is perfect; Suga watches as his friends and family talk and drink and eat together, laughing and hugging and smiling as Hajime and Tooru make their way around the room and thank their guests. Tooru looks stunning when sporting a smile, a smile that because of the mess that Suga has brought upon their life, had vanished for awhile and now that it's back, Suga feels as if he can breathe. 

He sits in the corner, Hanae trailing Daichi with her eyes as he talks with Kuroo and Yuki and Suga looks to her and nudges her shoulder. "You're staring," he says and Hanae chuckles. 

"He's handsome, what can I say?" 

"G-Gran!" 

"What? I may be an old woman, baby, but I know beauty when I spot it." 

"You are _terrible_ ," Suga laughs as Hanae takes his hand in hers. 

"And you are very much in love with that man, aren't you?" she says and Suga's face falls serious. "I saw you, up there, eyeing him during that wedding. I've always watched the way you looked at him baby, a blind man could tell how in love you are." 

"I-I...yes. Yes, I am very much in love with him." 

"I also can't help but notice how much better you've been, since he's come back home." 

Suga shrugs. "He makes me happy." 

"He makes you feel safe," she whispers and Suga is fast to catch her eye. "I knew something was wrong. I knew it, I'm not senile just yet. But I didn't know how to approach the situation, baby, and I'm sorry...I-I am so-"

"Hey, Gran. No. It's okay. What happened is...unfortunate and I-I hate myself for letting it get as bad as it did but...I'm getting better. And you're right, he makes me feel safe and I am safe." 

Hanae sniffles and nods, Suga leaning to kiss her thin cheek. "You stay that way, you understand me? I can't be making anymore trips to that _dirty_ hospital anymore," she coos and Suga knows that there are many meanings behind those words. 

The same hospital that took her daughter almost took her grandson. 

"I know, Gran. I'm sorry." 

"No, baby. No more apologizing," she sings. 

"I have to strongly agree with her on that one," adds Daichi as he comes to sit by Suga and Hanae, his grandmother blushing as Daichi takes her hand and kiss it. "You look beautiful in that dress, Hanae." 

"Oh, now quit that," she blushes hotter and Suga only rolls his eyes. "It's all you boys who look stunning here tonight." 

"Hajime has quite a detailed fashion sense," jokes Daichi and Suga warms as he reaches over and now takes his hand, holding it close to his chest. 

Hanae watches and winks at Suga. 

Again, his eyes roll. 

Hanae looks over where Tooru and Wanda now stand, Suga's eyes carefully watching the situation. "I'm very glad she came," Hanae whispers and both Daichi and Suga nod.

"I think Tooru is too." 

"That boy of hers is a doll." 

Daichi agrees. "He's smart, like Tooru." 

"That boy was always very smart, wasn't he?" Hanae chimes. 

"Smarter than he will ever give himself credit for. But, his mother was good at brainwashing him into thinking that he was good for was volleyball." 

Daichi watches Tooru closer now as well. "I don't think I've ever met his mother. I remember seeing her at games but she always left right as the game ended. I think that always bugged Tooru." 

"You're not missing much," laughs Hanae. "She was a beast of a woman, and far too tough on that boy, on both of her kids." 

Suga looks to Daichi. "Hanae and Tooru's mother got into a fight at school one time," he plays and Daichi looks surprised. 

"Oh, and who won?" 

Hanae laughs again. "Now baby, who do you think won?" 

The three of them laugh louder than they should, drawing the attention of  a few guests. 

Thirty minutes later, Tooru and Hajime are dancing, slow and steady in a circle of people to _Come What May_ , a personal favorite of Tooru's and the way they move, the flawless sway of their hips together, the synced rhythm, the casualty of all of it cooks something warm in Suga's chest. Everyone jokes and says that Suga and Tooru had been soulmates in another life, but he never believed that to be true, and these were the moments that proved him right. The moments where Tooru and Haj connected in a way Suga had never believed to possible, in the way they fit together, in the comfortability they hold between each other as if they were always one of the same being. 

Suga finds himself looking at Daichi, at his pairing, at his same being and beams. Daichi's eyes wander back to his as he spins Suga until his back is against Daichi's chest and they're rocking along to the music. Daichi's lips pick lightly at Suga's neck, right at the top of his shirt collar and Suga hums at the sensation of his lips against Suga's skin, his absolute favorite feeling in the world and he happily leans into the kiss. 

"What would are song be?" whispers Daichi and Suga's breathe hitches. 

"You want to have a song?" 

Daichi grabs Suga's chin and turns his eyes to his. "I want to have a dance with you, like this. I want to show you off." Daichi's kisses Suga's cheek. "I want to marry you." Suga freezes. No, he doesn't freeze, he practically evaporates at the words as they rolls over his eyes, his brain, flush down into his chest to flood his heart and he feels full. 

"Are...you serious?" 

Daichi looks as if he's been slapped. "Of course I'm serious." 

"You want to marry me?" 

"Suga, I have always wanted to marry you." 

Yes, he supposes that's true.

Once upon a time, they had been engaged. 

"I never thought I'd hear you say those words again." 

Daichi nods. "I'm sorry," he says, leaning to kiss Suga quick and casual and...yes, Daichi is his other half. 

Daichi is his Hajime. 

The song ends and everyone claps, Suga a little slow to join in as he still finds himself lost in his day dream, until he feels a hand on his cheek, warm. It reminds him of all the times when Daichi first came home, when they would risk touch and contact and it would turn Suga into a messy puddle at Dai's feet and truth be told, it still does. He peers up into Daichi's eyes as Daichi gestures with his chin towards the dance floor. 

"Will dance with me?" 

Suga grins, biting his lip. "Well, I guess we should practice, huh, if it's gonna be us in that circle one day," he says, happily taking Daichi's outstretched hand. 

And so, they dance, dipping and bouncing and laughing and hugging. Holding him close to his chest, always, Suga is comfortable on his feet with Daichi, comfortable with the eyes of all of his friends and family on him as they dance to the music that the D.J selects. Daichi was always a good dancer and overtime, because of Dai, Suga began to learn as well and together, they work like a well oiled machine, in time and in step with each other. Their movements are simple and almost choreographed, their bodies whispering directions to each other without the use of their lips and Suga has never felt more content in his entire life than he does right here with Dai. 

"Lose my mind." 

Daichi pulls back and shoots Suga a confused grin. "What?" 

"By Dean Lewis, Lose my Mind. I want that to be the song we dance to." 

"Why that song?" 

Suga blushes then as he tugs on Dai's jacket and leans in close to hum in his ear. " _Cause I only lose my mind when I ain't got you, and how can I win when I'm always bound to lose_ ," he sings and he feels Daichi'c shiver as he pulls back, but not before kissing Daichi's jaw. "When I listen to it, I think of you." 

"I love the sound of your voice," whispers Dai and now, Suga is the one to shiver. 

The music ends and a new song starts as Suga feels a tap on his shoulder. Tooru Looks to Daichi. "Mind if I steal your date?" 

Daichi grins and and looks to Hajime. "Only if I can steal yours?" 

"Deal," beams Tooru as he spins Suga, both men laughing as they move to the song.

It's slow, easy to step to and again, they move together well and Suga wonders if maybe it is possible to have more than one soulmate. 

"Thank you," Tooru sings as he jokingly dips suga, who laughs in return as Tooru hauls him back up. 

"This was all Hajime, Tooru. I just wanted rum." 

"Uh huh, like you think I'd believe anyone else decorated for my wedding with aliens and globe planets." 

"Hey, I like space too." 

"Koushi, I am trying to thank you here!" 

"Okay, okay," he giggles and holds Tooru closer. "You're welcome." Tooru hums. "Are you happy?" 

Tooru pulls back to meet eyes with Suga. "She didn't come." 

"Are you okay with that?" 

"I kinda have to be, right?" 

"No." 

"Eh, who needs her when I have Yuki and Hanae, right?" 

Suga nods. "Wanda came." 

"And Takeru." Tooru looks over where Takeru and Wanda are dancing. "I miss them." 

"I know." 

"But if I had to do it all over again, lose my family, my mother....I wouldn't hesitate. I was so...stupid, for so long." Tooru looks where Hajime and Daichi are dancing. "I love him so much, Suga." 

Suga cups Tooru's cheek. "I know you do." 

"I love you too." 

Suga's eyes water. "Stop, you're going to make me cry." 

"I do, I love you. And I-I'm happy you're happy again too. You are happy right?" 

He was, he was very happy. 

He was free. 

"I am happy." 

"I know it's still going to take time but..."

"Hey," Suga says, grabbing Tooru's face. "I am happy." 

Tooru smiles and leans into suga's palms. "That's all I ever wanted." 

Suga smiles and then pulls Suga in for a hug. They stay that way for a while until someone clears their throat behind them. 

It's Tsukki. "Um, I'm sorry to interrupt but there is a small child here for you."

His face looks just as confused as his voice sounds. 

"A kid?" 

"Yeah, a girl. I think her name is Anya?" 

Daichi hears the name and comes to Suga. "What's happening?" 

I-I don't know," he says, turning back to Tsukki. "Where is she?" 

Tsukki points towards the door where low and behold, stands Anya right outside the doors of the bar, hair is bouncing pigtails, wearing a navy blue dress but it's not the dress that he focuses on. 

"Oh my god," he hisses as he runs over to her, kneeling and pulling Anya into a hug where the small girl starts to cry into his shoulder.

Suga can feel Daichi standing behind him. His knees brush agains't Suga's back. "Sweetheart, are you hurt? Who did this to you?" Daichi's worries voice questions and Suga holds her away from him to inspect the large purple bruise covering the girls left cheek. Her lips are stained red, which means whatever happened, caused Anya to bleed and something demonic stirs in Koushi at the idea of anyone laying a harmful hand on this little girl. 

Anya sniffles as she keeps her eyes on Suga. "I-I-I'm s-s-s-sorry..." Her stutter is adamant. "I d-didn't know where e-else t-t-to go," she hiccups through her tears. 

"Oh my goodness," whine Hajime behind him as Tooru and he join behind Daichi and Anya cowers a bit. 

Daichi speaks up. "Hey guys, let's give her a little space, okay?" 

The guys easily agree.  

"Anya, sweetheart, please tell me what happened." Suga says, stroking the small girls cheek and she pouts deeper. 

"M-Mama got mad a-at me..." 

Suga closes his eyes and steams. "What did she do, Anya? I need you to tell me, sweetheart." 

Anya starts panting, shaking her head dramatically and Suga watches her hopelessly. "I-I c-can't! I can't! S-She'll hurt m-m-me!" 

Suga d=shakes his head. "No, baby, I won't let that happen-"

"She's l-l-looking for me. She was....d-drinking..." 

Daichi cruses behind Suga. Yuki speaks from behind suga. "Suga, sweetie, do you know this little girl?" Yuki asks, kneeling in front of Anya and the small girl seems to settle a little. 

"Yes, she's a student of mine." 

"Oh my, girl," Yuki whines, looking closer at the wound. 

Anya looks back to Suga. "I-I didn't...know what t-t-to do-" 

"No, it's okay, Anya! I'm glad you came to me." 

"Suga, I think we should call the police-"

"NO!" Anya bellows, backing up. "N-No, she'll...s-s-she'll find me, she'll be angry..." 

Suga stands to advance towards her. Anya shakes. "Sweetheart, no one is going to hurt you, I promise you that but I need you to let me help you." 

"You can't call t-the police-"

"Miss Anya, I don't think we have a choice and-"

No!" she yells once more time before Anya turns and runs from the bar, down the sidewalk and around the corner before Suga can see where she went. 

"ANYA!" he cries. 

He drags his hands through his hair and turns to see all of his friends behind him. 

Daichi comes to him. "Dai, we need...I need to find her." 

He nods. 

Everyone is splitting up before Suga even has to ask. 


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, it's gonna get real jumpy for a bit here. Just got with me on this! <3

It's dark, late and cold and Suga's bones are exhausted. The suit was comfortable as the day begun but now, his skin itched beneath the silk and the sweat that sleep beneath the button down stings his flesh as his feet sore push him deeper into the city.

He and Daichi stampede down the streets of the city. Taxi's soar by, lights hiss above their heads but none of that matters as all Suga can hear and focus on is the sound of the blood pulsing in his ears. This little girl, a little girl he watches day after day, a little girl who has stolen his heart in ways he didn't fully want to accept yet, was running unsupervised at 11 o' clock at night in New York city, injured and alone and Suga knows he's crying before Daichi pulls him to a stop to point it out. 

"I don't understand, we were right behind her! H-How-"

"Hey, Sug, we're going to find her, okay?" Dai says, cupping Suga's cheeks. 

"She stutters, Dai. People won't understand....if she asks for help, they might not understand." 

"They will, Anya is a smart girl. Very smart. God knows how she found the bar all on her own!" 

"I told her once, that it was my happy place. I guess...she remembered, I don't know," he says, carding shaking hands through his hair. 

Daichi takes those same hands within his. "Baby, we will find her. Understand me, we will." 

Suga can only nod before Daichi takes his hand and they keep sprinting down the streets. 

***

Yama and Tsukki cross into a small park a few blocks from the bar, Yama crawling onto slides and into tubes as Tsukki searches the bathrooms nearby. It's dark and Yama has never been fond of it, the way it clouded around him. But he thinks back to his time on the playground, a time before Tsukki had come along to make the darkness a bit brighter; before he was left tied to a pole in Central Park at midnight when he was only twelve. He would never wish that fear of being alone in the dark, abandoned and hurt, upon anyone, especially a sweet little girl like Anya. 

He crawls his way out of the plastic tube and takes a breathe, swallowing his panic as Tsukki calls his name and comes to where he stands. Tsukki places his hands on Yama's cheeks and Yama does the same. "Anything?" 

"No, not here." Tsukki looks over Yama's shoulder. "Did you go in that thing?" he asks, pointing to the playhouse. Yama nods and swallows his embarrassment. Tsukki takes his chin and kisses Yama's forehead. "I'm proud of you." 

"I-I know what it's like," he shudders shamefully. "I'm pathetic, I know." 

"You know I'd never thing that of you, Yama." Tsukki watches him for a moment before leaning and kissing Yama slow and careful, keeping his hands rested against Yama's cold cheeks. 

"How could a mother hurt her own child like that?" Yama whines, looking around the playground. 

"I don't know. It's beyond me." 

Yama turns to Tsukki. "Kei, Would you ever want to..." he stops and shakes his head, laughing foolishly. "Never mind," he says, pulling from Tsukki to keep searching but...

Tsukki grabs his wrists and spins Yama back to him. "What were you about to ask?" 

"No, nothing. It's stupid, really-"

"Tadashi, please?" 

Yama sighs and kicks at the chalky sand that layers his black loafers. "Would you ever want to have a child with me?" 

Tsukki's eyebrows soot up as his lips part. "Uh..." 

Yama...shatters and pulls away again. "Sorry! _Sorry_ , that was a stupid question. I should just..." Yama points and gestures to the park across the way. "Let's go...yeah, lets go check over there." 

Tsukki doesn't stop himself and as Yama walks away, he wipes the tears that leak from his eyes. 

***

"I swear, mothers..." growls Kuroo as he and Kenma search the many winding alleys that surround the bar. "What tyrants," he grumbles and Kenma sighs. 

"Not all mothers are....you know, like Anya's, Kur." 

"No, some are just worse than others. _Really_ worse, like hit their fifth grade daughters worse!" he curses, kicking a trashcan and Kenma just shakes his head. "And Tooru's terrible mom, that monster. I could never stand that woman, good riddance, you know. I'm just...I'm sorry, I'm frustrated."

"I know." They search in silence for awhile until Kenma breaks it with words he don't know were sleeping on his tongue. "My mother couldn't have killed a fly." 

He hears Kuroo stop searching from where he stands and Kenma looks up to see Kuroo staring at him. "I wish I could have met her." 

Kenma smiles, imagining that introduction. "She would have liked you." 

"Yeah?" Kuroo asks as he steps closer to Kenma, fingers brushing back loose strains of pinned back blonde hair.  

"Yeah. She liked sports, you know? All kinds of sports, but she was big into boxing." 

Kuroo scrunches his face. "W-What? Ken, you've never told me that." 

He simply shrugs. "You know I don't really bring her up much." 

"No, but that seems like information that I would liked to know." 

"What do you want from me, you know?" Ken snaps, louder than expected and Kuroo stands back. "It's not like I knew her long."

Kuroo sighs. "Ken, I know. I'm sorry-"

"Do you want me to tell you that you boxing made me think about her more? Or that I always thought it was an omen?" 

"An omen-?"

"-or that I was always so afraid that you would die too, that maybe there was a connection and that everyone I ever loved, really loved, was destined to die on me and that I blamed it on _boxing_ , like some silly, irrational conspiracy theorist?" he spills, quickly and loudly, far louder than Kenma can ever remember speaking and once he realizes that he is standing in an alleyway, _yelling_ at his fiancee, his head pops up and he shivers. "Oh, Kur. I'm so sorry. I-"

"Wow." Kuroo nods. "That was....a lot in one sentence for you." 

Kenma sighs. "Yeah. It was." 

Kuroo steps closer and Kenma leans his head on Kuroo's chest as his fiancee's arms come around to hold him in a tight embrace. "I wish you would do that more." 

"Do what more?" Kenma asks, voice muffled. 

"Spill. Talk to me. Open up." He kisses the top of Kenma head and suddenly, Kenma is a thousand times warmer than he was; heat buzzing in his toes, his fingertips. "I love you, you know. Like a lot. My life revolves around you and how you're feeling and if you're okay." Kuroo draws back and runs his knuckles along Kenma's jaw. "It's hard to read you sometimes. It's hard to tell what you're thinking in that strange, beautiful head of yours. I need help sometimes, so that we don't end up standing in an alleyway at 11 o' clock at night talking about omens and how my career has poorly affected you...fuck, your entire life..." 

"No, no. Kuroo, no. That's not what I meant at all."

"I know." There's a pause. A sniffle. He leans to match Kenma's stare. " _But_...if it was what you meant, I need you to tell me that right now, Ken, because I swear to god, I will never step into a ring ever again if it means-"

"Stop!" Kenma shivers, stepping backwards. "No! That's...I would never want that! Boxing is your life!" 

" _You_ are my life!" he yells and Kenma stammers. "You are my life, boxing is my career but you are the reason why I open my eyes in the morning!" 

"As are you! So how could...you ever look at me again knowing I asked you to quit the one other thing you may love more than me!? How could I look at myself?" 

Kuroo sighs and slams his palms into his eyes. "Kenma, are we really fighting about this right now?" 

"Are you seriously considering quitting?" 

"If it makes you feel better, yes!" 

"Then yes, we are!" he stomps. "We are fighting about this because no, Kuroo! Your entire life you have sacrificed for me, for Suga, Tooru! Everyone! You have put yourself on the sidelines, always, to make sure we are okay and I will not do that to you, not anymore, not if we're getting married! I will not ever tell you to quit something you love and you cannot lie to me, dammit! Maybe you can lie to everyone else but not me, I know you love boxing so I will not let my stupid insecurities ruin what you love!" 

"Yes, I do but fuck, Kenma, I love you more!" 

"No, you love us the same and that's okay!" Kuroo pants and Kenma comes and kissing him, hard, dark, serious and Kuroo growls as he backs Kenma up against a wall. He takes Kenma's small wrists in his hands and holds him against the wall, Kenma arching up against his fiancée as he moans and allows himself to be devoured beneath the kiss, beneath Kuroo and his heat. Kuroo's tongue pushes past Kenma's thin lips and Kenma loves the taste of him; champaign and cheese and Kenma tugs hard at Kuroo's hair to keep him closer, closer, closer...

But Kuroo pulls away.

Both men are panting, hard and erect but Kenma understands why he stops and so, they both begin to laugh as they look around the alleyway while wiping at their lips. 

Kuroo whistles as he moves back on Kenma, keeping him pinned against the wall as he plays with a strand of Kenma's hair. "That was...hot, that was very hot," he purrs and Kenma lifts on his toes to bite Kuroo's lip. 

"Maybe we should fight more often." 

Kuroo grins, deliciously. "Well, we'll be married soon so I'm sure that will happen plenty." 

Kenma laughs as their foreheads fall together, resting and supporting each other against the wall. 

"We have a little girl to find," breathes Kuroo and Kenma nods and agrees. 

He rubs away his erection as they leave the alley, hands locked. 

***

Tooru taps his fingers on the bar as he looks down at his phone, waiting anxiously for a text, for something, to know if they found the little girl or not.

But its been almost twenty minutes and not even a notification has lit his phone screen. Hajime is moving around, saying goodbye to the guests as they leave, apologizing for the inconvenience before they are finally alone (besides Hanae, Yuki and Hajime's parents, Wanda and Takeru). 

Hajime slides up behind Tooru and kisses his neck. "Stop worrying." 

"Do you know who you're talking to?" 

"Yes, my lovely husband, I am very aware of who I am speaking to which is why I will say again, quit worrying." 

"It's been twenty minutes!" yells Tooru as he spins to face Haj. "Twenty minutes, how can she outrun a United States Marine?" 

"Children have a lot of stamina, Tooru." 

"Yeah, she should share some of that will me then, I'm exhausted from...sweating so much." tooru grabs his phone. "I'm just gonna call-"

Haj snatches the phone. "no, you don't." 

"You just- Haj!" 

"Give them time, I'm sure suga is already panicking. He doesn't need you blowing up his phone, reminding him of how long it's been." 

Tooru pouts but finally agrees. "Why are you so smart?" he says, sliding his arms around Hajime's shoulders, kissing him lightly. 

Yuki takes the seat beside Tooru and sighs. "I just got off the phone with the police. I told them of the situation, they're sending a car down here now and one to Anya's place." 

"Thank god," sags Tooru. 

"That poor little girl," speaks a new voice, Wanda, and Tooru spins to meet her eyes. "Hey, do you remember when dad got really drunk that one time at New Years."

"Yeah, and all he did was threaten to paint my white converse purple." 

"You hate purple." 

"I _hate_ purple." 

Wanda and Tooru chuckle.

Hajime watches with warm eyes.

"Mom would have murdered him with a noodle board if he ever laid a hand on us." 

"He never would have anyways. We were lucky, our parents were..." Tooru trails off and Wanda's cheeky smile fades. 

"Old fashioned. Stubborn," Wanda answers for him. "Stupid," she hisses and Tooru gives her a sloppy grin. Tooru reaches over the bar and pours a small glass of vodka tonic. Wanda laughs and takes the drink. "You remembered?"

"Please, how could I forget?" he whispers, holding p his glass of brandy and their glasses clink. Tooru flips his phone over and rests against Hajime. "I'm giving them an hour until I send a search party out." 

Hajime kisses his husband. "Deal." 

***

"Suga!" calls Daichi. 

How did he lose both his boyfriend and Anya on the same night? 

He needed to start working out more. 

"Suga! Where did you go?" he calls again through the empty park he passes through. He searches through the dark, the buzz in his pocket slapping at his thigh until he gives in and shovels the phone out of his pocket. 

It's an unknown number.

His feet drag him to a stop. 

He opens the message to see a picture of suga...walking the street....alone...and the picture looks as if...

His heart stops as he reads the message attached: 

_How about a trade, Solider? Anya for Suga._

Daichi sprints for the police station. 


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so...um, warning? Violence? Yeah...violence. 
> 
> *whispers* I'm so sorry.

Suga doesn't know when he lost Daichi but at the moment, he's standing in front of the elementary school and something low in his gut knows that Anya is here. He reaches into his pocket to call Dai, Tooru maybe, just to let someone know but...

"Great," he hisses as he looks at the dead phone screen. "Great timing," he curses, shoving the phone back into his coat pocket before he walks towards the gate. 

It's locked, solid and high in the darkness that looms all around him and again, he can feel his gut speaking to him, warning him that the night brings thing he may not be ready for. But Anya is what matters, he thinks to himself, as he dips down to crawl through the small hole that sleeps beside the tall metal fence and shimmies through, his shirt ripping on the chainlink. He curses again at the luck this night has brought him and continues into the schoolyard. 

For New York being such a bright city, to Suga, the air is pitch black, no street lights to illuminate the grounds as he ventures deeper and as he does, he applauds Anya for being so brave. 

"You will find this little girl, Suga. You will find her if your life depends on it," he whispers to himself as he walks to inspect the playground first. 

***

Daichi gave up on the idea of the police. No, his feet had other ideas as he now finds himself sprinting back towards the bar where everyone is standing in front.

Kuroo is the first to run to him. "Anything?" 

Daichi shakes his head and pulls out his phone, showing them the picture. 

Tooru pushes through and grabs the phone. "W-Who sent you this?" 

"I'll just take a guess here and say Wakatoshi," hisses Kuroo, hands shoveling through his hair nervously. 

"He's watching Suga?" 

"Where is he, Dai?" Kuroo injects

"I don't know, we got separated..." 

"What the hell, how could you not watch him?" he bites and Daichi advances. 

"You will stand down if you know what's best for you-"

" _Stand down_ , really Captain?" He slurs, teeth clenched and Daichi pushes him up against the wall of the bar. 

Kenma whines, "Stop!" 

"Kenma's right, put your dicks away and calm down, now!" Everyone looks to Tooru. "Let me see the picture," he mumbles, snatching the phone from Daichi.

Haj slides up behind his husband. "What are you looking for?" he asks as he watches Tooru inspect the picture. 

"I know this road," he mutters. 

"What road?" 

"The one in this picture." He points to the small store in the background. It's blurry but the sign is noticeable. "Genero's. It's a meat market, I've seen it a few times-"

"-going to Suga's school," Daichi finishes and Tooru nods. 

"They're at the school," Kuroo finishes.

Daichi grabs Kuroo's shoulder and looks to Hajime. "Let's go-" 

"I'm coming with you," speaks Tooru and Kenma at the same time. 

Haj only holds Tooru and shakes his head while Kuroo kneels to Kenma. "Baby, no. I need you to stay-"

"I'm not weak." 

"I'm not saying you are, Ken. But we don't know what Wakatoshi was planned and I'll be damned if I ever let him lay another finger on you, do you understand?" Kenma only looks away but Kuroo grabs his chin and forces those beautiful eyes back to his. "Baby, trust me, please?" 

Tooru sighs and taps Kenma's shoulder. "Come on, we'll go to the station, tell them what's going on, okay? We can be useful in other ways, yeah?" he winks. 

Haj leans and kisses his cheek as Kenma reluctantly agrees, right after hugging Kuroo with enough force to snap his neck. "Come back to me," Dai hears him whisper and Kuroo replies with, "Always." 

"Where are Noya and Asahi?" Dai asks. 

"Inside. They're going to watch the bar while we're gone, Tobio and Hinata too." 

"Good, Tsukki would feel good about that." 

"Speaking of, we should call Tsukki and Yama-" 

But before Kenma can finish...

"Dai!" All of them turn to see Tsukki running up to them. "Please tell me Yama is with you!"

"Fuck," hisses Haj, as a new fear settles within the group.  

"Why is he not with you?" 

"He was but we....kinda got into an argument and next thing I know, he's gone" bites Tsukki, jaw tight and hands locked into fists. "He...he hates the dark," Tsukki stutters, wiping at his eyes and Dai walks to him. 

"We'll find him. We're going to the school now, okay?" 

"The school?" 

Dai sighs. "We think that's where Suga is...and Wakatoshi..." 

Tsukki's eyebrows shoot up. "Do you think...that bastard-"

"We know nothing yet but come with us and we'll find out, yeah?"

Tsukki nods, almost snarling.

They had spoken about it once, that anger that slept within Tsukki, the one that he had to learn to control in high school; the anger that only enhanced whenever Yama's safety was involved. Daichi had seen protective Tsukki back in high school, when stupid boys would poke fun at Yama's appearance so he knew the creature well. But this Tsukki was older now, more experienced, tougher around all the edges that mattered and even Dai, staring back into Tsukki's eyes, feels a chill swim down his spine. 

They all say their final goodbyes, reinforcing their _be careful's_ and then Haj, Daichi, Kuroo and Tsukki take off, sprinting towards the elementary school without a second to think it all over.

***

**MOMENTS EARLIER**

 

Yama turns to Tsukki. "Kei, Would you ever want to..." he stops and shakes his head, laughing foolishly. "Never mind," he says, pulling from Tsukki to keep searching but...

Tsukki grabs his wrists and spins Yama back to him. "What were you about to ask?" 

"No, nothing. It's stupid, really-"

"Tadashi, please?" 

Yama sighs and kicks at the chalky sand that layers his black loafers. "Would you ever want to have a child with me?" 

Tsukki's eyebrows soot up as his lips part. "Uh..." 

Yama...shatters and pulls away again. "Sorry!  _Sorry_ , that was a stupid question. I should just..." Yama points and gestures to the park across the way. "Let's go...yeah, lets go check over there." 

Tsukki doesn't stop himself and as Yama walks away, he wipes the tears that leak from his eyes. 

But it doesn't take long until Yama hears Tsukki's feet and body wake up and he hears his boyfriends rushed steps coming after him, both speed walking until they reach the playground across the street and Tsukki snatches Yama's wrists within his large hand. "Wait, will you wait a second?" 

"No, it was stupid, I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't have said anything." 

Tsukki spins him, Yama whimpering as he tumbles into Tsukki's broad chest. God, he's grown even more since high school. Yama forget's sometimes, how much taller Tsukki is than him, how much he's outgrown him...

Tsukki dips a bit to look far into Yama's eyes, running his hand up and down the side of Yama's cheek. "Is that really something you want?"

"Is that so wrong?" 

"Of course not, Tadashi, it's just...you've never said anything?" 

"Well, you've never been one to enjoy kids anyways," he mumbles and Tsukki's breathe hitches.

"Yama, it doesn't mean I haven't thought about it..."

"Well, have you? Have you ever once imagined starting a family with me?" 

There's a pause and it's long. Yama can feels his chest swell.

"A family can be made up of only be two people." 

Yama sighs. "So you haven't?" 

Tsukki looks down. "You know...how I feel about kids. You've always known..." 

"T-That was high school! I thought, _maybe_ -"

"Maybe what, that I'd change and come around to the way you think?" 

Yama's brow bends. "No, _no_! I just...thought maybe one day you'd want that, with me. I would have never pushed it on you, I just figured-"

"Yama, I have never wanted kids! _Never_ , you knew this! You know-" Tsukki stops and tosses his hands to his hips, stepping away from Yama, "why would you ever think that would change for me, huh?" 

_Maybe because you wanted to start a life with me..._

"So it's because you're scared?" 

Tsukki shakes his head. "Stop while you're ahead-"

"I'm only asking!" 

"Well, don't! Don't, because I'd be a terrible father, just like my father!"

"Tsukki, that's not true!" 

"It is!" Tsukki circles, kicking at the dirt before looking back to Yama. "What happened to traveling, huh? Isn't _that_ what you always wanted, to see the world? To explore?"

"Of course, I'll always want that-"

"No, now you want children! Children, Yama! We own a bar, for Christ's sakes, is that where you want to raise a child?" 

"We could move..." 

Tsukki scoffs. "Move, huh? _Move_? That's my business, Yama, _our_ business! A business that I started because I wanted to take you places, because I wanted to give you everything you ever deserved, not to house a child!"

"But what if what I want is to start a family with you, Tsukki!

"Don't act like you know what you want, Yama, because you obviously do not!"

"W-What does that mean?" 

"Would you even know how to be a parent? Huh?" Yama steps backwards, legs numbs and heart disgustingly cold but he can see that Tsukki realized what he just said and that he can never take it back. "W-Wait, Tadashi. I'm... _fuck_ , I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that-"

"Yes, you did," whispers Yama as he continues to back away. Tsukki advances and... " _Stay...away from me_ ," he barks, tears heavy in his throat and Tsukki's face scrunches as he starts to cry as well. Yama reaches into his pocket and takes out his phone, slamming it on the ground. He turns away and Tsukki calls after him. But he doesn't move, so Yama spins back to him and shivers beneath the cold of the darkness. "I didn't choose to not have parents, Tsukki!" Tsukki cracks, head falling into his hands ad Yama cries. "I didn't choose to be abandoned at a damn police station!"

"I know-"

"And for the record!" Yama pauses and Tsukki tries to step closer but Tadashi only backs away. "You are what I have always known that I've wanted....but apparently, that's not clear enough right?" 

"Yama-" 

"Do not follow me." 

They stare, locked in place for what feels like centuries until Yama spins on his heels and runs, runs faster than he can ever remember running in high school, or from stupid kids who made fun of him for the way he was born. He runs until the bottoms of his shoes smoke and his calves ache and his eyes are dried by the wind that smack into his face as he dips and dives down different streets. He's running but he doesn't know where too and then-

His body crashes into a brick wall, the mans chest mighty and hard and Yama rubs as his cheek as he peers up and stills, stills as he stares back into the eyes of Wakatoshi. He's grinning, arms crossed over his massive chest as he kneels down in front of Yama and reaches for his cheek. He stokes Yama's soft skin and he quakes at the touch, begging mentally for Tsukki. He wants to move away, to run back to Tsukki but he can't.

He's frozen and Yama realizes this must be what Kenma felt like that day at the stadium.

"Hello, little crow," sings Wakatoshi and Yama whimpers. "How about we take a walk." 

Yama crawls backwards but Wakatoshi grabs his ankle and pulls him closer, laughing maniacally. Yama whimpers louder, the word _HELP_ lodged tight in his throat but before he can scream it out, Wakatoshi lifts his hand and slams the hilt of a knife into the side of Yama's head. 

His eyes close before he can whisper his apology to Tsukki. 

***

"Anya!" calls Suga as he walks around the playground. "Anya! Baby, if you can hear me, call out my name, please!" 

Suga curses her mothers name in his head as he searches beneath slides and behind trees and under lunch tables, always coming up empty. 

"Anya, it's dark out here. No one wants to be alone in the dark, right!? So come out and I'll help you-"

"S-Sensei?" 

Suga stills and spins in the direction he hears her voice. It comes from the sixth grade playgrounds. He rushes over and peers through the veil of the night, trying to spot those beautiful eyes of hers until finally through the dark, stumbles out a figure and suga sighs in relief. He runs closer until finally, Anya is in his arms, safe and sound and freezing. "Thank god," he whispers as she cries softly into his shoulder. "Thank god you're safe, you can't run off like that, Anya!"

"I-I'm s-s-s-"

For the first time ever, Suga interrupts her. "It's okay, love. You're okay now." He feels her skin. "Oh baby, you're so cold," he says, setting her down to peel off his suit jacket and place it around her shoulders. She's swallowed by the jacket and Suga can't help but grin at the image. "Anya, baby, we have to go home now-"

"NO!" he says, backing away but Suga will be damned if he lets her out of his sight again so he reaches out and takes hold of her arm. 

"Okay, okay," he says in surrender. He looks down at the new cuts on her knees. "Anya, what happened here?" 

"I was p-p-pushed down," she sniffles. 

"Pushed down? By your mom?" 

Anya shakes her head. "A-A man, it was dark. I didn't s-s-see his face. H-He was tall..."

"Okay, okay. I understand, it was probably just an accident." But the look she gives doesn't quite convince him. He looks back towards the school. He doesn't want to her injuries to get infected, any of them and the nurses office is only a few steps away. He feels into his pocket and thank god, he has his key card. "Anya, let's go to the nurses office and take care of all these little cuts yeah?" After a minute, Anya looks at him and nods. "If you're real good, I'll even let you steal a handful of Mrs. Crowley's lollipops, okay?" 

"A h-h-handful?!" 

He laughs and pulls her into a warm hug. "An entire handful!" he squeezes her tighter and her small arms rope around his neck. "I'm so glad I found you." 

"I wish S-S-Sensei was my mom," she whispers and Suga's heart flutters. Stops. Aches, longs, even, just maybe. 

"Oh Anya," he whispers, leaning back and plastering on a grin as he pushes back her hair. ""Let's go get those lollipops, okay?" Anya nods and they make their way towards the school. 

Thankfully, the key card works and the alarm doesn't blare so Suga feels better about his plan as they push deeper into the school. It's dark, too dark almost but Suga knows these halls like he knows the back of Daichi's hand so he feels confident as he holds Anya's tiny hand and walks quickly towards the nurses office. Once they arrive, Suga is disappointed at the fact that the door won't open and Anya mutters something about his mention of lollipops. 

 _Children and candy_ , Suga thinks as he hits the door with his fist. Anya jumps and Suga apologizes. "Hey, I have some cookies and a first aid kit in the classroom. Will cookies suffice instead of lollipops, Anya?"

"Duh," she laughs and Suga pinches her pinked cheeks before walking towards his classroom. 

The moment they arrive, Suga knows something isn't right. The door is open, only slightly, but the handle is busted and lays on the floor at his feet and just like before, Suga's gut is trying to speak to him, screaming only one word: 

_Wakatoshi._

Anya looks at the door and the handle and Suga and cowers as Suga pushes her behind him. 

_How the hell did he get in here? Did he follow him?_

_He has Anya._

_His phone is dead._

_Daichi..._

_NO._  Suga can do this, he can protect Anya because Any gives him a kind of courage he may never understand. As he once said, Wakatoshi could hurt him all he wanted but he would NEVER let that bastard hurt Anya, and today is exception. Suga was not who he was a few months ago. Suga is stronger now, not completely and not healed, not quite yet, but he is better. He is loved and in love and happy.

He's happy.

He refuses to allow Wakatoshi to take that away again. 

"Shit," mumbles Suga, still holding Anya behind me, he kneels and spins to her, holding her face in his hands. "Anya, I need you to do me a HUGE favor, okay? I need you to be brave, can you do that for me, baby?" 

"I-I'm s-s-scared-"

"I know, love," he says, kissing her cheek. "I know, but I know you, Anya. I know you can be a brave girl. You're Anya, the girl who stood up against Samantha and Robin and prevailed!" This makes her smile. "So, I need you to be brave right now and remember our motto. Do you remember what it is?" 

At that, Anya takes a deep breathe and straightens out her spine, hands on her hips. "Protect me and I protect you," she speaks proudly and without a stutter and Suga has never been more proud of her. "W-What do you n-n-need me to do?" 

Suga smiles and leans to whisper in her ear. 

***

Daichi rattles the fence that guards the front of the school, Kuroo punching at the lock and Dai can see that his fist is bleeding.

Hajime reaches over and stops him, slapping Kuroo in the face. "Dumbass, in a battle between metal and flesh, metal wins!" 

Kuroo chuckles. "Is that a new game play for rock paper scissors?" he asks and Hajime hits his arms. 

"You're an idiot." 

Tsukki comes running up then, out of breathe. "I've looked all around, I don't see another way to get in, the fence is too high." 

"You're a Marine, Daichi, can't you climb a damn fence," asks Kuroo and Daichi rolls his eyes. 

Daichi laughs and steps back, grabbing a stick. He tosses it at the fence. It burns. 

"It's electric," mumbles Haj. "That seems a bit...odd, doesn't it?" 

"How did you know it was electric, Dai?" asks Kuroo. 

"I'm a Marine," he winks and Kuroo sarcastically bows. 

"Is that even legal, an electric fence at an elementary school?" Tsukki asks. 

"I'm not sure. I know I've seen it in countries like Iraq but never here." Dai says as he peers between the two black pole of the fence.

There's a figure, small, running towards the fence. 

It's Anya and she's going for the fence. 

"ANYA! STOP, BABY, STOP RUNNING!" 

She does, face washing whiter. "I-I remember you," she stutters. "You're Suga's friend." 

He hears Kuroo and Tsukki giggle behind him. He rolls his eyes. "Yes ma'am, I am. Have you seen Suga?" 

Anya nods and points towards the school before walking for the fence again. 

"Anya, no! The fence is electric! Don't touch it!" The small girl looks confused as she points to the hole in the fence. "Is that how you got in?" 

She nods. 

"So it wasn't always electric, then," whispers Tsukki. 

"Wakatoshi," Dai growls. 

"What is this bastard, Lex Luthor?" hisses Kuroo. 

Dai turns back to Anya. "Baby, you said Suga was inside? Is he alone?" 

Anya freezes then and as do all of his friends behind him. Daichi can feel them go solid. 

Anya shakes her head no. 

Daichi sighs and Kuroo curses. 

"S-Sensei told me to go for help," she whimpers on the verge of crying. 

_Oh, Suga._

"Good, you did good, sweetheart. We're here to help but we have to get in there! Do you know another way inside, somewhere the fence stops maybe?" 

Anya thinks for a second and then nods, running off.

Dai, Kuroo, Tsukki and Hajime follow her along the fence. 

***

Suga holds in his hand a broken mop handle, the end pointed and sharp and he swallows as he stands frozen outside of the classroom door. 

_Move your feet, Suga. Just move..._

He could do this, he had no other choice. 

He takes a step. 

He's sweating. He takes another step closer to the door and reaches out, slowly pushing the door open wider without yet entering. 

The door creaks as if in a horror movie and suga rolls his eyes. 

Finally, he takes a deep breathe and slowly steps into the room, one step at a time until he's all the way in and once he's in....his heart drops to land at his feet as his lips part and his arms go slack at the sight of Yamaguchi tied lifelessly to a chair in the middle of the room. His arms are tired with rolls of red string, nothing to tight or strong but Yama is unconscious so it wouldn't matter anyways.

He knows Wakatoshi thought the exact same thing. 

Yama's head is bleeding and his chin sleeps against his chest and mustering all the will he has left, Suga gasps as he drops the broom handle and runs to Yama. He cups Yamaguchi's cheeks within his hands. "Yama, oh god. No, please open your eyes!" He slaps lightly at Yama's cheek.s nothing. "Please, open your eyes, Yams! Please," he whines, biting into his lip. 

He's about the attempt to wake his friend again when he feels something metal tap at his shoulder and he stills, eyes closing. The brook handle he once held in his hands flies over his head and crashes into the wall behind he and Yama and he curses mentally for letting it go. He looks over, only slightly, to see the tip of the knife Waka holds pointed into suga's shoulder, sleeping there, tauntingly. 

Suga take a deep breathe. "Let him go and you can do whatever you want with me." 

There's a pause. It's far too quiet. 

Then Waka laughs and it's sickeningly demonic.

"That's it?" he ask and the knife lifts away from Suga's shoulder as Wakatoshi's large, familiar hand takes firm hold of Suga's hair. Suga yelps as Ushijima spins him around to face him, tossing Suga on the floor by his feet, head crashing against the white tiles. "After all this time, that's all you have to say to me, baby?"  

"Don't call me baby," hisses Suga into the floor. He feels Wakatoshi kneel before him. Suga looks up to meet his eyes. "Let Yama go." 

Waka shrugs. "Nah. This is too fun," he says, pointing the knife down as he then presses the tip of the blade into the space right above Suga's nail, the one that sleeps on the tip of his middle finger where his flesh and the nail meet and it's the worst pain Suga has ever felt. The blade digs into his cuticle and he bellows into the air, scrambling to pull away as he slaps at Waka's hand, the knife sliding away from them both.  

Ushijima growls as he looks between Suga and the knife and suddenly, they are both falling for it, hands battling and legs squirming as suga dashes for the knife but he's a second late and suddenly, the handle is slammed into the side of his cheek and he screams again as Wakatoshi climbs to his feet and walks towards Yama. 

Suga hurries to get to his feet. "No, no, you have me! Leave him alone!" 

Ushijima laughs again. "What happens to him is all up to you," Wakatoshi says as he slides the tip of the blade up one of Yama's arm and the second it breaks the skin Yama is awake and screaming as Waka drives the knife deep into arm, right at the base of his wrist, and the sound Yama bellows is enough to shatter stone. 

"NO, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Suga yells as he storms for Ushijima who charges right back at Suga, pushing him on the ground. 

Yama continues to cry and pants from where he's tied to the chair and Suga can't take his eyes off of him. But Ushijima forces him to as he grabs Suga's face between his meaty fingers and forces Suga to look at him. Ushijima's eyes wash over Suga's face before he moans and leans down, kissing Suga forcefully, his lips chapped and tasting of blood. The kiss is hard and raw and unkind as Suga keeps his lips locked and tight beneath the embrace and for that, Waka slaps him, hard enough for Suga's vision to blur. 

Yama screams again. " _Get off of him_!" 

"Quiet!" barks Waka before he moves to kiss Suga again. This kiss doesn't last as long because Waka pulls away moaning and...crying. Crying and Suga can't believe his eyes. "You taste like him...that _fucking_ Marine," he coo's, fingers running up and down Suga's face. 

"Good," Suga spits and again, Wakatoshi slaps him, Yama protesting from his place in the chair. 

"Tell that bitch behind us to shut his mouth before I cut it from his face!" Ushijima yells as he slams his fists into the side of his own head over and over and over again. 

"I'm okay, Yama! I'm okay!" 

"Where's the girl, Suga?" Wakatoshi interrupts. 

Suga shakes his while Ushijima nods his. "Don't you touch her, don't-" 

This time, Wakatoshi's slap is a punch straight into Suga's jaw and blood leaks form his lip. 

Yama is crying now, kicking his feet as he mumbles Suga's name repeatedly. 

"Don't make me hurt you anymore, Koushi."

 _Koushi_ , his name stings his own ears.

"WHERE IS SHE!?" 

"SHE'S GONE! I SENT HER AWAY!" 

"I DON'T BELIEVE YOU," he screams and the punches come in waves after that, each on harder than the next and the last thing Suga hears is Yama screaming his name. 

***

Suga in unconscious, blood slipping from his lips, his jaw, his nose, his ears and Yama can do nothing but watch. 

He growls, cringing from the sound of each punch and finally, he doesn't care what happens to him, he doesn't care about the blood dripping from the large hole in his wrist.

NO, he only cares if Suga lives or not so he begs for Wakatoshi to stop.

"PLEASE, STOP THIS! STOP HURTING HIM!" Ushijima does not stop. "PLEASE, I THOUGHT YOU LOVED HIM!" 

Ushijima leaps to his feet at that and storms toward Yama. He grabs the back of the small chair Yama is tied into and holds it back, almost dropping him onto the floor. Yama yelps. "I do love him! This is why I-I can't...I can't let him go! I can't let him be with that filthy Marine!" 

"This is not loving him, this is killing him _you sick fuck_!" he spits, spit literally flying into Ushijima's face and suddenly, the chair is tossed back and Yama yells as he crashes hard to floor.

The back of his skull crashes into the tiles and his entire being vibrates as he rattles his head and tries to clear he stars dancing over his eyes. 

He tries to shimmy in the chair, to see where Wakatoshi is. He finds him kneeling over Suga again. 

"I do love you, Koushi." He says, kissing the side of Suga's bloody cheek passionately. "That's why no one else can love you. And why you can love no on else," he says as Yama watches Ushijima stab the knife into Suga's left shoulder. Suga's eyes snap open as he gasps and yells and pants and then...Suga stills and Yama is bellowing, lungs cracking inside of his throat as Ushijima stands up, leaving the knife plunged in Suga's shoulder. 

There is so much blood, drowning Suga's white button down in crimson and Yama can only cry and struggle beneath the yarn that ties him down. 

Ushijima finally stands and steps over Suga and looks back at Yama. "After I kill the girl, I kill you." He walks to leave but stops once more. "Then I kill your boyfriend." 

He leaves the room and Yama is still screaming, calling Suga's name, calling for Tsukki, calling for help. 

But Suga is lifeless on the floor as his body twitches beneath the knife and Yama knows that no one can hear him screaming or hear his friend dying. 

***

"How do we keep losing this little girl, man?" Kuroo says as he ducks beneath the small hole that Anya led them to right before she darted back for the school.

He's the last to enter and once they're inside, Daichi and his friends are sprinting towards the school, calling for Anya, calling for Suga. 

Dai looks back to Haj and Kuroo as they run. "Hey, you guys went to this school right?" 

"Yeah, for four years."

"You must know it pretty well then, yeah? " 

"I know it but I don't know what classroom is Suga's!" answers Haj. 

Daichi had been there before but God knows if he could remember now. 

"We don't need the classroom, we need the nurses office!" 

"Why?" asks Tsukki. 

"Because I know Suga and that's where he would take her!" 

They all agree and start running faster. Finally, they reach a door towards the back of the school. It's propped open. Daichi holds his arm out to stop everyone and points for them to kneel. 

"Oh yeah, I forgot we're with a Marine," jokes Kuroo and again Haj punches him. 

He tells them to wait as he first goes to the door and peers inside, looking down the long dark hallway. "Okay, I see...what looks like an rotunda?" 

"Yeah, thats the very center of the school. This must be that long hallway, it connects all the main rooms. The principles office, the cafe, the gym, auditorium, all of it!" whispers Haj. 

"What about the nurses office?" 

"It's a wing over," answers Kuroo and Daichi nods. 

"Let's go." 

 ***

Anya tiptoes through the halls, careful not to sniffle too loudly as she tries to find another way to her Sensei's classroom. She took her shoes off, the rubber making too much noise and now, she walks barefoot down a back hallway lined with too many windows. 

And then, she hears it. 

The sound of metal and she stops, dropping down to the floor out of panic, curling herself into a ball against the wall. 

She closes her eyes as Suga's words echo through her head. 

_Protect me an dI protect you._

_Protect me and I protect you._

"P-Protect me a-a-and I protect y-you," she whispers to herself, taking a large breathe and standing, looking up at the staircase that looms in front of her. She turns. There's another one behind her. 

She turns back and there stands a man, the same that pushed her down on the street and her knees ache. 

The man is holding a knife. 

Anya pouts and backs up. 

"Anya, isn't it?" 

Anya doesn't reply. 

"Come here, sweetheart. I won't hurt you." 

"Y-You're a liar." 

Ushijima's casual and plastic smile only holds for a second behind he drops his arms and shrugs. "Yeah, you're right." he says. 

There's a pause and then he's sprinting towards her. 

Anya screams and runs, running up the stairs behind her as fast as she can as the man with the knife chases behind her, screaming Mr. Sugawara's name. 

***

There's a scream and they all freeze. 

ANYA!" Daichi yells as they all start sprinting. He's never un this fast in his life, and he's surprised that his friends are able to keep up with his so easily. But once upon a time, they were all athletes and Daichi needs to remember that. "Haj, Tsukki, go find Suga! Me and Kuroo will find Anya!" 

"Got it," they both reply splitting up as Kuroo and Daichi follow the sound of Anya screaming. 

There's another scream. 

"Wakatoshi," growls Kuroo and Daichi nods. 

They run fast, up the stairs and down different hallways until they run smack into Anya. She's barefoot and once she spots Daichi she jumps into his arms. But he knows Ushijima is right around the corner and so he hands her off to Kuroo, who takes the girl happily, and from out of his pants, Daichi pulls a gun. 

Anya screams. 

And Kuroo... "WOAH, G.I Joe, what the fuck!" 

"Keep her back, Kuroo-"

"Well, if it isn't the Marine!" 

Daichi spins back and face Ushijima, who holds a knife in his hands but it's his shirt that Daichi is focused on. It's drenched in blood and Kuroo curses from behind him. The gun is pointed accordingly, Daichi's military instincts locked into position as he keeps his eyes trained down the scope of the pistol. 

"That's some heavy firepower you're packing there, Captain," whistles Ushijima. 

"Never know when you'll need it." 

"But in a school? I don't know, seems a bit dramatic, does it not?" 

"Maybe the man holding the knife and chasing a fifth grader shouldn't be judging me on my choice of protective gear," hisses Daichi, the anger in his voice leaking between his teeth. Daichi eyes Waka as he takes a step and Kuroo takes three more backwards. Daichi counts. He stands his ground. "Where is Suga?" 

Ushijima smiles. "So protective-"

"Where is Koushi?"

"DON'T SAY HIS NAME!" Ushijima yells as he charges, swinging the knife in Daichi and Anya screams from behind him. He dodges the blade and shoots a bullet past Wakatoshi's head. It explodes behind them.

Kuroo curses and Wakatoshi ducks. "You stupid son of a bitch!" 

"Where is Suga!?" 

"You're too late!" 

"What the hell does that mean?" whispers Kuroo. 

"DAICHI! KUROO!" 

It's Hajime. 

Daichi doesn't take his eyes off of Ushijima. 

"WE NEED AN AMBULANCE!" 

And at that, Ushijima turns to run but Daichi only growls, holds the gun with one hand and puts two bullets in Wakatoshi's left leg.

Anya screams and Daichi grimaces. "Get Anya out of here, Kuroo." 

"I'm not leaving you." 

The bastards falls to the floor, knife falling from his hand as he cradles his wounds. Daichi walks to him, gun still pointed and kicks the knife away from him. He kneels, holding the gun directly against Wakatoshi's forehead and to his delight, Wakatoshi pants, face washing pale. 

"Daichi, calm down," hisses Kuroo behind him. 

Daichi ignores him and leans closer. He looks to Ushijima's leg and eyes the wound and second later, his fingers are pressing into one of the bullet holes and Wakatoshi growls, howling into the hallway as Daichi presses his fingers deeper into the gunshot wound. 

"Daichi stop!" 

He continues to ignore Kuroo. He looks back to Wakatoshi and presses the gun harder against the monsters forehead, coking the pistol. "Tell me why I shouldn't shoot you right here? Huh?" 

Wakatoshi only seethes, spit slipping past his lips as all he can focus on is the pain. 

 _Good_ , Daichi thinks. _Good. Bleed out, you sick son of a bitch._

Daichi clicks the safety back into place and grabs Wakatoshi's arm, hauling him to his feet. "Stand up." He lifts him and Ushijima cries out in pain. "Shut up and follow me." 

They follow the sound of Hajime and Tsukki's voices. 

***

Tsukki and Hajime are running down different hallways.

The nurses room was bust, doors still locked and intact but around the corner, they see a hallway and a door handle sleeping on the floor and Hajime and Tsukki both stop, shushing each other as they slowly approach the door, tip toeing and silent, trying not to focus on the sound of Anya screaming. There's half of a broken mop sitting outside of the door against the wall and Tsukki grabs it as the finally pull up their courage and storm into the room. 

Hajime eyes fall straight to the bloody body on the floor, a knife plunged deep into his chest. He can't feel anything, not the skin that covers his bones of the heart that pounds in his chest because all he can see is Suga, on the floor, skin pale and eyes closed, surrounded by a thick puddle of blood. 

But there is another voice in the room. 

"YAMA!" 

Tsukki rushes past Hajime to where Yama is tied to a chair on the floor. He's squirming and bleeding from his head, the hole in his arm and Hajime knows he should care more but Suga isn't moving, skin cold and thin and he leans down to hear if he's breathing for not. 

"You're hurt!" he hears Tsukki say to Yama. 

Yama ignore him. "Is he breathing?" Yama begs. "Hajime, is he alive?!" 

He's not breathing. He presses his fingers to Suga's neck. "Suga, do not do this to me, don't do this, wake up," he whispers, hands shaking as he feels for a pulse. 

It's there but barely. 

Hajime tries to find his voice. 

"DAICHI! KUROO!" He pauses, stroking Koushi's face. "WE NEED AN AMBULANCE!" 

But what he can't hear is that Tsukki is already on the phone with the police.

Yama is already out of the chair, crawling at Suga's side.

Yama grabs the knife and tugs on it.

Suga doesn't move. 

Hajime can't breathe. 

He can't die. 

Tooru would lose it. 

He would lose Tooru. He would lose Suga. 

He would lose his family. 

"You can't die," he hisses, shaking Suga's body. "WAKE UP, WAKE UP!" 

He doesn't wake up. 

"You can't die. You're better now," he says, leaning down and resting his head on Suga's forehead. "You can't leave me, you can't leave us, Suga. You can't, you can't-" he cries and he feels Tsukki grab his shoulder. 

"The ambulance is on its way, he'll-" 

He's interrupted by Kuroo and Daichi and Anya storming into the room. 

Anya screams and hides her face in Kuroo's neck

Daichi is holding Ushijima, two bullet holes shot through his leg. 

"Son of a bitch," Haj hisses as he looks up and charges at Ushijima, punching him square in the face. 

***

Kuroo screams at the sight of Suga on the ground. "NO, NO NO! NO, SUGA, NO!" 

He hauls Suga into his lap. 

"Fuck you," he yells up at Ushijima. "You son of a bitch, I'll kill you!" 

Haj grabs Kuroo. "Stop, Kuroo, stop!" 

"Yama?" he hears Daichi ask and Yama is on the floor beside Suga, bleeding and hurt and Kuroo loses it. He hands Anya to Hajime, who holds the small girl against him, as he lunges at Ushijima, tackling him to the floor. 

He punches and punches and punches and punches. His skin breaks. He punches again. His eyes are bulged and spit drips from his mouth into Ushijima's eyes. The bastards face is barely recognizable and that's way Kuroo likes it. 

***

Daichi allows Kuroo to tackle Wakatoshi because all he's focused on is Suga. 

He's white, chest barely moving as he falls to his knees beside Yama who cries harder as he falls into Tsukki's chest. 

He feels himself breaking before he hears it, face crunching as he takes in Suga's blood, the blood that's seeping into his trousers and he hauls Suga against him, minding the knife plunged deep into his chest. He can hear the pulse but not his breathe and Daichi knows what that could mean. He strokes Suga's cheek, his hair, touching him as much as he can as he cradles Suga against him. 

"I'm sorry," he whispers into Suga's hair, rocking back and forth. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I love you, Sug," he cries, kissing Suga's cheek. "I love you, I love you. Come back to me, come back to me, please," he begs and he can hear all of his friends around him sobbing. 

He hears the siren. 

This is his last chance.

Daichi's face falls cold as he gently lays Suga back on the floor. He stands and cocks the gun. Kuroo looks up at him and Daichi waits for him to argue his next move. But Kuroo only stands and back away, moving over to where Hajime stands and the two hug as Daichi stands over Ushijima.  

Tsukki stands at his side. 

"If he dies, you will die. But for now, for all that you have down....this will do," Daichi says as he then shoots Ushijima's in his shoulder; the same shoulder where his knife now rests in Suga.

He hands the gun to Tsukki. "This is for Yama," he whispers, blaring off two more shots in Ushijima's other leg. 

Three shots and everyone gasps and screams but Daichi can only hear Ushijima screaming. 

The sirens get louder. 

Daichi falls to the ground and moves for Suga. 

He holds him until the ambulance arrives. 

 


	35. Chapter 35

Yama hisses as the nurse finishes with the last of the stitching; the hole in his arm, carved by that monster back at the school, has made the stitching in the shape of a sea shell and he sincerely hopes that it heals with the same design. The nurse pats Yama's leg and tells him that she's going to file for his prescription right as a soft knock echo's against the door.

He looks up to meet Tsukki, whose white button up is covered in not only Yama's blood, but Suga's as well, but nonetheless, the sight of Tsukki covered in blood would _never_ be a pleasant sight...even if he was still angry. His boyfriend's face is long, exhausted and washed ashen as he stumbles into the room with his hands in his pockets; nothing new, but nothing unwelcome. Tsukki eyes the stool the nurse was sitting on before he moves for it, rolling closer to the bed, his eyes locked onto Yama's.

Both are silent as they each take the other in, swallowing, evaluating the situation.

Yama sniffles as he rubs at the numbed skin around the stitching. Tsukki eyes it as well and growls and Yama remembers the sound of the gun popping off as Tsukki shot Ushijima in the leg...twice.

_This is for Yama._

He remembers high school too, the anger that used to consume Tsukki, the protectiveness that slept within his bones whenever Yama was involved. Yama always knew that with Tsukki he was safe, but tonight was something else, something primal and charged and Yama was still in shock at the impossibility of it all.

He finally looks Tsukki in the eye and it's clear that he's being crying. That's a new one for Tsukki and it tears a hole in Yama's chest. "Wakatoshi...did he-"

"He's alive. He lost a lot of blood but the SOB lived. He's chained to a bed in the ICU somewhere."

"So...he's-"

"He not only violated the restraining order, he endangered the life of a child, trespassed onto Government property and assaulted two people. Yeah, he's going away for awhile, no doubt about that."

Yama hums and tears his eyes away from Tsukki's.

He feels a hand land on his knee and Yama gasps. He hates fighting with Tsukki, it physically pains him but the things he said still lapped over Yama's mind as he listens to Tsukki's hard breathing, the insinuation...

"Yama, please look at me," breathes Tsukki, voice breaking and Yama pouts. "Please, I-I almost lost you and I-" Tsukki stops and Yama can see in the corner of his eye how his head drops and his shoulders slouch. "I've never been so scared in my life, baby," he coos and Yama's eyes flutter.

_Baby._

He can remember the first time Tsukki every mumbled the word and his heart, the same heart that pounded through his rib cage all those years ago, beats harder and faster and he peers down at Tsukki.

"You hurt me," whispers Yama.

Tsukki nods. "I know, I know I did." He sniffles and looks back up, tears rolling down his slim cheeks and Yama, out of habit, reaches out to wipe them away. "I know you would be an amazing parent, Tadashi. I've always known that-"

"Then why did you-"

"Because _I'm_ the one I'm worried about. Not you, it's me that I know would be a terrible father, not you and I put that on you...I hate myself, Yama, and if that had been the last thing I ever said to you..."

Yama can feel his limits snapping as his other hand comes to cup Tsukki's cheek. Tsukki leans into him, warm and solid and familiar and Tsukki tugs on Yama's fingers before Yama hauls Tsukki up and their lips meet, gentle and shivering beneath damp kisses and Tsukki breaks against Yama. He cries under the kiss, and the next one, and the next, each kiss harder and more intense and Yama whimpers.

"I love you," Tsukki coos as he cries. " _I love you, I love you so much,_ I'm sorry, baby," and Yama breaks the kiss to pull Tsukki into his chest. Tsukki nestles into Yama's neck as they rock against the hospital bed, entwined and beautifully close.

"You'd be a wonderful father, Tsukki." He combs Tsukki's hair. "You are not your father."

"But what if I am-"

"You're not your father," Yama repeats into Tsukki's hair.

He doesn't fight the statement this time and they stay close, Tsukki held tight in Yama's arms for minutes before Tsukki reluctantly sighs and draws back, keeping his hand in Yama's. "Suga made it out of surgery," Tsukki states, wiping at his wet cheeks.

"Is he awake?"

Tsukki only shakes his head and squeezes Yama's hand tighter.

***

Daichi sits by Suga's bed, hands coiled secure around one of Suga's small fists. He kisses each knuckle repeatedly, in a pattern, as if mechanically programmed to do so and with each kiss, he whispers another apology.

An apology for not arriving soon enough.

An apology for letting him out of sight.

An apology for not killing that bastard when he had the chance.

An apology for ever leaving in the first place, for ever causing him pain.

Daichi's eyes are glued to the large bandage taped over the scar indicating where the doctors had to operate, to the blood splattered against the gauze and he swallows as he thinks of the pain of getting stabbed, a pain Daichi as a soldier was all too familiar with and he hates the fact that Suga had to endure such pain, hates that Suga had to confront that monster alone.

The police had arrived not long after Daichi had shot Ushijima in the shoulder, and after Tsukki had shot his other leg, along with two ambulances and the rest of their friends. Tooru had insisted on riding with Suga to the hospital and as much as it slaughtered Daichi to let Suga out of his sight, Hajime had assured him that there was no point in arguing and that Hanae would need a ride anyways. And so Daichi drove back to the bar, picked up Suga's grandmother and now, she, Tooru, Hajime, Kuroo and Kenma sit scattered around the hospital room while Suga once again lays far too still in an uncomfortable hospital bed.

He had moved past this, past Wakatoshi, past hospitals, past being in pain.

Suga didn't deserve to be here.  

But Wakatoshi did and as much as Daichi knows that he should feel guilty about shooting a man, he only feels guilty for not killing him all together and that....is a dangerous thought, a thought he knows Suga wouldn't want him to have.

He rests his forehead on the bed when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He looks up to see Kuroo.

"You've been sitting since he got out of surgery. Go get a drink or something," begs Kuroo.

"I'm okay."

"No, you're exhausted and still covered in blood. At least go get a scrub from the doctors, they gave one to Hajime and I, go change."

"But-"

"Go change, Dai. He’s stable, he’s not going anywhere," moans Tooru from where he sits beside Hanae on the opposite side of the bed. "You stink."

"Jerk," Dai breathes and everyone, even Kenma, chuckles.

So he obeys, kissing Suga's hand once more before slapping Kuroo on the back and sliding from the room. His legs beneath his are weak and heavy but he manages to find his way to a vending machine. He gets a bag of peanuts and a bottle of water and bugs a nurse for a scrub. She happily assists him in changing his shirt and just as he's about to go back into the room, he spots Anya, legs dangling over the side of a chair as he looks nervously around the room.

_What is she still doing here?_

He straights out his spine and plasters on a grin, walking until the small girls spot him and she beams. Daichi does as well as he kneels to meet her. He holds his peanuts out to her and she takes them easily. He smiles. "Are you cold?" he asks, looking at the small goosebumps flooding her skin. Anya nods. He waves over a nurse and insists on a blanket. She nods and hurries off. Daichi turns back to Anya. “Miss Anya, have you heard from your parents?”

Anya shakes her head.

She’s crying. Suga would hate it. Daichi stands and snatches the spot beside the small girl. “Why did you go to the school Anya?”

Anya looks to him, pout deepening. “I-I didn’t m-m-mean to hurt anyone-”

“No, baby,” Daichi says taking her hand. “You didn’t do anything-”

“I-I ran! I-I-I was scared and I ran!”

“That’s normal, sweetheart, anyone in your situation would have ran!” She doesn’t argue but it doesn’t look like she quite believes him just yet. “If anything, you saved him, sweetheart.”

“I-I did?”

“Yes! Because I know Suga and he knows you, it made it very easy to map out where you both would have been.”

She sniffles. “So...y-you’re not m-m-mad?”

Daichi’s heart is sore. He’s tired of hurting. “No, Anya. No one is mad at you,” he says, pushing her hair behind her ear. She smiles. His heart beats again. “We are worried though.”

She understands what he means as he watches her head hang. “I c-c-can’t go home…”

Daichi’s eyes close. “I don’t want to send you home, baby.”

Anya eyes him, cheeks blushed. “I want Sensei.”

“I know,” Daichi says, as she leans into his side. His arm snakes around her and it feels natural, normal, something he could get used to if needed.

A man above them clears his throat. “Hello, I’m sorry to interrupt,” the man says as he kneels before Anya and Daichi squares up. The police officer takes note and winks at Daichi. “Are you Anya Worthing?”

Anya looks to Daichi. He smiles and rubs her back. She looks to the officer. “Y-Yes sir.”

“You know, there’s some people looking for you.”

She pales. Daichi continues to stroke her back.

“Do a woman by the name of Catherine Worthing?”

Anya lights up and Daichi’s eyebrows raise. “T-That’s my aunt Cat!”

“Aunt Cat? What a name!” The officer jokes and Daichi loosens. “Well, what if I told you that she’s right past those doors and that she’s here to take you home?”

Again, Anya stiffens.

The office is aware of the reason. “What if I also told you that she is alone, well, with the exception of Ben-”

“U-Uncle Benny!”

Daichi and the officer both laugh. “Yes ma’am.”

Anya looks to Daichi, lips parted. “I-Is it okay...to leave Suga?”

Daichi smiles and strokes her hair. “Yes ma’am, it’s quite alright.”

Anya nods and squeezes his hand. “T-Thank you.”

Daichi only nods before Anya runs towards the doors, where Daichi watches the young girl reunite with her family, a family that looks far different from the ones Suga has spoken of.

He stands along with the officer. “Her mother had been detained.”

“On what grounds?”

“Well, apparently her aunt, Catherine, was present when everything happened, and she called the police. But Anya ran before we arrived. It’s also clear from the child's injuries that...well, the abuse has been occurring for quite some time now,” he hisses, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Son of a bitch,” Daichi breathes.

“There’s no need to worry. Child services are all over this case already, the girl will have a home with her aunt.”

“You’re positive?”

“Yes, sir. I wouldn’t let that girl out of my sight if I had any doubts, and something tells me the same with you and that teacher of hers” the officer says, reaching for Daichi’s hand. They shake. “You did a good job, of handling the situation at the school.”

Daichi is surprised. He did shoot a man. “T-Thank you.”

“I’m told you’re a Soldier, correct?”

“Yes, sir. Marines.”

“You did well.” The office salutes.

Daichi salutes back. “Can you tell me anything about Wakatoshi Ushijima?”

“He’s critical but booked. He’ll have a trial soon but I don’t think anyone is worried about whether he will be convicted or not.” Hearing the reassurance causes Daichi to deflate, lungs cooling and heart calming behind his ribs as the officer sets a hand on Daichi’s shoulder. “I read a bit about the case. My sincere apologies for what you and your friends have been through.”

Daichi only nods, sniffling. “Thank you, sir.”

The office nods. “Now, if you excuse me I need to continue briefing the girls family.”

Daichi nods again as they shake hands once more. “Of course. Thank you for keeping me informed.”

“Of course,” the office bows before spinning and heading to where Anya and her aunt still kneel in an embrace.

Daichi wishes Suga could see this, the end of all it. The happiness, the safety. The finale. Suga deserved to see the end of this long, hellish tunnel. But Daichi would watch it for him, he would always be there to catch what Suga couldn’t and with that, he smiles and walks back towards Suga’s hospital room.

When he arrives, Suga is awake and...smiling and Daichi thinks that maybe he feels it too. Maybe Suga feels the shift in the air, as if an energy, dark and looming, has lifted. Maybe he feels the warmth, the warmth that reassures Daichi that the man he loves is safe again, secure. Maybe Suga can taste it too, the future that stands before them both, a future without the shadow of Wakatoshi; a future where it’s only Suga and Daichi and his friends, his family, a future that is normal.

A future that Suga deserves.

Suga looks over and waves Daichi closer and his smile widens.

Everyone is in the room now; Asahi and Noya, Yama and Tsukki, Kuroo and Kenma, Hajime and Tooru, Tobio and Hinata, Hanae and Yuki. They stand around Suga’s bed, congratulating him, applauding him, boasting and cheering and supporting and Suga’s color is...well, not where Daichi would like it to be, but it’s no longer that sickening pale, his aura no longer scared and weak.

No, his lips are blush red and his milk chocolate eyes are glistening and his slim hands no longer shake and Daichi can finally, after months, see the Suga he had first fallen in love with, the Suga he had missed and longed over for the last six years.

Daichi inches closer and Suga reaches for his hand, lifting it to his lips. “Hey, Soldier.”

Daichi winks. “Back at you,” he whispers, stroking Suga’s hand with his thumb. “How are you feeling?”

“Eh, been better.”

“Look at it this way, you’ll have an awesome scar now,” jokes Tooru and Hajime rolls his eyes.

“Yes, that makes it worth it!” Suga turns back to Daichi. “I was told you and Tsukki did some real damage back there.”

Daichi and Tsukki share a look and jokingly shrug their shoulders. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, me either,” adds Tsukki.

Kuroo scoffs and every laughs.

Daichi looks back down at Suga and smiles, warm, real and Suga returns the look.

He mouths a soft _I love you._

Daichi leans and kisses Suga’s hand. _I love you._

He was safe and they were all together now so beneath the lights of the hospital, Daichi pulls up a chair and keeps his hand locked around Suga’s. Surrounded by family, a veil hangs around Daichi’s shoulders that whispers that things will improve, Suga will heal and time will keep moving and life will continue but this time, he wouldn't it be alone because he was home now.

He’s home with all of his friends.

He’s home with his family.

He’s home with Suga and there’s nothing more he could ask for.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And, that's it! It's done! 
> 
> I know this last chapter is short and kinda sweet but that's how I wanted it to end. This is the longest fic I've ever written and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. It was a roller coaster and I loved every second of it because I had you guys to ride with me! <3
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read and left comments and Kudo's and drew fan art. You guys are why I love returning so much! So many of you guys have read almost every single one of my fics and that is...wow. Incredible and I love you guys so much. 
> 
> I do plan on writing some side stories so stay tuned! Yama and Tsukki will probably be first and I hope that excites you :)  
> Okay, I love you guys. Thank you for reading. You're all awesome.


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